# Why bother?



## deilaitha (Apr 24, 2014)

I wasn't sure whether to put this under chit chat or writing questions, but since it's really more of a pity-party thread and doesn't so much pertain to the craft explicitly, I thought I'd put it here. 

So. 

Why bother?

This is the question I keep asking myself.  

Why do I continue to pour so much effort into my writing?  I know how astronomical the odds are against my success.  Sure, I have the first draft done and a lot of the editing.  But it has been so arduous.  Why do all this hard work when my chances of being picked up by a publisher are slim to none?  Yes, I could self publish, but there is a lot of disdain for self-published writers. 

Then there's the whole idea that, hey, there are lots of other books out there, so if I don't finish and publish mine, who is even going to care besides me and my immediate family? 

Once again, why bother?  Is it like asking "Why climb a mountain?" where the answer is, "Because it's there?"

I'm seriously thinking of just giving up.  There doesn't seem to be much point.   At the same time, I can't give up--it's too much a part of me. 

I'm twenty-seven. I've been writing, more or less, since I was fifteen.  I have a college degree in English and I've dreamed of being a professional writer for more than a decade.  After all of that, I have only a handful of poems published, a really terrible first draft of one novel, and about 1/3 of another.  

That's it. In 12 years of writing.  

So yeah.  Thanks for listening to the pity party.


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## T.Allen.Smith (Apr 24, 2014)

deilaitha said:


> ...it's too much a part of me.


That's the only reason necessary to be a writer, because it's part of who you are...that need to create & tell stories.

If you don't have that, you've got nothing.


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## teacup (Apr 24, 2014)

The answer doesn't have to be anything more than that you enjoy it. Do you enjoy it?

If you want to self publish, when it is ready, self publish it. I think the main issue people have with self published writers is that many publish before their story/writing is ready. If you work at yours until it's ready, it should be fine.

There's nothing wrong with a terrible first draft. I can't bring myself to look at mine it's so bad. But I improved because of it, and I love writing and improving on it.


The way I see mine is that I'm aiming for success, but if I don't achieve success for whatever reason, I've still written the story I wanted to tell. And not a moment of that time would have been wasted, because I enjoyed it. It's a hobby that I hope will lead to success. 




> At the same time, I can't give up--it's too much a part of me.


If it's a part of you and you enjoy writing, then write, I would say.


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## Nagash (Apr 24, 2014)

The way I see it, writing is a need, an urge born of out the deep unrest within; have you ever felt like if a seemingly fading flow of genius ideas suddenly popped up in your mind, and that writing it down was the only solution to carve it into reality and preserve it from oblivion ? That's how i see my writing - ideas strung together into stories, sagas, universes... I take it creativity is a part of each of us, and from time to time we express the need to put it to work rather than repress it. Writing should be a pleasure on its own, for it soothes the artist's mind; repressing this need, on the other hand, is incredibly frustrating. I can't tell you how much my hair have suffered of the occasional forgotten idea I just can't seem to recall...

Besides - are we writers for a solely lucrative purpose ? I don't know about you, but I'm not; as a matter of fact, I'm positive I will never get published, although I sometimes fancy myself a big-shot and best-selling author. But it doesn't matter. Because, before anything else, I write for myself and my own need to build a universe forged by and with this poetic vision of the world I acquired through my countless reads. Sure I'd like to be red and complimented by many - but meh, what you gonna do ? Fame is a tough goal to reach... You might as well love what you do and content yourself with what you can actually get in the moment. 

_“You are what you write”_, they say - shouldn't we all seek this reflection of ourselves between the lines we drop ?


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## Feo Takahari (Apr 24, 2014)

Is being read really the most valuable thing to you? 'Cause if it is, you can get a gazillion hits writing incest porn for Literotica. (I don't mean that as sarcasm at all--the incest porn I wrote for them is the most-read thing I've ever written, and it's not even very good.) And if you wouldn't be willing to do that, why not? Is there something you value about your writing itself, independent of whether it's read by many people?


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## deilaitha (Apr 24, 2014)

teacup said:


> The answer doesn't have to be anything more than that you enjoy it. Do you enjoy it?..
> 
> If it's a part of you and you enjoy writing, then write, I would say.



That's the thing...editing has been so hard for me lately, that I am incredibly depressed every time I work on my writing.  I'm not really enjoying it anymore.  It's more like a compulsion. However, if I stopped writing, I'd probably be even more depressed. sigh.


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## Caged Maiden (Apr 24, 2014)

Okay, your experience is not dissimilar to my own.  I began writing in 2001 as a means of escaping a job I hated (selling cars) and to cope with the huge amounts of down time I had to be at the office.

I began by writing my coworkers into a story as bit characters and making bad things happen to the people I disliked.  

