# Courtship in Fantasy



## Ban (Sep 23, 2015)

Another user just created a new thread titled "dating methods in fantasy"and i was convinced it would be the dating of the romantic kind. Needless to say i was dissapointed and decided to make this thread ( and an account). So although i don't have a very specific thing to talk about i just want to have a discussion here about how you guys treat romance and courtship in your stories and if there are maybe unique cultural twists to the standard in your worlds?


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## Ireth (Sep 23, 2015)

For many of the Fae in my novels (especially the villainous ones), romance can be as simple as looking at a human they find attractive, saying "You're mine now" and taking them away to Faerie, where they will eventually become part-Fae themselves and be trapped in that realm forever. Unless the human can manage to escape back to the mortal world before they start transforming. In rare cases this can end happily, if the Fae was kind enough to ask if their lover actually WANTED to go to Faerie, and the human genuinely loves the Fae rather than simply succumbing to Stockholm Syndrome.

Others are the "love 'em and leave 'em" type, visiting the mortal world and claiming humans for one-night stands which may or may not turn into long-term commitment. If children result, the Fae might take the child back to Faerie to raise, or may sometimes stay to help the human parent with the job.

Still others choose not to bother with humans at all, and take lovers or spouses from among their own kind (but not necessarily their own kith). Fae can have multiple lovers at a time, of either sex if they desire it. Some are the "serial monogamy" type, seeking new lovers only when their current relationship breaks off for whatever reason. Occasionally they do settle down with one partner and stay with them forever, though this often comes after a long string of other loves.


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## Scribe Lord (Sep 23, 2015)

@Ireth: Sounds cool! Though I'm curious as to how you handle the offspring of a human and fae. Are they different genetically and are there any stigmas attached to them? Also when they grow up and want to go a-courting how much luck would they have with a pure fae?

As for myself, I can't really say that courting in my world is all that unique. I'm still working on my cultures but I mostly use real world cultures as a base. 

Then again some real word examples are pretty cool. One example of many is a culture in China which has our equivalent of Valentine's Day where the men serenade the woman. Then the women give each man a handkerchief filled with colored rice. If there's two chopsticks hidden inside then she likes him. If there's one then she has politely rejected him. If there's a garlic then it's not so polite. Or if she can't decide then she puts in a pine needle.

Another culture has 'love huts' where the woman can bed as many suitors as she wants until she finds her true love.


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## Ireth (Sep 23, 2015)

Scribe Lord said:


> @Ireth: Sounds cool! Though I'm curious as to how you handle the offspring of a human and fae. Are they different genetically and are there any stigmas attached to them? Also when they grow up and want to go a-courting how much luck would they have with a pure fae?



Depends on how and where the child is raised. Half-Fae who grow up in Faerie have no problems fitting in with pure Fae or finding relationships there. Half-Fae who grow up among humans have a whole host of problems. I haven't delved into the genetics, but half-Fae have purple blood, since humans have red (because of iron) and full Fae have blue (because of no iron, and probably more cobalt instead). Half-Fae are immune to the toxic effects iron has on full Fae, though it still harms them by burning when it touches them (in solid/mostly pure form, like nails and stuff; obviously they aren't burned by their own blood), so they have to be very careful. Any stigmas on Fae parentage depends on the era the child grew up in. In the medieval era one would be ostracized as a changeling; in the modern era one might just be considered "weird", given there are people out there who identify as non-human beings and animals (I believe they're called Otherkin).

Anything more specific than that really depends on which kith the Fae parent belongs to, and there are a lot. From the Sidhe (tall, beautiful, "elf-like", what people are likely to imagine when they see the word "Fae" instead of "fairies") to Redcaps and goblins, to merfolk-ish Merrow, or even shapeshifters like Pooka, and plenty in between.

EDIT to add: Human/Fae relationships are actually pretty common, for a number of reasons. Certain kiths, like Leannan Sidhe, require humans' energy to sustain themselves, and sex is a wonderful way to get that sustenance. Naturally, children are often the result. Also, Fae are far less fertile than humans, so having sex with each other doesn't always result in viable offspring. Miscarriages are very common with Fae couples; they tend to have better luck with mortal partners.


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## Gryphos (Sep 23, 2015)

In my steampunk world it's pretty much the way it is in the real world. People meet, they like each other, they start seeing each other, they get it on, and maybe they even decide to get married. I wanted to distance myself from Victorian tropes and the like, so the basic way I'd describe the society of my world is '19th century aesthetic, 21st century social attitudes', and this relates to courtship as well as other things.


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## trentonian7 (Sep 23, 2015)

There are a number of cultures present in my worlds, however, I tend to focus on a few. In places of aristocracy, courtship is often very formal and in fact, often little more than a formality itself. Marriages are political tools for this class of people, though commoners will marry for love at times and certainly tend to have more options.


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## Ban (Sep 24, 2015)

As i am the one to make the thread i suppose i should contribute to the discussion as well. 
One of my many cultures has a rigid distinction in rank. There are highborn and there are lowborn. Lowborns are free to marry whom they wish but highborn (regardless of gender) must marry multiple lowborn and take them under their highborn protection. The first three children that come from these marriages are given the privilege of becoming part of the highborns dynasty and thus becoming highborn themselves. The other children get no such privilege and become lowborn. Usually these lowborns will pledge allegiance to their highborn parent though.


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## KC Trae Becker (Sep 24, 2015)

I have a system based on the myths of faery somewhat similar to Ireth, but I have humans and alfar being related subspecies able to interbreed with moderate success. 

I've decided the infertility of the alfar is due to becoming a denizen of faery. Eating the substance of faery slows aging dramatically, ends physical height growth, hinders fertility (denizens of faery are infertile with each other) and basically magnetizes the blood (making iron potentially deadly, so it isn't allowed in faery). 

