# Ninkurra - Help needed



## DTowne (Feb 1, 2013)

For the past two months I've been working on the main society for novel I call the Ninkurrai. I think it's finally detailed enough to show to others. I still need help/opinions though on tightening up all the details.

I did not base them at all on anyone society, rather meshed a million different ideas I had to the best of my abilities any help would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.

NINKURRA​ 
Originally Ninkurra was the nation of Shurrupak, with the cities of Sin, Shamash, E'gish'shir'gal, Siduri, & Agasaya as vassal states. When Siduri rebeled the Baraggal of the time, rather than waging war brought all other city-states under one rule and created the nation of Ninkurra. These vassal states were required to adopt the culture and political structure of the Shurrupak valley nation.

For fifty years the Sidur were punished with heavy taxes and restrictions on trade until a treaty was signed making them an independant state under the authority of Ninkurra.


HIERARCHY​ 
Bel Hamon; Lord of a multitude.  Religious leader of Ninkurra in Esharra. Also known as the Baraggal.

Bel Uri - Leaders of each city or village district (Alu or Nagu) from among the nirgal. The eight Alu Bel Uri more influential than the Bel Uri of the seventeen Nagu.

Nirgal — nobles

Sebitti (police/army)

The Eren (Commoners)​ 
Tibira (Merchant tradesman,metal-workers, etc, etc.
Mare Ali (Citizens) The poor
Arad (Deacon) criminal debt slaves.
Kiprat Arba (The four races/nations) The Bosma, Ophir, Es'air, and Shekinah.
Samana- Ninkurrai insult meaning "Skin disease;rust" directed at the Genya.
Akhkharu - Mazikim (a vampiric people)
Haduan - The people of Hadad.

People of Ukinakku treated as if they're nonexistant or beneath acknowledgement.


BEL URI'S INNER CIRCLE
THE SINSER "THE 12"​ 
Manzaz Pani "Royal attendant" The right hand man. He controls direct access to the lord, and can settle trivial disputes in the his/her name.

Garash "Supply master" Steward in charge of all the cooking and cleaning crews, the stablemaster, and assorted squires,etc.,etc.

Sukkallmah "Vizier" - the guy in charge of the bureaucracy - tax collectors, inspectors, heralds, that sort of thing. Possibly also in charge of the treasury.

Ul Nabu "High Seer" A court priest. Two steps below the Baraggal, the 'holy of holies'.

Ul Dayyani "Three high judges" who oversee the courts, in charge of hunting down criminals. Ull Dayyanum - singular.

Employ the Sharur (supreme hunters) Something Akin to bounty hunters.
Sharur sometimes Shargath sometimes Bu'idu.

Sar Bu'idu "King of ghosts." Spymaster. Not a public figure. Deals with the Shargaz in place of the Bel Uri on most occasions.

Nirgal Meli "Noble voice" Literally the voice of the nobles. Usually a son of a Nirgal, not first in line in his family but distinguished in his own right. Elected by the Nergal to act as their representative in council meetings and other business. Also, essentially a messenger for the Bel Uri and even Bel Hamon to communicate back down to nobles.

Sut Resi; Heads of the three branches of the Sebitti. Land, Air, & Sea.

The twelve advise the Bel Uri on their respective fields for better governing of the city, but ultimately his will is final. Only a 12-0 vote can overturn a decision or intercession by the Bel Hamon himself.


THE SEBITTI​ 
For every 1000 citizens there are 8 Sebitti working either as policeman, patrolman, caravan guards, pilots, or midshipmen.
In a city such as Antum with a population of about 400,000 that equals out to roughly just over 3200 men. Sebitti incorrectly called centurions. Not divided into groups of one hundred as name would suggest. Rather, they are divided into coteries of eighty men, each assigned to a different Dagrim, or precinct.

In Antum there are thirty-six dagrim. Technically forty if the three sea and one of air coteries are counted though they do not consider themselves to be in any dagrim, just sea or air.

The Essuru coterie patrols all the air space above all the Dagrims as well as surrounding areas. Fly gear and pully operated flying machines called a margidda (celestial chariot) or chiropter.

