# The Centers for Disease Control formally denied we're in a zombie apocalypse.



## Steerpike (Jun 1, 2012)

I think that was the last thing that needed to happen to confirm that we're in one.


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## Philip Overby (Jun 1, 2012)

Well, I'm in Japan, so I'm safe.  There aren't any movies with Japanese zombies.

Oh, crap.  Nevermind.


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## Sheilawisz (Jun 1, 2012)

I just looked out from my window and there they are, zombies walking all over my street!!!

Time to sharpen my Aluminum swords =)


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## Penpilot (Jun 1, 2012)

Conspiracy of lies. Zombies are everywhere. Just go to a damn mall and watch as they shamble from store to store.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

Okay so for the flesh-eating ones you're supposed to use a gun, right?  And the brain-eating ones fire?


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## Reaver (Jun 1, 2012)

I have my *BOOMSTICK *and plenty of ammo ready.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

<- is gonna go hang out at Reaver's house at the first sign of the flesh-eating kind.  

I'm hoping for the brain-eaters to starve to death and become extinct before the doo-doo really hits the fan.  But if there's a wave of flesh-eating ones... I'm hiding behind the nearest BOOMSTICK.  And buckling my seatbelt, and working on my cardio!


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## Kelise (Jun 1, 2012)

HA! I've read Mira Grant's Newsflesh trilogy. I know exactly what the CDC are like. Creepy buggers.

Thank goodness for being in Australia.


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## JenB (Jun 1, 2012)

when running from them always know, you do not have to be the fastest just faster then the slowest


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## Reaver (Jun 1, 2012)

anihow said:


> <- is gonna go hang out at Reaver's house at the first sign of the flesh-eating kind.
> 
> I'm hoping for the brain-eaters to starve to death and become extinct before the doo-doo really hits the fan.  But if there's a wave of flesh-eating ones... I'm hiding behind the nearest *BOOKSTICK*.  And buckling my seatbelt, and working on my cardio!



Bookstick?  Well, no matter..everyone's invited to seek the safety of my fortified compound in the Idaho wilderness.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

Sorry K and M are next to each other.  I'm always editing posts after typing quickly and realizing I havent read before I hit send.
HAHAHA at least this one didn't turn out indecent!  I've severely embarrassed myself before when typing quickly, especially when I accidentally hit backspace like it's a character found twice in every single word.  HAHA I'm gonna need a ghostwriter to write my jokes on threads next!


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## Reaver (Jun 1, 2012)

It's all good, Anihow.  We're going to need you're help setting up a government once the apocalypse is over, joke-writing skills are not necessary.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

hahaha well since I don't know a darn thing about structure or government other than Kill or be Killed, I might not be the best person to choose.  I mean, I think I would make a wonderful Czarina or Empress of America, but my policies would probably just come out deranged after the power went to my head.  Better keep me on as something else, High Priestess of the Zombie-smiting Church, Diplomat between the survivors' outposts, gun-toting amusement park ride operator...


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## Steerpike (Jun 1, 2012)

**Danger, Will Robinson!**


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## Reaver (Jun 1, 2012)

Well it's your choice of course, Anihow.  Any of those will fit nicely into my rule over Reavertopia.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

AHAHAHAHA.

So I guess Czarina is out then if you've already seated yourself on the throne.


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## Mindfire (Jun 1, 2012)

Have no fear people. Even if a zombie apocalypse happened, it wouldn't last very long. 

7 Scientific Reasons a Zombie Outbreak Would Fail (Quickly) | Cracked.com


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

I've never murdered a duck...  HAHA I love the bit with the maggots.  Now that's a book I would read:

After the initial Zombification virus was discovered, scientists began genetically engineering flies to grow to enormous proportions, crossing fly DNA with that of the herbiverous but territorial hippo.  Once they had created giant flies, it was only a matter of time before they bred stores of massive carrion-eating maggots.  So planes dropped these gargantuan larvae into the zombie nests and within days the outbreak was quashed.


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## Mindfire (Jun 1, 2012)

anihow said:


> I've never murdered a duck...  HAHA I love the bit with the maggots.  Now that's a book I would read:
> 
> After the initial Zombification virus was discovered, scientists began genetically engineering flies to grow to enormous proportions, crossing fly DNA with that of the herbiverous but territorial hippo.  Once they had created giant flies, it was only a matter of time before they bred stores of massive carrion-eating maggots.  So planes dropped these gargantuan larvae into the zombie nests and within days the outbreak was quashed.



