# Tips for eliminating Passivity



## Zephon (Jun 21, 2012)

Does anyone have an exercise or "checklist" that's helpful in eliminating or correcting passivity while combing through a draft?

Obviously I hope to naturally correct these tendencies as I progress as a writer, but a "cheat sheet" of sorts would be helpful in the meantime. Whether it's someone else's official lesson, or just a few words of your own advice, it'd be much appreciated.

Thanks!


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## T.Allen.Smith (Jun 21, 2012)

A few tests for detecting passivity: 
1) Look for any "to be" verbs - was, were, would, had, etc. these can often be an indicator of passivity.
2) Does the subject of the sentence receive, instead of perform, the verb's action? If so, it's passive
3) Is the sentence ended with "by INSERT NAME, PRONOUN, OR NOUN." The preposition "by" can also signal passive voice.


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## Chilari (Jun 21, 2012)

Passivity isn't always a bad thing. Generally speaking you'll want to use the active voice because it's more immediate, more direct - it has greater impact. But the passive voice has its place. It is, for example, very useful in demonstrating a character's vulnerability, for example if they feel trapped in a relationship this might be expressed through passive sentences where things happen to them, or if they feel they have no control over their life or simply over their actions during a particular scene, for example if they're drunk.

So before you erase the passive voice entirely from your novel, first check to see whether it is appropriate.

Aside from that, T.Allen.Smith has the important bits.


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## T.Allen.Smith (Jun 21, 2012)

Chilari said:
			
		

> Passivity isn't always a bad thing. Generally speaking you'll want to use the active voice because it's more immediate, more direct - it has greater impact. But the passive voice has its place. It is, for example, very useful in demonstrating a character's vulnerability, for example if they feel trapped in a relationship this might be expressed through passive sentences where things happen to them, or if they feel they have no control over their life or simply over their actions during a particular scene, for example if they're drunk.
> 
> So before you erase the passive voice entirely from your novel, first check to see whether it is appropriate.
> 
> Aside from that, T.Allen.Smith has the important bits.



What Chilari says is true. Especially in dialogue passivity can be used as a tool. You generally want to speak in active voice during any narrative though. Like she said, active means greater impact.

Don't be too hard on yourself either. Every author has some difficulty recognizing passivity in their own writing. It takes time to write active by second nature, & even then passive often creeps in.


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## Bear (Jun 21, 2012)

I use word 2011 so it highlights the passive voice when I spell check. If I let any in I correct it. When I did my first book I was appalled to find out it was filled with passive voice. So I rewrote the entire thing to eliminate the passive voice. Although I kept it in one or two sentences to make the character out to be a victim. Anyway, the more you write and correct the passive the less you do it. spelling checks and stuff like that really help.


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## T.Allen.Smith (Jun 21, 2012)

Bear said:
			
		

> I use word 2011 so it highlights the passive voice when I spell check. If I let any in I correct it. When I did my first book I was appalled to find out it was filled with passive voice. So I rewrote the entire thing to eliminate the passive voice. Although I kept it in one or two sentences to make the character out to be a victim. Anyway, the more you write and correct the passive the less you do it. spelling checks and stuff like that really help.



Wow! I had no idea word did this!!!


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## Bear (Jun 21, 2012)

T.Allen.Smith said:


> Wow! I had no idea word did this!!!



Yes, word does check for passive voice. There are also some cool statistics that you can get. Word will tell you the % of passive voice you have in the entire work. Some people make a big deal about the statistics. Apparently the army or navy used to use the program when writing training manuals. I forget the correct name of the stat program word uses but it's pretty cool.

You can even find a set amount of statistics that coincide with a best seller. That doesn't mean much because all my books hit those benchmarks but they don't sell well but you can have fun with it.

*It's the Flesch-Kinkaid score and readability.


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## T.Allen.Smith (Jun 21, 2012)

Bear said:
			
		

> Yes, word does check for passive voice. There are also some cool statistics that you can get. Word will tell you the % of passive voice you have in the entire work. Some people make a big deal about the statistics. Apparently the army or navy used to use the program when writing training manuals. I forget the correct name of the stat program word uses but it's pretty cool.
> 
> You can even find a set amount of statistics that coincide with a best seller. That doesn't mean much because all my books hit those benchmarks but they don't sell well but you can have fun with it.



Great tip! Thanks Bear.


