# Caption this...



## Steerpike

Post a caption for this pic. If you're so inclined, post an image for others to caption.


----------



## Heliotrope

"How many times have I told you guys! No one was smoking cigars at the last supper!"


----------



## Steerpike

"What if it's impossible to catch the red dot?"


----------



## Devor

"We will not give the big folk any of our affection. We're all over the internet and get NOTHING for compensation!  It's time to strike!  We will get our catnip!"


----------



## Tom

"Did I leave the oven on?!"


----------



## TheCatholicCrow

"Who let the dogs out?"


----------



## Steerpike

“So we meet again, Mr Bond. But this time the deck is stacked in my favor.”


----------



## Ban

"What if in another reality, humans drink booze?"


----------



## TheCatholicCrow

"Suddenly, the laxative kicked in."


----------



## Dark Squiggle

"The crows are coming."


----------



## Ankari

I still hear the sound. Snip, snip, snip.


----------



## pmmg

"That's right, we are just like you now! And I also sent the car down the hill, just like you do every morning."


----------



## Orc Knight

"I hear the can opener!"


----------



## Steerpike

Another one:
	

		
			
		

		
	







It was then that Joan realized the village she’d sworn to protect was in a 1st level starting zone.


----------



## pmmg

The truth at last beheld, suddenly the slow pace of government made sense and the rioters could do nothing more but go home.


----------



## Orc Knight

And thus begun the love of snails as food.


----------



## Tom

The invaders heartlessly smashed Sid's model town, setting him on the path to become the most feared vigilante in history, the Shadow Snail. He seeks revenge. He strikes in the darkness. Not even a slime trail is left behind.


----------



## Steerpike

**sigh** "Yes, Shaggy, I know the ballista will give us increased damage and a 19-20 critical range against Old Man Henry, but when you factor in the reloading time and the to-hit penalty, I still say we're better off just grappling."


----------



## Orc Knight

"Hey gang, if this go right, we'll have an actual murder mystery on our hands!"


----------



## pmmg

Jinkies, Fred, that is big.


----------



## Ankari

"Hey gang, this is a thing."


----------



## Devor

"We had to improvise. The birds are working on their anger management."


----------



## Dark Squiggle

"Accept our sacrifice, O God of War!"


----------



## pmmg

Well, i missed the night fury with the first one, but i think i knocked some kid off its back...

(Its okay if i do more than one right?)


----------



## rhd

Steerpike said:


> "What if it's impossible to catch the red dot?"


This reminds me of my little kitty, Flash.


----------



## CupofJoe

And if we attach Scrappy Do right here and aim a bit higher, we will never see him again.


----------



## Steerpike

CupofJoe said:


> And if we attach Scrappy Do right here and aim a bit higher, we will never see him again.



God willing.


----------



## Steerpike

pmmg said:


> Well, i missed the night fury with the first one, but i think i knocked some kid off its back...
> 
> (Its okay if i do more than one right?)



Post as many as you like. Feel free to post your own images as well.


----------



## pmmg

Okay, I think I will, if I can figure the images out.

And since it is a star wars weekend, caption this.


----------



## pmmg

Luke, what was I to do? Your mother was impossible. What, with her 'diplomatic solutions' and her 'Democracy dying' yip yap, and do you know what she wanted in child support... I had to choose dark. I had to burn it all down.


----------



## Steerpike

"Come on, Luke...seriously, this time. Pull my finger."


----------



## Heliotrope

"Hey Luke! Catch!"


----------



## Devor

"Luke.... come back here, it was just an arm."


----------



## Orc Knight

"I watched Sandcrawlers burn on the deserts of Tattooine, saw gamma bombs burst over Kyyshaak, watched as Star Destroyers fell from the sky over Corosuant-"

"SHUT UP!"


----------



## Ankari

Darth Vader: "Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"

Luke: "Shut up or I'll jump!"


----------



## Heliotrope

Lol, Darth Liberaci!


----------



## pmmg

What, now you're going to blame me for the arm thing too? You really have issues son.


----------



## pmmg

And a new one






Saw this on facebook today.

Caption this.


----------



## CupofJoe

The infamy...


----------



## pmmg

Oh, this is so not over!


----------



## Heliotrope

I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy. I'm a good boy. This better be worth it...


----------



## Steerpike

Name: Ranger
Alias(es): "Good boy," "Bubby"
Booked: 20 DEC 2017
Charges:
One count, impersonating a reindeer
One count, theft of property (Christmas scarf)

Please remit reward to family cat.


----------



## Dark Squiggle

the eyes, the very eyes!


----------



## Reaver

This one's for my buddy SP. Caption this:


----------



## pmmg

If I close my eyes, and remain very still, no one will see me.


----------



## Steerpike

"...and then I was like, dude, if we open the catnip in this closet where there's no air circulation..."


----------



## CupofJoe

Ehhh.... What's up Doc?


----------



## Steerpike




----------



## Orc Knight

This was not how Santa Clause expected the night to go, Satan not being known for being a casual stocking stuffer. So resolved, he pulled his piece and was determined to set things to right.


----------



## Steerpike

Santa had suffered many indignities in his centuries of life, but when the Sorting Sock tried to put him in house Slytherin he'd had quite enough.


----------



## Heliotrope

It was then Santa realized Mrs. Claus _did _know what had happened between him and Cindy-Lou in gift wrapping...

Or... to be more clear....

It was then Santa realized Mrs Clause knew her stocking wasn't the only one he'd been stuffing this Christmas....


----------



## Ban

"Hands up!"


----------



## Heliotrope

^^^ lol. That was legit funny.


----------



## pmmg

I don't get it, says Santa. I trained with the gun, why didn't it work?


----------



## pmmg

Both Santa and the snake looked down. The gun had gone off, there was no denying it. Someone was trying to kill someone else. The only question remaining was who would succeed.


----------



## pmmg

And last,

Santa's fired the warning shot, not realizing that the bed was in fact occupied. Sadly, there would be no need for the toy train now.


----------



## Ban

Billy and his buddies were turned into centaurs after being bitten by a radioactive horse. Now they were on a quest to become the weirdest-looking chimeric creatures around.


----------



## pmmg

Its at times like these that Mary wishes she had stayed out of the stables.


----------



## Heliotrope

^^^


----------



## Steerpike

“Lordy, I hope that boy breaks a leg so we can put him down.”


----------



## pmmg

Well, I see Nephele has let her brats out again. I wish they would get a fence!


----------



## Heliotrope

Perhaps the mushrooms Mary had picked in the meadow yesterday were not morels after all.


----------



## pmmg

First geese, now disgusting horse children... Mary was never going to get to the church on time.


----------



## Ban

The words "Get off my lawn" had never been more appropriate.


----------



## Heliotrope

But whatever you do, children, do not bother the two-legged devil woman down the lane....


----------



## Ban

It was the best of times, it was the weirdest of times


----------



## Steerpike

"Did I say rare? Because I'm gonna need you to take this back."


----------



## Orc Knight

"Just a little catnip and the next thing you know, a rabbit from Wonderland shows up in my pancakes."


----------



## Ban

"I think my camouflage is working"


----------



## Steerpike

Not mine, but I liked the caption on the site where I found this pic:

"Excuse me, waiter, but there's a hare in my food."


----------



## Devor

Send my compliments to the chef on the starch to meat ratio.


----------



## pmmg

"Shhh...They're looking."

"Good call, Frank, wait till they find out the other pancakes are not raison."


----------



## pmmg

"Hey, How am I supposed to eat this with out syrup?"


----------



## pmmg

And just like that, the mystery of the missing gold fish, and the missing canary was solved. Also explained was why the pancake mix kept running low...


----------



## Steerpike

“Yeah, it's my sacroiliac joint. Doc says I should lay like this at least fifteen minutes every night. Now, what I need you to do is put one hand on each of my shoulders and push..."


----------



## Orc Knight

"Do you hear it?"

"Hear what?"

"The typing of a thousand slash fics."


----------



## Ankari

"If I lie still and stare at the night sky I can almost forget we're two mostly naked guys riding one horse."


----------



## pmmg

Was it good for you?


----------



## Devor

((  *sigh*  I'm going to regret this.  ))

I was hoping to put a little kink in your ax.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

I can't remember if we locked the door when we left the house.


----------



## CupofJoe

This is not how Rek though his Tinder Date would end...


----------



## pmmg

Not with an axe, you idiot. You’ll have to suck the poison out.


----------



## pmmg

New picture for a caption.


----------



## pmmg

Somehow, and in spite of Matilda's best efforts at healing, Robert still had a splitting headache.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

When Robert said he'd rather have a spike driven through his head than spend one more day married to Rebecca, she gladly obliged him.


----------



## Ankari

"I learned a new knowledge from the Chinese couple across the street. It's called acupuncture. Let me try it on you."


----------



## Russ

"Can you hear me NOW?"


----------



## pmmg

Careful, I'll hit my thumb.


----------



## Ban

"That's the spot!"


----------



## pmmg

And you're sure this will remove the demons from my head?


----------



## Orc Knight

Medieval biblical plays: Taking realism as far as they could go.


----------



## Ban

"Too far?"


----------



## Ban




----------



## Orc Knight

Russian Dancing Werewolves were a blight upon the fields and livestock in the late 1400's.


----------



## Ban

Fonz was the coolest bear around


----------



## Ankari

"Do you think the surgeon caught the 'almost animal' look?"


----------



## pmmg

What's the matter, baby, you don't like the jacket?


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

When the other kids told Bob he was unbearable, he set out to prove them wrong.


----------



## Ban

Little did the wizard now, that the spell affected the user


----------



## pmmg

And that's when I said, yeah, well, if your such a big and powerful wizard how about your prove it...

(Inspired by Banten on that one.)


----------



## Steerpike

"...and then she ate my baby's porridge, which was just, you know, one step too far. We have her head mounted above the fireplace."


----------



## CupofJoe

Dave did wonder if, now that he was "over 30", he should take more care of his personal grooming.
Or
Dave never did find out what happened to his invisible Accordion....


----------



## pmmg

New one...been quiet today.


----------



## pmmg

Please Daddy, can I keep it?


----------



## Orc Knight

Little Sally's Martian Bulldog would go on to win all the dog shows.

(Also, where did you find this picture? Good goddess.)


----------



## pmmg

C'mon, like orcs don't have these at home...

How many times have I told you, Amanda, outside play only.


----------



## Ankari

"I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him and pat him and pet him and rub him and caress him."

(Bonus point if you can source this quote without googling)


----------



## pmmg

Well its either of mice and men or an episode of bugs bunny.  Not gonna lie, one i am more familiar with than the other.


----------



## pmmg

Mom, look what i traded our magic beans for.


----------



## Ankari

(pmmg Bugs Bunny it is. The abominable snowman loved Bugs Bunny to near death.)


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

Sally came prepared to audition for the part of Alice. Sadly, the inflatable prop she brought to fill the role of pig baby freaked out the casting director.


----------



## Steerpike

It was the first and last time either of the twins played with Grandfather’s polymorph scroll.


----------



## Thoras

"No, of course he doesn't bite. What makes you say that?"


----------



## CupofJoe

[Off picture] Put down the animal and step back. Or we will shoot.


----------



## bdcharles

Satan's legions of doom just needed a hug.


----------



## Steerpike




----------



## pmmg

The kids discover the mythical nude beach of the Orcs...and now it does seem Orcs and Elves can get along...


----------



## pmmg

The kids watch as dwarf tossing is taken to a whole new level.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

The kids discover Arthur wasn't joking about Merlin's mother.


----------



## pmmg

Sven watches in horror as the gargoyle statue careens over the edge of the cliff and lands on his Dad's Buick. The other kids are just shocked that it all happened that way. The Unicorn; however, now realizes that Marissa, who was in the back seat, was not in fact a virgin.


----------



## Orc Knight

The group stumbles upon the horror of an actual D&D group in the middle of dealing with Dungeon Master. It's not a pretty sight.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Orc Knight

"Guys...did we remember to pack parachutes?"


----------



## Ban

"Yum, extra iron!"


----------



## pmmg

Okay, on the count of three, we open our shields. Randy charges down there with his axe, and distracts it, while we...


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

"We _are_ 9-1-1."


----------



## pmmg

Oh, sorry, false alarm everyone. Its just returning Capt. Danik's arm. And shame on the rest of you for putting him up to it.


----------



## Ban

This event put a bit of a damper on the spartans' field trip


----------



## Steerpike

"OK, lads, only 3:00 minutes left until we capture this base. 2:59...2:58...oh dear..."


----------



## Orc Knight

*Dragon thingy thinking* _Please don't fall, please don't fall. I've already walked far enough for my bloody dinner. Bad enough I have to open the cans they're in._


----------



## pmmg

"Suppose we sacrifice a virgin?"

"Roger's a virgin"

"I'm not a virgin!"

"Don't lie, all who vote we sacrifice roger?"

"Bloody hell!"


----------



## Steerpike

Suddenly, the beast from scene 32 emerged from the forest and tore Sir Robin's arm from its socket. And there was much rejoicing.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

When the GM is tired of running the campaign....


----------



## pmmg

"'The dragon is sleeping, it will never hear you take a cup', he said."
"'No,' I said. 'We bagginses are smarter than that,' I said"
"'But no, he said. 'You have to prove you were inside', he said..."


----------



## CupofJoe

Oh look! I can see our camp site from here.


----------



## Ankari

"Don't move. I heard they can't see you if you stand still."

"Damn it!"


----------



## Orc Knight

King Arthur's newest knights rolling out, the Knights of the Order Harley.


----------



## pmmg

Sir Reginald thought that his new ‘iron horse’ would give him the advantage he needed in the joust, but the fool, for the hundredth time forgot that he must first hold on to his lance.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

I can't joust today. My thumb is sore.


----------



## CupofJoe

Everyone thought that the Fonze didn't look quite as cool on his way to his first SCA event.
He was so happy that no-one had the heart to tell him.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

If I could only figure out GPS, maybe I could find the Holy Grail now.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Ban

Odin's raven had a hard time teaching the mortals how to tap-dance


----------



## Orc Knight

"And then Old Lady MacCragg was all like, well, the Graphite boy was down at the shoals making himself a warrior, like a proper dwarf..."


----------



## pmmg

Hmmm...the bird says one of us is not really a dwarf...


----------



## Steerpike

"So then I says 'Nevermore' _again_ and the bleedin' idiot just goes on about some woman. I don't know, Olaf, I'm thinkin' he may be soft in the head."


----------



## Ban

Grogluk was unmatched in his bird watching ability. He'd watch his bird all day.


----------



## pmmg

Losing for the third time in rock, paper, scissors, the dwarf had no choice but to hand over the hobbit and the ring.


----------



## Orc Knight

Grimgor really loathed elven literalism.


----------



## Ban

Grogluk grew increasingly angry at the raven's longwinded explanation of the uselessness of horns on helmets.


----------



## pmmg

And then I heard the hobbit say, "those stupid fat dwarves, not only do they smell funny, but their beards are nothing but glued on costume hair pieces..."


----------



## CupofJoe

Not even the Hobbit could see what was wrong with the Raven's Invisible Three Card Monty.


----------



## Ankari

"I think it's safe to assume you guys don't speak bird, huh?"


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

"...turn south as you fly over the tallest tree. You'll pass over a lake and three volcanoes. The fourth volcano is the one you want to drop the ring into. I could take it for you. I go by there all the time."


----------



## Steerpike

So I said look, mom, all the windows will be rolled up and we'll keep the doors shut and locked. There's no way a cheetah can get in. We'll be fine!


----------



## CupofJoe

It seems like EVERYONE wanted to watch the last epsiode of GoT!


----------



## Steerpike

Until that day, Nala had never believed stories that these loud, hard-shelled creatures were soft and delicious on the inside.


----------



## pmmg

Both the man, and the cat, looked back at the annoying child in the back seat, not sure which would be first to run them down.


----------



## pmmg

The cat asks, you did see the sign that said enter at your own risk?

The man looks back, wishing he had seen the sign earlier...


----------



## Orc Knight

Ha! Never saw me. Truly I am the fastest cat around. Now how do I get down?


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

My mother, who was the first cat, told me this... Hey, listen to me when I'm talking to you!


----------



## Svrtnsse

"Read faster! Stupid human turn the page already."


----------



## Steerpike

Michael K. Eidson said:


> My mother, who was the first cat, told me this... Hey, listen to me when I'm talking to you!


----------



## pmmg

The coast was clear. Chester would hand over the green, and the Cheetos would be discretely handed back.

Just one more day, he thought, just one more day.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Orc Knight

And so Ken started the alien T. Rex invasion, after buying a three pack from Wal-Mart.


----------



## pmmg

Kenny, look. Those three boys followed me home from the mall. Go out and talk to them.


----------



## Steerpike

Wife, from her electronics workbench: "Honey, I said please pick up three _host bus adapters_!"


----------



## CupofJoe

It soon became apparent that budget cuts had really begun to affect the quality of the Jurassic World sequels.
or
Excited seven-year-olds, birthday cake sugar rush, and three velociraptors... What could go wrong, Jim thought...


