# Looking for Opinions on Some Invented Creatures



## Mindfire (Apr 24, 2012)

Just wanted to get some opinions on the creatures I've come up with for my WIP- 25 so far. Please give them a look and tell me what you think. I've included each creatures name, a brief description, and some examples of real world animals or mythical creatures that inspired each entry with links for the ones you may not be familiar with. Creatures with nicknames have them shown alongside their official names in quotes and parentheses. For convenience, I have sorted them into smaller groups by range and habitat and included a map for reference. All of these are enclosed in spoiler tags to make this post less intimidating. I'm eager to know what you guys think. 



Spoiler: Map of the World







Click Image for Higher Resolution.​http://goo.gl/QADgs





Spoiler: Creatures of the Far North



*Ashepri*
*Description:* An amphibious dragon with a coat of dappled grey and white waterproof feathers, a venomous harpoon-like projectile tongue, expanding jaws, and needle-like teeth that inhabits the Crystal Sea and parts of the Glacier Ridge.  It is a distant relative of the duneviper and extinct Vardican dragon.
*Inspirations:* penguin, sea serpent, cone snail

*Snowfox*
*Description:* A cunning, solitary animal native to the mountains bordering the Crystal Sea. It can communicate telepathically through images and emotions and exert control over lesser elementals. It is a distant relative of the Direwolf.
*Inspirations:* arctic fox

*Ursine*
*Description:* An enormous, burly predator that in most things greatly resembles its smaller cousin the mountain bear, but is armed with much larger claws and large tusks. The brown ursine can range from the Medved Mountains to the eastern reaches of the Beorgian Wildermarch, while the white ursine inhabits the Glacier Ridge Mountains. The ursine is an opportunistic predator, omnivore, and scavenger. They have been known to steal carcasses from ashepri on occasion.
*Inspirations:* polar bear, grizzly bear





Spoiler: Creatures of the Seas



*Devonian*
*Description:* A colossal mollusk with an impenetrable shell, several large tentacles, hooked talons, and powerful jaws that lives in the Vardican Sea and Thalas Ocean. Mawfish are its primary prey, but it has been known to destroy entire ships for a meal.
*Inspirations:* the krakken, colossal squid, nautilus

*Mawfish*
*Description:* A massive armor-plated fish with spiny fins and a bone-crushing beak.
*Inspirations:* dunkleosteus, coelocanth, great white shark

*Sea Scorpion*
*Description:* A marine predator and distant relative of the trylobite that ranges from the Temeth Sea to the marshes of Urthrak. It preys mainly on fish.
*Inspirations: *euryptids





Spoiler: Creatures of the Mavari Desert and Savannah



*Duneviper*
*Description:* A giant serpent that inhabits the Mavari desert, largely an ambush predator. It has enormous needle-point fangs that it uses to impale its prey. It draws its name from the fact that large members of this species have been mistaken for actual dunes as they lie in wait under the sand.
*Inspirations: *cobra, sidewinder

*Gargon*
*Description:* A large, vicious predator with a stocky physique, legs that are fairly short proportional to its body, and an elongated head with crushing, vicelike jaws equipped with razor-sharp teeth. It somewhat resembles a reptilian tiger and is a distant relative of the Quillin. It roams the Mavari desert and savannah in packs that have been known to bring down even dunevipers on occasion. Its mouth harbors bacteria that rapidly infect its prey upon biting, guaranteeing a kill.
*Inspirations: *gorgonops, pristerognathus, komodo dragon

*Handak ("dust devil")*
*Description: *A small, ferret-like creature with a runty body and a round  head armed with a strong beak and prominent tusks. The handak inhabits the Mavari desert and savannah, living in small underground colonies clustered around a food source. They are extremely territorial and will attack without provocation. They compete viciously for food within colonies, but will warn each other if danger is spotted.
*Inspirations:* diictodon, meerkats, scottish terrier

