# Texting



## Jabrosky (Jun 28, 2012)

While hanging out at UCSD today, I met a pretty Nigerian girl who majored in Biology and now studies pharmacology. After a brief introductory conversation she kindly gave me her phone number and asked me to text her in case I wanted to hang out with her sometime. The problem is that I've always found texting on any kind of phone really awkward, so I'm a little intimidated by the endeavor, especially since I always aim for accurate spelling and grammar in any messages I type. Anyone else bothered by texting?

In case it matters, I have an iPhone but don't know what phone she uses.


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## Steerpike (Jun 28, 2012)

Jabrosky said:


> While hanging out at UCSD today, I met a pretty Nigerian girl who majored in Biology and now studies pharmacology. After a brief introductory conversation she kindly gave me her phone number and asked me to text her in case I wanted to hang out with her sometime. The problem is that I've always found texting on any kind of phone really awkward, so I'm a little intimidated by the endeavor, especially since I always aim for accurate spelling and grammar in any messages I type. Anyone else bothered by texting?
> 
> In case it matters, I have an iPhone but don't know what phone she uses.



It doesn't bother me. I post on here from my phone as well. It only takes a little extra time to get the spelling and grammar right. I prefer the swype keyboard.


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## Benjamin Clayborne (Jun 28, 2012)

Just be yourself. Text the way you'd text anyone else. If she's bothered by you texting using full sentences and proper spelling and grammar, that's her problem, not yours.


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## Steerpike (Jun 28, 2012)

I use proper spelling and grammar when I text. Most people do not but I have never met anyone who is bothered by it.


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## Fnord (Jun 28, 2012)

If she's a keeper, she not only won't mind, but she'll appreciate it.  

Complete sentences are a lost art, after all.


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## Kelise (Jun 29, 2012)

I use proper grammar and spelling while texting, and rarely talk to those who don't. In fact, I think my aunt is the only one who abbreviates things even slightly, as she's on an older phone with a character limit.


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## Ankari (Jun 29, 2012)

The most distasteful thing you said was "I have an Iphone." 

Complete sentences!  I *hate* how everyone abbreviates words and suddenly use street slang when texting.  I always make a point to call them out on it.

Yeah, I'm a dictator!  So?


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## Kit (Jun 29, 2012)

I text very little- mostly limited to carpool arrangements- but I abbreviate as much as possible. Not because I don't like good spelling and grammar- I do- but because every extra character costs me more $ to send, and costs me more time to painstakingly tick out with the tips of my fingernails on that teeny tiny little keypad.  It's not laziness or sloppiness, just the utility of the medium.


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## Jabrosky (Jul 5, 2012)

So I finally tried texting the girl a few days ago, but she never responded. Calling her twice has proven equally fruitless. In all honesty I suspect this girl only gave me her contact information out of politeness and didn't really want to associate with me. I must have scared her when we first met or something.


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## Saigonnus (Jul 5, 2012)

I rlly h8 wen ppl typ lik dis... 

That said, I know it mattered once upon a time, when there were limits on the number of characters you could use for a text message and a person wanted to get as much information as possible into a single message. In this day and age, with unlimited texts and something like 250 characters per message you'd think people would go away from that again, but the truth is; people are lazy. I am sorry she did that to you, seems rude in my opinion. Why don't people say what they feel anymore?


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## Jabrosky (Jul 5, 2012)

Saigonnus said:


> I am sorry she did that to you, seems rude in my opinion. Why don't people say what they feel anymore?


That's exactly what I wonder myself. My guess is that women nowadays are socialized to fear men and assume that we're all potentially dangerous stalkers or rapists.

In fairness to her, I may have come off too strong when we first met. I made no bones about finding her attractive and wanting to get to know her better. I really wish there was a way to communicate your interest in women without scaring them off.

There is another girl I like in the Genetics class I'm taking for summer school; not only was I able to talk with her for a longer period of time, but she actually gave me her e-mail. I've already sent her a message asking if we could help each other with homework, but given my past experiences I'm not sure she'll respond.


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## Saigonnus (Jul 5, 2012)

On a first meeting, perhaps it is a bit much to say "hey baby, I think you're hot!" even in as mild a terms as a person can imagine (though I really think it would depend on the woman). I think keeping it "cordial" maybe even a bit professional for a while with anyone may convey that you think more about them beyond getting them in the sack.


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## Jabrosky (Jul 5, 2012)

Saigonnus said:


> I think keeping it "cordial" maybe even a bit professional for a while with anyone may convey that you think more about them beyond getting them in the sack.


Usually when I have first conversations with girls, I aim to ask about their majors, classes, hobbies, where they're from, and all the other general introductory stuff before I try to obtain their contact info. Unfortunately university girls are often really busy and so can't talk for very long, so sometimes I end up asking for contact info earlier. One worry that plagues me is that I might bump into a nice girl but never see her again after the introductory conversation, since UCSD has a huge and populous campus.


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## Chilari (Jul 6, 2012)

I can honestly say I never had that problem at university. Mainly because I was already engaged when I went to uni so never thought of attractive men in any way other than friendship and maybe eye candy. I mostly hung out with people I met through things we both did - people on the same course or belonging to the same clubs or societies, people living in the same halls of residence, that sort of thing. There was this one guy who I think of as Red Bag Guy who I frequently saw studying on the third floor of the library and in the library cafe over the course of two years, and was on nodding terms with as a result, but never actually plucked up the courage to say hi to him. I'm rather awkward meeting new people when there's no easily defined starter topic to talk about (eg "that lecture was really interesting," to a classmate or "what's your favourite fantasy film?" when talking to someone from the sci fi and fantasy film club). Even at work I know the names of roughly fifteen people on my floor and have spoken briefly to another dozen or so, usually about the (awful) kettle or the weather, but never know what to say other than that. Most of the people I know I only know because they sit close enough to me that we're on the same coffee round. Since I'm usually the first person newcomers to the floor see I keep getting asked where someone I've never heard of sits, which gets awkward on Fridays when there's often nobody around to save me because almost everyone works from home on Fridays.