Each region of Ninkurra, of which there are three - Shurruppak, Eqal Namrase & Sagkal - keep a full coterie of chiro pilots who patrol the wilderness area and trade routes as well as the Alu and Nagu pilots. These Essuru called the Rimanis Essuru (wild birds) Many of the Shargash are of the rimanis.

Rarely do they return to the major cities, instead living out in smaller villages and the Usan Eanna, the (evening sanctuaries)
Crudely formed half circles of low hanging trees with interwoven branches above and to some sides to protect from the elements. Small stone pits scattered about near the edges of the enclosure large enough for a few small parties to each have fires. Original a Hurāsum concept adapted for the mountains of Ninkurra.

Custom and common decency states than any and all firewood be replenished for next user. It is unlawful for anyone to refuse use of the usan eanna to another traveler.

Usually planted with a well or spring nearby, or near a road or good foraging.

The Malah coteries patrol the lakes and seas watching for pirates and the like. The Essuru make occassional fly over and act as quick messengers when need be.

Ilat Sut Resi in military terms is the Bel Uri

Rabu Sut Resi (Great Commanders) (2) Usually called Rabu for short or Rabu Etlu and Rabu Malah

Rabu Essuru  Bird commander. Lowest ranked Rabu.

Sut Resi; Coterie commanders (40) 36 Etlu, 3 Malah, 1 Essuru

Individual soldiers called Etlu (Land) Tamtulu (Seamen) Essuru (Air)

Each land and sea coterie broken into four groups of twenty with one man as leader of each group, called the Ull Urbarra; High Wolf.

The four high wolves report to their Sut Resi, who in turn report to the Rabu Sut Resi  The three Rabu Sut Resi then report directly to Bel Uri as part of his inner circle.

Depending on size of city either have a full or half coterie of chiro pilots.

City of E'gish'shir'gal has a substantial Malah prescence, eight coteries, as well as 2 essuru coteries. Only city with that many pilots. These ten coteries patrol not only the city and Istan Baba but an extensive portion of the Nanshe sea halfway to Siduri, and up and down the ocean coast line.

All Sebitti carry the Shuhadaku, a long sword, crescent shaped partway along its blade. A khopesh.

Uniform is a high boots, pants, long kilt (past knees; split front and back) long gloves, long double breasted coat (button down and at wrists) side slung pouch on belt, Shuhadku slung over back and club at belt. All rust red color.

On breast, patches denoting whether they are Etlu (Land) Tamtulu (Seamen) Essuru (Air) or Rimanis (Wild Bird) and their ranks therein.

The Essuru and Rimanis wear their hair in thickly braided tails pinned back.

The Tamtulu go with unbraided tails while the Etlu wear beret-like hats pinned into their hair which is bundled inside.

Only the richest of the Tibira can afford Sebitti to guard their caravans. Like the Nirgal customarily do.


SHARGAZ​ 
Working above the law and completely unoffical as assassins, trackers, undercover operatives, spies, and sabateurs are the semi-mythical Shargaz. Their existence known but publicly denied.

These men, and women made up of people from all walks of life, sometimes not even of the Ninkurrai report only to the Sar Bu'idu, Bel Uri and Bel Hamon. They follow no chain of command, free to ignore or even countermand orders of highest ranked Sut Resi, the Rabu.

Culled from the ranks of the orphaned, the Arad, and the disillusioned the Shargaz are put through extensive and intense training where they are then sent out on their varied missions.
Before being accepted in they swear an oath to keep their secrets unto the grave on punishment of public mutilation and death, not only of themselves but any loved ones along the way.

Say oath in front of their Sar Bu'idu, Ull Nabu, Bel Uri and Bel Hamon, in secret.

Oath goes as follows:

"Salamu, Titaan, Ina Etutti Asbu, Summu Nurra, Tiit. Peta Babkama Laruba Anaka Anna Ana Harrani Sa Alaktasa La Tarat Parasu Kima Shargaz."

"To become black, Those who in heaven live, dwell in darkness. They are deprived of the light that which is life. Open the gate for me so that I may enter unto the road who course does not turn back to render a decision as Supreme smiter."

