# How to write a gay character



## Roc (Apr 15, 2013)

Perhaps I didn't phrase the title right, so let me explain.

I'm writing a fantasy (not a romance, or fantamance), and therein lies my goal to create a gay character where sexuality is only incidental to the character and has no impact on the story. Because of this, I don't want to explicitly say that the character is gay. 

My question is, how can I (not using romance) convey that the character is gay without making it painfully obvious and defeating the purpose of the character in the first place.

(One of the main themes in my novel is acceptance and this seems, to me, a step in the right direction)

Thanks guys!

Edit: I also feel like I should add that the character is one of the main cast, so it's not like they're going to be showing up a couple times.


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## Deleted member 2173 (Apr 15, 2013)

Roc said:


> Perhaps I didn't phrase the title right, so let me explain.
> 
> I'm writing a fantasy (not a romance, or fantamance), and therein lies my goal to create a gay character where sexuality is only incidental to the character and has no impact on the story. Because of this, I don't want to explicitly say that the character is gay.
> 
> ...



As a gay man, I would say that people often discover my sexuality when they say something about a wife or girlfriend I might have and I gently but directly explain that I am not into women.  

Don't tell, show.  Have your gay character talk about a past lover, or have him pick up a male character for a night.  This is all dependent that the character in question is comfortable with himself and HE doesn't have an issue with his sexuality.  There is a great deal of internal homophobia that goes on in the world, and a little internal conflict is always good for story purposes.


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## saellys (Apr 15, 2013)

Great question. I'm writing a male pansexual character, and I'm trying hard to balance the portrayal so reader misconceptions will be minimal. For starters, pansexual doesn't mean "attracted to everyone," in the same way gay doesn't mean "attracted to everyone of the same gender". It's potential attraction, so I'm working to make it clear that even though my character is in several relationships over the course of the story and experiences attraction to people in various places on the gender spectrum, there are quite a few people he's explicitly not attracted to. I wouldn't say his relationships have much bearing on the plot, but they're there to develop him as a character and make his orientation crystal clear, which is a priority for me.

Without using relationships to convey that you're character is gay, I can think of two other methods that might work for you. Since acceptance is a theme in your novel, you can work attitudes about homosexuality into your worldbuilding and make that something your character responds to, internally or externally, at some point in the story. Those attitudes don't have to mirror the ones in the real world, by the way; they could even be overwhelmingly positive. Likewise, your character's response doesn't have to be a source of conflict in the story. My character, for instance, is part of a culture that embraces a religion with homophobic aspects, and those around him would (and do) misconstrue his orientation as homosexuality. Their lack of nuance irritates him, but he's not out campaigning for equal rights.

The other is to give your character a "type" (again, not just "the same gender" but more like "blonds with battle axes" or "tall dark and noble" or some such) and give them an internal monologue when interacting with a character who falls into that type. That's skirting the line of romance and relationships, though, so I think if you want to avoid that entirely, establishing societal norms would be your best bet.

EDIT: Ninja'd by Whitestone. I definitely agree that a lot of this will be contingent upon your character's own views about their orientation. Closeted and fearful (maybe in part because of societal norms) will result in different thoughts and actions from out and proud.


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## Ophiucha (Apr 15, 2013)

I had a 'man with no name' loner/wanderer sort of character in a story I wrote two summers ago who was gay, but the only mention I made of it was him at the camp-fire giving his back story about his 'husband and two daughters being killed'. Basically just gender swapped the stereotypical 'wife and two sons'. 

References to past romantic interests are the easiest way, or having him flirt with an attractive beer swain or something. Quite depends on the character's personality if a more overt display of his sexuality is possible. If he's less inclined, having a straight character who is more like that comment on a lovely lady and have your gay character retort that she's not 'exactly his type' or something similar. Perhaps, as saelllys touched on, you could develop certain ideas about homosexuality within the worldbuilding and highlight how your character reacts to them. That may not mean conforming to those ideas (particularly if the stereotypes are negative), nor does it have to mean fighting against them (being an LGB activist), but stereotypes, prejudices, etc. often affect how we present ourselves, and they affect how people interact with each other. If you had another character who was a bit homophobic, then he might act differently around your gay character based on his beliefs and your culture's stereotypes.

All of this depends on the world you have and the character's personality, though.


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## tlbodine (Apr 15, 2013)

Depends a bit on his relationship to the rest of the characters in the story and the rules of the world you're in.  It really depends a lot on context.  Maybe the party stops off at a tavern for a night, and somebody goes to the effort of rounding up a stable boy for the character -- who may or may not see this as a favor.  Maybe somebody is surprised at how strong/powerful he is and awkwardly says he doesn't really expect it from someone "like him."  Maybe, as mentioned above, somebody asks about a significant other or wife.  Or maybe there's just a bit of chemistry or flirtation that's never really pursued.  