In terms of texting, I text in full sentences. One of my friends abbreviates lightly - u for you and 2 for to but otherwise fine - and one tried full sentences but always gets your/you're and their/there/they're forms wrong but I'm so used to that. My fiance (yes, still dispite having been engaged since before we went to uni) texts in complete sentences too. Mum abbreviates but she's got a Nokia 3310 still (and damn but has it lasted well, except the clock no longer works and just shows a random time bearing no relation to anything) so I forgive her.

Meeting new people isn't easy for most of us. Trying to get on regular speaking terms with someone you're attracted to, even harder. I was one awkward teenager when it came to people I had a crush on. Very embarrassing. Especially that time at Christian Camp, with the cricket and the "so-called" best friend shouting out "Hey Alistair, she likes you!" when I was standing next to said Alistair. Oh such _fun_ times. With my fiance, we were already friends of longstanding - in fact he became a good friend of my brother and came over a lot - by the time we started dating so there was none of that awkwardness.

So I'm not sure what advice I can offer. I guess one way to spend more time with someone on campus would be to meet for lunch or grab some coffee or cake - entirely innocent when crowded cafes are concerned and it's the middle of the day. So if someone has to run off for a lecture, maybe you could suggest meeting for lunch after said lecture. No need to exchange phone numbers of emails if she doesn't want to, but if she agrees she might suggest an exchange for practical reasons.

Good luck.


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## JCFarnham (Jul 6, 2012)

On the subject of never seeing someone again, I may have some advice (the now I think about it, it could get creepy quickly, so don't go over board haha).

The first meeting I had with my partner was at a club night, at university, in the student's union. A friend of mine who lived in the room across from me decided (lord knows why) to introduce me to Jennifer and her friend. Great. It's ridiculously cheesy but I knew I was interested in her, I couldn't say I liked her yet as I need to know personality for that to happen, but there was something there.

It could have ended there (1) apparently a year earlier we had the same clas together, every thursday morning for an entire semester, but didn't meet once. shocking. 2) her friend isn't quick to trust heh..) but I wanted to get to know her better anyway. I didn't open with getting contact details (that came much, much later). 

One day I was grabbing some lunch from the cafe during a two hour break between one class and another. It just so happened that Jennifer had the same plan (only she had ONE hour to spare).

Long story short, those lunch breaks became psuedo-dates. We'd sit and just chat. I later found out that she was a musician too and played in the Concert Band ("Great!" thought I. "They need a percussionist anyway, and I want to practice more" )

 In other words, I made time in my schedual to talk to her, and to get to know her, because I could well have gone home or gone to the bar near the music block to see my friends. I didn't.

Almost three years later now (wow...) we live together, a happy couple. 


Though I will say that yes, just getting contact details after one meeting is problematic. It's sad but true that a awful lot of women will give out fake details or slyly never ask for yours in return so they can easily ignore you (or lie about going to the loo... weird). I have a fairly decent idea why this is the case (it's all self-perpetuating rubbish really, but there you go..) but I don't think you can put too fine a point on the why. It happens, just means if you think you have a connection with someone, you'll probably want to get them to see that too before exchanging numbers. Jennifer was ridiculously shy. If I came on too strong I knew I'd frighten her, but I didn't want to ruin anything.

Take what you will from that story, okay? But most of all *don't even  think about worrying about it*. You don't have to engineer anything. That's  something I learned the hard way. If it's going to happen, it'll happen  and often those are the best, more long lasting relationships. They're not forced. May be you  could find something you enjoy (join a society or club something like I did) and see where that leads you.


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## Chilari (Jul 6, 2012)

Not that it happens often, but when guys try to hit on me it feels weird and wrong and sleazy. Opening with a chat up line does not make me feel charitable towards the guy in question. Small talk is better. It's more comfortable, more innocent, you get the opportunity to have an actual conversation and it's less awkward as a result. A simple comment like "Ah, the famous British summer," said while looking out into the rain is something which could spark a conversation if the other person wants to engage in conversation. Putting the ball in their court demonstrates you're not interested in pushing it. They can then nod and smile and never say a word, or they can say "It's supposed to brighten up next week" or something else which relates to what you started with, and then you've got the opportunity to take the conversation elsewhere if you can create a relevant link: "You can see why everyone goes abroad for their holidays if they can. A colleague of mine leaves for Egypt tomorrow. I'm so jealous." And then there's a couple of topics the other person can latch onto - holidays*, Egypt, your job. So small talk makes a good starter without coming on too strong.

*Conversations beginning with weather talk and ending with discussion about lovely sunny places the participants would rather be in are very common in Britain. What can I say? We have weather that attracts complaints.

Oh and mild compliments work well. Something like "nice haircut" or "cool skirt", causally said are generally taken at face value and don't, in my opinion, sound sleazy or come on too strong. Complimenting everything, or the person themselves rather than their choice of clothing, jewellery or hairstyle, can sound a bit creepy, but comments about stylistic choices are fine because anyone can make them to anyone. I've said things like "cool scarf" to people I've shared a lift (elevator) with. So pick one nice thing, on one occasion, about her appearance next time you see her and say something casual and complimentary, and then leave it at that, or maybe on another occasion when she's wearing the same thing you could say "ooh, you're wearing that cool scarf again. It looks good on you."

For the record, the awful kettle I occasionally start small talk about with colleages when making coffee is now even more broken. You have to hold the switch down to get it to continue boiling. Argh.


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