# Hippo vs Rhino



## Ban (Jan 26, 2019)

Alright, here's for the age-old stupid question. Which animal would win in a fight, hippos or rhinos? I'm putting all my money on the hippo. Aside from dogs, they are the deadliest mammals on earth. They have a remendous bite, their blubber should be able to withstand a rhino charge and because they constantly cover themselves in water and mud to stay cool, many blows from the rhino may be deflected, giving the hippo a chance to bite.

Yes, I am indeed bored.

No, all my money isn't much of a bet.


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## CupofJoe (Jan 26, 2019)

Okay, I'm going to put up some support for the Rhino. For a start, most of the deaths from Hippos come from people catching the Hippo by surprise or thinking that they look cute and harmless and getting too close. The Rhino has an F$%k-you attitude that means people five it a wide birth. Even if they are in a 2-tonne truck.
For my money [again not a whole lot of money] the big horn on the front, thick skin on the sides, and [to be polite] can-do attitude of the Rhino would make it a match for most things. They seem to be remarkably fast on their feet as well.  I think the Rhino would charge, knock the Hippo over and that would be the end of things.
And it 3.30 and I can't sleep.


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## Demesnedenoir (Jan 28, 2019)

The hippo enjoys a certain PR favor much like the polar bear, heh heh. At east when it comes to stupid tourists. I’d expect locals get killed because they get careless and too used to the animals. But...

Yeah, deadly vs human is different than deadly against another big beast. How does a hippo kill a rhino? Oh, it’s a big powerful mouth, but give me the horn as a preferred weapon. But then, what the hell do I know? In the end, my money is on the 375 H&H Magnum. Classic Safari, baby.


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## Chessie2 (Jan 29, 2019)

Totally the hippo. It kills the most people in Africa each year.


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## Demesnedenoir (Feb 12, 2019)

Reaver said:


> When it comes to the animal kingdom, you're absolutely right my friend.  However, without delving into the philosophical or political, Chess, I have to respectfully disagree. Humans kill the most people in Africa each year. They also kill the most rhinos and hippos. Which makes me very sad.


Bah! People keep conflating killing people to killing other critters! People are soft and squishy and fit into big mouths, and drown easy. LOL. And of course we need to set the fight... on land? In water? heh heh.

Rhino! Go Rhino!


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## Ban (Feb 12, 2019)

The rhino can only make real use of its horn if it given enough room to charge, and manages to connect the blow with the hippo. In close range, the hippo will bite right through the rhino's horn, as well as the skull it's attached to.

Next, hippos are so aggressive they're even known to kill crocodiles without provocation. The rhino would be demolished before it even became angry enough to charge.

In closing, hippos were brought over to Colombia by Pable Escobar. Do rhinos have cartel friends? Didn't think so.

Hippo wins


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## Demesnedenoir (Feb 12, 2019)

Ban said:


> The rhino can only make real use of its horn if it given enough room to charge, and manages to connect the blow with the hippo. In close range, the hippo will bite right through the rhino's horn, as well as the skull it's attached to.
> 
> Next, hippos are so aggressive they're even known to kill crocodiles without provocation. The rhino would be demolished before it even became angry enough to charge.
> 
> ...



You assume the rhino is dumb enough to get into the water and stick its head in the hippo's mouth like some circus act!

And without provocation?! Pah! That's human perspective, I bet the croc gave the hippo the ol' "I'm gonna eat your babies evil eye". Or... It could also be a bit like a prison story... sometimes you gotta kill one to keep the rest in line. What do we really know Hippo-croc politics, anyhow?


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## Ban (Feb 12, 2019)

Demesnedenoir said:


> You assume the rhino is dumb enough to get into the water and stick its head in the hippo's mouth like some circus act!
> 
> And without provocation?! Pah! That's human perspective, I bet the croc gave the hippo the ol' "I'm gonna eat your babies evil eye". Or... It could also be a bit like a prison story... sometimes you gotta kill one to keep the rest in line. What do we really know Hippo-croc politics, anyhow?



Ah indeed, but what don't we know about hippo-rhino politics? Who's to say that hippos are not darling sweettalkers, who can get rhinos to turn their guards down? These are matters beyond our feeble human knowledge, but there is one variable that can be verified...

The Hippo-Cartel connection, which now that I think about it, may be cheating...


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## Demesnedenoir (Feb 12, 2019)

Yeah, hippos do have that flutter their eyelashes thing going for them.