It depends on the character and the importance of his sexuality to your narrative.


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## Nightender (Apr 15, 2013)

The lead character in my current WIP doesn't have a real love interest.  She's not interested in sex or even pursuing a relationship.  She's content with her life at the start of the story.

As I wrote a scene with her and her best friend, I found that a couple of the simple actions they were going through--the way they hugged and stayed close to each other--implied a possible interest beyond basic friendship.

Even though I'm not adding any firm romantic subplots, with that realization, I found myself with a lead who was gay and a female friend she could, maybe someday, be interested in.

So long as the character's actions and motivations are consistent, you shouldn't have any problems.


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## Aidan of the tavern (Apr 15, 2013)

I think Whitestone made a good point, how you portray it will have a lot to do with the character's sense of identity, and the attitudes to homosexuality in his society.  Working around that I think there's quite a few ways it could be implied whithout being stated.  

In one of my stories there's a young man who helps the protagonists, and is saved by one of the supporting protags.  Further on up the plot he goes to stay with the guy who saved him, initially for his own protection and because he needs shelter.  I never actually say he is gay, but later on in their scenes I kind of imply that they are in some kind of relationship.  When the main protag goes to visit the warrior he is surprised by the door being answered by the young man, as the warrior is asleep.  Generally they act around each other like very close friends at least, and the younger obviously cares a lot about the warrior when he goes into the danger zone, and can be quite protective of him.  So I didn't immediately work these aspects of his personality in at the start, because I wanted to establish the character before the reader stuck a label like "gay" on him.


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## Kit (Apr 15, 2013)

You could simply make mention of him noticing and admiring a certain man in passing.


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## kayd_mon (Apr 15, 2013)

Have him be married to a woman, then kill him off, and have his wofe remarry while still claiming to be a virgin! No wait, that's been used... 

But really, you could have the character admire the attractiveness of another like-sex character, just don't be too heavy-handed about it. I went to school with a guy who was trying to do this, but he was too obvious about it, and it detracted from his story and characterization. Subtlety is key. Don'tssacrifice your story just to make a point.


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## Steerpike (Apr 15, 2013)

If you are going to present it, I think the ideas above are good. One thing I'd ask is this: if it has absolutely no bearing on the story, is it necessary to either mention it or imply it? For stories I write, if sexual orientation (whether gay or straight) has no bearing whatsoever on the story, I don't even bring it up.


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## saellys (Apr 15, 2013)

It may not have bearing on the plot, but it probably has some bearing on the character.


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## Steerpike (Apr 15, 2013)

saellys said:


> It may not have bearing on the plot, but it probably has some bearing on the character.



Yes. To me, the characters are part of the story. So when the OP said it had no impact on the 'story,' I took it to mean it was irrelevant as to plot, characterization, and so on. In which case, I wouldn't bring it up to begin with. If it impacts the characterization, then I think it is relevant to the story and should be mentioned.

Honestly, there's no reason not to do it through simple exposition, explicitly. You don't have to do it that way, of course, but there's nothing wrong with it. Alternatively, the methods mentioned by various members above are also good.


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## SeverinR (Apr 15, 2013)

I agree with Sterrpike,
Let the reader figure it out with the clues, maybe at the end of the book confirm it in some way.

I have a secondary character that is homosexual, it isn't important, in fact I just had the main character ask the person showing her around, 
"Does he have his eye on any of the women here?"
"No, hes not interested in women."


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## skip.knox (Apr 15, 2013)

This feels a lot like the perennial question of how a male writes a female character. The usual advice is: just write the character. If it turns out the person has some interaction where gender is relevant, than write that.

To put it another way, the only question to me is: how does this character react to this situation?  

To put it yet another way, how often do you ask yourself how to write a heterosexual male character? What makes you think you're innately fitted to do that?  For myself, I'm more than capable of botching a male's reaction to a situation; being male myself doesn't seem to help a whit.

To put it still another way, why is it not a question how to write an elf?  Or a talking dragon?  Or even the eternal farm-boy-on-a-quest? 

We just write the story. We put our characters in situations. They react. If we've done our job well, they react in believable ways and the reader buys it.

And yet, such questions seem to come up all the time. Am I missing something?


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## saellys (Apr 15, 2013)

Some writers want to write a character with particular traits or aspects on purpose. When those traits are foreign to the writer, and there are real-world analogues, the writer has the opportunity to ask for advice. Someone who has similar traits to the character, or who has struggled with the same issues in their own writing, might chime in with useful insight. I hope that answers your question.


