Likeability...

[BWFoster78]

I'm struggling with a scene. I have a minor character, Mari, who will become the love interest for one of the major characters, Dylan. Truthfully, she's not a mage and doesn't play a huge role in the affairs to come other than as Dylan's spouse.

When I conjured her in my mind, I pictured Mari as desperate to get off the farm where she lives and willing to jump at anything that will get her away. Thus, her motivation for pursuing Dylan is somewhat mercenary.

Two problems:

1. I had a beta reader tell me that this attitude impacts Mari's likeability.
2. The scenes showing Mari and Dylan's relationship develop are supposed to add a bit of lightness in the midst of some heavy stuff going down. I fear that the pall of unlikeability will impact the reader's enjoyment of the subsequent scenes.

Here's where I introduce that aspect of her character:

When Marisol reached the bottom, she looked expectantly back and forth between Xan and Dylan.

She reminds me of someone. It took Xan a moment to figure it out. Caitlin Farlye.

As a boy of ten, Xan had just started his apprenticeship to Master Rae when the scandal broke. Caitlin, a young lady who lived on a farm outside town, had been caught in an indelicate situation with a merchant’s guard who was passing through town. They’d been forced to marry. Xan had asked the apothecary what the fuss was about.

“Some young ladies growing up in a rural area have but one desire — to get off the farm,” the Master had said. “They’ll do anything, grasp at any possibility to escape the life they’ve seen their mother lead.”

Marisol certainly didn’t live like a typical farm girl, but something about her reminded Xan of Caitlin. Maybe it was the appraising looks she directed at both him and Dylan. Xan moved to Lainey and offered her his elbow. She glared at him but took it, leaving Dylan to escort Marisol.

Should I delete this reference to this character trait? It isn't really needed to make the plot work, just the way I envisioned her and an attempt to make a minor character less 2D.

Is the likeability that important here?

Alternately, I could try to strengthen her viewpoint about wanting to get off the farm, but I don't think it would completely rehabilitate her in the eyes of my beta reader.

Thanks.

Brian

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

From just reading that passage, I'd agree with your reader. It paints Mari as a user, only out for herself.

If I were you, I'd use this to advantage.

If, at other times in the story, you can show bits of her upbringing that would gain reader (and main character) sympathy for Mari then you may have something powerful. Perhaps her father is an abusive drunk, perhaps her parents prostitute her older sister out in a big city nearby order to survive and she fears the same. Those examples may be extreme but if you can make Xan's assumptions about her correct, but also misunderstood at the same time then you have potential for greater impact. Can this character teach the others a lesson about judgement?

If the character offers nothing but window dressing then why even bother much with how a MC considers her?

 

[Nihal]

You could also make her wanting to leave not because she's bored but because she's fascinated by all the loner travelers and glorious mage/knight tales. By the places they saw, the adventures they lived, she wants to be part of it.

If you want to make her not even exactly likeable, I would say "less despicable", make her a dreamer. Make her to fall in love with him because she admires him, initially because he's a person who travels the world as she dreamt she would, later because he's who he is.

You can add depth and make the reader wonder about her true intentions using other characters interpretetions of why she left with them, hinting sometimes that's she's not all dreamer and silly neither the perfect infatuated girl.

It's basically the same thing she already is, but under a new light.

 

[Devor]

I also agree with your beta reader.

Unless there's something bad going on at the farm, then "get me out of here" sounds not only selfish, but childish and ungrateful. Why should there have been anything wrong with her mother's life? Countless numbers of people have lived a farm life as happily as any other kind of life. Putting the emphasis of her motivations on a shallow negative makes her unlikable, in the whiny-and-annoying-go-away-character kind of way.

As they said, either give her a good reason for wanting to leave the farm, or flip it to the more upbeat elements of wanting to see the world. Or, you know . . . upgrade the selfishness until it becomes likable and makes her a villain.

 

[psychotick]

Hi,

My thought is first that Xan didn't think that she didn't live like a farm girl, she didn't look like one instead. Sorry - pedant here.

However as far as making her more likeable goes, I wouldn't change what you've got so far at all. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get away from a boring life and the only thing you've got in their that seems particularly harsh in terms of her character is the word appraising. I'd just add another short paragraph maybe directly underneath. Something to the effect that while she might be anxious to leave the farm she flashed a shy grin at him and looked away, and in that instant he saw something else in her. A true decency of spirit. She wasn't Caitlin at all. Or something along those lines.

Cheers, Greg.