----------



## pmmg

Well, there goes the neighborhood...


----------



## pmmg

I swear to Bejesus, if one of those things scratches the paint on my truck, I am takin' them out. I don't care if they do go extinct.


----------



## Devor

I swear you'll love our new performance band, the A cappella Raptors!


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

The Stuffed Alien Dinosaurs (known across space-time as SAD) only laughed as the Doctor pulled out his sonic screwdriver. They had dealt with other Time Lords. They could deal with one more. "We will eat you, Doctor! Hahahahaha! Hahahahaha!"


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Look, all the Orcs are running away...


----------



## Orc Knight

Moments before Corban and Lissa realize they both failed their perception checks.


----------



## pmmg

A moment later and Rhianons armor saved them both.


----------



## Ban

Brun'dorach the Endless Terror was so happy with his new action figures. Best eldritch christmas ever!


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

With a shock, Goban realized a woman archer stood next to him.


----------



## CupofJoe

This was why the Home Owners Association did not allow pets...


----------



## pmmg

Thank Crom there is only one of these beasts, thought Conan as he lifted his sword and prepared for battle.


----------



## pmmg

New one.


----------



## Ban

*Innuendo intensifies*


----------



## Svrtnsse

Wow, these things never used to come with batteries included.


----------



## pmmg

Wow, with this I can finally get a date with Sir Roderick.


----------



## CupofJoe

Jane is not surprised that Steve picked up the big glowing sword despite her better Hit and Damage rolls.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

"Now I can be a Jedi!"
"That's a different movie, stupid."
"Don't be a Debbie Downer."


----------



## Penpilot

pmmg said:


> New one.



Wow, I know they said these new model swords were light, but I didn't think they meant it literally.


----------



## bdcharles

Cinderella's date wasn't going well.


----------



## pmmg

What, I just sacrifice a virgin, and all this power will be mine?


----------



## Steerpike

And suddenly Isabel realized Jonathan had been compensating all along.


----------



## CupofJoe

Stop messing about. When the batteries run out and we're stuck in this bloody mine, I am going to blame you. Very hard and probably with a rock...


----------



## pmmg

Seems slow today...new one.


----------



## Ban

All the animals were so impressed by mister Mousington's slaying of the dragon, that they forgot to address the princess' absurdly low balcony.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

"See what happens," said the Princess, "when you miss a note? Smiles, everyone, and let's take it from the top."


----------



## pmmg

The gang was simply delighted that in some small way, Rupert could also make it.


----------



## pmmg

Lester just thanked his lucky stars that Harv, the axe, did not seem to know what a rabbit was.


----------



## pmmg

You boys are so kind, said Princess Anne, but what I really wanted was a wagon.


----------



## Steerpike

The band’s experimentation with synthetic drugs was both thorough and short-lived. They disbanded after the death of singer Sephira at the hands of guitarist Melvin “the axe” Mole, who still claims to remember nothing of the fateful evening.


----------



## Penpilot

pmmg said:


>



When fairy tale animals overhear a princess saying that she wants to marry and get ahead in the world.


----------



## Nomadica

The princess was delighted that the true culprit for destroying her garden beds had been dealt with and lifted the bounty on rabbit's and shrew's head.


----------



## Devor

"Ohh wonderful!" The princess pointed at the rabbit. "Do him next!  Do him!"


----------



## CupofJoe

Princess Everain was very hard to please when it came to Valentine's day gifts.


----------



## Steerpike




----------



## skip.knox

"Why I otter ..."
*shakes fist*


----------



## CupofJoe

And that was the last time we saw Steve and his Anchovie odourant...


----------



## pmmg

Ah, Bill, I see you got another wild one there. Should I shoot her like the others?


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

"I told you we shouldn't have taken that left turn after Albuquerque!"
"Stop with the jokes and just help me, darn it!"


----------



## pmmg

Geez, Bill! That's just an otter. They way you were screaming, why I thought... Call me when its a giant otter.


----------



## Devor

And after their pet otter was through with them, the wild women made them vow never to comment on their clothing again.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

Introducing Amazon Adventures. Stories at yesteryear's prices, written by today's most aspiring authors. Have a story that's been rejected by one of today's top markets? Submit it to us!


----------



## pmmg

Men, that about explains it.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Michael K. Eidson

Mika had finally mastered the Song of Instant Slumber.


----------



## CupofJoe

Even faking death wasn't an escape from the bloody violin playing...


----------



## Steerpike

The curriculum at the Juliard school of harmonic necromancy turned out to be every bit as tedious as Reiko feared.


----------



## Ban

After smacking Jack silly, Emma started playing her violin as an alibi.

The perfect crime.


----------



## pmmg

Mika wins a fiddle of gold, but jack...


----------



## Orc Knight

The violin thirsted for souls, so she gave it souls. And she'd continue to think harder about her ebay purchases in the future.


----------



## Devor

Amelia still didn't understand what it was about playing the Rains of Castamere that made him freak out.


----------



## Dark Squiggle

Orc Knight said:


> The violin thirsted for souls, so she gave it souls. And she'd continue to think harder about her ebay purchases in the future.


I need to add that to my WIP.


----------



## Nomadica

An investigation into a government agencies astonishing incompetence has reviled a surprising trend to facilitate a reduction in government spending. The local media is throwing accusation of racial exploitation.


----------



## pmmg

Tech Support, how can I help.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## pmmg

Did you ask the monkey?

He said I should just reboot my machine, but that never works.


----------



## Nomadica

I shall hug him and squeeze him and name him gorge.


----------



## Ban

"If you bring me one more creepy spider guy, I'm unfriending you on Facebook Dorothy."


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



The violin lessons had cost her parents an arm and a leg, but NOW after graduation, she could finally work towards paying them back by busking.


----------



## Penpilot

Reaver said:


>



"Hello, monkey business."


----------



## Steerpike

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



Haku, you’re hurt!


----------



## Svrtnsse

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


You'll never believe what happened next.


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



Her mother told her tales about what to do if she ever met a lion with the splinter in its paw, but not once did she mention a tale about what to do if she met a dragon with sinuses that wouldn't drain properly.


----------



## CupofJoe

I don't care WHO or WHAT you are. If you don't have form A3454-a-5-k [in Triplicate and in Black Ink] then I'm NOT going to search the record... Now go back to the queue and wait for your number to be called... Next!
[No one messed with Ms Orato... Well... Not twice anyway]


----------



## Orc Knight

Reaver said:


>



"So's I says to George, yeah, he's the monkey down in the copying room, anyways, so's I says to him, if you don't fix this I'm going to throw all the excrement at you! hahahahahaha! I know, he was so angry at me. Can't do anything. I'm the boss on this floor. It's great, I know."


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Orc Knight

_This babysitting gig better be worth it._


----------



## pmmg

Some Pokemon would flaunt that they were not slaves, forced to live in a tiny ball and to fight in the arena, while others contemplated whether they had to be chosen before they could make a demonstration of their powers.

(Sorry CE, I cant tell what is going on in the center of that picture).


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



They all realized it was a mistake not share their bounty of snacks with Meow Cat Hissy Pants when she came back wearing her green murder gloves.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

[They're Digimon, and they're excited about the snacks in the bag.]


----------



## Grandalfus

Tell me truly, is this not the most fearsome of creatures?  Caption THIS!


----------



## Orc Knight

When Chickens Kick Back.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

A day will come when the skies of Hyrule will darken, and the great Cucco swarms will descend and avenge their fallen comrades...


----------



## pmmg

Oh, lord, Had nothing clean for this one.

That's him, BWAAAAK! That's him! The Chicken F******s back! BWAAAAK! BWAAAAK!


----------



## Dark Squiggle

In an alternate timeline, Methodia Rascal survived painting  _The Battle of Koom Valley_ and decided he would face The Chicken head on. (Guess where I got that from)


----------



## pmmg

The nightmare was true, the hidden fox who stood on two legs, with the green pelt and padded feet had come at last. This time the chickens were ready. The alarm was bwaked. Never again...never again!


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

When the guys at Adventuring School called Roger a chicken, he hadn't realized until now what a compliment it was.


----------



## CupofJoe

Elise the elf was beginning to take the warnings about Giant Angry Chicken Syndrom very seriously


----------



## Penpilot

Grandalfus said:


>



When Link heard the words "Who's sky is falling now, mother clucker!" he realized he should have never mocked Chicken Little.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To use the phone booth.

(I know, it's a stretch.  )


----------



## pmmg

Link came upon the scene, expecting the meet with Star Fox, and together they would become the new Supersmash champions, but alas, he was too late, the chickens had already had their revenge.


----------



## Devor

And the thread was Hijacked by Ganondorf no longer.


----------



## pmmg

I had no idea...


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Dude, get your hand off my knee....


----------



## Dark Squiggle

When the great philosopher said the train would not come tonight, all of his disciples broke down crying.


----------



## Ban

If Socrates starts ranting again about how the song of Ice and Fire books are better than the tv-show, I have half a mind to poison him


----------



## CupofJoe

If one more person wakes me up to change the sheets, I'm got to write a really crappy review of Trip Advisor!!!


----------



## Penpilot

pmmg said:


>



"I have been cleansed once more. Bring me the next patient," said the proctologist.


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

"What's up?" asked a student, to which the teacher responded by pointing at the ceiling. Some observers interpreted this to mean something important waited upstairs, and headed up to the next floor, where Cerberus ate their heads.


----------



## pmmg

And the first great truth is this...Hey, Plato, why aren't you writing this down. This is good stuff... And the first great truth...


----------



## Devor




----------



## Steerpike

Inevitably, Thag paid dearly for his poor flossing habits and his love of elven chocolates.


----------



## pmmg

Well, when your temperament is wrong for the priesthood...


----------



## pmmg

Unbeknownst to many Goblins, the life expectancy of a dentist was not measured in years, or in days on the beach, but merely by satisfied customers.


----------



## Devor

Thanks to the recent rush of adventurers coming through, there was no shortage of skulls available for a tooth transplant.


----------



## Ban

Bogangrak felt self-conscious about the small amount of teeth on his necklace, so he had the genius idea of adding some of his own.


----------



## CupofJoe

The management would like to remind readers that Goblin Treatment is not covered by most HMO programmes. An extra fee of $50 will be charged.


----------



## Penpilot

Devor said:


>



Though a large set of tusks is an extremely desirable trait in male Ogres, tusk reduction surgery is often necessary when an ogre experiences back and neck issues.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Steal your gold? Nooooo... Why with all of this, you have bought unlimited data and you can call up to 10 family members on any network for no cost...


----------



## Steerpike

“And here’s the watch my grandfather gave me. Bad dragon! No hoarding! No!”


----------



## Devor

"I'll take your gold, your highness.  I'll burn down that village.  But don't you EVER call me your little draggy again!"


----------



## Orc Knight

"You know this isn't real gold right? It's just my scales that you're collecting."


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

You have some mustard in your mustache.


----------



## Penpilot

pmmg said:


>



After being turned down by every loan shark in the realms, King Spendy McBrokepants makes a desperate bargain with a loan dragon.


----------



## pmmg

I'm sorry, Mr. Dragon and don't you point your finger at me. Everyone must pay their taxes.


----------



## CupofJoe

The stakes in their weekly game of "What's behind my back" were getting a little ridiculous.


----------



## Steerpike

Daniels realized, to his dismay, that even a roll of duct tape wasn't likely to get them out of this jam.


----------



## Orc Knight

It turned out that tinted helmets, low gravity and paper blueprints made things awkward all around. Poor Jax was having a hell of a time trying to give the proper directions.


----------



## Ban

Yep... That's a blueprint alright


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

While pretending to read a blueprint, Astronaut Jacobs contemplated the risks of lifting his helmet for just one bite of chocolate doughnut.


----------



## CupofJoe

After calling the Help Line, it occurred to Derek that the _Armaggedon_ film experience was getting to be a little too real
or
Derek decided to never again buy an Ikea flat pack Moon [Müün] kit.


----------



## Penpilot

Steerpike said:


>



Yes, Honey, I've got it all written down, eggs, milk, and those marshmallows your Mom likes. Unhuh, Unhuh, yeah, listen, I'd love to hear all about your Saturday brunch with the Andersons, but NASA says we've only got an hour max on this comet. Unhuh. Unhuh. Unhuh.


----------



## pmmg

Tom studied the blue prints. There had to be a way to dig deeper, to dig them out from where they were hiding, though secretly, he wondered what the universe would lose when they had finally uncovered the last of this rocks sentient doughnut people.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Svrtnsse

"It's not very effective."


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

To everyone's disgust, Duster and Boney ran out of power points before they made it to the bathroom.


----------



## Devor

"Come one, come all, the urinal is just inside, all you have to do is guess which hand has your card."


----------



## Orc Knight

No matter how hard it dreamed of the stars, it was still a simple (if unusually possessed) restroom sign, so sadly there was no storm of stars.


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



With Lucas's combined HP and PP score putting him in the lead and Boney coming up next, Duster readied his jazz-hands as he stood on the floating stage, needing a big PP score with his rendition of The Men's Room Sign, first tried by PK Startstorm.


----------



## Devor




----------



## Orc Knight

It wasn't so much the recipe itself that bothered Gerry, it was more that every time he had to deal with the witches, wizards and especially the dead, it was all rhymes and puns. At least he could suffer the puns in good humor, it was better then trying to get the impossible things the magic users kept sending him to get.


----------



## Grandalfus

Alas, the stylish skull did not realize an obvious source of bonemeal was immediately on hand.


----------



## Penpilot

Devor said:


>



His competitors though they were rid of him, but Steve Jobs' ghost surprises everyone with the spirit world version of Alexa.


----------



## CupofJoe

Paul Hollywood's comments on the GBBO were getting a little dark since the arrival of Noel Fielding...


----------



## Michael K. Eidson

"In pristine condition, I'd say this artifact would bring at auction upwards of $400,000. With the corner chipped, it's worth less, of course, but the right collector might still pay $50,000 to $100,000, or more."


----------



## pmmg

Though the apparition looked convincing, the ghost hunters ultimately had to reject this video footage as they could not make sense of the stone tablet and written text, which did not seem an adequate answer to the question, are you here in the room with us?


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

Here's two for good measure.


----------



## Steerpike

TheCrystallineEntity said:


> Here's two for good measure.


These new "friends" sucked. Calvin missed Hobbes.


----------



## Dark Squiggle

And so the eternal bovine trickery is revealed.


----------



## Devor

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



But if their sound is a longer and deeper "MooOO!" it means you need to take a step back.


----------



## pmmg

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


Hey, lets go kick a cow.



TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


Moo, says the cow, but it thought, crap.


----------



## Orc Knight

TheCrystallineEntity said:


> Here's two for good measure.



Kumatora, not being the brightest light in the chandelier, also failed to notice he'd turned into a dog.



>



'At least it's a chocolate cow.'


----------



## pmmg

One in honor of the new movie.


----------



## Orc Knight

Stark Industries does not build Iron Man Armor for use as scratching posts! Pay up!

Don't care dude.


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


> Here's two for good measure.



Poochie stayed at the back, hoping nobody blamed him for the large stain in the grass.





TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



Grandfather feverishly searched for the lost baby bottle, but but he would soon realize when he turned around that baby had skipped the middle man and had tapped right into the source.


----------



## Penpilot

pmmg said:


>



Stark was one of most intelligent men in the world, but Captain America couldn't help but wonder if there wasn't another way to get that itch on Black Panther's back.


----------



## pmmg

Capt. America stood smugly, sure that iron man’s sensors could leave no doubt as to who the guilty culprit was, but Iron Man started thinking the scratches werent so bad and there was that whole civil war thing they had unsettled....


----------



## CupofJoe

pmmg said:


>


Little did Black Panther realise how seriously Iron Man felt about what was canon in the Star Wars Universe. The Ewoks Thanks-Giving Special did not count...


----------



## Steerpike

Steve hated to resort to violence, but he’d damned well told Dave he had dibs on the chair.


----------



## Orc Knight

To put it mildly, the early days of Starfleet were a bit fractious. It made even Klingons cheer.


----------



## Devor

That's the last time Lieutenant Rizer would scoff at the idea of being shot by a relic.


----------



## Penpilot

Steerpike said:


> View attachment 1798



The dancing instruction manual seemed to be a little extreme in its steps on how to find a dance partner.


----------



## Dark Squiggle

Beware the shelled dragon.


----------



## pmmg

Steerpike said:


> View attachment 1798
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> .



Smith could not help but laugh, daniels had brought a gun to plasmablade fight


----------



## CupofJoe

Steerpike said:


> View attachment 1798


Rafe was beginning to realise the "near Oslo" meant something different to the budget Spaceline. The Captain was not taking his complaint well...


----------



## Ban

I didn't expect Harry Turtledove to be an actual Turtledove


----------



## pmmg

Steerpike said:


>




Wha? Capt. You can't have a mutiny, you're already captain...

And...