*Kindrake*
*Description: *A lumbering cow-like reptile with a hulking, barrel-chested body, a short tail, thick shoulders, stumpy legs, and a proportionally small head protected by a bony plate. This herbivorous gentle giant roams from the savannah to the westernmost edges of the Elyssian Delta and is often prey to the gargon. The kindrake has historically been used by the Mavarians as a beast of burden.
*Inspirations:* scutosaurus

*Madrigan Horse ("camelhorse")*
*Description:* A unique and beautiful breed of horses indigenous to the Mavari desert and grasslands that can go an extraordinary length of time without the need for water.
*Inspirations: *Arabian

*Scarab*
*Description:* A giant beetle that lives in the Mavari desert. It has incredibly strong mandibles, a tough armored shell, and the ability to recover from nearly any injury.
*Inspirations:* scarab beetle

*Trylobite*
*Description:* A large marine arthropod with poisonous jaws that often beaches on Mavarian shores.
*Inspirations:* trilobite





Spoiler: Creatures of Nendwa Forest



*Borill*
*Description: *A large, very temperamental and dangerous bird with a brightly colored beak that inhabits Nendwa Forest.
*Inspirations:* toucan, cassowary

*Direwolf*
*Description:* A large, sentient, and highly intelligent breed of wolf native to Nendwa forest. They have a pact of friendship and brotherhood with the Mako people.
*Inspirations: *dire wolf

*Hyloth*
*Description: *A distant cousin to the sloth with a hulking bear-like body, long limbs, a stout tail, and massive claws that can cleave a man in two with a single swipe.
*Inspirations:* giant sloth

*Malfrog*
*Description:* A small, but dangerous frog with poison-coated skin that is usually fatal. It can be found both in the deeper reaches of Nendwa Forest and in Urswamp.
*Inspirations:* poison dart frog

*Quillin*
*Description:* A tiger-like animal with iridescent scales and swept-back antlers. They are elusive, cunning, and adept at stealth, able to appear and vanish at will. Distant relative of the gargon.
*Inspirations:* qilin, tiger, chesire cat

*Smilodon*
*Description*: A breed of large jungle cat distinguished by their stocky body, vicious temperament, and extremely large canine teeth.
*Inspirations:* saber-tooth cat





Spoiler:  Creatures of Urthrak- Swamps, Marshes, and Scrublands



*Basilisk ("sailback")*
*Description: *A large predatory lizard, named for the ribbed sail that adorns its back, that inhabits the marshes and scrublands of Urthrak.
*Inspirations:* dimetrodon

*Creeper*
*Description:* A giant, centipede-like creature that inhabits the Urswamp. It has a tough armor-plated shell that comes in muted tones of red, brown, green, and black along with powerful pincers that can deliver a crushing and venomous bite. Its diet is omnivorous. The Mist harvest its armor to use as their own.
*Inspirations:* arthropleura

*Lurker*
*Description:* An giant amphibian predator of Urswamp with a streamlined body, powerful tail, and gaping jaws. Its mucous-slick skin can range from muted tones to a sickly white color. Its main source of food is fish, but it will snatch whatever comes to the water's edge.
*Inspirations:* loxomma, eogyrinus

*Salamander*
*Description:* A large amphibian of Urswamp with brightly colored skin thickly coated in toxic mucous. It has the ability to spit burning, acidic poison that is almost always fatal and is extremely dangerous. Relative of the lurker.
*Inspirations:* salamander



Btw, the Temeth Sea is the body of water that lies between the mainland and the two off-lands: Haldor and Urthrak. You don't get to the Falden Ocean proper until you go beyond those two. It's not labeled because that version of the map is a couple days out of date.


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## Jabrosky (Apr 24, 2012)

I really do like that you've used prehistoric animals as inspiration for some of your creatures. I like to do that too.


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## Queshire (Apr 24, 2012)

seems good, though I admit I just skimmed over it. I suggest thinking about how each of this creatures interact with each other as well as interacting with humans or whatever your veiw point race is.


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## ThinkerX (Apr 24, 2012)

I like what I see.  

I do note, though, that most of these creatures fall into the 'extremely dangerous' catagory.

How about some unusual beasties that are merely annoying, or possibly even worth domesticating?