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## Bear (Jun 21, 2012)

According to some nuggets of info, you don't really want to go above around 7%(or is that 2%. I forget) of passive voice as a general rule. In my three books I have 0% passive voice. The number is just a guideline. I think Mark Twain wrote a story that was 75% passive voice. However, that's Mark Twain so he probably knew what he was doing.

The Flesch-Kinkaid can also tell you your grade level of writing. Usually, in my books the grade level changes from paragraph to paragraph with ranges of 12th-3rd and my average is usually around a 4th or 5th grade reading level.

Not to get of the subject but you also kind of want your reading ease figure to be at or around 80. Nothing higher or lower. It's not always easy to hit the 80 mark.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 21, 2012)

Wow, I'm not the best with computers, but I'm going to look into that.


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## Zephon (Jun 21, 2012)

Yea, I also had no idea Word has those capabilities. That's pretty damn cool. 

TAS, what you said is pretty much exactly what I was looking for, a simple way yet effective way to check my paragraphs. 

Thanks Guys!

EDIT: Hey Guys, I found this article on how to use "grammar check" for correcting passivity.

http://www.rightattitudes.com/2008/11/05/identify-passive-voice-in-microsoft-word/


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## Helleaven (Jun 22, 2012)

I had no idea that passive sentences are bad. I'm very suprised now. What are the down sides of using passivity? Can you give me  few examples, I'm confused. I wonder if that applies for every language?


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## Bear (Jun 22, 2012)

Helleaven said:


> I had no idea that passive sentences are bad. I'm very suprised now. What are the down sides of using passivity? Can you give me  few examples, I'm confused. I wonder if that applies for every language?



Some of the problems with passive voice is that the subject of the sentence becomes lost. The reader becomes confused. There are some people who say passive voice is lazy or bad writing. On the flip side, there are people who think passive voice is beautiful. Most mainstream and accepted writing is not in the passive voice.


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## Zophos (Jun 23, 2012)

Lord_Cthulhu said:


> ...
> EDIT: Hey Guys, I found this article on how to use "grammar check" for correcting passivity.
> 
> Identify and Eliminate Passive Voice in Microsoft Word | Right Attitudes



Here's another one on the MS website, if you're interested.


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## ThinkerX (Jun 23, 2012)

> According to some nuggets of info, you don't really want to go above around 7%(or is that 2%. I forget) of passive voice as a general rule. In my three books I have 0% passive voice. The number is just a guideline. I think Mark Twain wrote a story that was 75% passive voice. However, that's Mark Twain so he probably knew what he was doing.
> 
> The Flesch-Kinkaid can also tell you your grade level of writing. Usually, in my books the grade level changes from paragraph to paragraph with ranges of 12th-3rd and my average is usually around a 4th or 5th grade reading level.
> 
> Not to get of the subject but you also kind of want your reading ease figure to be at or around 80. Nothing higher or lower. It's not always easy to hit the 80 mark.



Taken collectively, this goes a ways towards accounting for something I've noticed in the more recent books (not just fantasy) - a strange sort of 'uniformity' or 'underlying flatness' for want of a better term.  Bit hard to describe in greater depth than that; I only noticed because I read a great many books and started noticing...well, patterns, for want of a better term.

In connection with this, I have noticed a limiting of the vocabulary in published works as well: the old line 'greats' often went out of their way to dig up varient and colorful words; these days a lot of whats out there seems written in 'basic english'.  We seem to get quite a few people in here who really struggle with coming up with differing words.

Makes me wonder if something is being lost along the way.


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## T.Allen.Smith (Jun 24, 2012)

Thinker... I don't think that's an issue with passivity. 

I do agree that a lot of popular works are written in very plain English though. Sometimes simple language is clarity... Sometimes it's just lazy writing.


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## ThinkerX (Jun 24, 2012)

> Thinker... I don't think that's an issue with passivity.



I will agree with you on that much. 

But - note the section I quoted: it is mostly about 'grade level' and 'ease of writing', along with fairly precise stats on just how much passive writing is permissible.  I am talking about the cumulative effect of all these things - the end result seems to be works that are...well...'flat' or 'missing something'.


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## Zophos (Jun 24, 2012)

ThinkerX said:


> I will agree with you on that much.
> 
> But - note the section I quoted: it is mostly about 'grade level' and 'ease of writing', along with fairly precise stats on just how much passive writing is permissible.  I am talking about the cumulative effect of all these things - the end result seems to be works that are...well...'flat' or 'missing something'.



Writing that would have Faulkner rolling over in his grave you mean?


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## ThinkerX (Jun 24, 2012)

> Writing that would have Faulkner rolling over in his grave you mean?