Something tells me a nuke would be simpler. But the giant maggots idea is quite entertaining!


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 1, 2012)

haha if I wrote a book about  nuke it would only be two pages long though.


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## Mindfire (Jun 1, 2012)

anihow said:


> haha if I wrote a book about  nuke it would only be two pages long though.



That'd be pretty cool for a gag. Set up a book about a zombie apocalypse, have the governments of the world nuke the zombies as an anti-climax, and then have the actual story be a dramatic (read, "artsy") story about the people living in irradiated areas and dealing with the nuclear fallout. Bait-and-switch FTW. Or the fail, depending on who you ask. 

You could call it "The Aftermath".


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## Reaver (Jun 2, 2012)

anihow said:


> AHAHAHAHA.
> 
> So I guess Czarina is out then if you've already seated yourself on the throne.



Nope...you're hired!

Be prepared to rule with an iron fist.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 2, 2012)

Okay so do I want to go down in history as Ani the Wise or Ani the Great?  Hmm.. I think Ani the Impossibly Beautiful  is probably not going to happen, so yeah.  I'll shoot for Ani the Bloodthirsty Beotch of New Reavertopia.  That ought to do it.  Now... where to begin with the insane policies I'm going to institute.... 

Firstly, all citizens of Reavertopia are required to zig-zag when they cross the streets.  It's for your own protection people, my men are armed and ready to kill anything that ambles slowly in a straight line. 

Also, for your own safety, I suggest getting a tan, because zombie hunters are well known for shooting first and asking questions later.  Also make sure you do your laundry and brush your hair.

In fact, let's make this like deer season.  All militia members will wear blaze orange, and all other citizens should try to wear bright colors because zombies all tend to dress in muted earth tones.

Also I'd like to appoint Reaver as my military adviser, overseeing all BOOMSTICK dispersal and zombie combat tactics.  We offer free training at the local YMCA Tuesday evenings from 6-8 PM.


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## Reaver (Jun 2, 2012)

anihow said:


> okay so do i want to go down in history as ani the wise or ani the great?  Hmm.. I think ani the impossibly beautiful  is probably not going to happen, so yeah.  I'll shoot for ani the bloodthirsty beotch of new reavertopia.  That ought to do it.  Now... Where to begin with the insane policies i'm going to institute....
> 
> Firstly, all citizens of reavertopia are required to zig-zag when they cross the streets.  It's for your own protection people, my men are armed and ready to kill anything that ambles slowly in a straight line.
> 
> ...



I humbly accept your gracious appointment as Lord Knight General of the Imperial Ministry of Ass-Kicking and Defense.


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## gavintonks (Jun 2, 2012)

we live among them it is a conspiracy - now they have announced it we know its true


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 2, 2012)

Right, you heard it here first folks.  The Right Honorable Lord Knight General of the Imperial Ministry of Ass-Kicking and Defense and Her Imperial Majesty Czarina Ani the Bloodthirsty Beotch of New Reavertopia will be signing autographs and posing for photos at the local S-MART this Saturday.  Bring the kids for Breakfast with Zombie Santa and stick around for the "Rule 8: Kill With Efficiency Seminar" where we will be discussing how to turn anything lying around into a perfect zombie-killing weapon.  (There will be free toilet lids for each person who pre-registered)


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## Reaver (Jun 2, 2012)

Sorry, I don't do autographs. Excessive repetitive signing is not good for my trigger finger.  However, I do have a rubber stamp with my signature and 8X10 glossys, so these will suffice.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 2, 2012)

That's okay, I recruited twelve slave girls in leather and chain mail bikinis to sign our names thousands of times.  Funny thing chain mail bikinis... I think they were the first fashion statement made after every single apocalypse I can remember.


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## Reaver (Jun 2, 2012)

Only twelve? Please recruit at least a dozen more and replace the chain mail with rabbit fur.

Thanks very much.


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## Caged Maiden (Jun 2, 2012)

We need a Minister of Wardrobe front and center.  I need a man or woman brave enough to rip off twenty-four chain mail bikinis and replace them with these hunks of rabbit fur Reaver toted in.


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