# Internet Friends



## NerdyCavegirl (Feb 16, 2016)

Where are the people you know online on your "friendship totem pole"? The answer is a bit tricky for me. On one hand, I'm a very private person, I have a strong anonymity policy with those I don't know personally, people on the internet are also more or less pretty anonymous, and I'm reluctant to call people I'll never meet and who's full names I don't know my "friends". I feel the term is thrown about too freely nowadays, like "love" and "liberty", with little understood meaning. On the other hand, while I may know many people offline that many of you would probably consider my friend, few fit my own criteria besides my mate and a handful of other relatives, so I find I often feel a faster connection with people I meet online. Probably because all my "social networking" consists of forums catering to my interests where I find peace of mind that comes from no one really knowing me. So how do you feel about your PM pals?


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## A. E. Lowan (Feb 16, 2016)

I am very much a citizen of the virtual world, and I've had the privilege of making friends all around the world.  As someone with Asperger's it's actually much easier for me to make friends online than in person.  I wouldn't say I'm one of those people with hundreds of Facebook friends, but I have make very close friends over the years, especially in gaming and here on Scribes.


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## NerdyCavegirl (Feb 17, 2016)

Yeah this is definitely one of the better forums. Usually I get banned within a couple months like on Permies, or everyone will abandon the current topic just to gang up on me over something they disagree with, but everyone here is really friendly.


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## Miskatonic (Feb 17, 2016)

I can't say that I have any internet friends.


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## Caged Maiden (Feb 18, 2016)

I may have met some of my best friends here, but it wasn't until we took that next step that I called them my fiends. By that I mean that I've "met" bunches of folks here that I've sent private messages to, or emails. And we help each other with writing or crit a few things, and that's the extent of the relationship. But there are some folks here (because I don't frequent any other internet forums, so this is all I got...) who have become more than mere acquaintances. We talk on the phone, share our innermost thoughts, and are PEOPLE, not just usernames or current works, or whatever. We talk about our relationships outside writing, our families. We share our fears and goals, and those things that drive us. We've stepped up to help out in more than just writing, but as friends do for each other.

So it's true that internet friends aren't equal to real-life friends you meet in school or at work, or doing one of your hobbies, but I think there's something really powerful about meeting someone on the internet--like internet matchmaking. Look at all the folks I "screened" before settling on those people I really connected with. Look at how easily we could have disbanded the friendship with no hard feelings at any time if it didn't suit one of both of us. I think keeping an internet friend, or a writing friend, or just someone you really like and who provides you with social interaction and caring, is a benefit to anyone who maybe doesn't live in a place with a big writing community, or who doesn't necessarily have the social skills they wish they had. I mean, social anxiety has become a thing to me in the last couple years, and it's painful, but all my friends I had before I moved are people I'll be forever comfortable with. It's just meeting new folks now that's sometimes challenging. And with the internet, I apply all the same filters I would in my real life: Are they looking for something from me that I can't/ don't want to give? Are they someone I feel good talking to? Are they someone I respect, and they have respect for me? And the nice thing about an internet friendship is that if it doesn't work out for the long term, you aren't obligated to see them at the store from time to time


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## skip.knox (Feb 18, 2016)

I have lots of online friends. I began making such friends through early listserv lists among fellow medievalists. I expanded that when I joined the Compuserv communities for WordPerfect and for science fiction writers. Then there were my friends via PCBoard and other BBS sites. Then came the web.

I like to think of language as highly malleable. I don't think words have "true" meanings, but only have meaning in context. That word "friend" is a good example. It has changed in connotation over the centuries, and technology has always had an impact on its shading.

So, a person whom I've never met, but with whom I have had contact through words, can be my friend. Perhaps there ought to be another word for it. There's a lovely medievalism that refers to kinfolk as "friends by blood". Maybe we should call ourselves "friends by Net" or some such. But I prefer the lovely ambiguity of English.

So, yeah, I've got tons of friends.


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## Drakevarg (Feb 29, 2016)

My closest friends are people I know entirely online, and it's a really sore issue for me when people try to imply that such friendships are in any way less real than those met the "good, old fashioned" way. I've known these people for years and spoken to them almost every day through thick and thin. As far as I'm concerned these friends are the only reason I stayed _sane_ through the worst depression of my life.

It's the people I associate with in meatspace that I find largely unpleasant and socialize with strictly over mutual interests. I wouldn't trust any of them to be any kind of emotional support, which is what I really think of when I say "friend." Which is also why I'm not the "hundreds of Facebook friends" type. I don't use number of friends as some kind of high score, and in fact regularly cull my contact lists of people I rarely speak to. A dozen or so reliable confidants is all I need, not a hundred people I just kind of know.


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## Ban (Feb 29, 2016)

All my friends are offline. If I can't drink with you, it'll be hard to get a friendship going. 
(I still really like you guys though  )


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## CrystalCHTriple (Mar 1, 2016)

Oddly enough, I have communicated online with relatives and fellow students far less than with one person I know only because of a six year old reply to a comment on a YouTube video I do not even remember, but I have not spoken with her in a few years; she returned to Facebook (I finding out by randomly looking on my YouTube channel to know she subscribed some months earlier), I left a friendly message, and was not removed from her friends list, so I take that as a positive sign. Anyway, prior to that, we spoke often, shared real life struggles, and I developed a fondness for her, hoping she was okay and all that, and I redressed my feelings after learning she was in a relationship. I felt it was disrespectful to her . 

I have communicated with a few people on the internet but nothing beyond a few amiable comments on Facebook, which I left because I suck with people even in the virtual.


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