I was thinking more along the lines of Tolkien or Lin Carter or Fritz Lieber, but yes.


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## deilaitha (Jun 24, 2012)

As it has been noted, the passive voice is not to be considered desirablee   

When a form of the verb 'to be' is featured as the predominant verb in a sentence, one generally may know that the passive voice is in use. 

In many cases, the solution of the problem may be as simple as the removal of any conjugation of 'to be.'

"May," "can," "has" and any other "helper" (auxiliary) verbs can sometimes be indicative of passive voice. 

Long story short, if you really want a fast way to help yourself avoid the passive voice, try writing a paragraph in NOTHING but passive voice (It's harder than you think!)  It will really help you identify the patterns quickly, making it easier to avoid passivity in the future.   

(Don't be fooled, however, into thinking that any instance of "to be" is going to make your sentence be passive, e.g., "THIS IS SPARTA!"  When 'to be' IS the only verb, then your sentence is not passive.  

T.Allen.Smith's tests are really good ones too, especially #2, but s/he forgot one:

Does it read like a legal document? It's probably passive.


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## Steerpike (Jun 25, 2012)

deilaitha said:


> Does it read like a legal document? It's probably passive.



Except the trend in legal writing over the last decade or so is to avoid passive writing and write in active voice, particularly for persuasive writing


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## Benjamin Clayborne (Jun 25, 2012)

Zophos said:


> Writing that would have Faulkner rolling over in his grave you mean?



My goal is to make Faulkner spin at a high enough RPM that I can attach magnets to him, coil wire around his grave, and use him as a power source.


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## Steerpike (Jun 25, 2012)

Benjamin Clayborne said:


> My goal is to make Faulkner spin at a high enough RPM that I can attach magnets to him, coil wire around his grave, and use him as a power source.



Oh, the sound and the fury!!


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## Zophos (Jun 25, 2012)

Benjamin Clayborne said:


> My goal is to make Faulkner spin at a high enough RPM that I can attach magnets to him, coil wire around his grave, and use him as a power source.



Even getting close to Faulkner would be a bonus. Unparalleled storyteller, IMO.


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## Zophos (Jun 25, 2012)

Steerpike said:


> Oh, the sound and the fury!!



Always been a fan of Light in August, myself. I've always thought he started with the Ch. 6 lead paragraph and built a book around it.



> Knows remembers believes a corridor in a big long garbled cold echoing building of dark red brick sootbleakened by more chimneys than its own, set in a grassless cinderstrewnpacked compound surrounded by smoking factory purlieus and enclosed by a ten foot steel-and-wire fence like a penitentiary or a zoo, where in random erratic surges, with sparrowlike childtrebling, orphans in identical and uniform blue denim in and out of remembering but in knowing constant as the bleak walls, the bleak windows where in rain soot from the yearly adjacenting chimneys streaked like blacktears.


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## SeverinR (Jun 26, 2012)

Bear said:


> I use word 2011 so it highlights the passive voice when I spell check. If I let any in I correct it. When I did my first book I was appalled to find out it was filled with passive voice. So I rewrote the entire thing to eliminate the passive voice. Although I kept it in one or two sentences to make the character out to be a victim. Anyway, the more you write and correct the passive the less you do it. spelling checks and stuff like that really help.



I forgot about that, I got a couple flags for passive, haven't got one for a while. 
MS Word 2007 doesn't have it?\
Just checked, MS Word 2007 does flag passive style.


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## Butterfly (Jun 26, 2012)

For those who can't find it - to use word (2007) to check for passive sentences:-

Click the circle at top left corner - (the one with a red, orange, blue and green square in it)

At the bottom of the drop down menu you will see 'Word options' - click it

Look for the 'proofing' tab

At 'Writing style' - select 'Grammar and style' from the drop down menu

Word will now highlight in green squiggly lines, passive sentences, fragmented sentences, end of sentence prepositions, etc.

Also another tip:-

Follow the same path and you will see an option for 'custom dictionaries', click on it, then 'Edit word list' you can then add fantastical names, places and words to the dictionary so every time you have a Smurfelian it won't highlight it as a spelling error, and will also tell you when you spell it Smurfelliaann =  incorrectly.


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## Benjamin Clayborne (Jun 26, 2012)

Zophos said:


> Always been a fan of Light in August, myself. I've always thought he started with the Ch. 6 lead paragraph and built a book around it.



If that paragraph is representative of Faulkner's writing style, then I'm probably not going to enjoy reading him. Not really my cup of tea.


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