Bob, you idiot! Those things were outlawed in 2032, if someone sees you with that, you'll be in a lot of trouble.


----------



## pmmg

Dark Squiggle said:


>



And remember, every time the messenger chime sounds a turtle gets its wings.


----------



## Devor

Nobody was quite sure how the bird got inside the turtle shell, but all of the scientists on hand agreed that it was far more awesome to cut openings in the shell than to get it out.


----------



## Penpilot

Dark Squiggle said:


>



It's little known fact that Icarus left behind a pet turtle.


----------



## Orc Knight

Dark Squiggle said:


> View attachment 1800



Poor Mario found he could no longer koopa stomp whilst looking at such a picture. The koopa's rejoiced and sent word to Bowser.


----------



## CupofJoe

Dark Squiggle said:


> View attachment 1800


For some people, Eri'c's Bod-Mods just didn't work but inside he was flying...


----------



## Devor




----------



## Svrtnsse

No one had dared tell Baba Yaga she ought to lay off the crumpets.


----------



## Penpilot

Devor said:


>



The little old lady who lived in a shoe gets a visit from her sister the little old lady who lived on a couch.


----------



## Orc Knight

The new line of mobile home walkers Baba was pushing were kind of costly, so she modeled them herself to save on advertisement costs.


----------



## CupofJoe

Devor said:


>


Malcolm agreed that House Prices had become ridiculous, but maybe Granny was right and this fixer-upper was worth the cost of one's soul...


----------



## Steerpike

By the power of Grayskull!


----------



## CupofJoe

Balloon had an inkling that their game of Tag-You're-It was not going to end well...


----------



## Ban

The story of Abel and Cain, as performed by a kitten and its balloon.


----------



## Penpilot

Steerpike said:


>



The invasion plans of the Giant, Killer Grapes didn't take into account that felines were taught from an early age about the dangers of their smaller, terrestrial, cousins.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Orc Knight

Steerpike said:


> View attachment 1806



Kitten karate skills are all the rage nowadays.


----------



## Orc Knight

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



The Nintendo Snow White re-enactmant was running into some issues.


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



When the purple people eaters came, the elves immediately regretted starting their ElvesArePeopleToo hashtag.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Dark Squiggle

Theology for avatars.


----------



## Orc Knight

"I...I...I'm having a really hard time sir. The dinosaurs look a little, hungry."*gulp*


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



In Hollywood's revamped, Michael Bay directed, reboot of the Wizard of Oz, the Scarecrow will be replaced by Link, the Tin Man will be replaced by a sword and shield who will bicker like a married couple, and the Lion will be replaced by a murderous Pot plant with anger issues, because, you know, drugs and stuff. But he will be redeemed at the end when his anger dissipates and his existence is validated by a proclamation declaring his species's legal right to exist and be lit on fire.

Dorthy will be replaced by a generic, bland tweener who's parents just don't understand his love of leaping. The ruby slippers will be replaced by blue Air Jordans. The yellow brick road is now green, because marketers say it will attract the environmental crowd.


----------



## Penpilot

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



After what Samus did to his hamster, the kid immediately regretted making that "Hammer Time" joke.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## CupofJoe

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


Some days the Babel fish just wasn't trying, Arthur thought.


----------



## Steerpike

Fred Rogers, having finally had enough of Earth's $#!^, made new friends and moved to a new neighborhood very far away.


----------



## Orc Knight

He may not be wearing his yellow hat, but it turned out after he'd finally let George go, he would go to extraordinary lengths to get a new vaguely humanoid and curious friend.


----------



## Ban

Just a bit longer, and I can drop this little leg-toucher in space.


----------



## CupofJoe

Bilik saw that the alternate reality 1950s Space Programme was not a place for diversity or gender equality they had hoped for and decided it was not the time to sing an ABBA Disco-hits medley.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Penpilot

Steerpike said:


>



Fred woke up the next day minus his wallet and the keys to his rocket. This photo would later reveal that his new "Friend" with the gentile touch was none other than Xag, a thief with death sentences in twelve star systems


----------



## CupofJoe

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


The motivation poster on the Court appointed Counsellor's office was not inspiring Dell with confidence about a reconciliation with it partners.


----------



## CupofJoe

I thought I add one...


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

"We're all mad here."


----------



## Ban

True party animals


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## pmmg

Did CrystallineEntity post up another picture of us?

Sure looks like it....

Maybe if I used Foxfire...




(Sorry CE, its what came to mind)


----------



## pmmg

Been avoiding this one cause it is filling up the boards and pushing other conversations off, but...I think we should allow more comments before changing the pictures.



CupofJoe said:


>




What started as a simple tapping on the ceiling to keep the noise down soon escalated beyond either sides ability to control.


----------



## pmmg

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



The Villager could not help but feel guilty, knowing Samus' violent hatred for flower pots, it was almost like...murder....


----------



## Steerpike

CupofJoe said:


> I thought I add one...



The first Pitch Perfect competition, circa 1387, went completely off the rails when Mssr. Bearthélemy revealed himself to be wearing no underpants.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## CupofJoe

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


...But I really wish they'd line up like the rest of us and not jump the queue.


----------



## Orc Knight

CupofJoe said:


>



The Festival of Fools on the Fantasy version Moreau's island was getting closer and closer to be a nude version every year.


----------



## L. Blades

CupofJoe said:


> ...But I really wish they'd line up like the rest of us and not jump the queue.


... "That's my opinion on ninjas sir, now please put some clothes on!!"


----------



## Steerpike

Jack's decision to "harpoon" the attacking rocket with his new tractor beam proved disastrous for all three of them.


----------



## CupofJoe

Steve didn't care how fast Amazon Extra-Prime delivery was... 
The Drone was invading his airspace and he had the right to defend himself. No, he had not just the Right, he had the Duty!!!


----------



## pmmg

It wasn't til after the battle that the three realized the mistake of using their own ship for bait.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## L. Blades

Commencing Ignore Mode Countermeasures!! - Release the flare!!!


----------



## Orc Knight

Steerpike said:


>



The Red Planet Rebels, who considered themselves the greatest Martian minds, were about to quickly find that their experimental weapon to win the war of Terran Aggression would leave them vapor dust upon the red winds.


----------



## pmmg

ignore mode succeeding....





Steerpike said:


>




No, you fool! Take the phaser off stun!


----------



## CupofJoe

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


Laika the dog loathed the days when her master abandoned her at the hotel every time he tried to pick up school girls...


----------



## pmmg

One day, on the prairie of Prax, came a north going Zax and a south going Zax....


----------



## Orc Knight

"Did you find the troll?"

"I did not find the troll."

"So be it. Time to try the other side. Get the chicken."


----------



## Steerpike

Supplemental log: the landing pod deployed safely and I soon found myself gazing at the sun of a new world. My sense of awe was short-lived, however, as I was immediately captured by a local. She has dubbed me “Mr Fluffins.” Please send reinforcements. Hurry.


----------



## pmmg

Wow, the world is so big.


----------



## Orc Knight

The Catnip Carrier is entertaining for all kitties.


----------



## CupofJoe

You pee in one Memo tray by mistake and it is Solitary!


----------



## Devor

Unfortunately Shteigan's meditation and mindfulness practices proved ineffective underseas.


----------



## pmmg

Turns out, asking the gods for a trip to the elemental plane of water was not such a good idea.


----------



## CupofJoe

Devor said:


>


No matter how much he tried to drink, Uncle Vanya could not get rid of the taste of that bad Oyster.


----------



## Orc Knight

Salvaging for his own sunken ship, Captain Wayneward was very sorry he only learned how to swim from the frogs at his catfish pond back at home.


----------



## Devor

A good villain always needs a little more bling.


----------



## Orc Knight

The Third Street Saints Boss got a bit of a godly upgrade.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

After the 300th wish, Thanos finally regretted finding the genie in the first place.


----------



## CupofJoe

Officer... I swear... A golden unicorn came passed and puked this stuff all over me.


----------



## Ban

DJ Thanos, dropping half rhymes all around.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## pmmg

*Cough* *Cough* lame *Cough*


----------



## Orc Knight

Eight votes for grilled cheese made by the greatest chef in The Sims and one abstaining for being on the phone.


----------



## pmmg

Just moments before the algebra quiz saw all of them defeated...


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Devor

Her reaction to learning that the Fathom prologue, the Boring Bore of Hyperborea, was already nearly complete.


----------



## CupofJoe

No one believed Elizabeth had accidently left it too late to book a holiday to Hedonism II


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Dark Squiggle

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


You did say you wanted to be "in the room where it happens".


----------



## Ban

"That investment in head growth and head growth accessories we made last quarter really paid off boss"


----------



## pmmg

Bob, your head is bobbling again...


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

"That is the last time I use that weird hair conditioner..."
"You and me both."


----------



## CupofJoe

The Head-butting challenge for a mate had some interesting consequences to Natural Evolution.


----------



## Steerpike

None of the Jensens ever liked that good-for-nothing brat, Billy, from next door.  At least not until the day Mom cornered him in her kitchen with a rolling pin. A few hours at 350 degrees brought the whole family around the to idea that Billy was good for something after all


----------



## Orc Knight

The 50's still had a long way to go before getting their Stepford Family robots to not look like ham caused them existential terror and happiness at the same time.

(Also Steerpike, yours is kind of hard to top.)


----------



## pmmg

Just an instant before Bob would notice that the time was 6:05, and dinner was late again...also an instant before Bob ended up wearing the Ham and deviled eggs...


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## CupofJoe

The motivational talks had gone downhill since Susan had stopped giving them. The Dark Angel didn't have the right feel for the office crowd.


----------



## pmmg

This is a very confusing slogan to the grim reaper.


----------



## Ban

This design is now available for birthday cards and all sorts of anniversaries!


----------



## pmmg

Lesser known than his companions 'the song bird of happiness' and 'the chicken of despair', is the goony of death.


----------



## Devor

And death did not like to be kept waiting when it came to his squash matches.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## FifthView

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


"What do you mean, pigtails are out of fashion, and Paul hates them anyway?!?"


----------



## pmmg

Yoko pushes the button for every floor.


----------



## CupofJoe

Who smelled it dealt it was about to get NASTY!


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Orc Knight

Mumon had just experienced Klatchian Coffee for the first time.


----------



## pmmg

Mumon wishes she had tried the cheesecake for instead.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Orc Knight

It's the new thing. You gotta try it.


----------



## FifthView

When the cow jumped over the moon, little did the Jones family know that a spaceship would be waiting.




Orc Knight said:


> It's the new thing. You gotta try it.


----------



## CupofJoe

Having the Dairy Marketing Board in charge of the Rapid Area Transport Programme had its disadvantages. But the free milkshakes made up for most of them.


----------



## pmmg

Holy cow!


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Orc Knight

The Michelin Man was ever ready to help, even in strange fantasy worlds where he was a marshmallow cat ghost instead of just a marshmallow tire guy.


----------



## FifthView

Whelp, Black Friday had come, and they were ready.





TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## pmmg

Beep...beep....beep.  Hey! Get of the way! I', trying to enjoy the rock formation. Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!


----------



## Ban

I knew I should have bought one of those. Now I'm stuck with this stupid car.


----------



## skip.knox

I have a few pics lying about. Here's one.


----------



## skip.knox

And one other one.


----------



## Steerpike

skip.knox said:


> I have a few pics lying about. Here's one.
> 
> View attachment 2037



Elizabeth, teary-eyed, caught out as a spy in the blackberry camp as she’d inadvertently put on her raspberry disguise that morning.


----------



## Orc Knight

skip.knox said:


> I have a few pics lying about. Here's one.
> 
> View attachment 2037



Rachel Raspberry could only watch with sadness as Strawberry Shortcake and the 80's rolled in to take over the fruit hat department.



skip.knox said:


> And one other one.
> 
> View attachment 2038



A Scandinavian Troll deciding to invade Russia all by it's lonesome.


----------



## CupofJoe

skip.knox said:


> I have a few pics lying about. Here's one.
> 
> View attachment 2037


If only Betty had known where her Tribbles were hiding.


----------



## skip.knox

That hat is a traditional Black Forest hat. Southern Black Forest, specifically. Gone are the days when you could know exactly where a person was from by how they dressed and spoke. Not what country, what valley.


----------



## Ban




----------



## Orc Knight

After the hello's, both left thinking 'Good God, they'll stick a human torso on anything these days.'


----------



## skip.knox

Gang signs are much older than was previously thought.


----------



## skip.knox

Studio apt., detached. A/C. Natural lighting. Cleaning deposit not required. Pets OK.


----------



## Ban

This post-modernist longhouse suffers from structural instability, terrible ventilation and a lack of all modern amenities. 
Ideally suited for an enterprising young hipster.


----------



## Devor

Roommate wanted: Rustic, no bathrooms, 2-bedrooms (extradimensional), woodsy neighborhood, prefer either elderly, magically adept female or demonic animal familiar with basic herbalism. Monthly rent = complete use of your soul for one month, paid postmortem.

Note:  This listing has been referred to the Discriminatory Housing Office for possible violations of EHO regulations.


----------



## CupofJoe

Ban said:


> View attachment 2040


The inclusive policy of the new dating app was making dating more interesting.


----------



## CupofJoe

skip.knox said:


> View attachment 2041
> 
> Studio apt., detached. A/C. Natural lighting. Cleaning deposit not required. Pets OK.


Jake was feeling less happy with Jane's choice of "get away from it all" AirBnB.


----------



## Agam Ridelle

Me...while writing that funny scene that turned into a battle scene with robots in a fantasy world.


----------



## skip.knox

The larp session turned dark when T'kar-ang-f!t and Mzzrtg showed up.


----------



## Ban

"Look at little Tím'ARHG!! running around..."

"They grow up so fast."


----------



## skip.knox

Sure, it's pretty, but does it have a drive-through?


----------



## Svrtnsse

That's off the wall...


----------



## skip.knox

My friend and I went up the Oneonta Gorge back in the 1960s when we were just teens. It was not a tourist and hiker destination back then; we felt we'd discovered it ourselves (teenagers often feel this, though). Now it's so overrun with people, the park service worries. I'm glad we found it when it was ours.


----------



## skip.knox

Some may recognize this festive event.


----------



## CupofJoe

skip.knox said:


> Some may recognize this festive event.
> View attachment 2068


Thursday Nights at Grandmas?


----------



## Devor

HELP! They may look like kidnappers, but when the masks come off, they're my parents!


----------



## Steerpike

A righteous rage seized Samantha when she saw that her parents had served yet another Thanksgiving dinner comprised solely of fruit. She vowed this year would be different. When the world was dark and they were nestled in their beds, she would make them pay.


----------



## CupofJoe

Dear Cthulhu 
This year I've been a very naughty girl . For Xmas I would like global chaos, the end of western civilisation, millions to die at your altar in your honour and the end of the pretender upstart gods. And a pony.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Devor

"No Crookshanks, you cannot be a Deathly Hallow."


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## CupofJoe

When using a Goth Dating App, sometimes you just don't know if things are going well or not...


----------



## skip.knox

She realized she was jealous of the pigeons.


----------



## skip.knox




----------



## TheCrystallineEntity

They said my dad's superpowers were useless. I'll show 'em!


----------



## CupofJoe

Well, it all started with a small boil on my back and there are f%*£ing birds delivering it messages!!!!


----------



## Devor

Log in today to get your special flying fish mount, available now in World of Warcraft:  Preschool Edition.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## skip.knox

"Robin, cut that out. It's not funny!"


----------



## Devor

I feel a pulse.  We're going to need more arrows!


----------



## pmmg

Kagome sighed with relief. The tree had finally gotten what it deserved and inuyasha could go back to hugging her instead.


----------



## CupofJoe

Sue was not so sure that Kalatchian Roulette would catch on...


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Devor

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>



That's right.  I have to power up my Eevee damnit!


----------



## CupofJoe

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


In the World of Wafflecraft, the strangest things became important.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## Devor




----------



## pmmg

It was just at that moment, when fox was sure to escape, that he saw the hen house.


----------



## pmmg

Ah little pink girl did not get one...

Miko discovers that gum sticks to more than just her hair.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## CupofJoe

TheCrystallineEntity said:


>


Will be brought to you by courtesy of Kleenex


----------



## pmmg

So, this stiff over here, this one's your father?


----------



## Steerpike

Chicken looking in at the electric fryer, eyeing the cat and dog sideways, says to the other chicken: "No sudden movements, Frank. Let's just back away slowly."


----------



## CupofJoe

Oh My God!!!! What are they doing? And they call us Animals disgusting!


----------



## Devor

"Look. The dishes went in dirty and dry. They came out clean and dry.  It's like a bath without water!  We have to try it."


----------



## Orc Knight

"Henrietta?"


----------



## pmmg

Well...the chickens are right. They do eat our young. Kind of explains what happened to that litter I had last spring.


----------



## Ban

Having been locked outside during dinner, the animals decided to seize the means of production.

Animal Farm 3D, coming to a cinema near you!


