Twook00
Sage
I'm trying to think of good show vs. tell examples. Just something to help me practice conveying character's personalities. What are your thoughts on these? Do they work? Do you have any good examples to offer?
***
Tell:
He was a droll man, with a sharp tongue and a penchant for dark humor.
Show:
Mr. Alcot smiled down at the decapitated corpse. "Alfred, is it me or does Mr. Thames look shorter than usual?"
Alfred pulled a kerchief from his breast pocket and plugged his nose. "Mr. Alcot, please! Have you no respect for the dead?"
Mr. Alcot cocked his brow. "You're right, Alfred, I'm sorry. It's not all that bad, really. He's had quite a weight taken off his shoulders!"
***
Tell:
Despite being shy and terribly awkward, Elliot Winslow was a genius. By the age of four, he had learned pi to the first one hundred decimal places, but couldn't, for the life of him, remember his name when asked it by a member of the opposite sex.
Show:
She found Elliot stooped over an ant hill, a pen in hand as he scribbled frantically into what looked like a mad man's diary. She pulled up beside him on her WindJock and hovered there. He didn't notice her. "Hello!" She said.
Elliot jumped. Then he looked up, met her eyes, and jumped again.
"Sorry to scare you. I recognized you from that magazine. What's it called? Popular Science?"
Elliot opened his mouth. It quivered silently until he promptly closed it.
"Anyway, just wanted to say hi to you. And thanks for coming up with this thing." She gestured at the WindJock. "Pretty cool idea."
Elliot's eyes darted to the ant hill and back again. Sarah sighed, "Right, um... Nice talking to you."
***
Tell:
He was a droll man, with a sharp tongue and a penchant for dark humor.
Show:
Mr. Alcot smiled down at the decapitated corpse. "Alfred, is it me or does Mr. Thames look shorter than usual?"
Alfred pulled a kerchief from his breast pocket and plugged his nose. "Mr. Alcot, please! Have you no respect for the dead?"
Mr. Alcot cocked his brow. "You're right, Alfred, I'm sorry. It's not all that bad, really. He's had quite a weight taken off his shoulders!"
***
Tell:
Despite being shy and terribly awkward, Elliot Winslow was a genius. By the age of four, he had learned pi to the first one hundred decimal places, but couldn't, for the life of him, remember his name when asked it by a member of the opposite sex.
Show:
She found Elliot stooped over an ant hill, a pen in hand as he scribbled frantically into what looked like a mad man's diary. She pulled up beside him on her WindJock and hovered there. He didn't notice her. "Hello!" She said.
Elliot jumped. Then he looked up, met her eyes, and jumped again.
"Sorry to scare you. I recognized you from that magazine. What's it called? Popular Science?"
Elliot opened his mouth. It quivered silently until he promptly closed it.
"Anyway, just wanted to say hi to you. And thanks for coming up with this thing." She gestured at the WindJock. "Pretty cool idea."
Elliot's eyes darted to the ant hill and back again. Sarah sighed, "Right, um... Nice talking to you."
Myth Weaver
Auror