That single concept has taken me through twelve rough draft novels and into a very new place, where I really enjoy writing for the challenge it presents.  However, I'm getting tired of it, too. ON the days everything works out great, it's  high like when I wear an awesome dress I made.  for the weeks I can't get a scene to work or struggle to even get words on the page because I'm afraid to tackle a problem.. it's depressing, anxious waiting.

I've now spent three years learning how to edit.  I didn't get but one novel done while I learned everything I could about producing professional work.  It was tedious.  It actually sapped the fun right out of writing for me.

Now that I think I'm producing an agent would expect to see...I'm almost too exhausted by the process and the journey, to want to send it out to be rejected.  In my mind, I'm telling myself I'm almost there, but in reality, I have to ask myself whether I want to continue to do this for another twenty years.  Was it THAT much fun? 

The beginning was fun.  It was easy.  Turn out a dozen first drafts of cute stories with weak and inconsistent plots?  Sure, no problem.  But editing up those weak manuscripts?  Send them through a dozen beta readers and edit again for the things I missed?

I almost feel guilty having one sparkling manuscript.  It only serves to show me how weak everything else is and how much more work I have ahead of me if I really want to do this eleven more times.

I'm on the verge of giving up too.  Not because I don't think I can do it.  Because I've learned how to.  I've learned every skill I need to be able to write professionally.  And I'm still learning how to do it better, more efficiently, and easier.  But do I want to do THIS for much longer?

Self-publishing is looking a whole lot easier than putting forth a whole lot of effort to push my one polished book through the gatekeepers.  I'll tell you that much for nothing.  I'm not in this for fame or money, I just want people to enjoy my books.  i'm at the skill level to make that happen now.  But networking?  Agents, publishing, cover art, formatting, etc.?  I'm not sure how much is left in the tank and even if tomorrow, someone wants to publish my one ready book, do I have anything left to motivate me to finish the others?  

When I was only working to making this one book good, I kept myself going, telling myself that it was the process I was learning.  All time was well spent because I needed to learn.  But now, as I'm editing the second one, I'm realizing how it'll eat up eight months in editing like the first one.  It isn't coming easier.  It's just the same all over again.  Slow, hard, and imperfect even with this pass in editing.  How can I speed up more?  I'm not sure.  Do I want to take a year and a half on each book I write/ edit?  The pros have an editor they send a clean first draft to.  They don't HAVE to edit their own work.  But I'm all alone in this and I have to do my own work.  My family suffers from the amount of time I spend writing.  Maybe I should spend more time playing with my kids and forget this hobby that consumes so much of my energy.  Because I can't call it a profession.  I'm not making money at it.

If I self-pub, my friends and family will be able to read my books, and even order paperbacks through createspace.  Maybe that'll have to be good enoguh for me and if they become successful, I'll call it an unexpected bonus.  I just can't get excited about the agent process right now.  I'm rather put off by it at the moment after my second partial request was rejected on the book I felt most promising.  

Sure, everyone will say, "Keep trying."  But I'm not sure I can.  I'm not sure I have the time or energy I thought I did.  This twelve year journey is slowly killing me and maybe I'm just not meant to be a writer.  It is a tough industry and there are loads of people with more experience, or know someone who can fast-track them.  Me?  I'm on my own and my books have to stand on their own merits.  I'm not sure they're as good as I thought they were.


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## Penpilot (Apr 24, 2014)

I write because I like to write. It stimulates me intellectually and it's satisfying when I get something finished, even if it sucks. It's similar to why I like to play sports, physically and mentally challenging.

I don't just like doing these things. I like to practice them too. I like trying to be better at what ever I do, whether it's writing, playing video games, sports, etc.  

Why bother? Why not? What else are you going to do? The time will pass any way. Might as well do something. 

If you don't enjoy writing, then find something you do enjoy. But here's the thing. Anything worth doing is going to be hard work. And the road walked will be littered with failures. That's a fact. And for people like me, hard work and failure isn't always the most fun thing, but more often than not, after I've put in the effort and everything is said and done, finishing is reward in itself.

I don't want to sound like an old man shouting from a porch, but your only 27. There's so much life for you to experiences and so much time left for you to learn... stuff. So why give up now?

With that said, if you really want to do something and it really matters to you, you make the time and do it. You don't let set backs and hardships dissuade you for long. Because if you let something like sucking at something stop you from doing it, then maybe you don't like doing it as much as you think. There are published novelists out there who have full time jobs, kids, and only sleep 4 hours a night because sleep is the only part of their lives they can sacrifice to make time for their writing.

Ed Wood was voted the worst director of all time, but he made dozens of movies and he didn't let the lack of talent get in the way of something he loved doing. Wood advises new writers to "just keep on writing. Even if your story gets worse, you'll get better."

Write or don't. There's no rule stating just because you have a lot of ideas that you have to write them into stories or what ever.