----------



## FifthView

"Oh look. He's tossing salt over the wrong shoulder again."


----------



## skip.knox

Babe? That you, Babe?


----------



## Ban




----------



## pmmg

Beary was too stuffed for any more milk, but larry...


----------



## CupofJoe

Are you sure that the "Formula" is supposed to have this effect?


----------



## pmmg

Not much spoken of, but the three ‘not so wise’ men brougt sensible gifts of a stuffed toy, plastic bottles and formula, they just failed to identify the new king.


----------



## Orc Knight

Cute now...wait until he grows up. He'll be a real pain.


----------



## Devor

Even though he's a bear of little brain, Winnie the Pooh was finally able to find a way to make Eeyore happy.


----------



## TheCrystallineEntity




----------



## pmmg

It was only an instant, and only Wario and King Dedede saw it, but what Peach just did? Oh yeah, their next version would be rated M.


----------



## CupofJoe

This is the last time I go shopping for the Holidays with YOUR Family!!!


----------



## Devor

No smashing swords, dragons or pink puffballs were going to make Robin join the battle before he discovered just who it was that had opened the Chamber of Secrets at Hogwarts.


----------



## Orc Knight

In the voice of Richard Kiley: If you look to the top of the picture, you will see Falcon doing to the Duck Hunting Dog that many have yearned to do since he first appeared on screen.


----------



## Ban

The tvtropes caption says: "Dear diary"


----------



## Orc Knight

Tick Tock did not like this this new, much more level headed and fully armed Hook.


----------



## Steerpike

When the muse finally struck and James was able to get words on paper he was determined to allow nothing to distract him.


----------



## Svrtnsse

People complained that mermaids shouldn't have legs on the tail, but John wasn't one to listen to the haters.


----------



## Devor

These "Florida man..." stories keep getting crazier.


----------



## pmmg

After 15 days in the belly of a crocodile, Jonah's brother Zeb, just went back to his writing.


----------



## CupofJoe

I LOVE people... but I couldn't eat a whole one.


----------



## Futhark

Just another day in the Misadventures of Zoob.  Last week it was the hippo.


----------



## CupofJoe

As this is our first date, let's go halves on the food.


----------



## skip.knox

Location, location, location...


----------



## Svrtnsse

skip.knox said:


> View attachment 2192
> 
> 
> Location, location, location...


Don't tell me you forgot to buy milk again.


----------



## Orc Knight

Pizza Delivery Challenge #15: The High House Farm.


----------



## Steerpike

skip.knox said:


> View attachment 2192
> 
> 
> Location, location, location...



Having launched his new law firm focused on suing businesses for ADA violations, Dewey Cheatam salivated at the sight of the newest avant garde restaurant.


----------



## FifthView

skip.knox said:


> View attachment 2192
> 
> 
> Location, location, location...



After twenty years in isolation, Maxime began to wonder if maybe he shouldn't have played Chutes and Ladders so much as a young boy.


----------



## pmmg

Like when is Gondor ever going to be attacked? I build my house right over that signal fire. Saves on energy costs, and in the winter...


----------



## pmmg

In 4000 BC, Noah's brother went a different route, he built a house.


----------



## Devor

And yet people mock drone delivery.


----------



## skip.knox

And then we have this


----------



## Orc Knight

The earliest D&D edition art was truly a medieval job.


----------



## Svrtnsse

"Trick or treat?"


----------



## Ban




----------



## Orc Knight

The early Summer Fun testers were a real hard sell on the newfangled water slides.


----------



## CupofJoe

Cutbacks in the Royal Household budget had had some noticeable effects, the young king rued.


----------



## FifthView

His father had always warned him about protecting his bum, yes, as it's what he'd have to sit on for the rest of his life.


----------



## skip.knox

Solemn Thomas at the Fun Park


----------



## Devor

Droughts have really hit the water parks hard this summer.


----------



## Svrtnsse

I'm having 2.3 jollies of fun. At this rate I will be able to go home and read the paper in 53 minutes.


----------



## pmmg

Sorry kid, you have to be taller to ride.


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

He never realized the fall from the ladder of success would feel quite so good.


----------



## William Russell

If it wasn't for those meddling kids and their ballista and that pesky dog, I would have owned this town!


----------



## skip.knox

This time ... this time, we take the trophy.


----------



## Devor

Duke decided the best way for his Wild West Gang to infiltrate the city was to dress as these easily overlooked candy stripers.


----------



## pmmg

A clockwork candy cane.


(That's probably too obscure...)

The Hamburglar's secret biker gang.


----------



## pmmg

With a new target acquired, this band of street pirates prepares to chase down and board a more modern Schwinn. Pedal faster Tommy Watkins, these pirates take no prisoners.


----------



## Ban

These lads are so environmentally friendly, they even carpool on their bike.


----------



## William Russell

This is a result of the new kinder, gentler prison system...


----------



## Orc Knight

The fanciest barber shop quartet you can get on a budget.


----------



## CupofJoe

Only later did the Police Detective realise that the Identity Parade may not have had the result he wanted.
Or
Eddy realised no-one would believe who had knocked him down as he filled in the Insurance Accident Form.


----------



## Ban

Dutch army on its way to Gouda. Cheese for everyone fellas.


----------



## Devor

When it comes to hockey, this is why we let Canada win.


----------



## Ban

Soldiers on ice, do we still call it an army or is it technically a navy?


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

The Czech national team, tired of chippy play by the Russians, went on the offensive.


----------



## CupofJoe

Olympic Ice Dance took a nasty turn when the head judge gave a 2 to the Soviet pair...


----------



## FifthView

Later, the sole survivor said, "We should never have underestimated the Night King's army."


----------



## Devor

The World War I front line Christmas celebrations were truly inexplicable events.


----------



## Orc Knight

Sleek, stylish and quite useful, Sgt. Pepper would come to find that they still wanted to put rockets on both the blade and wheeled versions for military purposes.


----------



## pmmg

At first, the idea of putting the bayonets on their feet seemed like a good one...


----------



## CupofJoe

Only after he started building did Dave understand the Russian for "Actual Size".


----------



## skip.knox

The county fair in Novosibirsk wasn't nearly as much fun and the one in Iowa City.


----------



## Devor

"Now that it's set up for a one-way trip to space.... how do we actually get Ban and Steerpike on it?"


----------



## Orc Knight

The annual Fourth of July fireworks show was going for broke.


----------



## Steerpike

Devor said:


> "Now that it's set up for a one-way trip to space.... how do we actually get Ban and Steerpike on it?"



Depending on the results of the next election, I may volunteer


----------



## Ban

Devor said:


> "Now that it's set up for a one-way trip to space.... how do we actually get Ban and Steerpike on it?"



A cheese plank placed in the cockpit should do the trick.


----------



## Steerpike

Ban said:


> A cheese plank placed in the cockpit should do the trick.



Preferably with wine.


----------



## pmmg

Unlike the giant phallic symbol of Washington DC, the Russians could not quite get theirs fully erect.


----------



## Steerpike

"What would you say if I told you the red dot was never real?"


----------



## Devor

*Devor tries to suppress horrible thoughts about the skinning and butchering of cute cats.*


----------



## Orc Knight

"I don't know what that mouse I had was on, but I can see Everything."


----------



## pmmg

Doris comes to realize that the red dot meant the video camera was on.


----------



## Futhark

“That is not my pet human.  I’m in the wrong house.  How much catnip did I have last night?”


----------



## CupofJoe

You just keep staring at it. If it moves, hiss loudly and I'll run away...


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

So, living in the shelter, no one ever told you that they take their fur OFF at night. . . did they?


----------



## Ban




----------



## Devor

Done with the proper levels of skill, a conga line in the Congo River Basin can be fun, beautiful, and thrillingly dangerous.


----------



## CupofJoe

When Uber lost their Taxi licence, their race to diversify lead to some interesting outcomes...


----------



## Orc Knight

Tryouts for a new version of the Frog and the Scorpion had a lot of brave souls.


----------



## Futhark

You never smile at the bus in these parts.


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

Things got interesting when the casual, weekend game of Leap Frog took a strange and unsettling turn. . .


----------



## skip.knox

No time for caption; too busy running.


----------



## Ban

Rent became too expensive for King Kong


----------



## Orc Knight

A rare sighting of Shockwave in the early '10's before he became a giant ironside ship.


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

Clifford J. Dorchester got a little carried away hoping to wow the judges and win the 53rd annual, "A World Beneath Our Tree" model railroading contest.


----------



## Devor

"Someone has gotten really good at shadow puppets.  Yep, that's all it is.  There's absolutely no... need... to panic..."


----------



## pmmg

For one ominous moment the people of the village could not be sure if it was big O, or ultraman, or voltron or just an iron giant come to save them, but as the fog cleared they began to realize and then regret all those years they spent teasing and bullying that young jonny soko.


----------



## pmmg

Banana... With art this a-peel-ing how can you look away?


----------



## Devor

Years after giving up on the Road Runner, Wile E Coyote has finally set his sights .... on Donkey Kong.


----------



## Orc Knight

How Red Green avoids the problem of fruit. Stick it to a wall and leave.


----------



## pmmg

Centuries later, humanity regrets the loss of this great treasure. A work from one of the great masters, lost to time and never to be found again.


----------



## CupofJoe

$120,000 for a banana and duct tape?!?!?!


----------



## Futhark

The new Workplace Health and Safety Representative is a little too, umm...enthusiastic.


----------



## Devor

The real art begins after the banana rots.


----------



## Ban

Ceci n'est pas une banane


----------



## pmmg

2019, America adopts its new symbol of the republic.


----------



## Devor

I took this selfie immediately after finishing the last shrine in Breath of the Wild.


----------



## Orc Knight

Old Man Link was ready to go on his last adventure.


----------



## pmmg

724 years of fighting and the world was still in darkness.


----------



## CupofJoe

Customer Support wasn't getting any easier, Delek thought.


----------



## Steerpike

Tiger vowed he had gone without his food bowl being refreshed for the last time, employing the powers that were his by ancient birthright to call upon the Shoggoths to aid him.


----------



## Orc Knight

Old dogs can ignore anything. Including the cat trying out for the heavenly choirs.


----------



## Svrtnsse

I HAZ CATCHED THE RED DOT!


----------



## pmmg

That's right, I really can poop and barf rainbows.


----------



## Ban

I am become Cat, destroyer of couches.


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

Felix's version of _Stray Cat Strut_ kills at Karaoke once again. . .


----------



## skip.knox

Wow, nothing since May. Here's a contribution.


----------



## FifthView

skip.knox said:


> Wow, nothing since May. Here's a contribution.
> View attachment 2838



"They shared a shot glass and fashion tips for thirty years, such was the depth of their bond."


----------



## pmmg

Rudolpho was first to see the charging rhino, but in his wooden shoes...all he could think was he better have his drink now.


----------



## CupofJoe

Picard and Data began to wonder if the Enterprise computer was developing a sense of humour when it suggested these disguises for a visit to the Vulcan homeworld.


----------



## Ban

skip.knox said:


> View attachment 2838



"Bloody manager dragged us all the way out here. 'You need a good album cover' he said 'it will be fun' he said. "


----------



## Orc Knight

"Keep looking harmless, maybe they'll stop staring."


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

That time the village women marched off to battle and menfolk were left to hold down the homesteads. . .


----------



## Steerpike

Man één: “Nothing is going to make us look more foolish than these damned wooden shoes.”

Man twee: “Hold my corenwijn.”

(in reference to the image by Ban that I no longer see)


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

Devor And Black Dragon



__ S.T. Ockenner
__ Dec 16, 2020





CAPTION THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## pmmg

Doodle Devor, and Doodle Black Dragon trapped safely in the doodle dimension....or are they??????


----------



## Reaver




----------



## S.T. Ockenner

I am so fluffy, that I exist in a separate fluffy dimension where I am tended to by my servant, Reaver .


----------



## pmmg

You wouldnt throw a dog with sad eyes
Off the couch would you?


----------



## Ban

Cookies found. Commence dog protocol: Adorable.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

Drawing (2)



__ S.T. Ockenner
__ Dec 16, 2020


----------



## pmmg

Ummmm...I wouldn't use the towel.


----------



## pmmg

Moses's first effort at producing a serpent from his staff was less than spectacular.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

Wait, Dark Lord Thomas Pie's middle name  is Moses, pmmg ?


----------



## Ban

If you can top that caption, you are a gifted writer indeed.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

"If you stick your finger down my nose, I will make you look like me"


----------



## pmmg

To Bobby everything was always up side down.  Rain fell up and trees grew down and fingers always cane from weird directions. Bobby hated his world.


----------



## CupofJoe

It was about now that the Transport Chief realised that it was time for an overhaul.


----------



## pmmg

Zorgo’s human disguise was almost perfect.


----------



## pmmg

So here it is. We just clean out a few cob webs, put in a fridge and TV and I think we can make it a home.


----------



## Ban

And so, Spinelli the Spider asserted dominance over the adventurers by proving she was the absolute best at hide and seek


----------



## CupofJoe

You leave the trapdoor open one time and the place is overrun by "Urban Adventurers"...


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

Thor



__ S.T. Ockenner
__ Jan 6, 2021
__
mythology
norse
thor




						A depiction of the Norse god of thunder. He is wearing armor and wielding Mjölnir.


----------



## FifthView

S.T. Ockenner said:


> Thor
> 
> 
> 
> __ S.T. Ockenner
> __ Jan 6, 2021
> __
> mythology
> norse
> thor
> 
> 
> 
> 
> A depiction of the Norse god of thunder. He is wearing armor and wielding Mjölnir.



Everything ended one day when Percival's meat tenderizer complained of the blood and gore Percival made it smash into everyday, to which Percival foolishly replied, "What's your beef?"  An argument ensued, a friendship was ended, and soon the local constabulary would be called to investigate the untimely disappearance of both.


----------



## CupofJoe

It surprised everyone when Jeff from IT really did have a magic hammer that would fix things...


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

CupofJoe said:


> Jeff from IT


Also known as...ah...um... Ortho Dinson!


----------



## pmmg

It was just then that Thor regretted he was standing in a giant puddle.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

pmmg said:


> It was just then that Thor regretted he was standing in a giant puddle.


This is my favorite one so far.


----------



## Steerpike




----------



## pmmg

You saw what they did to the eggs. What do you think the catsup is made of.


----------



## Prince of Spires

The cat overlord is instructing his minions how to invade the kitchen and capture the bacon left on the counter


----------



## Devor

Steerpike said:


> View attachment 2861



"We'd be in there right now if we remembered our masks."



Spoiler: So what was your excuse last March?






Steerpike said:


> Chicken looking in at the electric fryer, eyeing the cat and dog sideways, says to the other chicken: "No sudden movements, Frank. Let's just back away slowly."
> 
> View attachment 2139


----------



## Ban

Steerpike said:


> View attachment 2861



Y'all thinking the same thing? Time to do an Animal Farm, Orwell style.


----------



## Ban

Steerpike said:


> Chicken looking in at the electric fryer, eyeing the cat and dog sideways, says to the other chicken: "No sudden movements, Frank. Let's just back away slowly."
> 
> View attachment 2139



Only just realised (as Devor showed) this one was already posted before and last time I also captioned it with Animal Farm. We are so very innovative.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

Caption THIS!


----------



## pmmg

Hal quickly turned himself into an owl leaving roger alone to explain to the giant and the ogre why they were given a less than flattering role in his manuscript.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Now for the mythical human hoax. I'll put on this human suit and run out into the woods, you'll take a blurry picture of me, and don't forget to write it up for the tabloids.


----------



## Devor




----------



## Ban

"Oh you need me to destroy your enemies again?... Yeah, great. I don't mind only being summoned when you guys need someone flattened. Great elder forest monsters don't want to hang out on the weekends, drink some beers... Oh yeah, yeah, I'm good... Yup. "


----------



## FifthView

After a lifetime successfully defending his people from the forces of natural evil, the aged shaman made the fateful decision to pull a pistol from a hidden holster that day, leading his spirit guardian to signal the village that it was time for the shaman to die.


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

So, you_ really_ like the outfit? You don't think the horns are a bit much for casual raiding?


----------



## pmmg

Just an instant after putting one between the eyes of the Dog god, the shaman received an unusual signal from the Cat god.


----------



## Devor

This shaman always required just a bit more encouragement than was normal.


----------



## Orc Knight

"And then, I drew my Colt .45 and BLAM! One more Union boy done died of lead poisoning!" "Cool story bro."


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Little did Zok know that in the language of the spirit guides, who can only speak in sign, one thumb up means, "Use your staff, you idiot, not the gun!"


----------



## Devor

The shaman obediently drew the gun remembering that in the ancient coliseum thumbs up meant death.


----------



## pmmg

The gun went off; muffy the house cat was no more.  For an instant the cat god watched perplexed that its signal could be confused….but then it didnt care.  It was just happy to have a new shaman shaped kick toy.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

Devor said:


>


"Holy crap, it's a tiny man!  I'll scare him off with my thumb!"


