Zephyr
Scribe
Hello all! I am new here. I have been skulking around recently, lurking, replying hither and thither, and I have not seen anything so far pertaining to this question I have, so I will ask away.
Recently I allowed a friend to read some work I had done. Upon reading it (and I am not entirely sure what kind of books/literature he finds most enjoyable) he proceeded to attack my writing as being too "wordy" and such. Well, fair enough, if it was not to his taste that is fine. Can't please everyone, am I right?
Anyway, he also said my dialogue was not believable. My children did not speak as children do, and it carried with it a kind of wooden magniloquence, to coin a phrase.
Having that in mind, I showed it to the president of my university writing-society, and he said, "well, yes, he's right, in a way; it is wooden. But, the thing is, you're writing High-Fantasy, and it's a cinematic style of language. It works."
Which made me wonder. What do you like to see in your fantasy books? Do you like natural-flowing dialogue, that could be read in a contemporary setting and easily understood, or do you prefer cinematic style dialogue, that perhaps would not sound so natural when read aloud, but serves a purpose to the story? Personally, I prefer the latter. I do not find it necessary to have contemporary style dialogue forcefully wedged into a relatively abstract setting. I think dialogue needs to serve the story in which it is written, and not merely be responsive to mr/mrs every-day modern speaker.
Anyway, here is an excerpt of the work in question, for your perusal if you wish. See what you think.
Recently I allowed a friend to read some work I had done. Upon reading it (and I am not entirely sure what kind of books/literature he finds most enjoyable) he proceeded to attack my writing as being too "wordy" and such. Well, fair enough, if it was not to his taste that is fine. Can't please everyone, am I right?
Anyway, he also said my dialogue was not believable. My children did not speak as children do, and it carried with it a kind of wooden magniloquence, to coin a phrase.
Having that in mind, I showed it to the president of my university writing-society, and he said, "well, yes, he's right, in a way; it is wooden. But, the thing is, you're writing High-Fantasy, and it's a cinematic style of language. It works."
Which made me wonder. What do you like to see in your fantasy books? Do you like natural-flowing dialogue, that could be read in a contemporary setting and easily understood, or do you prefer cinematic style dialogue, that perhaps would not sound so natural when read aloud, but serves a purpose to the story? Personally, I prefer the latter. I do not find it necessary to have contemporary style dialogue forcefully wedged into a relatively abstract setting. I think dialogue needs to serve the story in which it is written, and not merely be responsive to mr/mrs every-day modern speaker.
Anyway, here is an excerpt of the work in question, for your perusal if you wish. See what you think.
“Now before I can dub you, dear boy,” Sir Tell began, “there is the small matter of your beast.”
“Ah, I knew I had forgotten something.”
“It is a fitting beast, for this.”
Sir Tell presented Edam with his shield, which was in a kite shape, painted red, and upon it was emblazoned the visage of a dragon, snarling, cruel and horrendous, with many horns and whiskers.
“This shield was crafted especially for my best knights,” said Sir Tell, “for we are the greatest fighters on Mundi, that is no boast, and you are joining their ranks and are my heir, so this shield is for you.”
Edam slung the shield over his shoulder and felt the grip of it in his left hand. It was ever so light, and it covered him well.
“It will protect you from the strongest of steel, the sharpest of glastal and the fiercest of dragon-fire. It is enchanted, and will serve only those fit to wield it, and seeing you hold it now is evidence enough to me at least that you are the one.”
“I thank you Sir Tell,” and Edam bowed low.
“And that brings me on to the task at hand.”
“Oh, of course.”
“We have discovered a dragon, nesting in the caves on the east side of the island.”
“A dragon?”
“Yes, not a mighty dragon like the old tales, but it is a dragon nonetheless, and the peasants have seen it roaming around at night, stealing sheep and what not. It will not come near the castle, for we have a peridexion tree, thank the stars, but it seems not to be afraid of approaching the village. It is time for it to be slain, and it will be an excellent test for you, Edam.”
“I am to go alone, to fight this dragon?”
“It is the way it must be.”
“But Johen had only to fight a bonnacon.”
“I should have preferred a dragon,” interrupted Johen. “I was confined to a bath for a week.”
“And Jasmine, she fought a manticore, which is no comparison to a dragon.”
“Ah, perhaps you are not fit to wield Dawn, then, if you are afraid of a little dragon,” said Sir Tell.
Edam’s cheeks suddenly burned, and he felt embarrassed and ashamed. “No, I am sorry. I suppose I am just a bit surprised. I have never even seen a dragon, is all, and they are so terrifying in the stories and the legends.”
Edam left the castle, and in the courtyard he sat down upon a bench looking at the men-at-arms going about their business and the peacocks strutting around with their wonderful plumage. It was another hot summer, and he then felt that he did not have the energy to slay anything greater than a cold glass of ale. Greynod came and sat down beside him.
“You will win the battle, do not fear.”
“Oh, will I? And how do you know, Greynod.”
“Because you are destined for greater things beyond now, things it would be unwise to reveal to you, but something you ought to know anyway.”
“How am I to defeat a dragon, Greynod? In the tales they are oh so large and terrifying, and I am not yet six foot tall.”
“Well, I happen to know a little about this dragon. First of all, it is what we call a knucker, and it will likely not be found in a cave, but in a hole in the ground. He is likely to have moved here upon finding our deciduous woodland, and the streams that fall from the hills will be wonderful for him, being alone. In fact, you would look for him by the stream, as he is likely to want to be close to the source of water. Be careful around ditches, or tree roots, where he will want to hide. The knucker will probably not attack you, not unless it is very hungry indeed, because he prefers to eat children and small animals, and you are quite grown up now, Edam; but all the same, be wary, as dragons are tricksters. The knucker does not breathe fire, but instead shoots venom, but your shield ought to be built to defend yourself from that also. You will know you are near his den if you see any pools of venom, but do not dip your fingers in to test!”
“Is that all?” Edam asked, quite overwhelmed.
“No. What else is there? Well, when you are fighting the beast, you know to be wary of his venom. He cannot fly…”
“If he cannot fly, how did he come to the island?”
“Well he will have gotten a boat, of course.”
“A boat?”
“Yes, have you not been paying attention? Dragons are tricksters, and he will have disguised himself as a poor old woman, or something.”
“I don’t believe that is possible.”
“Well you are young and are likely to dismiss these things. When you are as old as me, you will learn! Anyway, where was I?”
“You said he cannot fly.”
“Ah, well. No, he cannot, for living in holes has rendered his wings vestigial and now he has no use for them. He likes to slink under the cover of night.”
“Well, I suppose I had go and take Dawn and slay a dragon.”
“Do not fret, Edam. When you are laughing and celebrating later today, you will be wanting to slay another hundred dragons.”
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