Before the alfar went to faery they were just as fertile as humans. For a long time the two subspecies coexisted as well as any race would. Many alfar became denizens of faery, but were able to breed with alfar that were not of faery.

But when humans began smelting iron they realized the weakness of some of the alfar and turned aggressive. Iron smelting was forbidden among alfar. They tried to fight off the aggressive humans but their bronze weapons weren't a match for the iron. The alfar fled to faery or hid, disguising themselves by clipping their ears and trying to pass for humans.

With most of the alfar in faery, reproduction became very difficult, leading to the common problem of kidnapping humans or love 'em and leave 'em, because the alfar couldn't reproduce without humans anymore. They strongly preferred mixed bloods, the more alfar the better to breed more true alfar characteristics.

This lead to careful tracking of breeding lineages, drafted breeding arrangements when specific bloodlines were dying out and strictly arranged marriages for royalty.


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## ThinkerX (Sep 24, 2015)

Oddly, courtship is motivator in my novella series.

Tia Samos is a young lady from Equitant, a fairly technologically advanced part of the Solarian Empire (very roughly late 18th century, compared with 15-16th century elsewhere.  Equitant is also renown for its cunning merchants, like Tia's parents, and relative social equality.  In the Empire as a whole, you have: the Aristocracy (many privileges);  Citizens (some privileges); Commoners (no privileges), Bondsmen/Serfs (one cut above slaves, few real rights), and Slaves.  

Tia's family wishes to move from 'Citizen' rank to 'Aristocrat' status.  Best way to accomplish that is via marriage - more than a few all but destitute aristocratic families out there who wouldn't mine lowering themselves to marry for cash, as it were.  So, Tia was being educated in Solace, a long ways away from Equitant, when her family handed her a list of prospective aristocratic mates and told her to pick one she thought she could stand getting hitched to.  (I see this as something of a tradition among Equitant families).  

Being cunning Equitant Merchants, they also told her to keep an eye out for prospective investments/mercantile opportunities while making this tour.  

So Tia set off with a handful of companions to check out the aristocrats on this list (and anything of value on their lands)...one weighed more than her horse.  Another was older than her grandfather.  A third had a reputation for cheating (two mistresses just wasn't enough.)   And all hell broke loose when she reached candidate number four...


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## trentonian7 (Sep 24, 2015)

ThinkerX said:


> Oddly, courtship is motivator in my novella series.
> 
> Tia Samos is a young lady from Equitant, a fairly technologically advanced part of the Solarian Empire (very roughly late 18th century, compared with 15-16th century elsewhere.  Equitant is also renown for its cunning merchants, like Tia's parents, and relative social equality.  In the Empire as a whole, you have: the Aristocracy (many privileges);  Citizens (some privileges); Commoners (no privileges), Bondsmen/Serfs (one cut above slaves, few real rights), and Slaves.
> 
> ...



Very interesting it sounds like a cool story. What is the combat in your world like? Also, is there magic?


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## ThinkerX (Sep 25, 2015)

> Very interesting it sounds like a cool story. What is the combat in your world like? Also, is there magic?



A devastating, decades long war ended two years prior to the start of the novella series.  That war saw everything from massive gunpowder bombs hurled by catapults to legions covering a hundred miles a day on bicycles to massed charges of armored knights to Lovecraftian abominations conjured by enemy sorcerers, each protected by squads of 'Invincible's' - warriors with magically augmented speed and strength.  

Two of Tia's companions are veterans of this war: 

Sir Peter Cortez is the destitute, bastard scion of a minor noble family who expected to die in the war.  Instead, he survived, even as he was unable to save the love he found in the war camps - Tessa, Tia's older sister.  Peter looks at Tia and see's Tessa.  
Making matters worse, Tia's number four candidate for marriage is Peter's legitimate brother Ian Cortez.

Kyle is a huge peasant, drafted into the legions and later transferred to the Arcane Cohort with hundreds of like souls when it was discovered he possessed a trainable measure of magical talent.  Due to a greatly accelerated training program, his talents are limited: spells for scrying, location, fire, protection and various minor focusing type tricks.  If he really strains himself, Kyle can manage a wimpy sort of teleport.  And Kyle was one of the better Solarian magicians.  Kyle is employed as Tia's carriage driver, handyman, and magical 'ace-in-the-hole', except he's more like a six or a seven.

Neither speaks willingly of their time in the war, and both have brutal flashbacks (what we would call 'post traumatic stress disorder.')

Tia's third companion is her maid Rebecca, a half-breed gypsy from a decimated clan (by slavers in the Empire, not the battlefield).  Rebecca is well versed in makeup, striking attire, and is a talented musician as well.  (She's also good at sneaking around.)

The war mostly missed the portion of the Empire Tia is traveling through, though so many serfs were drafted into the legions that major towns and estates sit half empty.  More, the Empire, being flat broke after the fighting, elected to pay these conscripts with land and citizenship after the fighting ended, which is creating social turmoil.  Riots in major cities.  The rise of what we would call labor unions.  Nobles are going broke and cunning commoners - newly minted citizens - are becoming rich.


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## skip.knox (Sep 25, 2015)

thanks for bringing this up. I had thought somewhat about marriage practices, but nothing at about courtship rituals. Those can add some attractive grace notes to a story. Now I have to find some!


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## Ban (Sep 26, 2015)

skip.knox said:


> thanks for bringing this up. I had thought somewhat about marriage practices, but nothing at about courtship rituals. Those can add some attractive grace notes to a story. Now I have to find some!



You're welcome! And please inform me when you come up with something interesting. I love to hear different people's creations


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