----------



## Miles Lacey

Devor said:


>



Shaman:  "To find the nearest kitty litter bin for Cat Mountain gods just keep going down the valley until you reach the Big River.  Turn right and follow the River for three kilometres.  You can't miss it!"


----------



## Devor




----------



## Orc Knight

From 'Photographing, Selfies and Trophies' article. As seen in Modern Monster Hunter e-zine.


----------



## FifthView

Martha saw the shaman and thought, "I can do one better!" The cat spirit guardian she would summon would put the shaman and his _tiny_ cat to shame. While she waited for the giant cat to appear, she decided to livestream its appearance and thus prove to the world her superiority. Only, she messed up.


----------



## pmmg

Now smile big, this is for face scroll.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

With both Orin and Seymour out of her life, Audrey found she was much happier. The only traveling companion she needed was Audrey II. 

(That's how the story really ended, for you see, Audrey II only eats men.)


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Say... Monsanto!"


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Devor said:


>



Why taking wildlife selfies is now illegal.


----------



## S.T. Ockenner

After seeing the Tiny Man and the Giant Thumb Monster, Enid Brackleappleopplecappenhappenoozind lost her marbles, and sense of self-preservation, and began going on a quest to take progressively more reckless exotic selfie locations. Next stop: inside an active volcano.


----------



## Ban

#ChillingWithBae #Snacc #MightHuntMortalsWithHimLaterIDK


----------



## Slartibartfast

Looking terrifi... d


----------



## Devor

While you're thinking of a caption, check out this list of works by the same artist.


----------



## pmmg

Stunned that even in the midst of this slaughter, Ryan finds a new caterpillar breed to add to his collection.


----------



## FifthView

When the elders invited Joonjoon to the hunt, they never told him there'd be free lunch.


----------



## Orc Knight

David Attenborough narrates: "And as we watch the tribe move on, it is time for the young to learn. Is it a poison dart frog or not?"


----------



## pmmg

Jeez. Did not even see the frog


----------



## pmmg

Jeez, says the frog. That was close. Almost fell our of my tree.


----------



## CupofJoe

Mummy!!!!!


----------



## pmmg

Long before Jeramiah drank wine and said things no one could understand, he would drink lizard grog and chat quite coherently with the local residents.


----------



## Ban




----------



## Devor

Amid all these budget cuts and layoffs, Corporal Smith found himself tasked with juggling the duties of three different soldiers.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Robert Carlisle, 1884 - 1931

The first magician known for genuine feats of telekinesis, Carlisle first performed his famous three gun salute in 1906.


----------



## pmmg

Confused as to their function, corporal smith suddenly had a revelation—you throw them at the enemy.


----------



## Orc Knight

In the end, it was perhaps the best part of the talent show. Granted, it ended with three dead judges and a court martial, but the foot sloggers thought it was great and he would be posthumously awarded the show's trophy.


----------



## Orc Knight

Well, with horror season round the corner...








"Hey Ted." "Hey Mxyplonis. How're the podlings?" "Good."


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Before the Alien Exclusion Act of 2856, extraterrestrials were fully assimilated, enjoyed all the rights of Earthborn species, and were regularly seen on city streets.


----------



## Devor

Plastic surgery really has gone too far these days.


----------



## CupofJoe

I'm telling you that's the last time I do LSD. Zak and Qat are looking like Coppers again...


----------



## Ban

Honhonhon, did you see how silly those guards look Splornacx?!


----------



## pmmg

Hey...Hold on there. I thought something was wrong with these two. The crosswalk is over there.


----------



## Miles Lacey

Orc Knight said:


>



"How many times do I have to tell you that eating bank managers is not appropriate behaviour in _*any* _society."


----------



## Ban




----------



## Orc Knight

"Once we're done posing for this damn thing, we jump 'em."


----------



## CupofJoe

What do you mean by "You've read the Death Star plans wrong"?


----------



## Rosemary Tea

_@Mr. Dingo_ has made a new post on _Southern Cross Recipes_: *Koala Stew in a Pumpkin Shell*


----------



## Devor

Look at us! We spooky. Spoooooky. Ohh stop giggling!


----------



## FifthView

The Trojan Pumpkin plan had one fatal flaw.


----------



## Miles Lacey

The mistake was assuming that because they were adorably cute they were harmless.....


----------



## pmmg

The real reason that the great pumpkin left that kid with the blanket stranded on halloween was he was grumpy with koalas.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

40th Annual Trick or Treat at the Zoo!

This year's theme: all things marsupial.

Come and say g'day!


----------



## Reaver




----------



## Miles Lacey

When we were told the economy had gone to the dogs we didn't think they meant it literally.


----------



## CupofJoe

I can out stare the cat...I can out stare the cat...I can out stare the cat...I can out stare the cat...I can out stare the cat...I can out stare the cat...I can out stare the ca... Bugger!!!!


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

1. Over in the little hamlet of Sleepy Hollow, business was about to pick up. . .

2. "What cats see in mice. . . I'll never understand."


----------



## Devor

Reaver said:


>



Me wondering who on my friends list wants to see a squirrel meme when I'm supposed to be writing.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

I hate writer's block.


----------



## pmmg

Shocked that he might be a bad dog, Rex waits in the interrogation room of police precinct 23.


----------



## Ban

Miles Lacey said:


> View attachment 3022
> 
> 
> When we were told the economy had gone to the dogs we didn't think they meant it literally.



All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makse Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All wokr and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jcak a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jcak a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jcak a dull boy
All work and no play makes Jack a dull bOy


----------



## Reaver




----------



## Miles Lacey

"At least the ancient pagans danced around me in the nude.  It was a pleasing distraction from their tiresome prattling."


----------



## Ban

"I'm a god. I'm supposed to indoctrinate you, not the other way around..."


----------



## pmmg

Rosie, the dog god of war, did not understand this silly game, but when they said 'all fall down', he saw to it.


----------



## FifthView

Anubis' heart leapt when they finally said, "We all fall down!"   Alas, they were only pretending.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Initiation into the all gender Omega Omega Omega fraternity.


----------



## CupofJoe

Anubis was not at all impressed by the new force-field technology.


----------



## Ban

"Oh that thing I just mentioned I like? Don't worry about it, I'm sure you haven't heard of it."


----------



## pmmg

Thats right. All our women are elvish.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"Trust me, we've got it in the bag. Nothing can go wrong. Nothing."


----------



## Devor

When someone volunteers to go to Mordor just before you do.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"You should've been here last night.  Now _that _was a party."


----------



## CupofJoe

We win the battle, plunder the city.
Elfiboy takes the shinies and all I got was this bloody stupid F$%"ing helmet.


----------



## FifthView

"Looks like I was the only one here who polished his ears. Again!"


----------



## Steerpike




----------



## CupofJoe

It was only when looking at the final proof, did it dawn on the Publish that some versions of "Where's Wally/Waldo?" were going to work better than others.


----------



## FifthView

Wearing real furs is OK sometimes.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Go on, make a sheep-shagging joke!  I dare you to!"


----------



## Ban

See here, a dog high on its own supply


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"Woof woof! I'm a sheep! I'm a sheep! I mean, baa--aa!  Baa--aa!"


----------



## Devor

Even the sheep dogs are getting overwhelmed at work.


----------



## pmmg

Caught in an orgy of shagging sheep rex was slowly crushed to death.


----------



## CupofJoe

Okay maybe I shouldn't have eaten that last cookie, but can anyone else see Sheep?


----------



## CupofJoe

So waarrrmmmm!


----------



## Rosemary Tea

A wolf in sheep's clothing? Nah... a sheep in woof's clothing.


----------



## pmmg

His pack lost, Blackie’s last stand was valiant but still he was overwhelmed by his foes.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Marcella chooses an odd place to dispose of the bodies.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

She was undead. The others were, simply, dead. They were all condemned, if you could call it that, to an eternity in the tavern.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"I didn't think my breath was _that _bad...."


----------



## FifthView

Dirzella had, once again and much to her shame, misunderstood the human phrase, "Drinking contest."


----------



## pmmg

I just know they are gonna blame me for this says the half orc.


----------



## pmmg

No blasters! No blasters….


----------



## Devor

"Ugh, whatever HE was drinking is absolutely nasty."


----------



## CupofJoe

"So it is settled? Satin lined cowl hoods *ARE* back in style!"


----------



## Miles Lacey

ORC: "Hey!  Where are you going?  This bar has a strict "No Leaving Dead Bodies By The Bar" policy!"


----------



## CupofJoe

Queena the barmaid never liked collecting "the empties" on Vampires 2for1 night.


----------



## pmmg

Hmmmm. Must be a 17th lvl vampire sorceress to take down three 15th lvl bar rats like that, thinks the half orc.


----------



## Mad Swede

"Oh, so that's that what they mean by dressed to kill."


----------



## Ban




----------



## pmmg

Me to wife:  “Thats not what i meant when I said something naughty wearing only a hat….”


----------



## pmmg

And on the thirteenth day if christmas my true love gave to me:

fuzzywhizikens, destroyer of nice things….

who…

Ate Twelve drummers drumming,
Chased eleven pipers piping,
Clawed ten lords a-leaping,
Scared nine ladies dancing,
Stole eight maids a-milking,
Attacked seven swans a-swimming,
Laid waste to six geese a-laying,
Lost five golden rings.
Bit Four calling birds,
three French hens,
two turtle doves
and scratched up a partridge in a pear tree!


----------



## FifthView

_If I move one inch, this thing is falling off._
_I'm not moving._
_1...2...3...4...Heck. I'm gonna pounce._​


----------



## CupofJoe

Ban said:


>


One day. Maybe tomorrow, maybe a month from now but one day... I will have my revenge for this. You will live in perpetual fear until that day.


----------



## Ban

My name is Catsimus Retchimus Meowridius, commander of the armies which do purr, general of the feline legions, loyal servant to no owner. Father to countless litters, mate of any cat I meet. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.


----------



## Mad Swede

I'll kill the next person who mentions the Cat in the Hat.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

You owe me a TON of turkey for this.


----------



## Miles Lacey

Say "_Oh, look!   Henry is such an adorable Cat in a Hat!"_ one more time and I'm sinking my claws into those body parts you don't mention on these forums."


----------



## Devor

It’s all festive and fun until he leaves a dead elf on your pillow.


----------



## Steerpike

It was one thing to send the Deadites back through the demon portal, but how did you turn it off?!


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Will you turn off that damn antigravity device already?!


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Those time travel books never mentioned anything about portals opening in the blasted ceiling!"


----------



## Ban

The Quebecois found that Cirque du Soleil Cat Edition was not a success. While the cats were capable of impressive displays of acrobatic prowess, their refusal to follow a script and penchant for causing mayhem made for a poor show.


----------



## pmmg

Steerpike watched in horror as Miffy's balancing act went horribly wrong, and now they would have to eat their food off the floor.


----------



## CupofJoe

And the bowl is still standi--- falling to the floor in a graceful arc!


----------



## Devor

Eating dinner from the floor would be a small price to pay for flashing the cats outside the window.


----------



## pmmg

Oh Thank God, says the cat, The aliens are taking my food dish too.


----------



## Mad Swede

Stuff Schrödinger, I want my food.


----------



## Steerpike

Continuing the cat theme…

“Does a 2 hit?”


----------



## Ban

"Yes, yes, chemistry's very interesting teacher, but when are we going to discuss catnip?"


----------



## Rosemary Tea

The most essential study aid.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"So that's what they make cat food out of.  No wonder dogs hate us so much."


----------



## pmmg

Is this one of those tricks where if I reach for the phone, you slam the book closed?


----------



## Prince of Spires

Studying to become evil cat overlord starts at a young age


----------



## CupofJoe

And that ends my audition piece for Darth Vader - The Musical


----------



## FifthView

_She continues to study, and I'm having problems 
telling her why I'm leaving soon with the dolphins._​


----------



## Mad Swede

Paws for thought.


----------



## pmmg

Wait…all the news is fake?!?


----------



## pmmg




----------



## CupofJoe

No! The one behind you stole my hat.


----------



## Prince of Spires

Elimination from The Voice of Rome was bloody.


----------



## FifthView

"Do my thighs look fat in this?"


----------



## pmmg

No, you idiot!  The christians are over there!


----------



## Devor

“Now bring me oil and glisten my muscles!”


----------



## CupofJoe

Would Madam prefer a slice of Chest or Thigh from the carvery?


----------



## Steerpike

Bare chest and knee-high boots were all the rage in gladiator fashion but left something to be desired in terms of protection.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

This was supposed to be a deathless match! Deathless! What part of that do you not understand?


----------



## CupofJoe

Cedric had never really understood the rules of Beach Volleyball.


----------



## Mad Swede

Aaaand....  CUT!


----------



## Miles Lacey

"I fear that all we've done is turn these Christians into martyrs."


----------



## Ban

Cleaning up after a Dutch carnival is quite the ordeal given our size. See here: A rudely littered mask after the 11th of the 11th.


----------



## pmmg

Fed up, prometheus tosses away his mask and wont wear it anymore.  Zeus and Hera reportedly livid.


----------



## Mad Swede

Blue eyes, baby's got blue eyes...


----------



## Miles Lacey

"The discovery of such a huge mask proves beyond any doubt that aliens, not the Dutch, built the dykes." - Ancient Aliens "documentary" series.


----------



## FifthView

*"My name is Ozy-Rozius, hyooman beans;
Look on my Works, ye mortals, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains. Through the display
Of that colossal Stare, boundless and bare
The lone and empty Skies stretch far away.*​


----------



## Rosemary Tea

In the Land of the Giants, every port is guarded by the previous king, represented by a copy of his death mask.


----------



## pmmg

Earlier efforts at capturing the face of liberty were simply discarded...


----------



## skip.knox

Does this crown make my head look big?


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Steerpike

Bartholomew’s hasty reproduction of the library’s most popular scroll was interrupted by the Copyright Sphinx, who ate infringers with great frequency and enthusiasm.


----------



## Ban

A new archetype has entered the dating scene: The Flying Cougar


----------



## Mad Swede

Those instructions really were Greek to you, weren't they? You should have done the summoning in Egyptian...


----------



## Miles Lacey

Idpol was the most feared daemon that stalked the ancient libraries.  They were always ready to devour any hapless scribe who used the wrong pronoun.


----------



## pmmg

A young Elminster hastily wrote down his observations on Sphinx reproduction practices, but it was the diagrams that got him the most attention...


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"So! Sneaking off to play magic quill and paper games again, are we?"


----------



## pmmg

His hour almost up, the little tenderfoot begins to grasp the answer to the Sphinxes riddle...."what writes too slow and will soon be my dinner?"


----------



## CupofJoe

I said *NO* deletions from the Naughty List!!!


----------



## Devor

Boy, the grammar police will getcha in any medium.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"SILENCE IN THE LIBRARY!  YOUR QUILL IS SCRATCHING TOO LOUDLY!"


----------



## CupofJoe

Well... We are nearly at the end of our "Time Share" presentation. Have you had a chance to sign the lease?


----------



## CupofJoe

Good lighting? Check!
Original stone features? Check!
Central location? Check!
Resident winged monster? Check!


----------



## pmmg

I think Time share is the best


----------



## FifthView

Retracing Moon Knight’s origin for the official biography was not going as planned.


----------



## Devor




----------



## FifthView

*Bearvus the Bear had wanted an Oscar for so long, but so had Hunterton the Hunting Thief. 

The wood would be splattered in blood by first morning light
when Meryl Streep stepped through the trees, seeking to recover
what had been lost.*​


----------



## Ban

"I had to escape a sinking boat, survive the Irish mob, fight in a 19th century gang war, become a multi-millionaire twice, lead the FBI, learn how to fly a plane and do a whole lot of genuinely shady stuff to get that stupid golden statue. If you think I won't shoot a bear you don't know who or what you're dealing with buddy!"


----------



## pmmg

Yeah… well if you are such a good actor why does everyone remember the bear attack instead,  answer me that Decaprio!


----------



## Steerpike

“Come on, Charlie! I promise I’ve got this thing figured out and can turn you both human again. Brad’s death was an accident!”


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Between you and me you're a better actor than most of the Oscar winners but you can't just go around stealing other people's Oscars because you think the Academy is speciest."


----------



## pmmg

Naked and afraid and clinging to past glory, Pooh hides from another hunter.


----------



## FifthView

*It had been the bear in the study with the Oscar.

Farduc's blunderbuss would bring swift justice tonight.*​


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Sorry, Bear, but Goldilocks wants her Oscar back and your head mounted on her wall. She still hasn't forgiven you for breaking into the family home, wrecking their furniture and traumatising her parents."


----------



## Mad Swede

"I've got those bare neccesities, now I want the luxuries."


----------



## Ban

Mad Swede said:


> "I've got those bare neccesities, now I want the luxuries."



"I've got the bare necessities, now I want the bear necessities."


----------



## Devor

"If you're such a good actor," the bear whimpered, "then why don't you ACT LIKE YOU LOVE ME AND OUR CHILDREN!"