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## Mindfire (Apr 24, 2012)

ThinkerX said:


> I like what I see.
> 
> I do note, though, that most of these creatures fall into the 'extremely dangerous' catagory.
> 
> How about some unusual beasties that are merely annoying, or possibly even worth domesticating?



I'll definitely give that some thought. I already have one or two that fall into that category: horses and kindrakes specifically. I also have a few kinds of deer and goats, I just didn't include them because they are noticeably different from the real world versions.


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## JBryden88 (Apr 24, 2012)

I like it enough that you may have just inspired me to think beyond regular wildlife


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## Devor (Apr 24, 2012)

Ursine - Try a wolverine base instead, as they're just as fierce as bears, tough in the cold, and don't hibernate.
Snowfox - If you're giving the creature magical powers, it needs a more distinct name.

Most of them seem fine.


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## edd (Apr 24, 2012)

pictures are worth a thousand words but i like it over all 
may be add something about what they eat,how long they live would be nice


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## Ailith (Apr 24, 2012)

These sound amazing. I'd really like to see sketches of some of them... especially the Ashepri and the Quillin. It seems like you've really done your research and can give readers a clear picture of the creatures, which I think is a must if you invent your own creatures. 

How do you plan to use them in the story? Does the character encounter them on a journey? It seems like a lot of creatures to introduce, so I'm just curious as to the part they will play.


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## Mindfire (Apr 24, 2012)

Devor said:


> Ursine - Try a wolverine base instead, as they're just as fierce as bears, tough in the cold, and don't hibernate.
> Snowfox - If you're giving the creature magical powers, it needs a more distinct name.
> 
> Most of them seem fine.


Wolverine base... I like it! I'll add that to the notes. As for the snowfox, I see your point. Whenever I invent names I strive to make them fairly simple and easy to remember. But "snowfox" could use a bit of spice. I'll give it some thought.




edd said:


> pictures are worth a thousand words but i like it over all
> may be add something about what they eat,how long they live would be nice


Thanks! I'm not an amazing artist and haven't drawn in forever, but once I get some free time I'll try my hand at sketching again. I'll add details about diet and lifespan to my notes also.



Ailith said:


> These sound amazing. I'd really like to see sketches of some of them... especially the Ashepri and the Quillin. It seems like you've really done your research and can give readers a clear picture of the creatures, which I think is a must if you invent your own creatures.
> 
> How do you plan to use them in the story? Does the character encounter them on a journey? It seems like a lot of creatures to introduce, so I'm just curious as to the part they will play.



Thanks Ailith! As I said, I'll come up with sketches once I have more free time. As for how they factor into the plot, they have varying roles. Some of them, like the kindrake and the Madrigan Horse, are "extras" in a way. They serve mostly to inform on the setting and the culture that surrounds and has domesticated them. Others, like the ashepri, snowfox, hyloth, and mawfish show up at key plot elements throughout the series I'm plotting. And a few, like the direwolf and smilodon are at the very heart of the plot for the book I'm currently writing!

To be more specific: one of my supporting characters is attacked by a juvenile ashepri when he goes north looking to capture water elementals. My main character comes from a culture that has a special connection with the direwolves and that relationship factors into the plot.


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## DavidJae (Apr 25, 2012)

Very impressive, it's clear that a lot of energy and passion has gone into this, so you should be proud. The descriptions are detailed and help to build a picture of your world, adding a richness to your narrative. I feel I should mention that Direwolves have been a large plot point in Game of Thrones, so you may wish to rethink the name. Otherwise, an excellent document


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## Queshire (Apr 25, 2012)

dire-whatevers have been around for a long time. Ever since D&D came out at least, though I'm sure they just ripped it from somewhere else in time. Most of the time, they are simply huge-ass versions of normal animals.


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## JBryden88 (Apr 25, 2012)

Wolves and bears, dire or not dire have always been around in some sort of fantasy or historical symbolism. I'm not sure if I read that somewhere, I but I believe I read something about how in myth and such the wolf and bear have some sort of ancient rivalry - the idea being the wolf is cunning and sneaky, the bear is noble and gallant. Either way, I wouldn't worry about the fact it's been done before, just so long as say, you use direwolves in a creative way.