They then have 'Ina Etutti Asbu' or 'dwell in darkness' tattooed on inner lower lip for identification to those who know them. Tattoo accompanied by a small series of dots and lines denoting city/district they started in.

Only the Sar Bu'idu,  Ull Nabu, Ull Dayyani, Rabu, Bel Uri of each city and village district know of their existence as well as Bel Hamon. Not even the Nirgal are privy to the Shargaz.

The shargaz are generally religious fanatics intensely loyal to the Bel Uri and Bel Hamon. No followers of Addagal allowed among the ranks. Only foreigners allowed their religious freedom and foreigners extremely rare among the Shargaz.
Only six that Fen (my MC) knows of, inlcuding himself, though there are likely more. Identity sharing not encouraged.

Fen Gulo - A Tomer (Mazikim) by birth.
Everyone believes he is from Ashlyn and a half breed.

Erra Twyla - Half Haduan Half Ophir Brionite. Hides Haduan side.

Ayelet - Shekinah

Ensalmu - "lord black" real name unknown. Semi-legendary, only Bel Uri Damkina knows who he is.

Nina - "Lady of the water" real
 name unknown. Shekinah or Acaphi. Partner/wife of Ensalmu.

?????- Bosma. Spy and book seller. Fens instructor. Runs into Fen and Tully in Uri Nebo.


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## DTowne (Feb 1, 2013)

REGIONS​ 
Shurruppak valley (Land of utmost well being) A large valley in central Ninkurra. Four of the eight Alu, as well as the religious capital, centered around lake Ea in valley's center.

Sagkal (Sturdy stone which is in front) The northeastern region of Ninkurra.

Eqal Namrase (Bad terrain) The southwestern region of Ninkurra.

BODIES OF WATER​ 
Lake Ea (House of water) Lake upon which the cities of Antum, Esharra, E'khul'khul, Ninkasi, & Nusku are centered around in the Shurruppak valley.

Nanshe (Fish godess) sea

Istan Baba (1st gate) The straight that seperates the Nanshe from the Haaki ocean

Haaki (Place of the water fishes) The ocean.

POPULATION NUMBERS​ 
Total population: 1,173,000


Shurruppak Valley

Antum (House of heaven)   400 000
   Eridhu (Home of the faraway) 10 000
 Nusku (Incantation)-200 000
 Ninkasi (Lady of beer)   50 000
 E'khul'khul (House of pleasures) 25 000
 Esharra (House of the ruler) 10 OOO

Sagkal region

Agasaya Falls 100 000
 Villages   40 000

Eqal Namrase region

E'gish'shir'gal (House of great light)130 000
 Sin (City of the moon) 60 000
 Shamash (City of the sun) 30 000
 Villages 110 000


All Ninkurra         3 000  Genya
                          5 000  Halfbreed


CALENDER​ 
Like the Ophir, the Ninkurrai use a calender of fifty-five eight day weeks, but instead of naming the days after their clans and gods the days are named after the seven original Alu and the holy city of Esharra as follows.

Uesharra- Holy day
Unusku- Day of incantations
Ushamash - Day of the sun
Ukhul'khul'- Day of pleasures
Usin- Day of the moon
Uantum- Day of the dead in heaven
Ushir- Day of light
Uninkasi- Day of drink

New years falls on same day in both calenders.

For many these days are literal in their meaning.

On Uesharra prayer and rest are the only actions of the day. Devotion to religion emphasized on this day.

Unusku is a continuation of religious devotion but a day for work.

Ushamash is usually one of the busiest days of the week when Ninkurrai everywhere get out of the home and take to the streets.

Ukhul'khul is the day of pleasures when all vices and joys of life are to be explored.

Usin like the 5th day of the Ophir week is the day of the moon. Similarities end there. It is a day to stay in an work on the home or have a quiet night in.

On Uantum loved ones are remembered, memories are shared, candles are burned, etc, etc.

Ushir and Ushamash are essentially the same day, different side of the week.

