# Writers and Lovers



## Aravelle (Oct 22, 2012)

Do you think there are certain traits writers should look for in their mates? Should they be readers too, or just stay out of it?

Also, has your love life ever influenced your writing? I know it has for me, but then again I am a mere female.


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## CupofJoe (Oct 23, 2012)

As a lesser male - Yes my "love life" has affected my writing - sometime for good but for the worse too.
I would be worried if it didn't. I am emotionally attached to my work. Perhaps typically - I think I write better when things have gone wrong and most awfully when I'm happy...
As for traits - your heart want what your heart wants... if it works for you then it works; but I don't think there are any rules [or even hints] to be found - at least I've never found them. I know writers that run everything past their SO and those that actively exclude them.


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## FatCat (Oct 23, 2012)

Writers should look for what anyone looks for in a relationship, the occupation/hobby shouldn't change anything. As far as being affected by a relationship, I haven't consciously included anything, but I'm a firm believer in that all experiences reflect on creative output.


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## Chime85 (Oct 23, 2012)

I don't think a writer should look for certain traits in a partner. I've been with mine for over 9 years now and she does not care for fantasy at all (although she did enjoy Game of Thrones series.) We have many other similarities that we both embrace.

Is she supportive of my writing, yes. Would I say this was a requirement? Indirectly, yes. Parters support each other through thick and thin. Now there are limits to this (murder for example) but I think writing falls under the umbrella of supported activities 

x


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## JCFarnham (Oct 23, 2012)

Yep, you got it. The only thing remotely important in a relationship with a writer, is that the SO in question is supportive, or at least has an understanding and an abitlity to say "you like writing, it makes you happy, and when you're happy, I'm happy". The same goes for any hobby your into to be honest. There's nothing worse than being around someone who doesn't even attempt to get it, and constantly wants you to "grow up".


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## Anders Ã„mting (Oct 24, 2012)

This reminds me of a thread on another forum that posed the question: "Would you date a person who doesn't read?" A (to me) surprisingly large number of people said no. 

Personally, I don't think I would mind terribly if my potential mate doesn't read or write, assuming we have other things in common and do like each other romantically. It's definitely a plus, but not a deal breaker.

It's really more important that she like swords.


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## Aravelle (Oct 24, 2012)

JCFarnham said:


> Yep, you got it. The only thing remotely important in a relationship with a writer, is that the SO in question is supportive, or at least has an understanding and an abitlity to say "you like writing, it makes you happy, and when you're happy, I'm happy". The same goes for any hobby your into to be honest. There's nothing worse than being around someone who doesn't even attempt to get it, and constantly wants you to "grow up".



Huh. I didn't think of it that way. What wisdom ^.^


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## JCFarnham (Oct 24, 2012)

Aravelle said:


> Huh. I didn't think of it that way. What wisdom ^.^



People who are unwilling to understand are the biggest threat to creative types. There are people out there who say things like "Oh, I used to like creative writing/reading/music/whatever, but I grew out of it". To that my question is always "why?" and sometimes I wonder if the problem is unsupportive loved ones telling them that being creative is akin to being childish. Why _should_ people grow out of something if they enjoy it?

That's what I was talking about when it comes to relationships.


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## CTStanley (Oct 24, 2012)

My partner rarely ever reads, and if he does it's non-fiction. He doesn't enjoy the fantasy genre in the slightest. He is baffled by the fact I devour books in single sittings, and often up to 3 or 4 a week. As long as I still have time for hom and to get our work done etc he doesn't really care. We are both creatives, he's majorly into film (particularly horror and B movies), we are both photographers and he's a musician. I think I actually prefer him not having the same main interest... It kind of makes it mine 

What I do like is that he's supportive and will happily hash ideas out with me for hours, he sees thing more from a directors eye than an authors, and it can help see things I may normally miss. I do sometimes wish he wanted to read some of my stuff though, but he wouldn't really know if it was good or not.


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## Hypervorean (Oct 25, 2012)

CTStanley said:


> I think I actually prefer him not having the same main interest... It kind of makes it mine


I agree with this statement. 

My boyfriend is a mucisian as well. We often compare our writing processes and find that they are not that far apart. He understands the process but not the more technical things involved. So he is supportive and never criticises or questions the way I do some things (I get enough of that from my writer's group ) 

He does read fantasy, though, and I also love the kind of music he plays (black and death metal) so we can appreciate (or hate) each other's things. I do find that this is increasingly important to me.


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