# Ceremonies Similar to Marriage



## Laurence (Feb 12, 2015)

I doubt I'll be including religion in my world, yet I'm considering some kind of ceremony that combines all assets and titles of two people who vow to spend the rest of their lives together - something that would allow a man to become a Queen's King or vice versa.

Do you guys know of any interesting non-religious marriage alternatives?

P.S. Nearly everyone in this world ignored or accepted homosexuality, however, homosexuality was very rare, considering the the tiny population in the first place.


----------



## Ireth (Feb 12, 2015)

Handfasting could be an option: Handfasting Info :: Home


----------



## Laurence (Feb 12, 2015)

Thanks for the link! That's a nice looking ritual.

Here's another question: What wonderful alternative names for 'Love' has everybody heard?


----------



## Shreddies (Feb 12, 2015)

Well, the church did not start officiating weddings, by and large, until the 16th century. During Roman times it was controlled (and officiated) by the government. After the fall of the empire, I believe that it was done by the civil courts. So, really, any pre-15th century European/Mediterranean wedding is likely to have no real involvement by the church.

Marriage has, more or less, always been a legal affair. It was never really a religious thing in most of the cultures I'm aware of, with some exceptions, of course.


Do you mean alternative names for the love of a spouse or lover, or alternative definitions/categories of love?


----------



## Laurence (Feb 12, 2015)

Shreddies said:


> Well, the church did not start officiating weddings, by and large, until the 16th century. During Roman times it was controlled (and officiated) by the government. After the fall of the empire, I believe that it was done by the civil courts. So, really, any pre-15th century European/Mediterranean wedding is likely to have no real involvement by the church.
> 
> Marriage has, more or less, always been a legal affair. It was never really a religious thing in most of the cultures I'm aware of, with some exceptions, of course.
> 
> ...



Well that makes things a lot easier, thanks very much.

I mean alternative names for 'Love', the unexplainable feeling one usually has for a spouse!


----------



## cupiscent (Feb 12, 2015)

Depends on the purpose of "marriage" in your world. If marriage is a partnership whereby two people enter into an agreement to pool resources and work for mutual benefit (forever or until mutually dissolved), then really all you need is a legal contract witnessed by suitable people and lodged with a suitable authority. If it's about "love" (whatever you decide to call it - bonding, mutuality, whatever) then that's where other sorts of symbolism start to come in. I was struck at my own wedding by how much of the marriage ceremony (Church of England, for us) was about focusing our minds on maintaining and prolonging our relationship, and continuing to cherish each other, etc.


----------



## Shreddies (Feb 12, 2015)

Laurence said:


> I mean alternative names for 'Love', the unexplainable feeling one usually has for a spouse!



Affection, desire, ('s/he is my-') passion, delight ('-in your spouse'), infatuation . . .

Devotion? Enchantment and enamored? Fervor might work. Ardor as well.


----------



## Laurence (Feb 12, 2015)

Shreddies said:


> Affection, desire, ('s/he is my-') passion, delight ('-in your spouse'), infatuation . . .
> 
> Devotion? Enchantment and enamored? Fervor might work. Ardor as well.



Devotion could work! Great suggestions, thanks.


----------



## Tom (Feb 12, 2015)

Laurence said:


> Here's another question: What wonderful alternative names for 'Love' has everybody heard?



My favorite that I've heard is _agape_, which is Greek for 'selfless love'. It describes a love that wants to give rather than receive, and doesn't expect anything in return. I think it's a beautiful thing, and, though it's not necessarily a romantic type of love, the perfect concept for a marriage.


----------



## CupofJoe (Feb 13, 2015)

Shreddies said:


> Well, the church did not start officiating weddings, by and large, until  the 16th century. During Roman times it was controlled (and officiated)  by the government. After the fall of the empire, I believe that it was  done by the civil courts. So, really, any pre-15th century  European/Mediterranean wedding is likely to have no real involvement by  the church.



