Fractured?

[Tom]

Today I found myself describing a character's eyes as "fractured." I don't know if this is clear at all as a description, or if a reader--who doesn't know what I was thinking when using that word--would know what to picture.

I've always thought of "fractured" eyes as those with a pale iris and dark iris ring, giving them a kind of shattered, stormy look.

Do you think the word "fractured" gets this across?

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I don't think it'd be clear, but perhaps you could give it some context by posting the description here.

It's hard to tell for sure without reading the passage.

 

[Queshire]

Fractured makes me think the iris of the eye would be like, made up of a bunch of different colors like a stained glass window or the eye looks cracked like a piece of glass. In other words, nice and evocative for a supernatural being, but not what you're going for I think.

 

[Tom]

...or the eye looks cracked like a piece of glass.

That's exactly what I was aiming for. I'm glad it's partially clear.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

That's exactly what I was aiming for. I'm glad it's partially clear.

If that's exactly what you're going for, why not describe it in exactly that manner?

Metaphor seems like a great choice to describe something like this.

 

[Penpilot]

If that's exactly what you're going for, why not describe it in exactly that manner?

Metaphor seems like a great choice to describe something like this.

I agree.

I'm sure the description could work if set up right, but without context, it seems metaphor would work better. This is also a bit of a case of show vs. tell. Using the "fractured" description is telling us. The stained glass metaphor is showing us.

With the stained glass metaphor we have a concrete image. With the "fractured" description we have something that's abstract and could be interpreted in a way you may not intend.

 

[George Lightgood]

I agree.

I'm sure the description could work if set up right, but without context, it seems metaphor would work better. This is also a bit of a case of show vs. tell. Using the "fractured" description is telling us. The stained glass metaphor is showing us.

With the stained glass metaphor we have a concrete image. With the "fractured" description we have something that's abstract and could be interpreted in a way you may not intend.

This (Penpal's) literally could have been my post as I wrote it, so I second it. Hopefully you get some feedback that is useful for you Tom.

 

[Tom]

In the end, I've decided to drop the description. Making an unusual comparison usually isn't worth risking the possibility of knocking the reader out of the story and making them say, "Huh?"

Thanks for the feedback. I was especially interested in Queshire's interpretation; I'll think of using the stained or shattered glass comparison in a story where it's more appropriate. The one I'm working on just doesn't have the right tone to pull it off.

 

[K.S. Crooks]

Saying fractured makes me think of a kaleidoscope or a glass marble. Where there is an array of colours. Perhaps saying refracted is more what you mean?

 

[Tom]

Saying fractured makes me think of a kaleidoscope or a glass marble. Where there is an array of colours. Perhaps saying refracted is more what you mean?

Not quite. I was thinking more of the stark contrast between highlight and shadow you get in cracked glass. I liked it because it has a feeling of emotional turmoil and vulnerability, even brokenness.

 

[Rufanacious]

To me, describing someone's eyes as 'fractured' makes me feel as though they're portraying some shattering emotional trauma the character's been through. Same, to some extent, even with the broken glass imagery. Gut reaction - fractured eyes are eyes that have seen too much, the person looking out from behind them is in pieces.

Personally I don't think you should abandon it - just move it, maybe?? For my characters with unusual eyes, I end up with a list - half-a-dozen or so words/phrases, ways of describing their particular gaze. Use something specific and clear, first - something that gets the right impression across in a straight-forward way - 'streaked with *colour*, like cracks in a window that had been hit by a rock.' (alright, I'm not getting any points for poetry, but I don't know how you write anyway :wink ... then the next time a character is looking into their eyes, you can use fractured, shattered glass, all of those descriptions, and the reader will be on the same page with you.

I think.

 

[Tom]

Yes! Someone understands my adjective use! *happy dance that should shame the mature college student that I am*

I like to flatter myself by thinking that my writing is poetic, so that simile would be right up my alley. And, being an artist interested in human anatomy, I love playing with different techniques to draw or describe eyes, especially techniques that have a strong emotional connection.

...Anyway, sorry--I'm always slightly goofy at best, hopelessly immature at worst.

 

[Terry Greer]

With a geologists hat I take fractured as a split with one side displaced.

Using a single word to convey a complex image only works if the person agrees with that image. It's why icons only really work when you've been told what they mean and they become mnemonic.

Describing the effect you want in detail is best (at least for the first time - that way the single word 'label' becomes linked to the description) is far preferable.

 

[Rufanacious]

Maturity schmaturity.
Fan: "I want to be an author when I grow up. Am I insane?"
Neil Gaiman's response: "Yes. Growing up is highly overrated. Just be an author."

As for word usage - I think you're being enormously literal there, Terry!! I mean, do you really read novels that way?? Would you read "her words caused a tremendous upheaval" and think "blimey, this chick can raise mountains!!!" ... okay, I'm being silly (I know you were just adding another angle) but you get my point.

Whatever expertise or knowledge we have tinges how we interpret things, but it doesn't overrule everything and become the ONLY way to interpret things. You accept when you read that such words are descriptions. Personally I adore eyes being described as fractured, shattered, broken - not even to describe the colour, just to describe the... look in them... buuut that may or may not be due to my predilection for angst. *shifty eyes*

However I agree (reiterate?) - if you're describing the colour of their eyes as having that effect then there should be more description the first time than just the one word, to get the message across.