# I need feedback on the religions I've created



## Ankari (Apr 11, 2012)

Hello folks, 

I'm new to this site but I like what I see so far.  I am currently building a world and would like your feedback on what I've created so far.  I am placing all my material online to set the stage for greater things.  Anyway, I need your help with the religions section of the site.  If you would like to look at the other sections please do so knowing that I will probably modify much of the material there as they are first drafts of a thought.  Please take a look at callofheroes.com - Home and go to the religions menu and give me your thoughts on what I've written.  As a note I do much of my writing late night so there will be tons of grammatical errors.  I've hired an editor to fix all those annoying errors.  I just need your help with the feel, the plausibility of the religions I've created.

Thanks!

Sean Warrad
callofheroes.com - Home


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## unwittytitle (Apr 11, 2012)

Unfortunately I’m in the process of crafting the cultures and religions in my own fantasy world and  I didn’t want your work to influence my own, so I only read one section.  However, that section on Boden was incredibly detailed and thorough.  

I like how you have even thought about the language, noting that Boden translates into “faith”.  The actual mythology behind the religion is solid (even if it wasn’t that’s ok because many of our real world religions are riddled with holes and paradoxes).   Because it’s a religion that's focused on atonement the strictness fits well.  The Cutting ritual is a nice twist, however I’m unsure exactly how the marking of the special animal came about.  If it’s just a way to absolve their own guilt then I would ask why they didn’t just extent that sanctity to all animals and adopt a more nonviolent stance (a la Jainism).  But perhaps I’m just misreading the section.  Good work regardless


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## Ankari (Apr 11, 2012)

Thanks for reading it.  Someone else I know questioned the marking of the special animal.  The reason is to acknowledge the gift of Husbandry from the House of Light.  Since their ancestors ultimately chose the House of Night they feel the need to redeem themselves by acknowledging the gifts from the House of Light.  I may have to rethink how they would do this if enough people question this.

Thanks!


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## Queshire (Apr 11, 2012)

I'd help, but I'm too lazy to click the link to the other site. ^^ If you have specific concerns or questions then ask and I'll try to help to the bes of my ability, but I'm not about to go some place for a random infodump, sorry.


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## Centerfield97 (Apr 11, 2012)

Wow this is all very impressive.  I'll give it a more thorough read tonight!


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## Ankari (Apr 11, 2012)

Centerfield97 said:


> Wow this is all very impressive.  I'll give it a more thorough read tonight!



Very much appreciated.  I await your feedback.

Thanks!


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## Alex97 (Apr 11, 2012)

I only read a bit but I thought it was reallly good from what I've seen so far.  You can use the diversity between the different religions to build conflict politically or racially which might help the plot.


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## ThinkerX (Apr 12, 2012)

First thought:  I find the white on black style difficult to read.  Had to highlight each section.

Second thought:  Wow! Expansive and detailed.  Lots more effort expended here than what I see even from many pro authors.  Plenty of opportunity for conflict and alliance between differing religious factions...maybe too much, unless your intending at least a trilogy or a series of books, or several books set within this world.

Third thought:  Several of the religions appear to be heavily 'race reliant'.  'Sylant'? - is that an elf race? being but one example.  Without knowing more about the specific races, judgement in some instances is difficult.

Fourth thought: Many of the religions listed come with their own creation myth, which is good, but the creator is universally potrayed as 'a distant good guy', so to speak.  In the real world mythologies I am familiar with, this is not always the case: the creator God(s) were...basically demonic.  Witness Zeus's parents for example (though Zeus was hardly a shining beacon of virtue himself).  I got the impression I was reading a sort of distorted echo of a 'core' creation tale here with each religion.  

Fifth thought: The extreme fanaticism that comes with a couple of the religions is a nice touch.


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## Rikilamaro (Apr 12, 2012)

In my limited time I got as far as Sendeism, which was my particular favorite.  

I must say this is incredibly detailed, and impressive. There is a lot of potential here. Good job!

Did you have specific questions, or something you are having trouble with? There is a lot of information there and you may need help with any number of things so I hesitate to assume. Let me know what you're looking for and I'll be glad to review it.


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## Ankari (Apr 12, 2012)

Thanks for the feedback so far guys.  The question I am asking is "how believable would a reader find these faiths to be in a fantasy setting?"  Another question is "Do you find any inconsistencies with what I have written so far?"

To the point about the races; I am sorry about that.  I have commissioned an artist to render my descriptions into character drawings so that you'll have visuals of the races as well as their history, their unique features and their current status in this world.  I will share that with you guys as it becomes available.  I am working on two races now: the Sylant and the Kasari.  It should be up within a few weeks.

But back to the religions.  As to the point of the good guy god, I have to research that angle. In _Kastis_ I have a complex god structure where the good guy god is only the creator and judge but the people actually follow the third tier of gods which can be both good or evil.  The seven Vices serve as both a point of contention and the ability to worship deities that are evil.   I have one final religion to create before I move onto other things, perhaps, it it fits I can try a not so good guy creator god.  Do you have any examples of such religions, either fantasy based or real?


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## ThinkerX (Apr 12, 2012)

> I have one final religion to create before I move onto other things, perhaps, it it fits I can try a not so good guy creator god. Do you have any examples of such religions, either fantasy based or real?



Best fantasy example I can come up with off hand is Lovecrafts 'Azathoth' - a God that created everything, only to render itself nearly mindless in the process.  Azathoth was put in a deep sleep through the weird music of servitor godlings, but is quite capable of ending the world on a whim should he ever awaken (and he does stir now and again). 

Ye olde line middle eastern creator deities also had some nasty reputations.  Best known of these is the biblical God - yes, he created the world in seven days (if you go by the literal reading), but he also flooded the entire planet, killing nearly everybody and everything. The same myth cycle is repeated with the Sumerian pantheon as well, plus there is the example of Zeus I gave earlier - his parents, the mythical creators of everything, were downright horrid.

Couple other things I'd point out. Ancient pantheons here on earth were generally both limited and everywhere: Zeus in Greece would be known as Ra (if memory serves) in Egypt and under yet another name in mesopotamia.  Ancient authors would some times go on, for example, about the 'egyptian heracules'.  Same diety, in their view, just a different local version.  Which leads to the second point: while at least some of the gods of each pantheon could be identified as the same being, the myths associated with that God could differ dramatically - lots of contradictions, differing approaches, so on and so forth.


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