# Was-ing and were-ing, a love/hate relationship



## RK-Summers (Feb 19, 2012)

I get told off a lot for this... in order to connect more with your audience, I'm told that a writer needs to avoid 'was-ing'... put simply, this means turning this:

_The murky fog in his mind was distorting his judgement._

Into this:

_The murky fog in his mind distorted his judgement._

Yes, I know that's an obvious example that should be changed, but what about something a little more subtle? For example, the opening lines of my novel stand thus:

_The forest stood still and quiet. The first buds of spring *were opening* to welcome the cool dew of morning, and a herd of white deer stood like sentinels among the ghostly bodies of birch trees. The chill mist was broken by a shrill, brazen scream of a child in terror._

Those two words I've emboldened are what bug people. But why? The buds haven't opened, they're still opening as the story begins. It's only the beginning of spring, so the buds are only beginning to open. So can a was-ing or a were-ing still stand? Does it HAVE to be deleted?


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## Steerpike (Feb 19, 2012)

Doesn't have to be deleted at all. Be wary of people who go all-or-nothing on that sort of advice. It usually happens because they've read somewhere that you shouldn't do one thing or another, and it is easy to simply point out every instance of it in a work and say "don't do this." You have to just each use on its own merits. For the text you presented in bold, I see no problem with it in that form, and if you like it then I suggest leaving it that way.


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## Benjamin Clayborne (Feb 19, 2012)

Honestly, I've never been a big fan of the advice to get rid of the passive voice, because usually it masks a lack of understanding of its proper use: The ability to distinguish between something that happens as a singular event, and something that is ongoing.

He opened the door, when Bob attacked him.

He was opening the door when Bob attacked him.

To me, the second sentence gives the impression of him being in the middle of the process of opening the door when suddenly he's attacked by Bob. It actually makes me feel more like I'm there watching it; the first one sounds more like a factual description of something that happened. Maybe that's just me.


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## Elder the Dwarf (Feb 19, 2012)

Agreed, I don't mind the passive voice so much.


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## Devor (Feb 19, 2012)

RK-Summers said:


> _The forest stood still and quiet. The first buds of spring *were opening* to welcome the cool dew of morning, and a herd of white deer stood like sentinels among the ghostly bodies of birch trees. The chill mist was broken by a shrill, brazen scream of a child in terror._
> 
> Those two words I've emboldened are what bug people. But why?



I don't like rules about what to do, but I can usually see how avoiding the passive voice can make the writing stronger when you're writing descriptions and actions.  This is one of the more subtle examples because you're right, they are still in the process of opening and have not done so yet.  Actually, in my opinion it has a deceptively simple fix.

_*While* the first buds of spring were opening to welcome the cool dew of morning, a herd of white deer stood like sentinels among the ghostly bodies of birch trees._

It doesn't look like much of a change, but it's no longer an independent clause.  The focus is now on the verb "stood."

One of my favorite writers actually uses the passive voice constantly, but he does it in a way that works for him.


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## RK-Summers (Feb 19, 2012)

Thanks, guys, this really helps me a lot. I'm so glad I've found this site, it's been really helpful


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## The Din (Feb 19, 2012)

I like what you've got, but if you're worried you could always try something like: _Upon bush and vine, the first buds of spring wriggled open to welcome the cool dew of morning..._


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## soulless (Feb 19, 2012)

This thread made me chuckle a little.  When I am writing emails at work, Outlook is always alerting me to instances of passive voice, and it can get rather annoying.


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## myrddin173 (Feb 19, 2012)

The thing about passive voice is the same as with adverbs.  If you over-use them they lose their effect.  There is nothing inherently wrong with them, but if you over-use them they lose their effect.  If you use them sparingly, then when you _do_ use them it is that much stronger.


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## Lord Darkstorm (Feb 19, 2012)

Active voice moves, while passive voice slows the pace down.  Both are useful, but when you are in the middle of some form of action, a lot of passive voice will muddle it up and make it seem to move slow.  Not necessarily wrong, but can annoy the reader because they don't want to muddle through action, but experience it.


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## Codey Amprim (Feb 20, 2012)

Haha... Rules... In fantasy. HA!


Seriously, just go with what sounds right for you _and for your story_. There's always the editing process if it truly irks you that bad. But as for me, I tend to write what needs to be written, and move on. Stuff like that is the least thing you should be worried about. 


Hope I helped!


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