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## Roc (Apr 15, 2013)

skip.knox said:


> This feels a lot like the perennial question of how a male writes a female character. The usual advice is: just write the character. If it turns out the person has some interaction where gender is relevant, than write that.
> 
> To put it another way, the only question to me is: how does this character react to this situation?
> 
> ...



Yeah, you completely misunderstood the question. I feel like you only read the title. 

I was seeking advice on how to convey his sexuality without stating it. I got some fantastic ideas already. I'm thinking something along the lines of one of my societies having public executions, where the main character in question finds out some of the people being executed are gay, and has to react to that.

Steerpike, I said that one of my themes was acceptance, and that's partly the reason why I want to portray this character as someone who is exactly like everyone else, except for he's gay. I think that using someone's homosexuality as the defining factor of their character seems to be a stigma, and I'm attempting to break that.

No, I'm also not insinuating that everyone does that.

Thanks to everyone who read the entire question and sorry for any misunderstandings. This is exactly the stuff I was looking for.


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## saellys (Apr 15, 2013)

Roc said:


> ... I said that one of my themes was acceptance, and that's partly the reason why I want to portray this character as someone who is exactly like everyone else, except for he's gay. I think that using someone's homosexuality as the defining factor of their character seems to be a stigma, and I'm attempting to break that.



Have you read _The Steel Remains_? The main character's history was told in flashbacks, and it's full of incidents where his orientation comes into violent conflict with society. At times I felt Morgan actually went a little overboard and crossed the line into blatantly preachy, but you might find some inspiration there. For the first book, Ringil is just about the most positive and least caricature-ized example of an "out" gay character I've found in fantasy literature, for the very reason that his orientation was _not_ his defining feature, and at no time did it eclipse the fact that he's a giant badass.


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## tlbodine (Apr 15, 2013)

Roc said:


> I think that using someone's homosexuality as the defining factor of their character seems to be a stigma, and I'm attempting to break that.



This here is a really important point, and one I think that gets overlooked often when people are writing women/minorities/gays/whatever.  On the one hand, yes, you write the character as a person first, identifying info second.  On the other hand, it would be completely stupid to assume that all people have the same life experiences and there are no differences between them.  It's not doing anybody any favors to write about characters in a way that doesn't ring true to life and doesn't celebrate the differences between people (instead of pretending that those differences aren't there).  

In the WIP I'm working on right now, the narrator's sexual orientation is never explicitly stated, and the whole issue is kind of muddy.  He has a romantic relationship with a woman and is clearly sexually attracted to her, but he also has a relationship with his male best friend that seems not-entirely-platonic.  The friend isn't called "gay" outright, but it's pretty obvious. 

At one point, the two of them get into some trouble, and the gay friend gets injured.  The MC notices he's bleeding through his clothes, which leads to this exchange:  
"Take off your shirt."  
"What?  You're not even going to buy me dinner first?" 

(The MC is not amused.  He's kind of a wet blanket anyway, though.)


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## Feo Takahari (Apr 15, 2013)

I'd like to give a caution by example:

I'm not religious at all, but for one story, I decided to use a deeply religious protagonist. I didn't think I needed to get into it much--I'd just occasionally depict her praying. But her primary motivation for staying loyal to her husband after a sudden revelation was religious in nature, and by not discussing that in depth, I greatly hurt my story. In order to make her actions understandable, I needed to explain the commandments she followed and how she interpreted them.

You may not need to do more than hint that your character is gay, but if you get an opportunity for greater characterization, don't hesitate to capitalize on it. It may count for more than you initially realize.


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## Roc (Apr 16, 2013)

Feo Takahari said:


> I'd like to give a caution by example:
> 
> I'm not religious at all, but for one story, I decided to use a deeply religious protagonist. I didn't think I needed to get into it much--I'd just occasionally depict her praying. But her primary motivation for staying loyal to her husband after a sudden revelation was religious in nature, and by not discussing that in depth, I greatly hurt my story. In order to make her actions understandable, I needed to explain the commandments she followed and how she interpreted them.
> 
> You may not need to do more than hint that your character is gay, but if you get an opportunity for greater characterization, don't hesitate to capitalize on it. It may count for more than you initially realize.



This is great advice. Thank you.


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## Hancewicz (Apr 17, 2013)

The first thing you notice about women and gay people is that they touch other people much more often than straight men. Maybe this helps somehow? )


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## Nihal (Apr 17, 2013)

Hancewicz said:


> The first thing you notice about women and gay people is that they touch other people much more often than straight men. Maybe this helps somehow? )


I don't think so... Touching people is a cultural _and_ personal thing, it's not genre-related, much less a feminine trait.


