How to handle erotic scenes?

[Hans]

What do you do with erotics in your story?
The simple thing would be to create a plot that doesn't contain erotics. For some of you, e.g. those who write for children this is the right thing to do.

But for all others: If two characters love each other, how far do you go? Do you keep your readers with a "Did They Or Didn't They?" or how near do you zoom in?

What about rituals (religious, magic or otherwise) that contain erotics? You can say "X is a godess of fertility, so a woman that has never given birth can't become her priest." But at this godesses holy day people won't just stand around and talk. Again, how far do you zoom in? What about maturing rituals or Crowley style sexual magic?

Do you villains (or maybe the heroes) have any perversions? How do you tell the reader?

[Derin]

I've always ignored sex in my work (it can be assumed that a husband and wife are probably having sex without seeing it), or just faded to black as the making out started. But I find sex scenes really boring to read and I'm bad at writing them.

[Chilari]

I'm with Derin. I don't want to read it and I'm no good at writing it (and don't want to anyway). Yes, sex is a part of life, but it is a private part of life. I don't want to know about someone else's sex life, so why should a character be any different? In any case I object to stories in which sex becomes shorthand for characters being in love. Sex and love are not the same thing. Often they are both part of a successful relationship, yes, but they can exist without the other, at least temporarily. And if it happens that two characters having sex is a major part of the plot, I'd like to see it treated sensitively, with all the complexities sex has in real life rather than proof of their love or consumation or their relationship.

If it comes to it, I'd rather hint that it has happened or is about to happen rather than spell it out or worse, describe it. In any case, the story I'm working on at the moment involves a culture where any measure public nudity is considered shameful, even bare shoulders or thighs, and nudity in general is considered something only to be shared by lovers and spouses - you wouldn't, for example, see public or communal bathing facilities. Thus the characters would not really discuss sex, thus it would not be appropriate, with the feel of the story and the world I'm setting it in, to discuss sex either.

[Map the Dragon]

I just draw stick figures and ask my publisher to insert my art into the writing at random spots in the text.

[sashamerideth]

This is something I am wondering about myself, I have a culture that includes polyandry, group marriage, and homosexual families as a normal thing in addition to single heterosexual pairings.

My protagonist comes from a culture that is not too far from modern mainstream accepted ideas of sexuality, and very private about intimacy. I don't know how I will approach the ramifications of my new world.

[Derin]

And if it happens that two characters having sex is a major part of the plot, I'd like to see it treated sensitively, with all the complexities sex has in real life rather than proof of their love or consumation or their relationship.

Good point. If it's meant to be romantic and magical, surely a blow-by-blow kills the effect? Descriptions of sex always sound off-putting to me. I'm puzzled as to why sexual violation is almost always skipped over in rape scenes (where it could be used to highlight brutality quite well) but described (clumsily) in such detail in apprently magical erotic scenes.

And so often, writers get things wrong. I am constantly baffled by the sheer number of female fantasy writers who don't know where the hymen is. Or assume that all hymens break and bleed during first intercourse.

If it comes to it, I'd rather hint that it has happened or is about to happen rather than spell it out or worse, describe it. In any case, the story I'm working on at the moment involves a culture where any measure public nudity is considered shameful, even bare shoulders or thighs, and nudity in general is considered something only to be shared by lovers and spouses - you wouldn't, for example, see public or communal bathing facilities. Thus the characters would not really discuss sex, thus it would not be appropriate, with the feel of the story and the world I'm setting it in, to discuss sex either.

That setting is one that I'd love to read a sex scene in, particularly if it's both participants' first time. "Is... is this meant to happen?" "Where do I put it?" "Is this right? This can't be right." "Why is there blood?!"

[Hans]

In any case I object to stories in which sex becomes shorthand for characters being in love.

Never said that. I gave the example of two characters because love is one important source of erotics.
Also I think erotics is more than the act of making love itself. Think of erotic dance, erotic dresses, erotic talk and so on. Neither of that necessarily leads directly to any sexual activity.

For the point of public nudity, that depends on culture. In a lot of cultures public nudity is so common that there is no relation between nudity and sexuality or eroticism at all. In a culture where it is mandatory to wear gloves showing hands becomes very erotic.

[Chilari]

I didn't mean to imply that you did say that, I just meant in general in fiction, whether it's fantasy or not. Too many of the stories I've read do use sex as if to say "see, they really are in love/ meant to be together", and don't consider the possibility that they might not be, particularly when it's the first relationship one or both partners have been in - how often does that happen in real life? I can understand the stories where the first person the heroine sleeps with is considered her soul mate, provided there are other characters she has at the very least had a crush on before this. But when it's first crush becomes first boyfriend becomes soul mate becomes first sexual encounter it's just dull and predictable.

[sashamerideth]

I just finished reading Ringworld, there was a lot of first moment of sex, and some talk of how people felt, but no details. In there some of the sex was romantic but a lot was just entertainment or devicive. Quite a good balance, it served it's purpose and wasn't the main focus of the story. If not for the deviciveness, it could have been left out completely.

Sometimes directly addressing the sex is completely unnecessary and detracts from the story. Before my reboot, I just closed the door on my pairings when the conversation or situation before made it probable that sex was on the menu. Rarely did I actually say what had happened. I don't plan on changing that approach.

[CicadaGrrl]

I am straight up about sex. Actually, when I get something ready for a wider audience, I have to tone it down. Sexuality is an important part of the human condition. People change through sex. Whether it is a one night stand they regret, clumsily losing virginity, or that first time making love, I find some sex scenes create character depth and a sense of movement in the relationship. And yes, I've written all of the above situations. I just find it an odd part of the human, or perhaps american puritanical system that I can messily implode a head with no comment but if I show someone giving head, everyone's up in arms. Sex is healthy.