The Ninkurrai week ends with Uninkasi, the day of drink. Workers get out early and drink, party, and enjoy life so they may be remembered well on future Uantums. It is a fitting way to end the week with the holy day of rest forthcoming.

While the Ophir and all other non Ninkurrai divide the year into four seasons Ninkurra recognizes only two:

Emesh, which is Summer covers both spring and summer elsewhere while Enten is for fall and winter. A Ninkurrai may write a date as Uantum 23-7 Emesh 3042 which elsewhere would be Šārumūmum 23-3 Kayitz 3042

RELIGION​ 
GODS

ASAR - 'All-powerful, awesome, all-seeing eye' The pole star and creator god.

ENIR - House of brightness. Home to ASAR, The sun.

Asar created the Mul 'Those who shine in the heights' the Ninkurrai to live upon the Ki as his children. He then created the Mitutu to bring the dead to Enir when the time came.

Thousands of years later Asar accidently creates the Mulki 'The celestial body that had been cleaved apart' half alive half dead people when he mates with one of his  Mitutu.

LA'ATZU - Spirit world.  The night sky/constellations

MITUTU -'The dead ones' The grim reapers. Solid white men and women shaped beings that bring the Titaan at death to La'atzu via Kadingir.

Gateway of the Gods - KADINGIR [Holy city of Esharra sits on this, the highest peak of Ninkurra, and thus the world) La'atzu and Ki intersect here at the mountains highest point.

Titaan - Those who in heaven live. The dead. The stars in the sky.

Bu'idu - Ghosts, those who have failed to please Asar doomed to wander Ki forever.

Ki- The physical world.


The Ninkurrai believe deeply in the horoscope and that the dead whom make up the signs direct their lives. There are sixteen signs that all Ninkurrai know and their aspects. It's considered almost offensive and pitiable for someone to not have this  knowledge. The signs which fit to each moon cycle or Minesh are as follows:

Summer

NAGIRU - The herald
ALANI - The Axe
MARGIDDA - The celestial chariot
NASAQU - Kiss

TAMMABUKKU - Dragons
QANNU - Horn
HAAKI - Fishes
KALBI - Dogs

Winter

SHUHADAKU - Sword
SAHU - Pig
APPU - Nose
INSABATU - Rings

AZAG - The serpent
KAPPU - Wings
SEBET ABANYARAHHU - The seven rubies
INA BABU - The gate

Obsessed with the stars. Their cities are laid out in patterns viewable only from chiros of the constellations. Each city identified with its own constellation.
The widest roads mark the lines connecting the star points (At which chiro spires sit) This overlays a grid pattern of streets for the every day running of the city.
Star roads paved a much more colorful way than rest of plain stoned roads.

Every city's Uri, the home of the Bel Uri, his family and the Sinser, a series of spires taller than all others and connected to each other via flying buttress bridges. These spires arranged in the shape of city constellation, only visible to their gods, and now the chiro pilots. This give the pilots a certain reverence among the Ninkurrai. Each constellation represented on cities flag.


Children of parents too poor to care for them given at birth to the religious institutions. These children loose all ties to family rarely knowing their lineage.

While the skulls of these children given to the Guda are still soft they are bound and reshaped to grow long and swept back in the vision of their gods.

All the Guda from puberty on shave all hair from body except for brows and crown of skull from which they wear long braid.

Wear close fitted hat that fits distorted skull and wraps back of ears, clasping at throat. Braid pulled through top. Also wear a slimming knee length robe tied with a wide and fringed sash. Pants and gloves as well.

GUDA
THE PRIESTLY CLASS​ 
BEL HAMON - The religious authotity of Ninkurra, believed to speak directly to Asar. Keeps the Mul on the path of riteousness etc, etc. The Baraggal
     Hat a swirling design of purple and royal blue with gold bordering. No braid.
      Robe the same. Gold sash. Purple pants.
      Gloves purple with blue palms.

DUGNAMTAR - 'Fate speaker' The holy ones who can read your fate through the horoscope and constellations communing with the dead.
     All clothing is white. The color of death.

