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Stuck on what Robin should say

caters

Sage
I am stuck here. I don't know how to go further in this nauseating scene.

Noisome means bad smelling and is often used when referring to a smell that is nauseating. The smell of vomit is one of those almost universally nauseating smells. Robin's grandpa passes out in this scene from heat. When he cools down, he throws up on Robin. This is so gross it makes Robin nauseous. When he throws up, he does it with high pressure(enough to make him sore) because it is that nauseating to him.

But I am stuck here. I don't know if Robin should say "I feel sick to my stomach" or "this smell is nauseating" or "this is noisome".

I mean yes, later on it is discovered that it was an infection(possibly salmonella from the eggs he ate) causing it but the whole thing was triggered by that smell.

I have had stomach bugs that only cause nausea and vomiting and nothing else and a lot of these that I have had were triggered to start up by me eating something(doesn't even have to be the source of the bug). Luckily these are 1 day in length max when it is just nausea and vomiting. One time though I had a severe one(couldn't even eat saltines or drink fresh 7up without throwing up + diarrhea, threw up every 5 minutes that whole morning). This was not triggered and I almost thought "go back to sleep, that nausea is probably PMS or gas" but it just kept getting worse until I finally woke up to throw up. I almost threw up on my bed it was so bad. But that was months ago.

Anyway, how do you think I should approach this? Robin is 5 years old but he is also a member of a species with very fast brain development(no hunger cry, sitting at 3 months old, etc.).

The young age supports the simple "I'm sick to my stomach".

But the fast brain development supports something more along the lines of "this smell is nauseating".

Any suggestions on this?
 

cydare

Minstrel
If someone throws up on another person, I don't think most will be in control of their emotions enough to form a full, grammatical sentence, especially if they're five years old. I can't see even an adult saying "This is noisome" right after they've been covered in vomit. Disgust would take over.

I'd describe heaving and noises of protest, followed by "I feel sick".
 

skip.knox

toujours gai, archie
Moderator
Yeah, this is a basic instance of show don't tell. Don't have the kid say he feels sickened, have him show it by his actions, with a few exclamations of ew and ick for punctuation.
 

Reaver

Staff
Moderator
Yeah, this is a basic instance of show don't tell. Don't have the kid say he feels sickened, have him show it by his actions, with a few exclamations of ew and ick for punctuation.

This is an excellent point. You could simply write something like:

The pungent stink of vomit besieged Robin's senses. Sweat beaded on his ashen forehead as he dry heaved uncontrollably.
 

Heliotrope

Staff
Article Team
Yeah, I wouldn't have him say anything. Having him throw up and then say "I feel sick" is on the nose and redundant. Bad combo. Nauseating for readers ;) lol.
 
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