----------



## CupofJoe

Bear was beginning to regret to agreeing to play "Squid Games" hide and seek.


----------



## KestrelDC

The bear did not understand how Farmer John couldn't see his win was fair and square. Farmer John insisted it was rigged.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"No, you can't have my trophy! I won it fair and square! I'm proud of taking first place in the human hunt!"


----------



## Devor




----------



## Ban

"Chicken nuggets is like my family!"


Congratulations if you know/remember that one.


----------



## FifthView

"This egg laying business is tougher than it looks!"


----------



## Rosemary Tea

He was known by many names: Sir Isaac Bonecrusher, El Pollo Loco, The Great Chicken Master, but the nickname that stuck best to this fearsome prize fighter was Ikey Chickenheart.


----------



## pmmg

Though he identified as a chicken, and the sport was accepting, Benny was not thrilled with the type of women he attracted.


----------



## CupofJoe

Some began to wonder if the Marvel franchise had run out of steam when they unveiled the latest Avenger.


----------



## Devor

After winning a fortune in the wrestling ring, El Pollo Loco never again had a good reason.... to cross the road.


----------



## pmmg

Five hundred times i enter the ring and yet they persist in calling me chicken.


----------



## pmmg

Benny was in a FOWL mood...


----------



## CupofJoe

He told no-one but El Pollo Loco was secretly dreaming about the family bucket of wings he would have after the fight.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"… You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off that old Lone Ranger
And you don't mess around with Cluck..."


----------



## Steerpike




----------



## Mad Swede

I'd like to be
Under the sea
In an octopus' garden
In the shade


----------



## Miles Lacey

"As the impact of global climate change became more acute sea creatures were forced to adapt to the new conditions.  Yet, even marine biologists were somewhat taken aback by the emergence of_ Octopus vulgaris musicus _whose new habitat were seedy bars where watered down drinks were served."


----------



## pmmg

Play the Octopus song again!


----------



## Ban

It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
The regular crowd has all gone
Because there's an octopus sittin' next to me
Who poorly plays his accordeon


----------



## Steerpike

Ban said:


> It's nine o'clock on a Saturday
> The regular crowd has all gone
> Because there's an octopus sittin' next to me
> Who poorly plays his accordeon



just so happens I heard “Piano Man” last night


----------



## Orc Knight

Not what anyone was expecting when they advertised fine spirits, sea food and entertainment.


----------



## pmmg

Harold knew something was wrong, but he just could not place it...and then he realized, the accordion should have been a bagpipe.


----------



## Devor

"For more of my music search up _The Kraken, Unleashed_ on Spotify."


----------



## pmmg

Mama's got a squeezebox...


----------



## CupofJoe

If it didn't bring in the crowds, Calamari would be tonight's special!


----------



## pmmg

The live nude entertainment at Harold's left a bit to be desired. 

or

Before he would lead the rebel fleet to victory at Endor, Akbar had a dream of being a stage performer which had less than great results.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Orc Knight

The Cats and Dogs Expanded Universe was getting a little out of hand.


----------



## pmmg

Puppypowero...

Fluffykittikens...


----------



## pmmg

Whoa whoa. Easy there mittens. How bout we crush these two mages and run off and play.


----------



## Mad Swede

If it isn't raining cats and dogs now it soon will be...


----------



## pmmg

The real rift between a young Tom Riddle and the stodgy professors at Hogwarts was that we was a master of Kitten magic and they were all dog people... A difference which is said to have destroyed many worlds, and almost took his own.


----------



## Miles Lacey

Even in the world of magic the clash between cat people and dog people raged.


----------



## Devor

The new weather wizards took the phrase "raining cats and dogs" a little too literally.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

While the worshippers of the Cat Goddess and the worshippers of the Dog God battled over which one was the True Religion, the deities themselves were best friends who chuckled together over human folly.


----------



## CupofJoe

The family-friendly version of *Sourcerer Ultimate Death Match* left a lot to be desired.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Humidity is rising (mmm, rising)
Barometer's getting low (how low, girl? Uh-oh)
According to all sources (what sources now?)
The street's the place to go (we better hurry up)

"'Cause tonight for the first time (first time)
Just about half-past ten (half-past ten)
For the first time in history
It's gonna start raining cats & dogs (start raining cats & dogs)"


----------



## Mad Swede




----------



## Ban

Just like Thales, the statue thought everything was water. Unlike Thales, the statue could have snapped out of it were he to be turned around.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

The Stone Giants' bathhouse


----------



## Miles Lacey

The stone giant awoke after several centuries with a migraine headache and groaned, "What in Odin's name is that bloody noise!?"


----------



## CupofJoe

Medusa meets Global Warming... Bugger!


----------



## pmmg

Mad Swede said:


> View attachment 3084




Oh God. Gotta pee. Hope no ones looking.


----------



## Devor

They had to ask the stone giant to leave the canal for making divers uncomfortable with his whistling.


----------



## Orc Knight

The moment the team learned Barney had a Final Boss Mode wasn't pretty.


----------



## pmmg

Famous last photos found on cell phones.


----------



## pmmg

Its was just at this moment that steve regretted all those things he said about eve and storming out of the garden.


----------



## CupofJoe

It was only when Jake turned off the kitten filter did he realise his "image problem" wasn't the filter.


----------



## Mad Swede

And I thought _3D Monster Maze_ was only a game.


----------



## pmmg

Turns out the dinosaurs weren't extinct, and they're mad!


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Jurassic Park: the last vacation destination you'll ever need.


----------



## pmmg

What? Seth? Seth the Axeman?  I think he lives down that way...


----------



## Mad Swede

I don't care who you are, you can't scythe your way through my forest like that.


----------



## skip.knox

The reason why the Reaper was always so grim: he kept getting lost.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"Oh, no, Mr. Death, you don't want me. You're looking for my brother. He's even older and more decrepit than me. He lives down that way."


----------



## pmmg

Ya, ya, ya...I saw them. Four hobbits, a dwarf an elf and some human types. They went that way. What's that? Bad heart? The king wont be returning... Guess that makes sense to you...


----------



## pmmg

What's that you said? Mad Swede? Rosemary? Skip nocks? P somehing?  Never heard of them. Maybe you should try a different web site.


----------



## Orc Knight

"Oh, you're new help for Farmer Ben since his kid's ran off to be adventurers. Just go up the road two miles, they have the cross hatch wheat and rye fields."


----------



## pmmg

Last one...

Treebeard, what?  Look, how was I to know he was an Ent? So what if it was not his time. Just do your damn job.


----------



## Steerpike

"You know damned well those logs didn't fall on me. Fake news! This death game is rigged!"


----------



## Devor

"I swear, my wife was under those logs when they fell. Don't tell me she's fine! You need to take her!"


----------



## pmmg

Saw this on our site cause a guest was looking at it. Seems this is a better place for it 

Anyway....

Don't pull too fast, Johnny, reel it in slow...


----------



## Rosemary Tea

That shark breeding program sure got out of hand.


----------



## CupofJoe

The Bridge - Oh no... Not again!


----------



## pmmg

Damn, says the shark. Canned meat again.


----------



## Steerpike

No, no...WE jump over the SHARK!


----------



## pmmg

Another grainy photo showing the sharkynaster, an elusive and rarely seen cryptid that lurks in San Francisco Bay. Is he really out there? Skeptics say more evidence is needed...


----------



## Devor

The Power Rangers wanted to help but California had banned the use of morphin technology vehicles.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

And we thought the Big One would be an earthquake....


----------



## FifthView

pmmg said:


>



Unbeknownst to Death and Harvey the Aged Axe-man,
the perfect alignment of scythe and outstretched pointing arm
had broken the magical seal on the prison of a being
far more terrible, far more determined, and far more to be feared
than either of them. It was coming, and it was coming fast.
Neither would reach his destination.


----------



## FifthView

pmmg said:


>



Devon was relieved that it was not an earthquake, after all, but only a shark.


----------



## pmmg

Not content to be just King of Tokyo, Sharky made a move to be King of San Francisco as well. The other monsters just let him take it.


----------



## FifthView

If Sharky held on with his teeth, maybe Godzilla wouldn't be able to fling him into a skyscraper. Again.


----------



## Orc Knight

Ah, Jaw Strength Testing Day. The Bridge Bite always made Radgrowth Shark a little nervous.


----------



## MrNybble

Mother nature ups her game when engineers declare they have made the worlds most durable bridge.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Don't worry, it's just the next Marvel movie being filmed.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

pmmg said:


> Another grainy photo showing the sharkynaster, an elusive and rarely seen cryptid that lurks in San Francisco Bay. Is he really out there? Skeptics say more evidence is needed...



Snopes: Real photo, incorrect conclusion. The creature is attacking the Golden Gate Bridge from the west. San Francisco Bay is to the east. This is an ocean dwelling cryptid, not a bay lurker.


----------



## pmmg

Meanwhile, on the east coast....


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"Wow, just what I wanted!"


----------



## pmmg

Rosemary Tea said:


> "Wow, just what I wanted!"





Rosemary Tea said:


> "Wow, just what I wanted!"



Anything for you, of course .


----------



## Miles Lacey

pmmg said:


> Meanwhile, on the east coast....



Never mind the alligators in the sewers!  What about the giant flying rats?


----------



## Mad Swede

Oh, it's a puppet theatre. Sorry, my mistake.


----------



## pmmg

Gah...Bad time for that old ankle injury to flare up again.


----------



## FifthView

Never bring a makhaira to a dory fight.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Why having bone spurs is a disqualifier for military service.


----------



## pmmg

Damn, he has a helmet, this is going to be much harder.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Rosemary Tea

Sir Monstro McChicken had defeated the Frumious Bandersnatch. All that was left of it was one severed foot.


----------



## pmmg

Go ahead, call me 'chicken little' one more time.


----------



## MrNybble

Colonel Sanders finds badass flavor with new GMO results.


----------



## pmmg

Just one kick, and all that was left as a scream fading in the distance and red feathers swirling down.


----------



## Mad Swede

Feathers McGraw you say? Never heard of him.


----------



## pmmg

Oh, there is something I ought to tell you…i am not left handed either.


----------



## Devor

"Roll for initiative, my green pig friend."


----------



## Ban

"Live by the drumstick, die by the drumstick."


----------



## FifthView

“You think I’m going to walk across that hot asphalt with these tender soles?”


----------



## pmmg

In her early days, the Scarlet Witch was a little less forgiving of Visions annoying habits.


----------



## Ban

Captain Röntgen was not allowed to join the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Giving foes cancer is a bit heavy, but Alan Moore mostly just didn't want to thread old paths.


----------



## pmmg

Some readers really don't like it when their favorite character dies.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

All her finals at the College of Witchcraft were done except the practical exam in self defense. She was ready for that one. Oh, yes, she was.


----------



## pmmg

Roger quickly pulled out his book of spells and started reading, but Mary had youtube...


----------



## Prince of Spires

In her fight against Climate Change, Renewable Energy Lady dealt a devastating blow when she learned she could generate her own electricity without fossil fuels.


----------



## FifthView

pmmg said:


>



The tower's horror-filled visage must have been fueled by a long, secret knowledge of the history of these two combatants, within its confines, although no one else had a clue why they were fighting. Perhaps when all was done, the spell book they had trampled would reveal the cause of this tragedy.


----------



## pmmg

Ya know, says the man, that tennis match between King and Riggs was fixed.


----------



## pmmg

No...red looks good on you. You don't look fat at all...


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Hey, does this inn have a safe? He just found a lot of gold nuggets in the hills and I need a place to keep em...


----------



## Ban

We are the kniiiiights who saaaaaay...... beer!


----------



## pmmg

Wow, lord Derrik, the most famous card cheat in all the lands. Never thought I'd see you here...


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Speakeasy in Alternativeverse XII, circa 1925. Note how suspiciously the subjects regard the camera.


----------



## Mad Swede

Went to an inn, looking for romance
Saw Barbara Ann, so I thought I'd take a chance on
Barbara Ann
Barbara Ann, Barbara Ann
Take my hand


----------



## FifthView

I could tell they’d never seen a 21st century billionaire playboy philanthropist….


----------



## pmmg

Drake Blackcloak, Bobby the dwarf, Max the card shark, Sergio the Throat cutter, Matilda the Poison Queen, and Tolmoson the Insane Innkeeper.... The price on each of your heads. Why a man could become very wealthy bringing all of you in.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Knight takes queen...oh, my mistake, they're all knights...


----------



## Rosemary Tea

I TOLD you to put your toys away! NOW!


----------



## Ban

Finally some quality father and son time. Only needed to kill a couple dozen measly mortals for it.


----------



## pmmg

Jeez. Everytime..Cant we have a picnic without the all these pesky warriors showing up. Can we light a candle or something…


----------



## Rosemary Tea

When the Jabberwocky played chess with the Grim Jabberreaper.


----------



## Mist Dragon

"Now when the knight rushes you with his lance, it's most fun if you push the archer in his way."


----------



## pmmg

Really, I can keep it?

Sure, go ahead. I have plenty more.


----------



## pmmg

For you Mom, on mother's day 

(Wish I had thought of that one yesterday....)


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Hmmm...did not realize the dragon was so big....  Maybe the Princess can save herself.


----------



## Orc Knight

The early re-enactments of the Smaug/Bilbo scene left a little to be desired.


----------



## pmmg

You know that crystal is see through, right?


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Found you! Now you're it.


----------



## Mist Dragon

I don't need to see you, I can smell you.  When is the last time you took a bath?


----------



## Devor

"Clever knight, hiding behind my droppings to mask your scent...."


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"Pardon me, do you know what time it is? My phone doesn't get service in this cave."


----------



## pmmg

Hope you brought more quarters knight.


----------



## MrNybble

Advertisement for armor testers left out a few details.


----------



## pmmg

And just then the artist suffered a massive coronary.


----------



## Mad Swede

That diamond is much too heavy for you to lift.


----------



## pmmg

"Good Gracious...Another one? Look, she took half my stuff and moved out. If you want her, she's in the village next door. No princess here."


----------



## MrNybble

When interspecies dating is socially acceptable, but not survivable.


----------



## MrNybble

Dirk figures out too late why there's no scores yet for epic level hide-and-seek.


----------



## FifthView

The diamond ring was way to small, she said. You are always, ahem, _underperforming_, she said. What do I look like, a cheap date, she said. I am going to burn you to a smoldering stump, she said.

It was just a regular Friday evening.


----------



## pmmg

This is a joke, right?


----------



## Orc Knight

"You know these are sugar skulls from Cinco De Mayo right? And I had a lot of frosting. So, just, just chill, k?"


----------



## pmmg

Dont know if it me, or the link address, but now that I am back home, the image does not show. Since it may be out for others, I just put up a different image.


----------



## pmmg

Look, I can walk up to the glass, and I can walk away from the glass, and I can walk up to the glass....


----------



## Bloodywake

I know that I was desperate and got really drunk last night, but this was scraping beyond the bottom of the second barrel.


----------



## pmmg

Though separated by walls both physical and cultural, the love of these two could not be withheld. Would their parents understand? or would it end in tragedy over a vial of poison could not be told.


----------



## Mad Swede

Are you pandering to me?


----------



## CupofJoe

Well... I paid the extra for colour treatment.


----------



## pmmg

Great. The black and white is here. Hide the marijuana.


----------



## pmmg

Yeah yeah. You’re not really a bear. You’re just in there by mistake. Sure, we’ll let you out in no time.


----------



## Orc Knight

"Po, Po, how do you keep getting yourself into these messes?"


----------



## pmmg

They are hailing us. Say they can help us figure out who the bad guys are in this part of the galaxy...


----------



## MrNybble

These aliens still use basic triangle concepts for space travel. Send them the more efficient frisbee plans the Federation uses for ship design.


----------



## CupofJoe

The Federation ship felt quietly confident when seeing it was up against Imperial targeting systems.


----------



## pmmg

And there they were, like two stubborn zax’s, each refusing to move.


----------



## Orc Knight

The Enterprise, having just escaped Cybertronian War Earth Universe found itself in another one farther and longer away, beyond even the Delta Quadrant.


----------



## pmmg

They say if we dont move they will use force.


----------



## bdcharles

The universe ties up its last loose end.


----------



## pmmg

Hyperdrives are Fantasy? You have a Russian as your helmsman and you are calling us fantasy?


----------



## FifthView

So the "Jedi Mind Meld" would indeed become a thing...


----------



## pmmg

After a small upgrade, Kahn returns for round three.


----------



## pmmg

What? Did you see that.? This pinhead just rushed in and took our parking spot.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

For Bob, missing a dead line had dire consequences.


----------



## FifthView

"No, sir, I am determined to write an improved version of Tolkien's _Lord of the Rings—_dwarves, elves, halflings, and all_—_and you can't stop me!"


----------



## pmmg

You bring Gandalf back or so help me, there will be two skeletons haunting this room....


----------



## bdcharles

"No More Editing!"


----------



## Bloodywake

"So help me now If your starting a eleventh Fast and Furious script you'll spit sparks for a year."