Ul Nabu; High Seer. A court priest. Two steps below the Baraggal, the 'holy of holies'.
      Hat a rusty red. Mustard yellow and rust red earrings; heavy
      Rust and black swirled robe.
      Rust pants and sash, black fringe.
   Gloves rust red with mustard palms

Nabu - The religious men who handle the everyday duties of the religions, weddings, collecting alms, teaching/enforcing Asag's will.
     Everything a rusty red. No earrings.

Gala - A priest/poet. Lamentation priests who in concert lead the city in daily prayer, the Irshemma. Speak from the rooftops using cones to amplify their muffled words.
      Wear close fitted hat the fit distorted skull and wraps back of ears, clasping at throat. Braid pulled through top.
      Hat royal blue and mustard.
      Robe royal blue with black swirl and gold trim.
      Royal blue pants
      Royal blue sash, mustard and black fringe.




Womens fasion is to wear a type of hat that is basically a decorated headband with a connected hairnet.
Richer women adorn the headbands with jewels and expensive fabric nets, rather than common linen thread. Ears free of nets.

Year round men, and women in winter time wears snoods completely covering ears and all.

Hair of both sexes generally worn in thick braids. Poorer people wear their hair shorter, many men even shave their heads.

Beards popular among the lower class though not uncommon among the nirgal. The nirgal though wear beards short and shaped as opposed to the mare ali who proudly sport thick bushy beards. The tibira like sebitti wear a mustache and chin beard, shaving all else. The etlu shave a low wide mohawk. The other sebitti wear long thick braids.


In holy city of Esharra a jewel encrusted skeleton on display, supposedly the body of one of the Mitutu. Is just a corpse found in a quarry, encrusted in calcite, prenite,   And micah flakes. Combined with evaporated creek water.The display of this supposed supernatural corpse the original inspiration for the votive corpse religion. Corpse over 4 centuries old.

The dark skinned Ninkurrai look down upon the golden skinned Ophir as primitive, unintelligent savages because of their lack of cities and metal tools, & literature. Think the lack of industrialization and mass production of goods makes them somehow less, though the Ophir are on average more intelligent and more physically fit.
     Look down on the lighter skinned Shekinah and Bosma as well, but mostly due to philosophical differences, not color of skin or percieved intelligence.


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## DTowne (Feb 5, 2013)

Anybody have any insights, complsints, questions about this culture?


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## The Unseemly (Feb 6, 2013)

Well, let me put it this way:

There's a s-ton of names in there, and, though I think your world is very well planned out, the whole explanation needs a bit more clarity. When I was reading this, my thoughts drifted to reading about a country on Wikipedia; it's sort of laborious to read (I did, however, read it all), so as a suggestion - this could influence any future writing - make it simpler. Cut down on the crazy (but pretty damn awsome) names, and explain a few in detail.

Note: the above is to not scare away potential readers/posters.

Anyway, my personal opinion: I sort of imagine this as a para-ancient egyptian land, so what's that what you had in mind I assume? The world concept is, really, well thought out and I don't have any clarification adjustments to suggest, though I think there were a few little bits that lacked originailty (I immidiately saw a Tolkien derivation in some sections) however how you present that is up to you.

If this helps: you've got a world which is about as complicated as America's political views, cool, now, what exactly is going to happen in this world? Could I have a few main character names and what their doing in this world and/or what's the plotline like? I do realise this is going a little off-topic with World Building (so I'd suggest a new thread on Nikkura in Brainstorming, if need be), but, as I realised with my own book, you, at some point, have to adapt the world to what the character's a doing/the plotline.

And, as a final word: good luck fitting all that into one book! (Or is it a series? )


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## The Unseemly (Feb 6, 2013)

Well, let me put it this way:

There's a s-ton of names in there, and, though I think your world is very well planned out, the whole explanation needs a bit more clarity. When I was reading this, my thoughts drifted to reading about a country on Wikipedia; it's sort of laborious to read (I did, however, read it all), so as a suggestion - this could influence any future writing - make it simpler. Cut down on the crazy (but pretty damn awsome) names, and explain a few in detail.

Note: the above is to not scare away potential readers/posters.