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## Deleted member 2173 (Apr 18, 2013)

Nihal said:


> I don't think so... Touching people is a cultural _and_ personal thing, it's not genre-related, much less a feminine trait.



Gayness and touchy-feeleyness don't go hand in hand ( see what I did there? ).  

Ultimately, it all depends on how in-depth you want to go with this character.  My gayness doesn't define me, but if someone were to write a story about me and not include that aspect of my character, they wouldn't be successful in conveying who I am fully.  At the same time, if I was only a walk-on character or had little to do with the story, then why would it come up.


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## Caged Maiden (Apr 19, 2013)

Okay... so you've got a lot to think about here, reading this thread.  One thing I want to mention... Most people are straight.  Right?  Most people are also right-handed.  Still with me?  So When would we "notice" a lefty?  Well, I do on the archery range... I was fencing with two lefties last Saturday and have some nice bruises on my right arm and leg.. not normal... when they're writing a letter?  The point is... most people will assume most other people they come across will be like them, right-handed and straight.  Imagine what it feels like to be the lefty... or the gay person.  Sort of a constant reminder when people around are talking about their wife or you're hanging out with your friends, fishing or something and shirts come off and people go swimming and you can't help but have a look.  Do you wonder whether all your friends feel like you do?  Do you feel it's "wrong" to notice your friends in that way?  I mean, there's a lot more to this than just being gay, it's how you "know" you're gay, what people say about it and how you feel about your very nature.  Sexuality is a natural part of life.  It's hard to stifle.  

I have a very good friend who is a lesbian.  She sums it up well saying, "I tried it once, being with a man.  I just had to see whether I was gay or what.  I was bored and absolutely not into it and when it was over, I thought to myself, yep, I'm just a big old lesbian."    I have to admit, I've never had the guts to ask any of my other gay friends how they knew they were gay or how they went about confirming it, but I can imagine in our culture, where homosexuality is largely accepted and even celebrated in certain communities, it's easier to know it's an option than say... in a culture where everyone is hush-hush and pretends such things don't exist because they're mortal sins or something...  In that case, I'd be darn scared when I went to the swimming hole with my same-sex friends and felt compelled to have a look and admire... and maybe felt a stirring within me that I knew meant something.  

SO yeah... I think a lot of this is going to really be defined by your culture.  There's a huge difference between a young man raised in a society that doesn't know homosexuality exists and he has feelings he doesn't know what to do with (sort of an innocent perspective on it maybe), and a middle-aged person who's known his whole life that his sexual desires are enough to get him burned at the stake for denying the will of the gods... or something.  The first character might be fine being what he is and go about life as though he felt much like everyone else does, but e has no desire to marry for some reason.  The second might be feeling very wronged or denied a part of himself because of the social or religious order oppressing his desires.  Both those characters will react differently to things and THAT will define them as characters, not directly their sexuality.


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## Alex Beecroft (Apr 22, 2013)

If your world is an accepting one, then surely it'll come up in conversation at some point? "Did you leave someone behind?" "No, I broke up with my lover a month before this, he's married to a tailor now. You?" "My wives are looking for a younger woman to replace me right now, I bet!"


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## Steerpike (Apr 22, 2013)

It comes down to people looking for stereotypes to run with, thinking that will lead them to an authentic character. It won't. I know a lot of gay people. They're as diverse as any other group of people. I worked for two gay guys who ran a construction company. They were pretty much your average construction workers. Don't fall into the trap of stereotyping your characters.


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## saellys (May 12, 2013)

Sorry for bumping an oldie, but Caged Maiden, I got a kick out of your swimming hole analogy, as two of my male characters who end up in a relationship literally have a swimming hole moment. 



Steerpike said:


> It comes down to people looking for stereotypes to run with, thinking that will lead them to an authentic character. It won't. I know a lot of gay people. They're as diverse as any other group of people. I worked for two gay guys who ran a construction company. They were pretty much your average construction workers. Don't fall into the trap of stereotyping your characters.



I think you missed most of the actual good advice people gave in this thread, which did not involve stereotypes at all, but focused on how that particular character might behave, depending on the situation.


