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Lesson (Sort of) Learned

Philip Overby

Staff
Article Team
Brian Staveley, whose debut The Emperor's Blades came out today, shared some lessons he learned about writing on his blog. They're Chuck Wendig-esque (some foul language) but pretty funny and very true (in my opinion) in many regards.

This isn't a "follow these rules" post, but just some lessons a writer has learned before his debut novel was released.

Lesson (sort-of) Learned | Brian Staveley
 

Devor

Fiery Keeper of the Hat
Moderator
19. Remember when you didn’t know what an editor did? No? That’s because now that you’ve realized your editor does everything, the thought of putting out a book without him is inconceivable.

^ People need to learn this one first hand.
 

A. E. Lowan

Forum Mom
Leadership
This...

20. Stop typing and make a sandwich already. A healthy human can go thirty days without eating, but it doesn’t make for very good prose.

I keep running into writers who won't eat until they finish the line/scene/chapter and by then they're dying. What's with that?
 

ThinkerX

Myth Weaver
Hmm...

1. It is never a good idea to drink five cups of coffee before noon.

Fortunately, I'm not really a coffee drinker.

2. That scene you spent a week and a half on, the one you thought was going to be the psychological pivot for an entire act? Yeah, it’s crap. Cut it.

Must be doing something right. I've cut lots of scenes.

3. When you find a brilliant beta reader, marry her. It’s the only way to ensure she’ll see the project through to the end.

Hmmm...well, if it works...

4. Back up your ****ing hard drive. Back up your ****ing hard drive, you idiot. Back up your ****ing hard drive.
Spent the holidaze putting stuff on disk as part of the computer changeover. Does that count?

5. If you dress zombies up with a fancy new name, they are still just zombies. Cut ‘em.
I've considered zombies a few times. Not real high on the priority list, though.

6. One beer might help the creative process. One. O. N. E. 1.
If you say so.

7. You think you write clean prose? Prose that will leave the copyeditor with little to do? Ha. Ha ha ha. Ha.
No, I KNOW my prose has issues. Even after editing.

8. When you start cursing and poking at the screen, it’s time to get up and go for a run.

9. If you’re still worked up about whatever wasn’t working when the run is over, the run is not over. Go do the other loop.
Yes, I do other things besides write.

10. Tweeting is not writing.
I might look into 'tweeting' someday. Seems like a passing fad to me.

11. Facebooking is not writing.
Hey, I came by my Facebook page by accident. I check it maybe once a week, if that.

12. Google+ing is not writing.
Don't do much of this anymore.

13. Blogging is sort of writing, but you’re not gonna get a book out of it.
No blog, either.

14. That whole plot line with the Urghul girl as a point of view character? The one that’s a hundred thousand words long? Yeah. Cut it.
Been there, done that. More than once. Something like 30,000 words with an 'alu-fiend' as a pivotal character.

15. If you make eye contact with the dogs, they might stop chasing you. Or they might not.
very true

16. Always listen to your agent. She is smarter than you. She is more experienced than you. Without your agent you would be like a baby deer wandering around inside the lion cage at the zoo. Except you are not cute like a baby deer.
Gee, you mean I gotta get an agent?

17. Your friends, for reasons known only to them, actually believe you can pull this off.
And you know this how?

18. Your baby is probably screaming because you’re not writing fast enough.
Nah, she grew up, moved out...and then moved back in. What I gotta worry about is a possible grandbaby.

19. Remember when you didn’t know what an editor did? No? That’s because now that you’ve realized your editor does everything, the thought of putting out a book without him is inconceivable.
Dang, you mean I need an agent AND an editor?

20. Stop typing and make a sandwich already. A healthy human can go thirty days without eating, but it doesn’t make for very good prose.
yep

21. Just because you wrote eight thousand words in one day doesn’t mean you’re allowed to keep any of them.
been halfway there and done that a time or two

22. Stop trying to come up with titles. Just stop. Stop.
But it sounded so catchy...

23. The book has your name on it, but without your wife’s help at literally every step of the process, it would just be a pile of scribbled-on pages like Russell Crowe’s crazy papers in A Beautiful Mind.

First an agent, then an editor, and now a wife? Sheesh...

24. Even if the book is a steaming turd, it doesn’t matter. You have wonderful friends and wonderful family, people who don’t really want to handle a steaming turd, but will do so if necessary and keep loving you at the same time.
true

25. That scene with the monk? The first one you wrote seven years ago? Yeah. It’s crap. Cut it.
That's your scene, not mine.
 

j.k.m

Acolyte
Hahahahahaha . . I think I will be following the attitude expressed in the un-numbered comments . . .
 

skip.knox

toujours gai, archie
Moderator
#4: Backup? Save to the cloud, you dolt. Which century are you living in?

#21: Yeah, absolutely this. Very depressing.

"I wrote a scene in which a young monk is whipped while trying to paint a thrush"
Wouldn't the thrush just fly away?
 

JCFarnham

Auror
That guy sure likes cutting stuff.

If there's decent bloody reason then great, go right ahead, otherwise think about it harder. And maybe a bit more for good measure. Be clever.
 

Ban

Troglodytic Trouvère
Article Team
1. It is never a good idea to drink five cups of coffee before noon.


I politely disagree :)





6. One beer might help the creative process. One. O. N. E. 1.


Surely 2 wouldn't hurt? What about 3?






24. Even if the book is a steaming turd, it doesn’t matter. You have wonderful friends and wonderful family, people who don’t really want to handle a steaming turd, but will do so if necessary and keep loving you at the same time.


Ah yes, the basis of friendship. Handling eachothers steaming turds
 
Hi,

What does he mean it's never a good thing to drink five cups of coffee before noon? I drink five cups before breakfast!

Cheers, Greg
 
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