Game of Thrones being popular will obviously draw comparisons, 



Spoiler: warning spoilers



but as long as you don't have a bunch of children who have wolf dreams and "become" their wolves, I think you're fine.


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## SeverinR (Apr 25, 2012)

Malfrog- like your inspiration, the natives in the area would probably harvest the poison or even just wipe a blade with the poison.  Nature tends to color brightly those that have deadly poison, as a warning to other animals.

Might want to note aggresiveness of each animal. 
Highly poisonous creatures tend to be passive, other wise they would kill everything in sight.


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## Mindfire (Apr 25, 2012)

DavidJae said:


> Very impressive, it's clear that a lot of energy and passion has gone into this, so you should be proud. The descriptions are detailed and help to build a picture of your world, adding a richness to your narrative. I feel I should mention that Direwolves have been a large plot point in Game of Thrones, so you may wish to rethink the name. Otherwise, an excellent document





Queshire said:


> dire-whatevers have been around for a long time. Ever since D&D came out at least, though I'm sure they just ripped it from somewhere else in time. Most of the time, they are simply huge-ass versions of normal animals.





JBryden88 said:


> Wolves and bears, dire or not dire have always been around in some sort of fantasy or historical symbolism. I'm not sure if I read that somewhere, I but I believe I read something about how in myth and such the wolf and bear have some sort of ancient rivalry - the idea being the wolf is cunning and sneaky, the bear is noble and gallant. Either way, I wouldn't worry about the fact it's been done before, just so long as say, you use direwolves in a creative way.
> 
> Game of Thrones being popular will obviously draw comparisons,
> 
> ...



Just to dispel all doubts, I changed the name to direwolves before I found out about their role in Game of Thrones/ASOIAF. I saw a NatGeo documentary (or was it History channel) about the REAL direwolves and thought it was awesome, so I changed the name (they were called timberwolves before). Heck, I don't even know what they DO in ASOIAF. Haven't read the books. But from what I can gather, my direwolves are quite different in many ways, not the least of which is that they have human-level intelligence and magical powers.


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## JBryden88 (Apr 25, 2012)

What magic powers do your direwolves have? That's probably the most important question you may need to answer in order to say, differentiate yourself. Are they telepathic, are they symbiotic with certain humans, or do they have something else going on?


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## Mindfire (Apr 25, 2012)

JBryden88 said:


> What magic powers do your direwolves have? That's probably the most important question you may need to answer in order to say, differentiate yourself. Are they telepathic, are they symbiotic with certain humans, or do they have something else going on?



Direwolves are complex creatures. They're not telepathic, only their northern relatives- the snowfoxes, have that ability. They communicate, much like normal wolves, through sounds and body language. As for them being symbiotic... sort of. They do form strong bonds with certain members of the Mako people. And by "strong bond" I mean the bond between two lifelong friends, not the "dragon & rider" type of thing. I wanted to avoid that.

As for their powers, they have an advanced version of the magic that's available to the Mako. Like the Mako, they fuel it largely through a mystic connection with their native habitat through the Source Tree, which is a symbol of the Creator's presence on earth (it's like the Ark of the Covenant, except its a tree). Unlike the Mako, their powers have greater range and variety. A direwolf's abilities are linked to their personality and no two have the exact same power set. Often the color of their fur and eyes will also correlate with their personality. 

More specifically, I have direwolves that can:
-appear and disappear at will, like smoke
-mezmerize enemies with her gaze
-intimidate enemies with illusions

Those are three _different _wolves btw.


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## Queshire (Apr 25, 2012)

That's a whole lot more powerful then most dire-whatevers. I think when people hear direwolves they just imagine bigger badder versions of normal wolves. I suggest giving them a more mystical sounding name to go with their mystical powers.


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## Mindfire (Apr 25, 2012)

Queshire said:


> That's a whole lot more powerful then most dire-whatevers. I think when people hear direwolves they just imagine bigger badder versions of normal wolves. I suggest giving them a more mystical sounding name to go with their mystical powers.