I'd even go further, for rural parts of the UK in the [late] middle ages, all that was needed for a marriage was for people to say they were married in front of a witness... Usually there was some sort of party or public display but a Priest made a good witness... There was a really good episode of In Our Time about things like this a few months ago...



cupiscent said:


> Depends on the purpose of "marriage" in your world. If marriage is a partnership whereby two people enter into an agreement to pool resources and work for mutual benefit (forever or until mutually dissolved), then really all you need is a legal contract witnessed by suitable people and lodged with a suitable authority.


After most of a bottle of very nice Irish Whiskey a friend recently bemoaned that it had been easier and cheaper to get out of his marriage than it was get out of his business partnership. [As I understand it in the UK...] If one side wants to leave a marriage, then they can and everyone has to work things out later... but both sides need to agree a division of assets in a business partnership before the separation...


----------



## skip.knox (Feb 13, 2015)

I suggest, with all courtesy and respect, that Laurence do a bit of research. Finding synonyms for love is as simple as consulting a thesaurus. I suggest this not merely as a snobbish suggestion, but because there really is a different kind of thought process that goes on. There are many aspects to this, including the fact that when you are doing research, you are in the mind-set, on point as it were; while when you come to the forum you're reading various things, were coming first for conversation and only happen to get a reply to your question, etc. Another aspect is that you will stumble across ancillary information, stuff you couldn't possibly have thought to ask about in the original question, and you have your note-taking software ready to go ... because you're in research mode. There's more, too, learning theory stuff, but that's enough for now.

I'm not saying research instead of asking; I'm saying research *and then* ask. 

The same goes for marriage ceremonies. A quick search on "Roman marriage ceremony" "Greek marriage ceremony" "pagan marriage ceremony" "hindu marriage ceremony" etc. returns tons of information. Far more than you'll get from asking a question of a human. Where the human is really useful is when you say "I read about Celtic marriage ceremonies and got lots of interesting information, but there's this one thing I don't understand ...."  The great weakness of independent research is getting that "what I don't understand" question answered. That's where the humans, especially the humans around here, come in handy.


----------



## X Equestris (Feb 13, 2015)

Shreddies said:


> Well, the church did not start officiating weddings, by and large, until the 16th century. During Roman times it was controlled (and officiated) by the government. After the fall of the empire, I believe that it was done by the civil courts. So, really, any pre-15th century European/Mediterranean wedding is likely to have no real involvement by the church.
> 
> Marriage has, more or less, always been a legal affair. It was never really a religious thing in most of the cultures I'm aware of, with some exceptions, of course.
> 
> ...



Marriages in Ancient Rome were very much religious affairs, it's simply that the Romans had absolutely no separation between their religion and state matters.


----------



## Laurence (Feb 13, 2015)

skip.knox said:


> I suggest, with all courtesy and respect, that Laurence do a bit of research. Finding synonyms for love is as simple as consulting a thesaurus. I suggest this not merely as a snobbish suggestion, but because there really is a different kind of thought process that goes on. There are many aspects to this, including the fact that when you are doing research, you are in the mind-set, on point as it were; while when you come to the forum you're reading various things, were coming first for conversation and only happen to get a reply to your question, etc. Another aspect is that you will stumble across ancillary information, stuff you couldn't possibly have thought to ask about in the original question, and you have your note-taking software ready to go ... because you're in research mode. There's more, too, learning theory stuff, but that's enough for now.
> 
> I'm not saying research instead of asking; I'm saying research *and then* ask.
> 
> The same goes for marriage ceremonies. A quick search on "Roman marriage ceremony" "Greek marriage ceremony" "pagan marriage ceremony" "hindu marriage ceremony" etc. returns tons of information. Far more than you'll get from asking a question of a human. Where the human is really useful is when you say "I read about Celtic marriage ceremonies and got lots of interesting information, but there's this one thing I don't understand ...."  The great weakness of independent research is getting that "what I don't understand" question answered. That's where the humans, especially the humans around here, come in handy.



Thanks for the tips. I generally research after I've asked the question, during the ensuing discussion. Interesting discussions are the reason I visit forums after all and I'm keen to get one started when I think of a question on the train home!