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## rhd (May 12, 2013)

I've read some of the comments here and you've got some great feedback. I find this interesting...the homosexuality of a character would be relavent in a situation where there's conflict with that sort of thing, otherwise it's a just a part of life, it can be a _part_ of who you are but can't define you completely, it _would_ be significant if your world had a tendency to make a big issue out of someone's sexual orientation and sex and that would make that person more frustrated/frightened/rebellious/depressed and _then_ significantly define their personality. Just like anything else, for example, if a person just mentions in passing that yes, I was with him for a while (and unless it has relavence to the plot) people just move on to another subject or tease them a bit and then move on, diluting the issue and making acceptance subtle and relavent. For an outside view of my country we had an old British anti-sodomy law that was petitioned against as anti-gay which was repealed in 2009, but otherwise my traveller-friend swears that India is a gay-friendly country, two men holding hands and walking down the beach meant nothing until cable arrived and put ideas in people's heads. In fact, I'd say we have bigger issues with consensual straight sex because of purity/honour/class/caste issues, even if it is freer in urban India, people will point fingers and gossip, so yes, when it's normal there's less to discuss. That's my two paisa.


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## AnnaBlixt (May 12, 2013)

Oh, great discussion! 

I like it when you slip the gay/bi thing in discretely. My favorite is probably in the SF-series Babylon 5. JMS is making such a non-deal out of it, but still includes it discretely. Ivanova and Talia having a thing... and Marcus and Stephen travelling incognito as a married gay couple on a honeymoon! 

My least favorite is Robin Hobb's Dragon Keeper trilogy. Hest comes off as such a dick, and from time to time it seems as if his sexuality is the problem. If he had been straight, he wouldn't have been an evil rapist dick. That is very clearly established. Sure, gays can be evil too, I suppose, but in Hest's case it seems like his sexuality (and with it his difficulties in producing a child) is the root of his wickedness. 

I have a bisexual female lead in the book I am currently working on. She has had a relationship with a female previously, but she is single when the male lead encounters her. For her, having a relationship with a female seemed a very convenient solution. She is a very sexual person, but she doesn't want to settle down or risk a pregnancy. A same-sex relationship is safe that way. She explains it as "A body is a body and it was a cold winter". 

I worried a bit at first about having a bisexual woman pursue a same-sex relationship at first, but then go after a man. I was worried about having it seem like the same-sex relationship was just a thing of convenience. But I let those thoughts go after a while. For her - the woman she was with was the wrong person, and the man she finds later is the right one. And it's really about the personalities, isn't it? ;-)


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## rhd (May 12, 2013)

"And it's really about the personalities, isn't it?" Yeah, or may be not, I don't know if a great personality is enough to change one's orientation, like for example you meet an amazing girl but depending on how far up or down you are on the Kinsey scale,  you like cisgender muscled hairy types and imagining her as one of them might be difficult, you might feel like supplanting her personality on a different body you just can't do that....plus, how does she feel about that?-- I might just land up insulting someone by even suggesting it...Anyway, I like your story and character already, she's very practical.


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## AnnaBlixt (May 13, 2013)

rhd said:


> "And it's really about the personalities, isn't it?" Yeah, or may be not, I don't know if a great personality is enough to change one's orientation, like for example you meet an amazing girl but depending on how far up or down you are on the Kinsey scale,  you like cisgender muscled hairy types and imagining her as one of them might be difficult, you might feel like supplanting her personality on a different body you just can't do that....plus, how does she feel about that?-- I might just land up insulting someone by even suggesting it...Anyway, I like your story and character already, she's very practical.



Sorry, I meant "if you are bisexual, it's really about the personalities". ;-) 

Of course, in a midevial type setting, heirs were important, so you probably ended up marrying someone of the opposite sex whether you were hetero or not. I guess the view on same-sex encounters in this environment depends a lot of what kind of society you have made, and how society views same-sex relationships should probably reflect how you write about them. If homosexuality is a mortal sin, then you might need a different approach than if it is something that almost everyone is expected to do on the side. In a society where it is a more common occurrence, more people might be willing to try it at least.


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## Aidan of the tavern (May 13, 2013)

AnnaBlixt said:


> Sorry, I meant "if you are bisexual, it's really about the personalities". ;-)
> 
> Of course, in a midevial type setting, heirs were important, so you probably ended up marrying someone of the opposite sex whether you were hetero or not. I guess the view on same-sex encounters in this environment depends a lot of what kind of society you have made, and how society views same-sex relationships should probably reflect how you write about them. If homosexuality is a mortal sin, then you might need a different approach than if it is something that almost everyone is expected to do on the side. In a society where it is a more common occurrence, more people might be willing to try it at least.



Yeah, I guess a lot comes down to what civilisation your fantasy world corresponds to most.  A European medieval-esq country might not take anything other than Heterosexuality very well.  On the other hand the anicent Greeks were very cool about it, they didn't stick "sexuality labels" on people like todays societies, if you had a relationship with someone of the same sex that was just another aspect of your sexual life.


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