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## teacup (Apr 24, 2014)

> That's the thing...editing has been so hard for me lately, that I am incredibly depressed every time I work on my writing. I'm not really enjoying it anymore. It's more like a compulsion. However, if I stopped writing, I'd probably be even more depressed. sigh.


I've not tried this so I don't know if it will work, but why not write for leisure while editing? Give yourself time to edit, and reward yourself with writing some more  Maybe part of a sequel or just little things for fun?


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## ThinkerX (Apr 25, 2014)

Oh yes, I sympathize with the OP...and with Caged.

I've spent decades writing on and off.  In the early years, I didn't even finish all that many rough drafts.  Walked away from it for years at a time.  But something always happened.

Like...

...ten years back, after I'd given up writing for the second or third time, I was a regular at a religious debating site.  A Christian of the more fanatical persuasion managed to post an especially incoherent piece 'proving his beliefs'.  I thought about doing a reasoned, point by point response.  I started typing in the 'quick reply' box and what came out was a little gem of a 800 word short story.  Instant success.   All the various posters in that thread, regardless of their religious affiliation, were so sick of the dogma and point/counter point that little tale was like a breath of fresh air.  I got demands for additional tales...from people whose theology differed greatly from mine.  

And again...

A couple years before coming to this site, I was in a miserable job - possibly more miserable than Caged Maidens.  The hours were uncertain, the pay was a joke, and most of my coworkers had spent substantial time in prison (without really getting reformed).  But I needed the money.  I'd come home, exhausted and ticked off, watch television, run aimless internet searches and then go to bed.  I felt like a rat trapped in a very large maze.  That idea resonated with me.   Finally, I HAD to sit down and start writing.  It was only supposed to be a 10 or 12 thousand word piece for my own amusement, maybe send it to a friend or two.  Instead it turned into a 43,000 word novella that I finished....well...finished the first draft of, anyhow.  

When I came here, that was one of about half a dozen of my earlier, longer works I deemed worth finishing and rewriting.  Thus far, I've made it half way through the third rewrite - the one that's supposed to solve all the plot bugs and polish most of the grammar - only to get burned out on the editing.  In the process it grew to 60+ thousand words.  I've been meaning to get back to it for over six months now.  

On a brighter note, I have written maybe a couple dozen short stories since coming here.


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## A. E. Lowan (Apr 26, 2014)

Writer gotta write.

Chuck Wendig comes up with a lot of punchy catch-phrases that I like.  This one resonates with me.  I wake up and it's the first thing that pops into my head.  Writer gotta write.  It's part of our psychological make-up - we _will_ write stories; in our heads, in our dreams, on paper, it doesn't matter, the stories will come, the characters will form and speak and dance and cry.  They will beg us to tell their stories.  It will happen whether we give up or not, whether we write it down or not, whether we're in the office or the shower or the check-out line, _it will happen because we are writers_.

Writer gotta write.

So why give up?  Just because chances of traditional publication are slim?  Saying that tells us you haven't tried, yet.  You're sitting at the bottom of the wall and looking up, and already throwing down your quill before you've begun to really climb.  Writing isn't easy.  It isn't supposed to be.  Writing is tapping a vein, not just your own but a vein in human experience.  How is that easy?  And you're a writer!  You have it in you to see things most people can't, imagine possibilities most people can't conceive of.  How cool is that?  You're going to have stories and characters running through your head anyway, so why give up just because it's hard?  I'm sorry, it doesn't get easier.  You're spilling blood on the page, spilling shadow fragments of your soul, and showing it to the world to let them do with it as they will.  Nope, not easy.  Fun?  Oh yes, at times.  Heartrending, too.  A compulsion?  Clearly.  But never easy.

Writer gotta write.


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## deilaitha (Apr 27, 2014)

A.E. Lowan, you are awesome.  Thanks for your words of encouragement.  Writer gotta write.  Lol!


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## Jabrosky (Apr 29, 2014)

I've been a creative type as far back as I can remember, and writing for me is one way of expressing that creativity. But then why choose writing as my venue?

As I grew through adolescence, the recurring trend in the standardized tests I took (e.g. IQ and SAT) showed that verbal skills, especially those dealing with written language, were by far my strongest area. I consider myself of mediocre intellect generally, but I almost always scored in the superior range on tests measuring reading and writing skills. I still don't know what quirk of my psychology facilitated that. I also remember that I could read and write before I could talk, and my mom believes that I learned to talk by associating sounds with the words I could read.

Unfortunately for me there's helluva more to storytelling than mere verbal ability, but I still think those test results steered me towards deciding to become a writer.


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## Anonesplode (Aug 9, 2014)

I understand how you feel. Often times, aspiring writers get either writers block, or critique oneself too harshly to the point that they can't write any further. Don't give up, its never too late to release a work. Take a break if necessary. Writing to be published may not produce a work, to me the reason for writing is to tell a story. A story of your own. Be proud of yourself for being so dedicated to your dream.


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