The scariest creatures in my book are 'shades.' They are composed of shadow and are the guardians of 'the well of fate.' Their role is to ensure that fates are doled out rightfully. When somebody is murdered the shades and their reaper (a human who serves them) collect the soul of the victim and make it part of the shadow until revenge is taken on the murderer. The souls of murderers are condemned to form a part of the shadow for eternity.
I'm having problems making them scary enough.
This is an excerpt from when my MC meets them (he's shut complete darkness in a cave in a mountain at the time)
'Fingers of shadow were permeating upward, things were rising, folding up, lifting themselves from the shaft of a deep well.
Eerie whispers echoed through the mountain, grew in shrieks to maddening screams. “Murderer” “kill him” “Lanbucca.” Jarad put his hands over his ears. It had no effect. Horrified, the voices are in my mind. The glooming flood shadowed through the floor bringing a chill that was less cold than void; a swallowing of life. Hearing the sweep of a scythe, the reaper and the shades, the voices belong to the souls of my victims. They’re here to make me a part of the shadow. Incapacitated by the fatal paralysis, he prepared to meet his end.
The engines of the platforms grew louder. Moon light flooded in as Gastric removed the granite. The shades were hideous shadows, lengths of dusky carpet stretching to ceiling height. Their eyes were blind abysses, mouths black holes. On top of their heads were antennae that twitched and turned like nocturnal worms. Their indomitable presence and essence of gloom seemed oddly familiar.'
Is there any way I can make them scarier?
After that I'm stuck on making their threatening move toward Gastric and Lenetta (who have shut Jarad in the mountain) frightening.
'The shrieking souls clamoured as the shades’ dark forms loomed.'
'The shades shifted forward, reaching with ghastly limbs and spindly fingers.'
Both these descriptions, particulalry the second are lame.
Can anybody think of anything better. Or point me in the direction of any other books that I might draw inspiration from. I'm not well read in the dark fantasy / horror genres.