Men running away from arranged marriages

[Mindfire]

It's because the men are usually assumed to have a lot more say in arranging the marriage. Men are more aggressive, so they'd be prone to confront the arrangement in other ways than by running off. They're more likely to bully their way out of it.

Actually I think it has more to do with the stereotypes our society has for men and women with regards to marriage. For example, a man fleeing an unhappy marriage will be seen as "want to stay wild and free", where free here would be used in a negative sense. Whereas a woman would be seen as "looking for true love and freedom" where the freedom here is used in a positive sense. This double standard always seems to come in to play, even when the person in question does something that is unequivocally wrong: cheating.

WHY this double standard exists is anybody's guess and a rabbit hole I'm not about to go down just now. The real relevance in regard to your story is that right off the bat your male MC is going to come off as less sympathetic (moreso I think to female readers than male readers I suspect, make of that what you will) for escaping his marriage than a female protagonist would be for taking the same action. In order to be sure that the audience will accept the MC's actions as reasonable, I suggest that you play up the brattiness of the soon-to-be-wife. Make her not just annoying or childish but unendurable and irritating bordering on evil. Doing that will make sure your MC looks very reasonable in his actions, even to female readers.

[Caged Maiden]

I love Mindfire's suggestion to make the wife awful. Also, you could consider (if you haven't) making the run-away husband of some fine moral fiber himself. Rather than showing him womanizing and drunk, for example, enter a short scene with a friend who asks him why he ran away and play up the, "have you met my wife?" aspect. It could lend a lot of humor to the tale and also give a lighter tone. We all know someone saddled up to an awful woman, and you could draw sympathy from the reader.

[Jabrosky]

In order to be sure that the audience will accept the MC's actions as reasonable, I suggest that you play up the brattiness of the soon-to-be-wife. Make her not just annoying or childish but unendurable and irritating bordering on evil. Doing that will make sure your MC looks very reasonable in his actions, even to female readers.

That was actually my plan from the get-go. If anything, my worry is that my hero's wife will turn out too evil. Not only is she a controlling and spoiled woman as previously described, she's also racist against the people whose queen the hero ultimately falls in love with. That said, she might be a fun villain to write!

[Ireth]

I've actually seen a movie with a man running away from an arranged marriage: Corpse Bride, by Tim Burton. The male lead, Victor, is from a newly-wealthy family and about to be married to Victoria, the daughter of some bankrupt aristocrats, purely for the sake of money. Victor gets nervous during the rehearsal, flees and tries to practice in the privacy of the woods. He gets his vows right that time, but winds up putting the ring on the finger of a corpse whose hand was sticking out of the ground, and she reanimates and proclaims that she is his wife. Hilarity ensues. It's a really cute movie, go watch it if you haven't. XD

[Robert Donnell]

To be frank I don't believe that any man would run away from an arranged marriage, it usually would be in his best interest.

The writer would have to go to great lengths to create a situation where he would want to run away, and at a certain point of extremity the families involved would balk before the marriage happened in the first place. In India where arranged marriages still happen, they tend to work out pretty well.

[ThinkerX]

You know what else isn't seen often as far as arranged marriages are concerned: both parties being perfectly happy with the situation.

I have another story where that sort of happens.

To be frank I don't believe that any man would run away from an arranged marriage, it usually would be in his best interest.

The writer would have to go to great lengths to create a situation where he would want to run away, and at a certain point of extremity the families involved would balk before the marriage happened in the first place.

In my story, the guy never actually saw himself as leaving the marriage, merely getting away from his wife for a long while (over a year). As far as the family bit, they did have a kid or two which satisfied that end of the deal, but they do not really enter into the story.

[Robert Donnell]

I'm not complaining that your idea is a bad one but what I do is have one thing happen, War, asteroid strike, etc... then I put fairly normal people in a position of having to do something extra ordinary. My point is that if you have several hard to believe things to get past then it is harder for your readers to suspend their disbelief, which is a prerequisite to "get into" a book or movie. So what I suggest is that you have a runaway Groom/Husband want to leave for a simple plausible reason, rather than several less plausible reasons. For example the young couple is Irish and there isn't divorce in that country, rather than have two two totally incompatible people who would never would have married in the first place.

Does this make any sense?

[ALB2012]

Interesting question. I suppose if a good deal of fantasy is based roughly around medieval style times then often women were seen as the property of the male, or at least she had far fewer rights. However I am sure there were men who werent happy about marrying- Edward 2nd for a start who was happily cavorting with his male lover and forced to marry Isabella. I think that one cut both ways as she wasn't that keen on him either. Overall she had his son, so did her duty, and found herself a lover. He ended up getting deposed and murdered.

Henry 8th married Anne of Cleves on the basis of a portrait. When she arrived he was disappointed by her looks and manners but had to marry her to save face and not upset her country. So they married and then he divorced her. (Ok so man still has the upper hand here but had he just been able to walk away both would have been a lot better off.)

I guess to an extent it depends on the reason for the marriage and the situation- is it political in which case I suspect neither are particularly impressed. If one partner is from a higher class or far more wealthy it could cause problems. I think, historically, it was often the female partner who was hard done by but not always. Arranged marriages could be loving, or at least not unhappy.

I was considering a plot later on with a scheming young man marrying to get lands and power, now I am wondering whether to make it a scheming woman. What better way, marry the young son, have his son and then remove him. You get the lands, the line is continued etc and now you area wealthy young widow.

I think it depends on the story. If your male character isnt happy marrying then have him say so. If it flouts the norm so be it.

[ALB2012]

I'm not complaining that your idea is a bad one but what I do is have one thing happen, War, asteroid strike, etc... then I put fairly normal people in a position of having to do something extra ordinary. My point is that if you have several hard to believe things to get past then it is harder for your readers to suspend their disbelief, which is a prerequisite to "get into" a book or movie. So what I suggest is that you have a runaway Groom/Husband want to leave for a simple plausible reason, rather than several less plausible reasons. For example the young couple is Irish and there isn't divorce in that country, rather than have two two totally incompatible people who would never would have married in the first place.

Does this make any sense?

History is littered with totally incompatible people marrying, for better or worse.
-George the prince Regent was married to Caroline of Brunswick, they hated each other and when he became king he banned her from the ceremony.

Tiberius marrying his scheming niece (Agrippina?) who then (possibly) murdered him.

[Robert Donnell]

Well the big difference between real life and a book is that you don't have to believe real life. Books have to be believable.

Real life for example alternates between Rated G and X, movies are usually R, and TV is PG. But writing has to interest the reader without turning them off.