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The white wolf transformation

By Quackimaducky · Jul 20, 2013 · ·
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  1. The moonlit crest shone over the way less water as freshwater ripples roared and pounced as it attacked the salt water with no mercy. Night showed its dark colours as it engulfed a sky that that was once filled with clouds and colour. The emotionless trees hugged each other overhead stripped from their summer leaves. The blissful creatures surrendered the day and embraced a bed of leaves in a desperate attempt to camouflage themselves as the last rays of light disappeared maybe not forever but it was going to be a long winter. A girl was being used as bait. She tried to struggle against what was happening but the sacrificial robes that she wore were all too restricting to move let alone fight. She was embroidered into a tree by vines which had sleeping white flowers on them, a sign of her purity for the beast. Her eyes darted along the forest length but nothing could be seen.
    The tree vines snapped as sudden claws came from behind, so the creature wanted to play? The girl stepped down from her pedestal slowly, she knew not to talk and she knew not to make any sudden movements. She felt her eyes wander to the forest and before she could rethink what she was doing, her legs started to operate due to their wishes. As she walked through the forest her hair started to glow a brilliant white light, her blood red robes were replaced with a long silk dress that sprawled over the forest floor, her staff on her back was taken swiftly and exchanged for a long sword with a silver enchantment. As she walked through the forest path she left a trail of daisy’s, they leaned forward to whisper of what fate had designed for the girl but was all too quick to stop when their voices were barely viable. The girl walked towards a hill where the sky still showed some remnants of orange and red.
    As she trailed up the grassy hill she could feel eyes distinctly placed on her. She wasn’t wrong. Up on the hill a boy was lurking, he was a black figure to start out with but as she made her way up the hill she could make out more but still very little. He was dressed all in black with his glossy black hair combed back to make him seem like a gentleman but the girl was witty, she knew he was covering up. The boy smiled a greeting which concealed a potentially more sinister nature. The girl smiled back politely but behind that sweet smile there was fear, she was powerless and insecure around dark magic and this boy seemed to possess more darkness than the night.
    She opened her mouth to discuss the matter at hand but her words were hushed by the boy as he came forward and looked her in the eyes. The sight of the pair of them was quite unorthodox. The girl with her radiant beauty and the man with his handsome features
    of sin. Her emerald green eyes glanced over at the boy’s weapon as she took the opportunity to catch him off guard. As the boy tumbled to the ground eyes appeared around the secure forest circle and glanced at the battle that was fated.
    The clash of steel ringed. Hooves’ patted the floor rhythmically as war cries shrilled and echoed in the emptiness. The boy had managed to get up even though there was a slash to his cheek and a bruised template around his eye, he didn’t expect this at all. The girl was swinging her sword skill fully but it was matched with an equally skilled opponent. Bang, Bang, Slash. The girl was stuck to her side. The blood rained down onto her silken dress but dried up to form red sapphire droplets. The girl was fighting with passion while the boy was fighting with rage, but only one can win.
    The boy lunged forward, the sword slid out of the girl’s hand, before she had time to think about what just happened. The boy had her pinned down securely to the blooded floor. He waved his hand dismissively not wanting an apology from the huffing girl and yet he wanted an apology just so he could remind her that he was on top of the situation.
    That he was in control.
    The creatures grew silent in disappointed. The wolves wanted more blood, the stags wanted more information. They all came out one by one, the stags bowed in respect to the girl’s bravery. She smiled in response and whispered the meaning of her return to her baffled friends. A giant rock tortoise came out of the woods, he was the oldest creature in the forest and very little seen off the shores of the beach where he often spent his afternoon snoozing and gathering information. The girl told him of her transformation. He smiled and nodded, he already knew but listened out of politeness. The wolves came out in a pack with their teeth showing. The girl recoiled at the sight of them. She looked back at the boy who pinned her down. His fur was black, he was still holding her down to the ground as his beast like eyes searched her soul for an underlying answer of his own personal questions as his heat race increased to the heart of a wolf.
    She woke on the shore of the beach, the pack of wolves lay beside her. She could feel her own heart beat faster than it had ever done before, her hands were numb and felt harder and larger. She walked on her four legs over to the undisturbed banks of the ocean. She stared sleepy eyed into the water but quickly came back to reality after seeing her reflection, she was a graceful white wolf.
    “Welcome home sister”

    This is currently the only story i can do with a word limit of 800-1000 words. I am working on a piece for my own personal joy but this is a story for my school. Please if i have made any incorrect spelling mistakes, i am sorry. I am also sorry by the blankness of the story, it is not that exciting and the theme of fantasy is not that easily distinguished. Thank you for your time and any comments will be greatly appreciated as i am new to this type of writing. :balanced:

Comments

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  1. Quackimaducky
    Haha thank you ^_^ i have took in your comments and i am now currently trying to make it better with less build up and more action. Sorry for taking so long to reply and thank you again for your advice and dont worry i dont get disheartened very easily. Thank you again and i wish you luck with your writing :balanced:
  2. WeilderOfTheMonkeyBlade
    Don't know why this has posted twice- I get scared by computers
  3. WeilderOfTheMonkeyBlade
    To be honest, I think the theme is actually pretty great, and this has potential. However, I feel, (and don't be upset or disheartened by this), that the prose is to flowery and confusing, I think it would benefit from being thinned a bit.
    Also, some of the tenses are a bit wonky, E.G The clash of steel ringed-- It should be "The clash of steel rang"
    The best advice I can offer (Am aware you didn't ask for any, consider this like a cherry on top of a cake :) ) is to carry on writing, the more you write, the better your prose and narrative becomes, and then in time you can look back, laugh at this, and rewrite it so it is AWESOME!
    Hope this helps :)
  4. WeilderOfTheMonkeyBlade
    To be honest, I think the theme is actually pretty decent, and this has potential. However, I feel, (and don't be upset or disheartened by this), that the prose is to flowery and confusing, I think it would benefit from being thinned a bit.
    Also, some of the tenses are a bit wonky, E.G The clash of steel ringed-- It should be "The clash of steel rang"
    The best advice I can offer (Am aware you didn't ask for any, consider this like a cherry on top of a cake :) ) is to carry on writing, the more you write, the better your prose and narrative becomes, and then in time you can look back, laugh at this, and rewrite it so it is AWESOME!
    Hope this helps :)