----------



## pmmg

Thats right mr. History writer, you write that i did not slip in the bath tub but that I died…er… fighting a dragon.


----------



## Mist Dragon

Wait!  I could see my way to adding you to the manuscript.


----------



## HungryAdli

"Just finish the book Patrick! Or is it George?"


----------



## pmmg

No, speared the White _Whale,_ not the white male. Don't you have doubloons to claim?


----------



## pmmg

Ya know...I think I would rather kiss a pig.


----------



## FifthView

A horn to lure her prey,
an open heart, betray—
dagger to wound or slay—

All while the fishes play.


----------



## pmmg

Look lets not make this harder than it has to be. Its just not working out. 

is it….is it cause im fat?


----------



## Ban

"Ugh... Everyone else is wearing yellow as well. I should have worn the blue dress."


----------



## pmmg

Netlfix again? Dont you want to do anything else?


----------



## CupofJoe

"Bad Clams" or no "Bad Clams", if she farts one more time, I'm going to stick this apple right up her ar&*!!!


----------



## pmmg

Great...gonna be late for work...again!


----------



## Ban

GARFIELD HUNGERS! ONLY CARS WILL DO MORTAL!


----------



## pmmg

My kingdom for a laser pointer.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

A visitation from Bastet.


----------



## pmmg

Lost: One Cat. 

Answers by the name of Miffy. If found, please call....


----------



## Mist Dragon

It's hard work getting to the tasty bits inside those shells, but so worth the effort.


----------



## CupofJoe

They are so moreish! I can't resist... just one


----------



## pmmg

pmmg said:


>




Somehow, I just know this ends with a battle against a mechanized version of itself.


----------



## Mad Swede

I know Maine Coons can get a bit big, but this is ridiculous.


----------



## Ban

"Call the prime minister, the cat has demanded a nation's worth of catnip."


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Mad Swede said:


> I know Maine Coons can get a bit big, but this is ridiculous.



*Snopes: *Real photo, incorrect conclusion. Maine coons are long haired cats. This one's a shorthair.

It's actually a photo of Tom the big orange cat, the lesser known kitty brother of Clifford the big red dog.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Okay. I admit it. I like bacon too.


----------



## Ban

"They're milking me for this?!"


----------



## Rosemary Tea

"Go ahead, take the last piece."

"No, you take it."

"No, you."


----------



## pmmg

I feel this is wrong but in gonna eat it anyway.


----------



## FifthView

Pig:  _Cousin Piggles gave his life for this?_

Cow: <slowly shakes head in cow>


----------



## Prince of Spires

Cow: there's your proof. More cheese than salami. Cows are more important than pigs.


----------



## CupofJoe

Pineapple or no Pineapple. I'll admit it is tasty, but it is a very sad way to go.


----------



## pmmg

Did someone order extra meat?


----------



## WritesWithUnicorns

What do you mean you "already painted dogs playing poker". Barbarian.


----------



## pmmg

I dont know why humans like this. These little cards make no sense.


----------



## WritesWithUnicorns

pmmg said:


> I dont know why humans like this. These little cards make no sense.


Yeah right? Waste of paper, unless you're planning to write a teeny weeny little book on them.


----------



## pmmg

In a move that would later be known as ‘scratching for fleas’ pugsy miraculously got an extra ace.


----------



## CupofJoe

The invention of Boneo edible poker chips really drove the popularity of the Canine Poker Circuit.


----------



## CupofJoe

The new law against playing for Kittens had definitely take the excitement out of Fido's regular Friday night game.


----------



## pmmg

Anyone want to stop playing this and go chase cars instead?


----------



## WritesWithUnicorns

pmmg said:


> Anyone want to stop playing this and go chase cars instead?


I'm game, but a unicorn chasing a car may raise a few eyebrows. hehe


----------



## Mist Dragon

I can tell you are bluffing. You slobber all over when you have a good hand.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

When dogs have a night out.


----------



## pmmg

Check his collar, I'm sure he's hiding an ace somewhere.


----------



## Mad Swede

Oh, it's the ace we're supposed to have in the hole. I thought you meant bones...


----------



## pmmg

Princes Abagail picked a bad day to go for a morning ride on her unicorn.


----------



## FifthView

The plan to save the princess looked like this. First, camouflage her appearance so the enemy couldn't easily discern her on the battlefield...


----------



## pmmg

Somehow, thought the Unicorn, I think all the virgins are on the other side of the screen.


----------



## Ban

This is why we need history classes. Neither Dragons nor unicorns were present at the Battle of Stamford Bridge.


----------



## Mist Dragon

The invading army looks in amazement at the army of defenders and the one woman lacking any armor.


----------



## CupofJoe

"Let's go for a picnic," you said. 
"It's a lovely day," you said.
"We'll have the place to ourselves," you said.


----------



## pmmg

I knew I should have taken sword and not unicorn, thinks the woman.  And wow, that red cape accessorizes so nicely.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"NEVER MIND MY WIFE'S CLEAVAGE!  STOP OBJECTIFYING MY WIFE'S UNICORN!"


----------



## pmmg

Another gallant day for the brown horse riding fearlessly into battle, says the brown horse, but does anyone notice…[email protected]$&?ing unicorns.


----------



## WritesWithUnicorns

pmmg said:


> Another gallant day for the brown horse riding fearlessly into battle, says the brown horse, but does anyone notice…[email protected]$&?ing unicorns.


I think you hurt my feelings. The Unicorn tosses her luxurious mane and stomps off with tears welling in her perfect limpid eyes.


----------



## pmmg

Aaaah.   Now i have guilt


----------



## WritesWithUnicorns

pmmg said:


> Aaaah.   Now i have guilt


Sure you do. But just in case Unicorns are quick to forgive and usually are just messing with you. Mischievous bunch that we are.


----------



## pmmg

Great...a war. Just when I have the dragons over to renovate the towers.


----------



## pmmg

Crap, says the Tree Ent, where did all these monsters come from...


----------



## FifthView

"Monsters of various forms, sizes, and dispositions were unavoidable in those years before the world had developed a third dimension, leading to encounters we would scarcely believe today..."


----------



## pmmg

Damnit, says the Unicorn, I wasn't smiling. Can we take it again?


----------



## pmmg

Though he was first to grab a weapon, the pixie was still not favored to win this years hunger games.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"On tonight's episode of _Ancient Aliens _we prove that ancient legends about monsters were actually accounts about Aliens and their interactions with each other and ancient civilisations...."


----------



## Ban

The British countryside is a silly place.


----------



## CupofJoe

That's the last time I buy 'shrooms of a bloke in the pub. I'll never get rid of the tattoo!


----------



## Mad Swede

Jam packed you say? We're going underground


----------



## pmmg

Described as the most definitive proof of cryptids yet, this photo, known as the gygax photo, still has its skeptics…


----------



## pmmg

As this frame of the security footage shows, its was the jilted centaur lover that clubbed his unicorn love…


----------



## pmmg

Pictures found on singles dating sites—pre-flood.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Wow, there really is a second season of Firefly DVD set...


----------



## CupofJoe

When I was a child, "Loot Boxes" really meant something!


----------



## Ban

Pulp Fiction: Fantasy Remake


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Now I can afford to get that breast reduction surgery!"


----------



## pmmg

And the little ballerina just spins and spins while the music is playing.

Fascinating, says the mage.

We lost the hobbit for this, thinks the dwarf.


----------



## Orc Knight

"Chicken nuggets! Greatest find ever!" For it was well known that elf rogues favorite food is chicken nuggets. The dwarf was less amused.

(And also, good old Pathfinder artwork)


----------



## FifthView

The Mimic had done its job well, but it could not have anticipated Helmaeg Mithrilheart's extreme hubris that saved the group that day.


----------



## CupofJoe

There was light and heat! 
The winter fuel crisis would mean little to them!!!


----------



## Miles Lacey

Due to the strict censorship rules of the time the artist was not allowed to reveal what was found in Pandora's Box....


----------



## pmmg

Oh look, say the woman, hope… I can crush that.


----------



## pmmg

And not only will it keep your food items cold, but when i close the lid, there’s a little dwarf that runs out and blows out the light.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Lorn, you fool. Stay away from its from its legs.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Aargh!  Damn dragon's got me by the balls!"


----------



## Orc Knight

There would only be one winner in this fight and the smug look gave it all away.


----------



## pmmg

Whaddya know says the wizard. The wand gave it lightning breath. Stupid wands of wonder.


----------



## CupofJoe

That's the last time I call in Tech Support for back-up!


----------



## Prince of Spires

Harnessing renewable energy is always a challenge...


----------



## pmmg

In my dying breath, I blame Zoidberg.


----------



## Ban

"No Grimhelm, I have no idea what that thing is and I don't see the significance in determining it at this present moment."


----------



## Mad Swede

Yes, I know the extra arms give it +2 to damage and +4 to grapple. But what does it get for hallistosis?


----------



## pmmg

Crap, says the fighter. Did the Barbarian just lose all 80 hp in one attack?


----------



## FifthView

Most days, Bob and Zane would politely ignore the lovers' quarreling, but today things had gone from bad to worse to . . . _this_.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Dragons not taking combat seriously is a blatant breach of etiquette!  I will be filing a complaint if we get out here alive!"


----------



## pmmg

By putting on his hat of disguise, and using his wand to make it appear as if he could shoot lightning too, the wizard was able to escape, leaving the two fighters to their fate.


----------



## Devor

Gorgain and Brutus didn't really need to fight but had no idea what they had just walked in on.


----------



## FifthView

Whether to dragon or to insect or to ram always confused the Hylexian Shape Stealer, as was evident. Regardless, he would dine well tonight.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Ban

"This ought to end our tag game definitively."


----------



## pmmg

Well...there no sign of him. Guess I'll tell him where the gold is hidden tomorrow.


----------



## Devor

"Don't move... there's a spider on your neck."


----------



## pmmg

Did someone hear a bell ringing, says a moose?


----------



## pmmg

Tyr is surprised to learn only Mistletoe can harm Balder.


----------



## FifthView

*Narrator:*  Portnoy the Archer had broken the one cardinal rule. _"Never tell a viking that he shouldn't be wearing a horned helm." _He would realize his error at the last, but it would be too late.


----------



## Devor

"Uhh, couldn't we test this helmet on, maybe a pig...?"


----------



## pmmg

Okay. Now we walk ten paces away from each other and turn shooting.


----------



## Orc Knight

The urge to yell 'SNEAK ATTACK!' was only barely being mastered by Vulksung.


----------



## Prince of Spires

The adventurer finally got his revenge for all the arrows he took to his knee


----------



## CupofJoe

*Piñatas? I'll f^(&ing show you Piñatas!!!!*


----------



## Devor

"I'm so glad you agreed to put this whole 'cheating' business behind us."


----------



## pmmg

So the snow witch thinks she can charm us with her singing....well...She does not know the valor of northern men.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Someone didn't attend the chief's health and safety speech about the dangers of waving around their sword like an idiot...."


----------



## Miles Lacey

"You can stop the grandstanding now.  Everyone knows it's made out of wood."


----------



## pmmg

Now that we are in season 3, lets talk about ‘the message’.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## Orc Knight

We ran out of all the D&D jokes for this one back in the 90's Arthur.


----------



## pmmg

Guess he rolled a 1


----------



## CupofJoe

So you think this will let me park in the disabled bay?


----------



## pmmg

Seems the Black Knight it too dated...


----------



## Orc Knight

Modern endurance training for the Tour de France has labeled 'Just Right' according to local bears.


----------



## pmmg

It takes a brave man to sneak into a bears territory and steal its bike.


----------



## Mad Swede

Look for those bear necessities, those simple bear necissities...


----------



## pmmg

Bruce the bear always did enjoy a morning workout before he ate.


----------



## Ban

Alpine Bear Coach: So good you forget whether you're participating in the Tour or the Giro.


----------



## Devor

"Hey guys, look what I brought!"


----------



## Miles Lacey

When Bruce the bear realised the rider was the one who had given him *that *name he was determined to do him some serious harm.


----------



## pmmg

Brian regrets that he was the slowest member of his biking group.


----------



## pmmg

Brian got just what he wanted. A long open road, no cars, no people...just himself and nature.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

Bruin's All Weather Coaching Service: the last personal trainer you'll ever need.


----------



## Devor

"Another new workout?" said Pooh, watching the commercial on television. "What a bother!"


----------



## pmmg

Michelin, when tires matter.


----------



## CupofJoe

When they said "mixed triathlon", I assumed they meant Men and Women!


----------



## Ban

There's a more than decent chance that I've posted these two before, but if so, I'm posting them again!


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Just shut up and look cute.  I need those idiots to be distracted while I light another wildfire."


----------



## pmmg

Now we just attach a giant robot body and we can rampage to quiet little village.


----------



## CupofJoe

"Koala and pumpkin pie with the skins on? Interesting choice," said the MasterChef judge.


----------



## Devor

Jack Skellington really struggled when he tried to invade the spring solstice.


----------



## CupofJoe

At some point Doctor Who and their companion noticed that the TARDIS' Chameleon filter had a sense of humour.


----------



## Mad Swede

Do you think he'll believe us if we say we're animorphs and identical twins?


----------



## pmmg

Early efforts to scare koala’s away from the porch had poor results.


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

Sooooo, dear sister — where exactly was it you found that fairy godmother again?


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Oh God, I hope nobody posts this online, says the bear.


----------



## Ban

"If anyone laughs... Need I say more?"


----------



## Orc Knight

The early testing phase for Purple Mattresses.


----------



## pmmg

Shake the tree some more. See if we can get the other one.


----------



## CupofJoe

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday dear Brutus


----------



## FifthView

"Yes, Bobby. _Ursus trampolinus_ actually exists! I saw one with my own eyes. Then I got his autograph! Here, look...."


----------



## pmmg

I just know this ends with an ear-tag.


----------



## pmmg

At first glance, this new method of 'Catch and Release' bear hunting looked like it would be a success.


----------



## Devor

"Well what about this one?" said Piglet. "The vet said it's either workout or cut the hunny."

"Bother!  Bother, bother, BOTHER!"


----------



## Maker of Things Not Kings

Hmm, bounce factor? That's a weak five.  Now, who's ready to see if they're stackable?


----------



## pmmg

Fun now, snacks later, says the bear.


----------



## pmmg

Okay, now whos got the tranq gun?


----------



## Miles Lacey

David Attenborough: "And here we observe one of the many unforeseen consequences of urban encroachment into the natural habitat of the Canadian grizzly bear.  This bear decided that bouncing around on a police trampoline was great way to pass the time.  The police were not impressed...."


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

So I just drink this and the ladies will swoon over me?

Yeah...but as a side effect, you'll not be able to see anything gold, but dont worry, its temporary.


----------



## Ban

"I'll buy it on the condition that I get to yeet your pickpocketing son into the stratosphere."


----------



## pmmg

Its worth it, if I can just lose all remembrance of Francesca Harvie.


----------



## FifthView

"You really must try the bubblegum flavor!"


----------



## pmmg

That's right, pink is for heartburn, indigestion, acid reflux...if you really want giant strength, you need the yellow one.


----------



## Orc Knight

Dungeon scams against orcs would inevitably end in a lot of lizard rations.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"It does just what the adverts say.  Drink this and it'll add several inches to your trouser snake."


----------



## FifthView

The curious magical effect of the pink variety of potions was this:  It never failed to distract warriors so that their purses might be picked.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

I think they are looking at us from beyond the screen.


----------



## Orc Knight

The early Skeptics Anonymous wasn't off to a great start when facing Gandalf the no longer Grey.


----------



## pmmg

You gave the ring to a hobbit.... Did you even see what Galadriel did to that troll in Rings of Power?


----------



## pmmg

Its tricky, but I think one of you is a traitor...


----------



## CupofJoe

When Speed Dating Goes Wrong


----------



## pmmg

Oh...Nazgul. I got this, hold my beer...


----------



## Miles Lacey

_"_Of course I'm the villain.  The ugly ones are _always _the villains.  Haven't you learned _anything _from watching Disney?"


----------



## pmmg

Heh… i think that dude just called me ugly.


----------



## pmmg

Wow, maybe he is a powerful wizard.


----------



## Orc Knight

"Parlor tricks work better in Willow buddy."


----------



## pmmg

That's like monster summing II, makes him at least 5th level.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"I've laid waste to whole eco-systems, wiped out the livelihoods of thousands of farmers and made thousands of exotic species of birds extinct and this buffoon thinks _he's _an evil genius because he pulls me out of a hat by the ears?  Bloody pathetic if you ask me."


----------



## pmmg

A beauty like this can only be contained with a top hat, or by a holy hand grenade, and how many baddies have one of those? No adventurer should be without one of these.


----------



## pmmg

pmmg said:


> Wow, maybe he is a powerful wizard.


Yeah… well. Unless the bunny can poop gold, you still owe me for the tab.


