# really bad day!



## The Blue Lotus (Oct 15, 2011)

My best friend ( might as well be my sister) lives on the other side of the world. 

last night she called me because shes pregnate, but was spotting... I told her to head to the hosp right away since shes lost other babies to miscarriage. 

Long story short this am she calles me asking me what these terms the dr is telling her means. 

From what I understand they are thinking she has ovarian cancer. 

How the hell do I tell my best friend that? 
I'm just heartbroken and I can't even answer her because I don't have enough information. I can't lie to her she knows better. She knows something is wrong, and has asked me several times in the last hr because she knows my medical background.

Is there ever a nice way to say they think you have cancer, and that is why you lost your baby?
If so I could use some help wording that PDQ.


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## Lord Darkstorm (Oct 15, 2011)

My only suggestions, is quickly and as briefly as possible.  It isn't good news, and there is no way to make it good news, so maybe bad news quickly will be overall less painful?


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## Shadoe (Oct 15, 2011)

Yeah, it's best to get it over with.


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## mythique890 (Oct 16, 2011)

I don't know what to say or how I would do it, but I wish you well and I hope the doctors are mistaken.


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## rayne (Oct 16, 2011)

Sandwich technique.  Good news first, bad new second and the more good news.  Good news would be the cancer has been detected before it got to far.  Bad news - that is why you lost the baby.  More good news - I love you, thank you for calling me and I'm so glad you'll be around for many more years to be my friend.  As an aside, if the Dr.'s didn't make her understand all this, I would be for changing Dr.'s.  This is not your job.  Good luck.


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## Johnny Cosmo (Oct 16, 2011)

> As an aside, if the Dr.'s didn't make her understand all this, I would be for changing Dr.'s. This is not your job.



I agree. It's not your place to come to such a conclusion, and it's not your job to tell her. Tell her to go back to the doctors and have them explain it to her properly.


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## The Blue Lotus (Oct 17, 2011)

I ended up going with definitions... how lame is that. I let her draw her own conclusions. I feel horrid but... 

I also contacted my friend who is a cancer researcher, luckily he is married to an oncologist. I asked them if they would be willing to speak with her about what’s going on etc. 



They did, for the price of dinner.  They called and she released her medical records to them, so they are taking good care of her now Via phone calls, I guess he called in a favor from a friend in Ireland who has taken over her case as well. 



I feel a lot better knowing that people I trust with my kids life are taking care of her. 



As for her she is holding up, not happy and still scared but the New Dr is running more tests and working to see if there is a way to do things with out harming her new heart! Unlike the last asshats who wanted to radiate her "as a precaution" which could have destroyed her transplanted heart. Not to mention her reproductive organs, something she was not about to let happen. 





Thanks for being so supportive guys, 
Ever in my neck of the woods let me know, Ice cream for everyone, and homemade cookies and cake!

P.S. Johnny, No it is not my _job, _but as someone who was trained in the medical field (I left because it was too depressing and emotionally taxing for me.)                                                                             
She knew I knew what they were saying with out saying it. I guess the laws here and there are vastly different because here a DR would have to clearly detail out everything. There, I guess they just ramble on and hope that you understand even half of it. 

Also as a friend, it is my _duty_ to be there for her in anyway I can. 
If that means answering the tough questions so be it. I hope that should you ever have something wrong your friends will care enough to tell you as well. 
No one should ever have to hear that news alone, and they should never have to navigate their treatment options alone, and uneducated either.


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