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## CupofJoe (Feb 12, 2019)

Demesnedenoir said:


> Yeah, hippos do have that flutter their eyelashes thing going for them.


But have you seen what they do with their tails? Messy...


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## Demesnedenoir (Feb 12, 2019)

If there's a rabbit with a vicious streak a mile wide... my money's on the bunny. Unless, of course, either the hippo or rhino has the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Then my bet's on the explosive device... assuming the hippo/rhino can count to five... I mean three! Three!


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## Chessie2 (Feb 12, 2019)

Reaver said:


> When it comes to the animal kingdom, you're absolutely right my friend.  However, without delving into the philosophical or political, Chess, I have to respectfully disagree. Humans kill the most people in Africa each year. They also kill the most rhinos and hippos. Which makes me very sad.


Totally off topic but not really, we watched an interesting documentary about a Bronze Age shipwreck and how the boat had carried tusks, rhino horns, and teeth. Even back then it was happening.


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## RKM (Feb 12, 2019)

I would want the rhino to win, but I do feel that the hippo would be the aggressor and the victor. If the rhino could somehow hook the horn under the hippo's chin it could keep the mouth away and maybe pierce the skin?


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## Demesnedenoir (Feb 13, 2019)

In reality (that should make you nervous, coming from a fantasy writer) the hippo would probably win. WHY? because I googled it and found a rhino/hippo dating scene, and the hippo was the female... the woman always wins in this situation, heh heh.

Okay, in the real fight scene it appeared a bit as I’d expect. Total stand off so long as the hippo was in the water and the rhino was on dry ground. However, give the hippo props for being smart enough to at some point get the rhino’s feet into the mud and water, which is when it goes poorly for said rhino. But this scenario also showed two hippos by the time this was happening. So, hippo cheated and was disqualified despite the take down. heh heh.


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## CupofJoe (Feb 13, 2019)

There is something wonderful, admirable even, that we are willing to put so much effort in to a "who would win?" debate.


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## Demesnedenoir (Feb 13, 2019)

And we’re at least as accurate as the tv show that prided itself on scientific accuracy while testing armor and weapons... and used BUTTED MAIL! and declared it the loser.

Bully for us! LOL.

Now, when we start boiling this down to scenario vs scenario, and start using armored rhinos like in some fantasy... then, we pass beyond the silly to admirable... heh heh.



CupofJoe said:


> There is something wonderful, admirable even, that we are willing to put so much effort in to a "who would win?" debate.


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## James Morton (Apr 11, 2019)

It kills the most people in Africa each year.


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## Devor (Apr 11, 2019)

I just watched a video of a hippo biting a rhino's neck and drowning it in the river.  It might've been different if the rhino opened with some kind of charge.

Like most fights I would say it comes down to who strikes first and if the target is ready for it.  Fights usually end within the first three moves.  That's because attacking is easy, and defending is hard.  Whoever lands the first blow pretty much wins.


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## Ban (Apr 11, 2019)

Devor said:


> I just watched a video of a hippo biting a rhino's neck and drowning it in the river.  It might've been different if the rhino opened with some kind of charge.
> 
> Like most fights I would say it comes down to who strikes first and if the target is ready for it.  Fights usually end within the first three moves.  That's because attacking is easy, and defending is hard.  Whoever lands the first blow pretty much wins.



So in other words, to be safe in life you should always be attacking everyone you meet? Thanks Devor!


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## pmmg (Apr 11, 2019)

Hippo, cause in my house, I am the rhino, and the woman is the hippo, and I never win.


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## Devor (Apr 11, 2019)

Ban said:


> So in other words, to be safe in life you should always be attacking everyone you meet? Thanks Devor!



Welcome to American sociopolitical philosophy!


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## Devor (Apr 11, 2019)

Reaver said:


> I think that the idea of attacking first or attacking everyone you meet could  be found in the sociopolitical philosophies of many nations. But aren't we getting a bit off topic here? How did a thread about hippos versus rhinos devolve into sociopolitical philosophies?



It was just a fairly innocuous non-partisan joke.  But you're right, I'll refrain.


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## Ban (Apr 11, 2019)

Reaver said:


> I think that the idea of attacking first or attacking everyone you meet could  be found in the sociopolitical philosophies of many nations. But aren't we getting a bit off topic here? How did a thread about hippos versus rhinos devolve into sociopolitical philosophies?



The study of hippos and rhinos requires multi-disciplinary approaches. It is a very difficult field to be sure.


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