I need some opinions...

[M.F.Hart]

As you all I'm working on a fantasy book, but I have a little problem: Everyone tels me that story I created is to predictible.
The main idea is: it's a story of a young prince, that has to travel almost whole world to save his sister.
I know it sounds lame and boring, but it is not.
As I said everyone tels me, that this story is to predictible. Most of them compares it with the Lord of the Rings. Maybe it's because of my obsession about LotR, or the fact that I took Frodo as my middle name (that is what F. Stands for). The truth is, that I'm trying to make it lot differend. Firstly, maybe the main idea is traveling a long distance to reach something, but main hero is not a Hobbit but a Darian [one of races I created (human with a lion part, it's a long history)] he is not cariing anything to destroy ect. Secondly, my story is not so predictible at all, you would be suprised about many things. Thirdly, it is not a Good vs. Evil thing.
Actualy I understand that, even I noticed it is a bit similar. Few things may seem a little LotRly: I have fairies, that are very sinilar with elves; the hero travels a long distance, he meets lot of new people and he makes many new friends and there is many weird things around him.

So I'm asking you: How can I make my story less predictible?

[ScipioSmith]

I don't know if it is or not yet.

Yes, the way you've described it makes it seem a little so, but that's because you've described it in one line. Most fantasy novels, described in so short a space, would seem cliche (have any of these people actually read your book or are they just working off your descriptions?). For example: a good man travels to court and uncovers intrigue and treason. My god, never seen that one before. Yet you wouldn't call A Game of Thrones predictable (or you might now, but only because it's been copied in the seventeen years since it first came out).

Or, to take a series I'm particularly fond of, Shadows of the Apt. The blurb of the first book describes a cliche set up: evil empire looming...nobody beleives the guy trying to save them...the empire is planning to take him out. Yet the book itself throws some spinners at you and now, seven books in with book eight a week away, I honestly don't know what's coming next.

Anyway, tldr, if you want advice you're going to have to give a bit more detail.

Though for what it's worth, nobody's sister gets kidnapped in Lord of the Rings so that's something.

[PrincessaMiranda]

It doesnt sound cliche at all to me. I have a similar one, about a girl who doesnt know she is a princess. In fact the Grand Emperors daughter, she has to go on a quest to find a boy she barely knows. The part that may seem cliche is the Journey, but what happens on that journey is what matters and I doubt everything is the same.

Also I have a race of Feline people too. Lions and tigers and panthers... oh my.

[Ravana]

My first opinion is that this is a writing question, not a world-building one. Changing the costumes and set dressings doesn't change the story, and that appears to be where the problem is. It certainly doesn't make a story less predictable.

My second is that if your friends think what you've described resembles LotR, they probably think everything fantasy resembles LotR, since to the extent you describe it, the two have nothing in common. Or at least nothing apart from "the hero travels a long distance, he meets lot of new people and he makes many new friends and there is many weird things around him," most of which are de rigeur for high/epic fantasy. (I'm trying to bring to mind any fantasy stories where the hero remains in his living room, meets no one and thus has no opportunity to make new friends, and where everything around him is completely mundane and commonplace. I'm not enjoying much success. Maybe I just didn't read those.…)

Conversely, I'm sure there are quite a few stories out there which aren't LotR where a character travels great distances to save a kinsman… so that by itself isn't going to be much help. It just doesn't sound like LotR. More like a generic fairy tale.

•

I've moved this to Writing Questions.

[ThinkerX]

Might I suggest posting a sample or two in 'Showcase'?

[M.F.Hart]

Thank you that you moved my thread. When I was posting it, I didn’t noticed I’m putting it to world building, I’m new here, so I hope you’ll understand.
Anyway I'll try to put something to Showcase...

[Ravana]

No problem.

[dannYves]

I don't believe it sounds cliche or predictable..
If you feel that others may look at it as predictable add parts to it to make it different, you can do this without changing your plot.
For instance:
The plot is a guy who saves the princess from the dragon (a predictable plot).... add something to the story to make it interesting like maybe the princess tries to escape adding some suspence and makes her "more independent " different from the typical mistress in distress..

Something that makeshift the reader ignore the predictability but also doesn't change what your actual plot is.. .think of the saying the destination isn't as important as the journey to get there.

