# in search of my tribe



## Wynnara (Jul 28, 2012)

I was visiting with some old work colleagues yesterday and one of my friends asked me what my plans were for the weekend. I said I didn't really have any aside from writing. Now this is a good friend of mine who knows I'm working on my first novel and knows how important it is to me, but at the same time as soon as I said it I knew that if I sat there and spent the next half hour trying to explain, she wouldn't really understand... it's not her fault, of course... she's not someone who spends part of her weekend chipping away at this mammoth story.

I used to have Sunday as my day to write, but I found that I'd crank out all these pages then go over to my parents' for our weekly dinner just bursting to tell someone about the work I'd done. I'd get over there and just watch their eyes sort of glaze over as soon as I opened my mouth. Again, I know it's not their fault. I suppose part of me just wished they were as into it as they are my sister's PhD efforts.

But even there, I don't blame them. I'm at an age where I'm surrounded by people who all seem to be in sync and in step. They've all got toddlers and they're worrying about how they'll scrape together the money for their first mortgage or getting their mutual funds topped up... and there's absolutely NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT... I just kind of feel like the crazy one, standing on the perimeter, mulling over my page count and whether or not the tonal shifts in a chapter are coming off the way I want them to. 

I tried to get my friends involved as beta readers. I got some great feedback--both positive and negative--when I was only sending out a few chapters. In the latest rounds though the number of people reading has dropped. In the last one, when I sent around the beta copy representing about half of the book, I got no responses... which was honestly not even that surprising to me... at 200+ double-spaced pages I knew those obstacles of toddlers and jobs and everything else would get in the way. 

I don't even think it's some kind of desire for validation. I'm writing a story and part of the act of storytelling is to convey something to SOMEONE ELSE. Granted, I'm sure coming to a place like this is very useful... if only to surround yourself with people who don't think you are crazy for putting so much time and effort into what you're doing... and I suppose if I really, REALLY wanted to share I could post sections of the novel for ye great wide web public to read, but honestly I'm just not comfortable doing that at this stage.

I guess this is my roundabout way of asking... do you sometimes feel out of step from those around you because you write?


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## SlimShady (Jul 28, 2012)

Wynnara said:


> I guess this is my roundabout way of asking... do you sometimes feel out of step from those around you because you write?



  Yes.  A lot of people wonder what I could possibly get out of slaving away at a laptop day-after-day.  Some people think it's childish, while others think it is just plain weird.  But, I am from a part of the US where literature isn't really respected and fantasy is practically unheard of.  

  A lot of men think I am weaker or less masculine, because they view reading/writing as a more female pursuit.  So in short, yes, I feel very out of step with most "normal" people.


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## T.Allen.Smith (Jul 28, 2012)

Well, I'll say this... Most everyone I surround myself with is very supportive. That being said, I have a great job and write every night after the kids and wife go to bed for about 3 hours. So they aren't worried about the bills getting paid and what not.

One thing I learned, even with people that support your writing.... Never talk about a work in progress. You just wind up sounding nuts. On your outline & in your head it all makes complete sense to you. But, until someone can read about your characters living through that story, it just won't be real for them. No matter how you verbally explain it it won't come across as clear to them as it is to you (until they read the finished product). At least that's how it is for me which is why I don't spend much time on the world building forum.

There are only a handful of friends that I would ask to read something I wrote... 3 to be exact. The reason being, they will be brutally honest if I ask them to be, give honest criticism & praise, and they're avid readers.

What you really need is a good writing group. Try to find a group in your city. Go there and explain that, although you're not ready to share your story, you'd like to participate until you are comfortable. First off, you'll learn a ton by critiquing other people's work. Secondly, you'll start working & associating with other writers, people that share your interest & desire to hone the craft of writing. There's nothing better for your writing than having it critiqued by acquaintances like these.

Mythic Scribes is a great group, full of good advice (and often dissenting opinions which is a good thing). You can certainly ask for reviews on the showcase forum when you're ready. There are some excellent critique-able folk here. My advice is to post in blocks of 1500 words or less at a time (that's pretty standard for most in-person groups too).


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## Ankari (Jul 28, 2012)

> I am from a part of the US where literature isn't really respected and fantasy is practically unheard of.



What part of the US are you from?


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## Penpilot (Jul 28, 2012)

Short answer, Yes. I find that the only people who really understand or care to hear about writing are other writers. I find that most of my friends just can't relate or don't care to talk about writing for more than a few minutes. Not their fault, but it's just not in their wheelhouse of interests. 

But then when you meet with other writers, no one can stop talking about it. 

Just notice Wynnara, we're from the same neck of the woods. Go 'nucks.


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## Wynnara (Jul 28, 2012)

Penpilot said:


> Just notice Wynnara, we're from the same neck of the woods. Go 'nucks.



Woot! 

And yes... it's good to know I'm not crazy... or at least, I've found some other people who think the same way.


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## SlimShady (Jul 29, 2012)

Ankari said:


> What part of the US are you from?



  Rural West Virginia.  Bunch of rednecks and a lot of people don't even know how to read.


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## Lorna (Jul 29, 2012)

Writing a novel, particularly fantasy, because you're creating a world of your own is a lonely vocation. 

I had a similar experience, but found once I got looking there are quite alot of other writers out there. I randomly met another fantasy writer when I worked in a supermarket who was friends with an animator interested in fantasy and we got a small group together. Also, check out libraries and cafes, there's often notices about local writer's groups and events writers will attend.


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## PrincessaMiranda (Jul 29, 2012)

I feel the same way. My friends all have their kids and husbands and jobs. I babysit for extra money, but my passion is writing. (More specifically CREATING) 

Luckily my sister is a big literature nut and helps me out, but since we grew up we have our own lives and little contact. I joined this site to be able to talk to and share ideas with people who have the same passion. (I think I use this site more than Facebook. *Gasp*) 

My family supports me but I'm not sure they really think I will get anywhere with it. Which makes me doubt myself and is probably the cause of my constant starts and stops with my stories. 

Don't feel bad about being different. Just find at least ONE person who will listen. That will make a world of difference. I'm positive you will find someone here, heck, I'll even volunteer myself.  


Good Luck!


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