----------



## CupofJoe

No need to skin the Rabbit in our all new one magic hat cooking system!
Yours for just six easy credit payments. 
Subject to availability. Local edicts and laws may affect performance. Results are not guaranteed. Terms and Conditions apply. May not work in certain high-magic areas. Check with local Mage distributers for geographic suitability and compatibility.


----------



## pmmg

And on lean nights, this can double as part of a create food and water spell.


----------



## pmmg

Thats right. Just pull one if these suckers out and watch em multiply. Before you know it the whole enemy army will be swarmed with fluffy pillow bunnies.  Also great for sieges…


----------



## pmmg

At water crossings, some knights were known to carry their land based craft to avoid wear and tear.


----------



## Miles Lacey

So you reckon your kingdom is tough?  In _my _kingdom the peasants are so strong the horses ride on them!


----------



## Mad Swede

This is a dead horse trope!


----------



## pmmg

Oh yeah, says the horse. That's the spot. Just one more pop.


----------



## Miles Lacey

If anyone mentions Monty Python I'm gonna throw this blasted horse at them!


----------



## pmmg

Maybe a giant upside down badger...


----------



## pmmg

After its success in getting past customs, this new 'trojan' brand of carry on luggage became very popular among greek travelers.


----------



## Ban

The prompt was "Neverending hordes of gnomes."


----------



## pmmg

Great, an accident. And they couldn't move it off the road.


----------



## Orc Knight

As is the way of nature, with no natural predators and an abundance of summer foods, the gnomes multiplied in their natural habitat and had all but stripped it bare as the cold season ahead loomed before them. Come spring we will again visit and see how many have made it through the winter. Truly, it was a sunset on the species in these north woods. Such is nature's way.


----------



## pmmg

On the count of three, we attack, says the ent.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in the suburbs, we shall fight on the patios and verandas, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the gardens...."


----------



## pmmg

A valiant defense, but alas the last tower could not be upgraded fast enough to prevent the gnomes from overwhelming this peaceful forest.


----------



## CupofJoe

Can you identify the culprit? - asked the local guard


----------



## pmmg

Jeez. I think we have hit every red light since we left. Were never gonna make it on time.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Just like back home in Louisiana: everyone ignores the red light!"


----------



## pmmg

At night, when most were sleeping, many gnomes would abandon their gardens and visit the red light district...some would remain puzzling missing from gardens when home-owners would awaken.


----------



## pmmg

Cause sometimes life does not carry enough adventure...


----------



## CupofJoe

Barry's impulse control issues were about to come to the fore.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Ah, my back scratcher is here.  I'm so looking forward to having that annoying itch down there seen to...."


----------



## Ban

One bonk on the head should do it. Trust me, I saw this on Tom and Jerry.


----------



## pmmg

Rafiki thought it was time there was a new king, a monkey king.


----------



## Miles Lacey

Monkey was noted for his reckless behaviour but even Tripitaka and Pigsy didn't think he would pick a fight with the Lion King.

"Disney good guys always win," Pigsy said.
"A lesson Monkey is about to learn the hard way," Tripitaka said with a sigh.


----------



## Orc Knight

The opposing pride had sent in their assassin. And even a single baboon with a stick against a lion, the odds are against the lion.


----------



## pmmg

For some reason, the use of tools gene did not pass down the evolutionary process for this species.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Ahhh...its the living. Quick, Reginald. Turn him.


----------



## pmmg

Wow, the amulet of Horus actually works. Thank Jebus.


----------



## buyjupiter

The light it burns us!


----------



## Ban

"Guys, the land of the living really isn't what it is cracked up to be anymore. That place has gone downhill fast."


----------



## CupofJoe

No need to rush! I've got plenty back at the Lock-up.


----------



## CupofJoe

Sir Reginald was dismayed to discover that his Acme "Ghoul-be-gone" seemed to have an electrical fault.


----------



## pmmg

Dude. What are you? First level? We’re skeletons for Christ’s sake. It dont get no easier.  Does it get easier, Carl?

I think zombies might be easier, Frank.

Yeah, Vince is fading back.  Look, this module is too hard for you, go get a fighter or something and come back.

I don't even think that is a real holy symbol...


----------



## Orc Knight

"For only three payments of 29.99 this holy symbol can be yours!" *crowd gasps*


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Damn it!  Even in death we can't avoid these wretched marketers trying to flog off over-priced junk!"


----------



## CupofJoe

Aragon pushed his luck with his "you have to follow me" shtick. These undead weren't buying it.


----------



## pmmg

Wait, your armor is just that cheap wool stuff they use on TV to look like armor. I bet the amulet is fake too...


----------



## Ban




----------



## Ban

Little known fact: Australia was named Down Under because it is an official layer of hell. Case in point, the native wildlife.


----------



## CupofJoe

Explain this one Darwin!


----------



## Orc Knight

"It is clearly the Australian Wizards Joe." - Darwin.


----------



## pmmg

And I thought the platypus made God angry.


----------



## FifthView

"Able to hunt on land or sea, the sharkaroo would eventually come to dominate the entire ecosystem, supplanting even the humans who once populated this planet...."


----------



## pmmg

Six years spent as a banker really changed martha


----------



## Miles Lacey

When Australians claimed that nature hated them most people thought they were exaggerating.  Then wildlife photographers encountered the roo-shark.


----------



## Ban

This is what Midjourney came up with when I wrote "Daedric Prince of Cookies." Have at it.


----------



## pmmg

What cookie monster sees when he looks in the mirror.


----------



## Mad Swede

What do you mean that's the way the cookie crumbles?


----------



## Ban

Legend says that if you repeat "chocolate chip cookie" three times in the mirror on Halloween, the Cookie Haunter appears and steal your dough.


----------



## CupofJoe

The *Great British Bake Off* took a dark turn when Noel Fielding did not get their raise/


----------



## Ban

CupofJoe said:


> The *Great British Bake Off* took a dark turn when Noel Fielding did not get their raise/


Hahaha, that one made me laugh out loud. Noel Fielding, destroyer of worlds.


----------



## pmmg

Weep, young heroes, for I shall flood your world with cookies, and bring an age of obesity and diabetes and heart disease...I shall destroy you all.

Sorry loser, coca cola beat you to it!

Noooooooo!


----------



## Orc Knight

You know you want it. You know you do. Come on. Just a little closer now.


----------



## buyjupiter

It is what will come to pass, If you should fail. The Fellowship is breaking, it has already begun. He will try to take the Cookie, you know of whom I speak. One by one, it will destroy them all.


----------



## CupofJoe

"You ca have all the cookies in creation," they said. And not one of the Gluten Free.


----------



## pmmg

No...You dont know what he's like. He makes me eat peas on tuesday, and take all my classes online.


----------



## CupofJoe

'Is it your turn or mine, to save her?'
'I don't know anymore. I blame the writers...'


----------



## Ban

"Billy, you get right back in this swamp and stop pulling that nice witcher's pants off!"


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Good grief!  We can't take her anywhere without someone wanting to grab her stockings as a trophy!"


----------



## pmmg

Billy…no… that creature is pure evil. She’ll break your heart and take half your stuff…


----------



## CupofJoe

I don't care if you've called "Child" services. Tonight is Bath night!


----------



## Mad Swede

No, that was _Sing Me The Blues_...


----------



## pmmg

No, you idiot, kill the witchers, not the witch, the witchers…


----------



## pmmg

Wow, that was close, says the frog. Thanks witchers, I'm outta here.


----------



## pmmg

Been seeing dwarves mentioned on the site a bit, so why not a caption?


----------



## pmmg

And then that bitch Snow White reported me to HR. 

(That one came from my Biiiiiieautiful wife...)


----------



## Orc Knight

"So then my cousin Fvgold Goldluvr says he managed to stake a right good claim." "Where'sat?" "Some place he's callin' Deeprock, I think? Says it's good, very exciting. Lotsa of bugs to kill an grill." "Nice."


----------



## pmmg

That right, that's when I said to that dragon, 'you think you are sooo biiigg, try saying that to my face.' And the dragon was like, 'Oh...I thought this was a lonely mountain', and I was like 'Well, I'm standin here aren't !?!' 

'Course, its was tuesday, and I had an AA meeting to get to, so...but if I could have stayed...'


----------



## pmmg

I have to say, I am not a fan of this new pumpkin spice lager.

(jeez, woman is on a roll).


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Of course we're all gay!  Do you think Snow White would've remained snow white if we weren't?"


----------



## pmmg

Ya know, Benny. Its okay with my that you’re a lumberjack.


----------



## pmmg

Ya make one exploding nut cracker, and he wants elves to be his toy makers. This world ain't fair, Benny, it ain't fair.


----------



## Mad Swede

I started out on burgundy
But soon hit the harder stuff
Everybody said they'd stand behind me
When the game got rough
But the joke was on me
There was nobody even there to bluff
I'm going back to the Lonely Mountain
I do believe I've had enough.


----------



## Miles Lacey

"They noticed I had a Polynesian tattoo so I was accused of cultural appropriation!  I tried to explain to them I'm a part-Polynesian dwarf but they wouldn't listen...."


----------



## Miles Lacey

Call up the craftsmen
Bring me the draftsmen
Build me a path from cradle to grave
And I'll give my consent
To any government
That does not deny a dwarf a living wage


----------



## CupofJoe

Dwarven Glee clubs never really took off.


----------



## pmmg

Thorin Oakenshield? More like Thorin Brokenshield, i said.  How was I to know he was an undercover boss.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

And he punched me in the nose, and said he was off to rescue some fat princess just to get her money too.


----------



## Ban

"Don't talk to me or my puppy ever again."


----------



## pmmg

Hmmm....the beast is guarded by a princess. I'll have to deal with her if I want to rescue it.


----------



## BearBear

That's the guy who did it, your honor, the one with the mustache and silly hat.


----------



## Orc Knight

Times change, knights get outdone by guns, princesses make friends with dragons, such is the way of things.


----------



## BearBear

"Daddy, I know it's not going to be easy but our love will conquer all, and you're not going to stop us!"


----------



## CupofJoe

Some Tinder dates don't end well.


----------



## Mad Swede

Not one word about how many times I sing "_Burning Love_" to myself!


----------



## pmmg

You, kingsfoil, now!


----------



## Miles Lacey

"You!  You're the one who hurt my poor widdle dwagon!  You're just a big meanie!"


----------



## Miles Lacey

Sir Percival felt conflicted as to who needed rescuing from whom.


----------



## pmmg

And you can forget that second date!!!


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Crap, says the horse.


----------



## Orc Knight

Well, this is a hell of a save loop.


----------



## Ban

"Perish Dragon!" 

"For the last time ya git, I'm a WYVERN!!!"


----------



## Miles Lacey

"Whoa there, sonny!  You almost got me that time!"


----------



## pmmg

Jump good.


----------



## CupofJoe

I said the blood test was MANDATORY!


----------



## pmmg

Sweet, said Roderick, I just bag this dragon, and it will be a happy thanksgiving for all...


----------



## Ben Scotton

"Oh my darling knight! How I've missed you so!"


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Galadriel, a year after taking the ring.


----------



## CupofJoe

When I was young Orc kit, "King for a day" REALLY meant something.


----------



## pmmg

When you can look on such beauty, everyday is like Christmas.


----------



## Miles Lacey

Grog [underfoot and looking pained]: "Hey, I never agreed to be the footstool!"


----------



## BearBear

I sentence you to... _*Death by SnuSnu!*_


----------



## pmmg

She calls the flail snoo snoo.


----------



## BearBear

pmmg said:


> She calls the flail snoo snoo.


 Of course.


----------



## Bundydoc

Steerpike said:


> Post a caption for this pic. If you're so inclined, post an image for others to caption.


DM: you walk into a room and come face to face with Cerberus. What do you do?


----------



## Rosemary Tea

They do cheerleading a little differently in the Underground Kingdom.


----------



## Mad Swede

"Now then Grog, when you said you wanted to polish my cestus you did mean the armoured glove on my hand, didn't you?"


----------



## BearBear

You don't look anything like your online singles profile. Are these all _your_ children?


----------



## Devor

The latest season of the Bachelorette has really gone off the rails.


----------



## pmmg

Damn. All of yours are better than mine .


----------



## pmmg

Sometimes, Gruumsh liked to go in drag.


----------



## CupofJoe

_Please don't fart. Please don't fart. Please don't fart. _


----------



## Devor




----------



## pmmg

Muzula fumbled again. Fifteenth play in a row, and yet somehow, another of his chicken linemen recovered the ball. Good for them


----------



## BearBear

In the news today: the mascot of the Utah City Gremlins chased a chicken on the field causing a fumble.


----------



## Devor

Hodge "The Pan" Fellbutts was less interested in the ball than he was in getting revenge on the of wielder of that tongue.


----------



## pmmg

In the earliest forms of Quidditch, the golden snitch was actually a chicken, and the beaters were a bit larger than the other players. Hold on to that quaffle Gordon, you will never put it in the goal with those butter fingers.


----------



## pmmg

pmmg said:


>



Urnak began to suspect that Grishina was cheating on him with one of the blue tribe.


----------



## FifthView

Who knew that putting spikes on an American football would lead to such violence? But the chickens loved it, and so it was.


----------



## BearBear




----------



## pmmg

This time no one cheats. And im talking about you, Bull.


----------



## Rosemary Tea

By the 31st century, with aliens living among the wizards and broomstick flying long obsolete, Quidditch had evolved into Chickenball.


----------



## CupofJoe

In the future, only dogs can smoke, gamble and drink. This is the reality of the Planet of the Canines.


----------



## FifthView

It's a dog cheat dog world.


----------



## Orc Knight

"Is this Texas Hold 'Em or Go Fish? I never know what the humans are playing when they do this."


----------



## Ban

The pomeranian was no longer invited to poker night because it kept calling itself a "pokeranian" .


----------



## BearBear

"So, which one's cheating?"

The one with the ears and tail.

"So all of them?"

Pretty much.


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Gahhh...least it wasn't my scapula.


----------



## CupofJoe

This is the last time I do a GoT Children's party!


----------



## FifthView

This was precisely why he had paid so much for an artificial iron knee, but the irony still irked him.


----------



## Ban

Time to move to Skyrim I guess.


----------



## pmmg

Gender reveal parties in the 1200's were a little extreme.


----------



## BearBear

I used to be an adventurer like you...


----------



## pmmg

Gah. A 6 hit point wound.  Fortunately i have 46.


----------



## pmmg

Another unwitting victim of the trapdoor archer spider.


----------



## Orc Knight

So it had came to pass, that he would have to write up his retirement papers and take up office work.


----------



## FifthView

_One can tell the experienced adventurer from the adventurer straight out of adventuring school by what he reaches for first when ambushed:   his weapon to draw or a wounding arrow to remove..._


----------



## pmmg




----------



## pmmg

Surprised to find the children still awake, Santa decides to play dead until the leave and go back to bed.


----------



## Mad Swede

"I tripped, honest. And no, there isn't an empty bottle of sherry in the box on my head."


----------



## BearBear

When the "life like santa" doll came, we decided to put it under the tree with the rest of the presents.


----------



## FifthView

Santa's weight loss regime of eating nothing but a single, sugar-free gingerbread man per day led to a bout of weakness in 2022 that he wouldn't soon  forget.


----------



## pmmg

Who rigs a stairs with swinging paint cans, says Santa.


----------



## Orc Knight

The new Scooby Doo Mysteries took a very mature turn during their holiday special, Who Murdered Santa?


----------



## BearBear

Orc Knight said:


> The new Scooby Doo Mysteries took a very mature turn during their holiday special, Who Murdered Santa?


Ruh roh Raggy!


----------



## pmmg

In the morning, Santa was found at the Murphy house, but the M&M's guys were suspiciously missing.


----------



## pmmg

Oh, man, say the reindeer, someone roofied the milk again.


----------



## pmmg

pmmg said:


>



Yep, its over, says Santa...Till next year.


----------



## pmmg

For the New Year


----------



## pmmg

Green...Blue...Red... I'm not raising these little monsters.


----------



## FifthView

The whelplings were playing human again, and Father wasn't pleased.


----------



## pmmg

Just give em a year, then the year will be theirs.


----------



## pmmg

Holidays are over. Time to get back to work.


----------



## pmmg

The castle stood in the gloom like a giant stone monolith, indominable to time and change, but the princess, in her bare feet, was just miffed enough to burn it all down.


----------



## CupofJoe

It had to be said, the Grim-Dark Disney Castle did not meet with universal approval. 
But in the heart of one little Princess, she knew she was home.


----------



## Orc Knight

Either karaoke nights were getting stranger or there was something in the drinks.


----------



## CupofJoe

As the grenade slipped from Drek's hand, they realised today had not been a good time to try a new hand lotion.


----------



## pmmg

*Cough*   There's your mic back.

errrr... thanks.


----------



## pmmg

That's great blues, but I am picking up a buzz....

Sorry, got no ideas on that one.


----------



## BearBear

The duet had perfect harmony, all those late nights finally paid off, but no one heard it because the microphone slipped mid-arpeggio.


----------

