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Creation Myth (warning: not suitable for younger readers)


  1. Creation

    In the beginning, there was only a bathroom. The Cosmic Vagina sprung from the toilet and used a pregnancy test to create a city made of babies. The babies began to fight over the city, as they were greedy. Two babies, Googoo and Gaga had created two kingdoms, using their magic to establish a whole planet. Googoo wanted to make life, and she planted many seeds to grow trees. Gaga hated life, so slaughtered all of his followers to create metal out of their bones. Gaga forged a steel chariot and a golden sword, and flew across the world, shooting beams of fire out of his sword at the trees. Googoo and her followers were nervous of what Gaga might do, so Googoo made a vine and grappled on Gaga's chariot. She snuck up on Gaga, and breathed light into him, turning him into a floating island. The island flew up out of the atmosphere and became a star. The Gaga star blasted milk all over the void, creating the universe. Gaga was forever angry. So he created an army of Emo Demons, creatures made of pure angst.


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