He cast a wary eye at the pink pastry in front of him, afraid it might consume him than the other way around. He glanced at the mirror, assuring himself the scientists sat on the other side waiting for the results. He rubbed the back of his neck and sighed when he felt scales brush against his fingertips. He remembered the last time he drank something for science, and his recovery wasn't pretty.
The speaker click and buzz interrupted his lamentations. He looked at the mirror and forced a smile, keeping his hands entwined on his lap.
"Private, is there a reason why you aren't eating the pastry?"
The voice sounded far too nervous for it to be a normal donut. The private kept his smile, but his tone took a harsh edge. "Oh no, the last time we did this, I grew scales and a tail. It took me months and three surgeries—"
"Government funded surgeries, you never paid a dime."
"It took three surgeries to remove my tail without killing me in the process." He looked over his shoulder and sighed when he felt something large move in response. "I still have a two foot wide stub with a mind of its own."
"Private Johnson!" He dreaded the voice bleeding into the speaker. Even his tail quivered and moved like it wanted to hide. "What do you think you're doing? This ain't no paddy cake time. We have a mission to finish."
"General, I..."
"Eat the pastry, Johnson."
"No."
He heard a pistol click in the other room and someone screaming loud enough to make the mirror vibrate. The scientists yelled at one another to restrain the hostile man. The weapon fired. Someone howled in pain. The speaker crackled to life once more.
"Private, I swear to God if you don't eat the pastry, I'll walk in there and splatter your reptile brains all over the walls. Eat. The. Goddamned. Donut!"
Johnson's shoulders slumped and he rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath and exhaled while he reached out to grab the donut. The pink swirls glistened and appeared to sweat. He ignored it and brought it up to his nose. It smelled like strawberries. He wanted to ask what was in it, but he knew better than to question the general when he was angry.
He took a bite.
It tasted normal.
He chewed slow, looking at his hand to see if anything would change. His hand quivered from the sugar rush, but nothing else happened.
"Well?" The general asked.
"It tastes like a strawberry covered donut," Johnson replied.
"You don't want to cavort with mushrooms and fight snakes?"
"You're thinking about a badger, General," a scientist replied.
"Well, what the hell do beavers do, anyway?"
"Why are we talking about beavers?" Johnson interjected.
"You are the first to try a new potent extract from a beaver's anus, mixed with the appropriate nutritional supplements and mutagen agents. We figured strawberry would be the best flavor since William likes vanilla too much."
The speaker click and buzz interrupted his lamentations. He looked at the mirror and forced a smile, keeping his hands entwined on his lap.
"Private, is there a reason why you aren't eating the pastry?"
The voice sounded far too nervous for it to be a normal donut. The private kept his smile, but his tone took a harsh edge. "Oh no, the last time we did this, I grew scales and a tail. It took me months and three surgeries—"
"Government funded surgeries, you never paid a dime."
"It took three surgeries to remove my tail without killing me in the process." He looked over his shoulder and sighed when he felt something large move in response. "I still have a two foot wide stub with a mind of its own."
"Private Johnson!" He dreaded the voice bleeding into the speaker. Even his tail quivered and moved like it wanted to hide. "What do you think you're doing? This ain't no paddy cake time. We have a mission to finish."
"General, I..."
"Eat the pastry, Johnson."
"No."
He heard a pistol click in the other room and someone screaming loud enough to make the mirror vibrate. The scientists yelled at one another to restrain the hostile man. The weapon fired. Someone howled in pain. The speaker crackled to life once more.
"Private, I swear to God if you don't eat the pastry, I'll walk in there and splatter your reptile brains all over the walls. Eat. The. Goddamned. Donut!"
Johnson's shoulders slumped and he rolled his eyes. He took a deep breath and exhaled while he reached out to grab the donut. The pink swirls glistened and appeared to sweat. He ignored it and brought it up to his nose. It smelled like strawberries. He wanted to ask what was in it, but he knew better than to question the general when he was angry.
He took a bite.
It tasted normal.
He chewed slow, looking at his hand to see if anything would change. His hand quivered from the sugar rush, but nothing else happened.
"Well?" The general asked.
"It tastes like a strawberry covered donut," Johnson replied.
"You don't want to cavort with mushrooms and fight snakes?"
"You're thinking about a badger, General," a scientist replied.
"Well, what the hell do beavers do, anyway?"
"Why are we talking about beavers?" Johnson interjected.
"You are the first to try a new potent extract from a beaver's anus, mixed with the appropriate nutritional supplements and mutagen agents. We figured strawberry would be the best flavor since William likes vanilla too much."