If I do that I run into the same issue I do with the snowfoxes: calling a rabbit a smeerp. When it comes to naming things, less is more I think. I don't want the reader to get lost trying to remember everything. All important locations are noted on my map, so if the reader forgets where Antonia is, they can just check and refresh their memory. For creatures I invented, or for creatures based on prehistoric animals whose scientific names are too awkward to use, I can justify inventing a new word for the reader to remember. But when an animal is (physically) almost identical to a real-world animal, I think it makes sense to indicate that in the name so the reader will have something to connect it to, which makes it easier to remember. Thus: snowfox, duneviper, malfrog, and direwolf.


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## Queshire (Apr 25, 2012)

Yeah, but direwolves are established monsters. People have an image in their head about what direwolves are and what they can do. Giving them all those special magical powers is like giving an elf a war hammer.


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## JBryden88 (Apr 25, 2012)

My elf in Skyrim had a warhammer. Just sayin'


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## Mindfire (Apr 25, 2012)

Queshire said:


> Yeah, but direwolves are established monsters. People have an image in their head about what direwolves are and what they can do. Giving them all those special magical powers is like giving an elf a war hammer.


Well, I do take your point. I'm hoping direwolves aren't too firmly established beyond the D&D/Warcraft community. But then again, that community is probably going to be a substantial part of my audience, so it's a catch 22. That said, I don't see why one couldn't give an elf a warhammer... It's a "my book, my rules" vs "audience expectations" kind of deal I suppose. I'll have to give it some thought. I'll keep the name as a placeholder for now.



JBryden88 said:


> My elf in Skyrim had a warhammer. Just sayin'


If we had a like button on this site, I would have liked this. xD


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## Mindfire (May 1, 2012)

Someone earlier mentioned making a note on temperaments. I've come up with a sliding scale:

Docile: generally non-threatening, only dangerous if panicked
Skittish: can be dangerous if spooked, but is more likely to run than attack
Aware: will attack intruders, but will run from large threats
Testy: best avoided, will attack if provoked, does not flee confrontations
Aggressive: avoid at all costs, will attack without provocation

I kind of have an idea about which ones to apply to which creatures, but I'd like to hear some suggestions, too. I'm also taking suggestions on lifespans.


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## Aravelle (May 3, 2012)

Hmmm...I do, like the pre-historic influence. However, they're all so dangerous or "super powered" [i.e. direwolves]. It wouldn't hurt to have some with weaknesses.
I also agree direwolves should have another name. Your beasts are somewhat different.. everyone here has made excellent points.
Do you have any normal critters? Like...chickens, for an example? xD I know these are supposed to be the special ones but I want to make sure.


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## Mindfire (May 3, 2012)

Aravelle said:


> Hmmm...I do, like the pre-historic influence. However, they're all so dangerous or "super powered" [i.e. direwolves]. It wouldn't hurt to have some with weaknesses.
> I also agree direwolves should have another name. Your beasts are somewhat different.. everyone here has made excellent points.
> Do you have any normal critters? Like...chickens, for an example? xD I know these are supposed to be the special ones but I want to make sure.



I have deer. And horses. And sheep. And cattle.


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## Jabrosky (May 6, 2012)

While we're on the subject of wildlife in our stories...

I have a big cat species which is spotted like a leopard, but grows as large as a tiger and has social behavior similar to lions. I was originally going to call these animals simply "panthers", but then people associate that word with melanistic (all black) leopards. What should I call my fictional feline?


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## Mindfire (May 6, 2012)

Jabrosky said:


> While we're on the subject of wildlife in our stories...
> 
> I have a big cat species which is spotted like a leopard, but grows as large as a tiger and has social behavior similar to lions. I was originally going to call these animals simply "panthers", but then people associate that word with melanistic (all black) leopards. What should I call my fictional feline?



How about leonids? Or leonines?


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## Aravelle (May 7, 2012)

Or you could come with some other random -but not lame sounding- name.


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