 

[Nebuchadnezzar]

I'm not certain that the initial likability of the character is that important. The light-hearted scenes between the two can be bickering and squabbling rather than lovie-dovie. And if you want to rehabilitate her at some point, the woman who marries a man for money or "to get away from this hick town" and then actually ends up falling in love with him is a romance novel staple.

From a story perspective I actually think it would be more interesting if a major character's wife was with him for his money rather than because of the heroic manly man that he is. There's a lot of opportunity there for comedy or drama.

 

[Ankari]

Wanting to leave the farm isn't what makes Marisol unlikeable. It's Caitlin Farlye. You paint a negative picture of Caitlin and by having Xan link Marisol to her transfers the negativity to her. Had you wrote that Caitlin was a restless woman who dreamed of what lay beyond the horizon, you would get a different picture of Marisol. Had you went further and stated that stories of Caitlin exports, the first account of living with the barbarians to the north, the first woman to get a medal for bravery from a Duke, saving all the inhabitants of an orphanage, you would think Marisol is the best thing since sliced bread.

 

[Philip Overby]

I agree with T. Allen. Perhaps you can make her seem like a user (get me out of here!) kind of deal at first, perhaps putting your reader in a situation where they don't like her. But then as things are slowly revealed why she needed to leave, then the reader may grow to like her as the story progresses. Sometimes it's good to have a character people don't like at all and then allow their motivations to reveal them as being not so bad. If you can change a reader's mind about a character, that can be a powerful thing.

 

[Jamber]

I hope it's all right if I say something on the topic of likeability generally... I often think when using Facebook that 'like' is the wrong term, because I often 'like' something awful just because it's important to me or seems interesting.

I suppose I feel the same way about characters in that I don't have to like them (in a personal sense) to like reading about them, as long as there's something otherwise compelling about them (e.g. they struggle against something overwhelming, they have inner strength, they fight for a child) or the way they're described is in itself appealing (humorous, witty, or rich in pathos).

Not sure if this helps you think through the dilemma at all, but I wouldn't take out something on the grounds of likeability alone... There's a lot you can do with a character who isn't always savoury.

best wishes
Jennie

 

[Penpilot]

I also like that trait. To me it's strikes a very real life chord. There are people like this who come from small towns, from poverty, from boring well off lives, etc. They're desperate to go anywhere, do something with their lives, to be anywhere than where they are. A small aside. This made me think of the first few lines the song Don't Stop Believin' by Journey Don't Stop Believing Journey lyrics - YouTube

Any way back on topic. To me there are lots of ways you can go about dealing with Mari. You can make her a user. This may make her dislikeable. That's fine if that's the way you want to go. But even then you can turn her into a likeable character. There's nothing like the redemption of a character to make a audience cheer. Eg Darth Vader.

If want her to be likeable, I think the key is first to make the readers understand her and why she's really desperate to get off the farm. Second, have her be honest about it. IMHO readers respond to honesty. And third, give her a small arc in regards to this. Move her from someone who's only using Dylan to get what she wants to someone who genuinely cares for him.

So, for example have everything be out in the open. Have Mari leave the farm with Dylan. Have her state, "I'm just coming with you because I want to get off the farm." Have Dylan be fine with this and now you have a starting point to develop a relationship where they fall for each other.

My two cents.

 

[wordwalker]

Lots of great stuff.

Especially, I like the idea of opening with this impression and then playing off of it. If they then learn she has Very Good Reasons for leaving being wrong the first time makes those stronger, if the later reasons are firm enough. (Abuse, horrible starvation, and so on certainly do the job.) Or Penpilot's putting her reasons out in the open defuses it and makes "off the farm" a real, okay reason to do things, especially if Mari also has career plans once they reach the city so Dylan doesn't have to be responsible for her for the rest of his life.

The other side of this is, be sure Dylan and Mari really are fun enough together that the reader roots for them, once we get past first impressions. You say she's there for light interludes, so do that justice-- and maybe their chemistry gives him a specific kind of moral support (recovering from horrors, trusting his judgment, something) that goes beyond interludes.

 

[BWFoster78]

Thanks for all the input!

I ended up deleting the paragraphs in question due to several reasons:

1. It shows a perceptiveness on the part of Xan that shouldn't exist. He's kinda clueless about girls, and, when he has an enlightened moment, it should be a big surprise to everyone.
2. I don't like flashbacks.
3. If I want to display a character trait, I should do it with her actions instead of through another character's perceptions.
4. I don't think it fit well into the storyline at this point. I can play with her motivations further later.

Again, thanks!

Brian