[Dan Latham]

It rather depends on what you’ve told your friends. Did you give them a sample of your writing, or did you just tell them the same thing you told us? Your one-sentence description was a bit predictable, in my opionion.

Perhaps you just need help with descriptions. A young man sacrifices his life of comfort and privilege to defend his family, would be much more compelling to me than a young prince travels the world to save his sister.

My advice would be to write the story you want to write and seek advice from fellow writers.

[sinner]

As you all I'm working on a fantasy book, but I have a little problem: Everyone tels me that story I created is to predictible.

Um...realize that a lot of people have no mind of their own, even if they fake it well. So, when they find someone who shows potential at having some sort of skill or talent that sets them off the grid of normalcy, it makes them uncomfortable and try to dull their shine to make themselves appear bigger in stature and feel better about themselves.

Tell them to "sod off" and find another to put under their thumbs.

an you know the only way to prove them wrong is to not stop working on your talent, right?

good! now that we got THAT taken out of the way...next!

The main idea is: it's a story of a young prince, that has to travel almost whole world to save his sister.
I know it sounds lame and boring, but it is not.

Well, if you put it like that...so simplistic in description then, yes!...it is lame and boring...and rather predictable.

Here is the fact you missed.

All stories, if summarized like this, so simplistic with no glare and flamboyance WILL look boring, lame, and because of so much being published out there now-a-days, predictable.

As a fan of LoTR, would you have read it if it was described as...

"a guy travels the world to get rid of something."

I know I wouldn't have.

The following description, on the other hand...

"An innocent hobbit of The Shire journeys with eight companions to the fires of Mount Doom to destroy the One Ring and the dark lord Sauron forever"

Is a better and more drawing describe.

Whats your story really about?

Be colorful when describing it and still keep it short.

Have you ever wondered by certain places put their names in neon lights? food for thought...

As I said everyone tels me, that this story is to predictible. Most of them compares it with the Lord of the Rings.

Refer to the highlighted words (txt in different color) I wrote after the first line I quoted from your thread...

Maybe it's because of my obsession about LotR, or the fact that I took Frodo as my middle name (that is what F. Stands for).

QUIT IT!

You are making excuses for them after they put you down! Do you realize this?

So, you decided to display your obsessive fascination with your favorite movie/book/other character by using their name as part of your "online persona". That makes you a geek, not unoriginal. What makes you unoriginal is not even trying to step out of the line.

And dear, child, by merely HAVING the idea you are already different than the bunch.

(for rant expansion, please add lines I wrote after the first highlighted lines I quoted from you)

The truth is, that I'm trying to make it lot differend.

That is called "having a brain of your own". Whether your work is good or not, its yours. Original. Period.

Firstly, maybe the main idea is traveling a long distance to reach something, but main hero is not a Hobbit but a Darian [one of races I created (human with a lion part, it's a long history)] he is not cariing anything to destroy ect. Secondly, my story is not so predictible at all, you would be suprised about many things. Thirdly, it is not a Good vs. Evil thing.

Above point proven. ** flamboyant wave of the hand above my head and theatrical exaggerated bow**


After reading this part, I got a better description and I am actually interested in what you are writing. So, there you go.

Actualy I understand that, even I noticed it is a bit similar. Few things may seem a little LotRly: I have fairies, that are very sinilar with elves; the hero travels a long distance, he meets lot of new people and he makes many new friends and there is many weird things around him.

You mean to tell me that LOTR is then somehow a copy of Peter Pan, or vice-versa? (I cant tell you which came first which is why I said it this way) How about Snow white?

No...but It has elves! it fits your criteria as stated above!

Point here is that lots of fantasy/fiction pieces are similar as to creatures they use. Put a search on books with fairyes, gnomes, other fey folk...and don't get me started on vampires and werewolves!

So I'm asking you: How can I make my story less predictible?

WRITE IT!

Make sure you watch for other stories....and stay away from copycatting stuff unless its unavoidable. (For ex. shapeshifters shapeshift, winged creatures usually fly, amphibious creatures usually live half time on land the other on land...etc...)

Look for better friends to help you find the likeness and errors than the ones that you spoke of in here and you should be fine.



If I sounded mean, I am sorry. I get really upset when people get discouraged because others tell them tehy have no talent when they in fact do.

Don't be discouraged.

If you don't write, the world might miss out on the next Tolkien.