Anyway, my personal opinion: I sort of imagine this as a para-ancient egyptian land, so what's that what you had in mind I assume? The world concept is, really, well thought out and I don't have any clarification adjustments to suggest, though I think there were a few little bits that lacked originailty (I immidiately saw a Tolkien derivation in some sections) however how you present that is up to you.

If this helps: you've got a world which is about as complicated as America's political views, cool, now, what exactly is going to happen in this world? Could I have a few main character names and what their doing in this world and/or what's the plotline like? I do realise this is going a little off-topic with World Building (so I'd suggest a new thread on Nikkura in Brainstorming, if need be), but, as I realised with my own book, you, at some point, have to adapt the world to what the character's a doing/the plotline.

And, as a final word: good luck fitting all that into one book! (Or is it a series? )


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## DTowne (Feb 6, 2013)

You are pretty spot on with the pre egyptian thought the language I used is a mixture of Sumerian and Babylonian. Most of this probably won't even make it into the series. This was all just my notes, which you can tell are pretty thorough.*

I'm glad someone read through it all. I was worried no one would take the time to do so.*

One of the characters name is Akaiya Shesh-kalla, or Kaia for short. He is something of an intermediary and soldier between my MC's Fen and Tully and the demi-god Kore who they are reluctantly working with. He is the one that convinces them to temporarily ally themselves with Kore (for whom a genocide was carried out in her name)

I wonder what exactly you see that's Tolkienesque in my ideas. I've read the books but I don't know them enough to say 'oh yeah that came from LOTR'.


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## Roc (Feb 6, 2013)

I have to commend you on your mastery of names, very impressive how they all gell together. I imagine you had some kind of system for that. 

There's not a lot to critique on when it comes to worldbuilding as 90% of this won't make it into your story anyway.

I'm more of a plot/characters>worldbuilding type person. I care much more about how you describe your cities rather than their geographic location. 

Me, I drew up a map one day, and as far as my mind goes that's all I need. However I think, yeah, it's important for you to know this stuff if your story is more focused on worldbuilding, and I've read some good novels that are.

Anyway, good luck and happy writing. Hope your character's names are as good as the citie's names.


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## Roc (Feb 6, 2013)

DTowne said:


> I wonder what exactly you see that's Tolkienesque in my ideas. I've read the books but I don't know them enough to say 'oh yeah that came from LOTR'.



Anything that has to do with worldbuilding could be misconstrued as a Tolkien derivative. 

I think that was just his way of telling you that you need to be more unique. Maybe a city situated 'on' the lake, I don't know.


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## DTowne (Feb 6, 2013)

Roc said:


> I'm more of a plot/characters>worldbuilding type person. I care much more about how you describe your cities rather than their geographic location.




I wish I were better at plot/characters so I decided to stick to what I know best being geography, history, & architecture and am attempting to build up characters through that. 

Thank for the mastery of names comment. Really made my day. Good luck in writing as well, whatever it may be.


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## Orkasen1022 (Feb 8, 2013)

I really love this.  The names are spectacular and I was intrigued by them throughout.  I specifically enjoyed reading about the Shebitti and Shargaz, as there was lots of great detail about those people and their ways of life.  The detail you put in to this is astounding and I really hope you can fine tune your ideas and characters into a workable plot and storyline because I would be very interested in reading a novel based on this stuff.  My own work is very similar to this and if you're interested, I'd love your feedback on my ideas that I've posted on this site since we have similar styles.  Keep up the great work.


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## DTowne (Feb 8, 2013)

Orkasen thank you, and yes, I'm definitely interested in seeing what you have written and giving you feedback. Anything to make stronger writing on both our parts.


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## Gurkhal (Apr 7, 2014)

Looks pretty inspired by Mesopotamia to me and thus I love it. I for one wouldn't mind at all all these non-English words but it would only make the world deeper to me, as long as you are careful to explain them and use them in proper context at all times as to not confuse me as a reader.


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## DTowne (Apr 12, 2014)

Yeah I'm trying to figure out a good balance with all these foreign words like possibly using them a few times and briefly explaining them in a natural way, so I can then use the english equivalent or foreign word without confusing readers.


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