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Prologue - Shirley

By Thomas Laszlo · Jan 16, 2017 · ·
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  1. Eternal pessimism is an odd thing. A whole set of people so distrusting of the future, of people, of any thought of hope. America has become such a distraught, torn, tortured place in the past thirty years that very few, even across the world, have been able to break the mold of the American mindset. Scientists have no name for this mindset epidemic but many people have decided that some physical structure in the brain was altered thirty years ago by a traumatic event, eventually leading to a cellular hodgepodge creating the pessimist population that inhabits the once territory of Canada, Mexico, U.S.A., And Japan. Oh I almost forgot, my name is Shirley, Shirley Reacher Lee Jones. Yes, four names is a bit peculiar, especially in this day and age as most Americans area dentifrice by a first name, followed by a four digit number, and responded to nicknames shared only by their friends and family. Now, before I begin the rest of this account I must tell you, the following material will not be lighthearted and witty, nor will it be horrifying or dream crushing. The following true story is of an old colleague of mine who perished in a formidable manner, with no pessimist bone in his body. He is one of the rare persons to be without a dreary thought ever, and helped me found this order to support those of us who were born with the highly despised gift of optimism. Now,clef me share you my personal record of the events of the life of Sir Aaron Grenal Cross Jr. The finest optimist, and best friend, any self respecting man could ask for.

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  1. spectre
    Okay to begin with there's a few spelling errors but I contribute that to computer typos no big deal right. Also there are some simple errors like tense, your character died and then you refer to him as still living so you have to watch things like that to make sure that your tense is consistent. Also at the very end you're talking about how it was a pleasure to know Sir Aaron. And you say he is the finest man that a man could ever know, but your character is a woman so you want to be conscious of gender; you don't want to switch back and forth and although it's not like immediately erroneous it's kind of good etiquette to keep it inline. I like the story I'm reminded of a movie I saw once where they were modifying people's brains for the perfect society. I've seen a few movies like this but everyone has a different spin and I've seen them where it's you know a perilous journey I've seen them in comedies, so it be it'll be interesting to see another spin. One more thing watch your negatives. There's a part where you say with "no pessimist bone in his body", it should be without a pessimistic bone in his body. Nice though, post more :)