Ok, so here is the deal. I'm posting the various revisions of my prologue because A- I like to see where I started compared to where I ended, but B- I hope that it helps someone else.
I don't bother editing these for picky things like punctuation, it's not good enough yet to warrant that kind of time.
I hope you enjoy!
I do welcome thoughts, opinions, etc. Just ignore the grammar and punctuation for the moment.
I redid the first scene the night before last, and I'm working on scene two today, the layout was flipped, and I like it better that way, but S2 is kicking my hind. I'm not happy with how it is coming out atm, but eh, I'll get it right eventually.
Read on:
Scene one.
1999
“Emmy, Wait up!” Dean called as he trotted down the hallway.
Emily turned, and hiked her backpack higher up her shoulder with one hand, as she juggled a thick pile of books and papers in the other. “Hey Dean. What’s up?”
Dean slid his arm over her shoulders, “What are you doing Saturday night?”
She stopped and turned her face upwards to meet his gaze with a shy smile, “Let’s see, I’ve got a Lit paper due Tuesday, Calculus midterm on Monday, Chem midterm Friday…” she lifted the pile of books in her arms, “Why?”
“Good God Em, Why do you even bother with all this?" he continued without waiting for an answer, "the guys from the D-line decided to get out of town, but it is a couple’s thing and I’ve been thinking that, we should make it official, I mean you are my girl.”
“There are only so many ways to get into Yale, and since I can’t buy my way in, nor do I plan on trying to charm my way in, this is it.” Emily smiled, “Where would we go? Assuming I am able to finish all this first.”
“Ghost hunting!” He smiled.
“Who is going?”
“Dan and Liz, and Jerry, and whoever his current flavor of the week is.”
“What about Cassy and Jimmy?”
“They have other plans…” He winked.
“Where would we go exactly, you know how my dad is?”
“If I told you it would not be a surprise, come on, you can’t be the newbie forever.”
“I’ll have to ask my dad, but… sure.” She grinned sheepishly.
Dean grabbed a notebook from the bundle in her arms, and scrawled in the top margin of the first page. “I’ll be at my dad’s this weekend.” For a brief moment his smile dimmed. “Call me once you convince your dad, we won’t murder you.” He flashed another knee melting smile before he rushed away to the waiting buses. “Oh, bring a flashlight!” He called out over the crowd.
I'll post S2 if I ever find a decent way of hammering it together.
I don't bother editing these for picky things like punctuation, it's not good enough yet to warrant that kind of time.
I hope you enjoy!
I do welcome thoughts, opinions, etc. Just ignore the grammar and punctuation for the moment.
I redid the first scene the night before last, and I'm working on scene two today, the layout was flipped, and I like it better that way, but S2 is kicking my hind. I'm not happy with how it is coming out atm, but eh, I'll get it right eventually.
Read on:
Scene one.
1999
“Emmy, Wait up!” Dean called as he trotted down the hallway.
Emily turned, and hiked her backpack higher up her shoulder with one hand, as she juggled a thick pile of books and papers in the other. “Hey Dean. What’s up?”
Dean slid his arm over her shoulders, “What are you doing Saturday night?”
She stopped and turned her face upwards to meet his gaze with a shy smile, “Let’s see, I’ve got a Lit paper due Tuesday, Calculus midterm on Monday, Chem midterm Friday…” she lifted the pile of books in her arms, “Why?”
“Good God Em, Why do you even bother with all this?" he continued without waiting for an answer, "the guys from the D-line decided to get out of town, but it is a couple’s thing and I’ve been thinking that, we should make it official, I mean you are my girl.”
“There are only so many ways to get into Yale, and since I can’t buy my way in, nor do I plan on trying to charm my way in, this is it.” Emily smiled, “Where would we go? Assuming I am able to finish all this first.”
“Ghost hunting!” He smiled.
“Who is going?”
“Dan and Liz, and Jerry, and whoever his current flavor of the week is.”
“What about Cassy and Jimmy?”
“They have other plans…” He winked.
“Where would we go exactly, you know how my dad is?”
“If I told you it would not be a surprise, come on, you can’t be the newbie forever.”
“I’ll have to ask my dad, but… sure.” She grinned sheepishly.
Dean grabbed a notebook from the bundle in her arms, and scrawled in the top margin of the first page. “I’ll be at my dad’s this weekend.” For a brief moment his smile dimmed. “Call me once you convince your dad, we won’t murder you.” He flashed another knee melting smile before he rushed away to the waiting buses. “Oh, bring a flashlight!” He called out over the crowd.
I'll post S2 if I ever find a decent way of hammering it together.
