Who are these people, and why are they ruining my internet searches?

[Tom]

While searching for reference photos of Nordic-type facial features (because I draw Vikings way too much), I stumbled upon the weirdest website I've ever seen. What the...I don't even have words to describe it...Can someone please explain to me what the hell is going on here?

I Was a Grey Alien in Past Life

Or if you can't explain it, consider it the gift of laughter from me to you.

At least I got a halfway-decent reference photo out of it.

 

[Steerpike]

You've clearly stumbled upon information that isn't meant to be known by the general public. Expect your residence, and now this site, to be monitored by grays, reptilians, shadow people, and other interested parties.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

You labor for years to escape the daily scrutiny of shadow people, and then someone draws their attention to you again by chance.

Thanks a lot!

 

[Tom]

I have more internet insanity for you to look at!

Along the same subject line, but this one also promotes the idea of Nordic supremacy!

Nordic Aliens (for lack of a better title)

This is honestly scary, guys. This dude is basically promoting the Nazi idealogy of the "master race".

Damn you, crazy internet people, I am not inherently better than other human beings just because I happen to have blond hair, pale skin/eyes, and a dolichocephalic skull!

I've lost my faith in humanity. I'm going to quietly sob in a darkened corner now.

 

[skip.knox]

You had faith in humanity? Fool!

I have faith in elves, dragons and leprechauns. Humanity I just put up with.

 

[Tom]

I was a philanthropist who leaned towards the idealist, but now I'm starting to think that I like the humans in my stories better than real humans. My humans may believe they're a superior race descended from the gods, but at least I can hit them over the head for believing it!

 

[BronzeOracle]

I've lost my faith in humanity. I'm going to quietly sob in a darkened corner now.

Hey try rocking, it helps!

I stay sane by remembering the bell curve... praying fervently that the crazy stuff I see or vitriolic comments I read are on one side, with a whole bunch of very kind acts on the other, and mostly sane ordinary people in between.

 

[Feo Takahari]

Hey, it's Above Top Secret! I'm familiar with these people--they're the biggest conspiracy theorist site on the web. Whether you want to talk aliens, Bigfoot, or the temperature at which jet fuel burns, they're your site. (Though they do ban any discussion of the theory that governments use Above Top Secret to intentionally muddy the waters with false conspiracy theories.) They also have a chat forum, Below Top Secret, which I've heard is one of the funniest places on the Internet.

 

[Tom]

If you wanna hear conspiracy theories, come to my family Thanksgiving.

 

[Devor]

As I understand it, there was some kind of prehistoric Norse expansion, and Nordic genes are over represented in most European populations. That seems to be the basis for this conspiracy site.


*This message sponsored by the Commission for Classified Public Relations Activities.

 

[Tom]

As I understand it, there was some kind of prehistoric Norse expansion, and Nordic genes are over represented in most European populations. That seems to be the basis for this conspiracy site.


*This message sponsored by the Commission for Classified Public Relations Activities.

Haha, nice one. Nordic genetic over-representation is a concept I'm familiar with (having a Scottish ancestor who had Icelandic Viking blood), but until now I had no idea it was the basis for these crazy conspiracies. Wow, who would have thought? /sarcasm

I just can't get over the fact that they're saying that Nordics are descended from extraterrestrials, even though the number of planets capable of sustaining life is very small, and even then, they would support distinctly non-human life. And what are the chances of another race (Nordic aliens) on an entirely different planet halfway across the universe sharing characteristics so parallel to another race's (in this case being humans) that their genetic material is compatible with one another? Hell, if we can interbreed with extraterrestrials, we should be able to interbreed with chimpanzees, too! Chimps originate from the same planet as humans, so their DNA is closer to ours than the aliens' would be.

 

[Devor]

I just can't get over the fact that they're saying that Nordics are descended from extraterrestrials, even though the number of planets capable of sustaining life is very small, and even then, they would support distinctly non-human life. And what are the chances of another race (Nordic aliens) on an entirely different planet halfway across the universe sharing characteristics so parallel to another race's (in this case being humans) that their genetic material is compatible with one another? Hell, if we can interbreed with extraterrestrials, we should be able to interbreed with chimpanzees, too! Chimps originate from the same planet as humans, so their DNA is closer to ours than the aliens' would be.

I just find the whole idea of alien life, and contacting alien life, and travelling the stars to be really, really unlikely. The stars were separated by countless billions of years and tremendous pressures from the Big Bang, and the idea that anything is going to travel those distances in any kind of reasonable time frame with the resources available seems implausible to me. Technology may be growing exponentially, but exponential growth always stops. Sooner or later it's going to crash into a ceiling. Warp speeds and hyper drives, and aliens tampering with our world, I think, will be on the outside of that ceiling of what's possible.

 

[Tom]

I'm with you there. Besides, the idea of aliens has always freaked me out. It gives me the creeps to imagine Little Green Men monitoring our planet, but I like to think that if they were real, we humans would have frightened them off a long time ago just by being human. We're pretty scary!

 

[Jabrosky]

On the other side of the spectrum, I've seen guys out there who believe Charlemagne, along with everyone else in Europe before the Middle Ages, was Black African:

Human stupidity is truly more limitless than the Universe.

 

[Tom]

I'm not even a geneticist, and I can see several errors there! Ugh, why do the crazies even bother...

I just want to say that the funniest thing for me is that the skull they show--if it is in fact Charlemagne's--disproves their entire theory. That skull is clearly dolichocephalic (long-headed), as most European skulls are. The nasal bone is narrow, with its root set high, right between the eyes, which would result in a thin, aquiline nose (also a European trait). The protrusion angle of the lower face is a little farther out than that of modern Europeans, but is still much lesser than the angle which would be seen on a skull of African origin. The zygomatic arches are also high, creating the tapering shape of faces of Germanic origin.

In fact, that skull is right in line with the appearance of the Franks, the Germanic tribe that settled France.

Ha! Take that, conspirators! My obsessive study of human facial anatomy has toppled your ill-founded logic!

 

[Tom]

Just wanted to warn anyone who might be clicking through old threads:

If you don't have a very strong anti-virus/anti-malware program, I wouldn't recommend following the link in the OP. Above Top Secret is questionable at best; there are tons of ads all over their site, and visiting it nearly landed me in the middle of a phishing scam.

However, if you want to see the utter ridiculousness of what I discovered in all its (un)glory, then press on, brave soul.