----------



## K.S. Crooks (Feb 15, 2015)

"Tying the knot" is something that has been actually used as part of a marriage ceremony. The two people each have a rope that they tie together to symbolize their union. You can also have the two people have their wrists tied together. Another is each person has a lit candle and then together they light a third to show that they now burn as one. One that just came to me is for the couple to climb a mountain (small one) to show they can take on any challenge together, or the opposite, to go up the mountain separately and come down together as one. Hope this sparks a few ideas.


----------



## Ireth (Feb 15, 2015)

I've also heard of a couple jumping over a fire together as a sort of marriage ceremony in olden times.


----------



## CupofJoe (Feb 15, 2015)

Ireth said:


> I've also heard of a couple jumping over a fire together as a sort of marriage ceremony in olden times.


It still happens today. I know pagans of the more Heathen variety will use jumping the fire as their version of the Handfast.
The one ceremony I've taken part in, the fire was blessed and then the couple leapt the fire 3 times and plighted their love for a year and a day... In the culture, the marriage has a life span, in this case 366 days and has to be renewed each year...
After the ceremony and before the fire was left to die out any couple that wanted to reinforce their bond was then given the opportunity to jump the fire as well. Everyone present was given a burnt twig or charcoal as a gift to take home with them.


----------



## Laurence (Feb 15, 2015)

Wow every year? I assume they generally have a pretty cheap ceremony then?


----------



## CupofJoe (Feb 15, 2015)

Laurence said:


> Wow every year? I assume they generally have a pretty cheap ceremony then?


Yep... Really cheap... A few pieces of wood for the fire [lots if you want the fire to last from dusk to dawn]... a box of matches... any food or drink people want to bring along and usually a whole lot of fun.


----------



## Noldona (Feb 18, 2015)

A modern day possibility that is legal in some US states is a Common Law marriage. Not all states accept Common Law marriages, and those that do usually have some specific things that need to be done to be considered a Common Law marriage. This should give you a good starting point for some non-religious legally binding marriages.


----------



## PaulineMRoss (Feb 19, 2015)

Honestly, there's really no limit to the number of possibilities. Almost any ceremony which involves: a) witnesses; b) the prospective spouses symbolically being united; and c) [optional] not being forced into it, will do. The 'uniting' can be all sorts of things: physically being tied together, crossing a bridge, moving from one group of people to another, having matching tattoos, entering a house together... If it has political significance, then you'd probably want paperwork, or some physical proof. Otherwise, almost anything goes.

I have one book where the couple stand either side of a stone arch on the village green. The one providing the home has to entice the other through the arch with gifts. When he/she is satisfied with the gifts, he/she walks through the arch and - voila! Married.


----------



## SM-Dreamer (Feb 19, 2015)

PaulineMRoss said:


> Honestly, there's really no limit to the number of possibilities. Almost any ceremony which involves: a) witnesses; b) the prospective spouses symbolically being united; and c) [optional] not being forced into it, will do. The 'uniting' can be all sorts of things: physically being tied together, crossing a bridge, moving from one group of people to another, having matching tattoos, entering a house together... If it has political significance, then you'd probably want paperwork, or some physical proof. Otherwise, almost anything goes.
> 
> I have one book where the couple stand either side of a stone arch on the village green. The one providing the home has to entice the other through the arch with gifts. When he/she is satisfied with the gifts, he/she walks through the arch and - voila! Married.



That is actually really cool. I agree with you that there are innumerable ways to have a pair unite themselves, and that there only needs to be a physical representation if it matters in their society. Usually, as long as people have agreed to be together, and are living together, then they're a couple; witnesses and all the rest of it are just symbols and rituals.

One of my cultures, a flying race that worship the night, moon, and sky, has as their joining ceremony a sky dance that both pairs perform, and it ends with them uniting their breath (sacred in their culture) in a vial that is presented to their deity. Whether it's witnessed or not, or more drawn out, depends entirely on those uniting.


----------

