To Not or Not To?

[Androxine Vortex]

is there a difference between these two phrases? In a section of my text, it reads, "He approached the unaware guard cautiously, taking care not to alert him." Should I change it to say, "taking care to not alert him?"

[JonSnow]

leave it how it is

[T.Allen.Smith]

is there a difference between these two phrases? In a section of my text, it reads, "He approached the unaware guard cautiously, taking care not to alert him." Should I change it to say, "taking care to not alert him?"

My thought is that either way you choose from the two examples above, the sentence is redundant.

If you're cautiously approaching an unaware guard it's obviously because you don't want to alert them.

Also, I'd rather see you describe how someone "cautiously approaches" but that's your call.

[Androxine Vortex]

Why is it that every time I have a question BOTH of you answer it right after each other? Well it does seem I have a problem with redundancy and I have been reading articles on how better to avoid it so it's still a work in progress!

@T.Allen.Smith I'm not sure what you meant by that last sentence.

[T.Allen.Smith]

Why is it that every time I have a question BOTH of you answer it right after each other? Well it does seem I have a problem with redundancy and I have been reading articles on how better to avoid it so it's still a work in progress!

@T.Allen.Smith I'm not sure what you meant by that last sentence.

It's the same reason you'll never see Jon & I in the same place 8)....

What I mean by that last sentence is when you say "cautiously approaches" it's a weak description. Is the character tip-toeing? Maybe they're doing an army crawl? Or perhaps that character is lurking in the shadows, only taking step when he hears the crash of thunder. There's too many possibilities. It's also a tad telly. If you show me the movements of the approach I can deduce they're being cautious. It's better reader engagement, in my opinion, and it's crystal clear HOW they're doing it.

[Ankari]

I agree with T Allen Smith.

[Androxine Vortex]

It's the same reason you'll never see Jon & I in the same place 8)....

What I mean by that last sentence is when you say "cautiously approaches" it's a weak description. Is the character tip-toeing? Maybe they're doing an army crawl? Or perhaps that character is lurking in the shadows, only taking step when he hears the crash of thunder. There's too many possibilities. It's also a tad telly. If you show me the movements of the approach I can deduce they're being cautious. It's better reader engagement, in my opinion, and it's crystal clear HOW they're doing it.

Oh well he is just kind of crouching down and slowly advancing towards the guard.

[T.Allen.Smith]

Oh well he is just kind of crouching down and slowly advancing towards the guard.

Okay, so if that's what the character is doing, why not just show him doing exactly that? Let me empathize with the character because I understand his legs are cramping from being crouched for so long. Let me understand that he's nervous that the guard will hear his breathing because his adrenaline is amped.

Those examples are just that, examples. But I hope you catch my drift. Let me experience the action. Doing it this way should also solve your problem.

[Androxine Vortex]

Okay, so if that's what the character is doing, why not just show him doing exactly that? Let me empathize with the character because I understand his legs are cramping from being crouched for so long. Let me understand that he's nervous that the guard will hear his breathing because his adrenaline is amped.

Those examples are just that, examples. But I hope you catch my drift. Let me experience the action. Doing it this way should also solve your problem.

Thanks! I will keep that in mind. I love how this thread has derived from its original point as well XD

[T.Allen.Smith]

Yeah. Apologies for the minor derail. Just trying to help.