POV, Names and Descriptors

[Ireth]

I have a bit of a problem in the current scene of my latest WIP. The POV character has taken a man captive to torture him out of misguided revenge, and the man's family and friends soon show up to save him. The POV character knows the name of his captive, but not those of the family or friends, which makes things problematic when all eight would-be rescuers show up at the same time. Given the nature of the scene, there's no time to waste on formal introductions of each and every rescuer to the POV character, as the reader already knows most of their names, and the rest are guessable by context.

So, given that, how should I handle this scene without unnecessarily switching POV to someone who would know all the names, and without cluttering the page with potentially confusing descriptors like "the blonde woman archer", "the taller of the two blond men", "the dark-haired not-Fae* with grey eyes", etc.?

*this is a necessary evil, because the POV character doesn't know what those he calls "not-Fae" actually are (light-elves from Alfheim). They look a bit like Fae, but there are fundamental differences in physiology that sets them apart from both Fae and humans.

 

[Steerpike]

Maybe he can assign nicknames to the people based on their appearance, or at least to some of them. To use an extreme example, two guys rush into a room, one with an eye-patch and the other with a peg leg. The MC doesn't know their names, but throughout the scene he thinks of them as "eye-patch" and "peg-leg" or maybe "one-eye" and "peg-leg." If these characters have any physical description the POV character can latch on to, even a much more subtle one, it could be a convenient shorthand for you to refer to those characters in the scene.

 

[Ireth]

Maybe he can assign nicknames to the people based on their appearance, or at least to some of them. To use an extreme example, two guys rush into a room, one with an eye-patch and the other with a peg leg. The MC doesn't know their names, but throughout the scene he thinks of them as "eye-patch" and "peg-leg" or maybe "one-eye" and "peg-leg." If these characters have any physical description the POV character can latch on to, even a much more subtle one, it could be a convenient shorthand for you to refer to those characters in the scene.

Well, let's see what descriptions apply to each one:

1. Blond not-Fae archer with violet eyes (Vidar)
2. Dark-haired not-Fae with violet eyes (Birgir)
3. Blonde human archer with hazel eyes (Ãstriðr)
4. Blond human man with a bearskin cloak and blue eyes like the captive's (Björn)
5. Unarmed blond human man (Ardghal)
6. Dark-skinned not-Fae with grey eyes (Gunnar)
7. Silver-haired not-Fae (Úlfr)
8. Brunette human woman with a sword (Arnbjörg)

There are only a few whose appearances are wholly unique. Even some of the most distinctive traits, like violet eyes, wouldn't work as singular descriptors since they're shared between two or more characters. None of them have particularly distinctive scars, missing bodyparts or the like for the POV character to immediately latch onto.

 

[Steerpike]

Well, you could always GIVE one of them a peg-leg

 

[Ireth]

Well, you could always GIVE one of them a peg-leg

Seems a bit arbitrary, though, when you put it like that. I'd rather put something like a missing limb into the story with a definite purpose in mind, like character development (case in point: Cadell in Dragon's Egg). These characters are all solidified in my head, and I don't really want to change their images now on a whim. ^^;

 

[ThinkerX]

1. Blond not-Fae archer with violet eyes (Vidar)

'blondtop', 'blond abomination'

2. Dark-haired not-Fae with violet eyes (Birgir)

'darktop', 'dark abomination'

3. Blonde human archer with hazel eyes (Ãstriðr)

'archer', 'bowman'

4. Blond human man with a bearskin cloak and blue eyes like the captive's (Björn)

'bear'

5. Unarmed blond human man (Ardghal)

?

6. Dark-skinned not-Fae with grey eyes (Gunnar)

'brown abomination', 'mudman'

7. Silver-haired not-Fae (Úlfr)

'silvertop'

8. Brunette human woman with a sword (Arnbjörg)

'warrior woman'

[/quote]

Might be some conflation on the part of the MC; lot of people to keep track of.

 

[Ireth]

6. Dark-skinned not-Fae with grey eyes (Gunnar)

Realized this when ThinkerX quoted it -- that's supposed to be dark-HAIRED, not dark-skinned. Light elves have light skin, black elves have dark skin, and Gunnar is the former.

@ThinkerX: those might work, though I doubt the POV character would go so far as to call the light elves "abominations", since they actually tried to help him at the start of the previous chapter when his friend was injured. It's their enemies, the black-elves, whom he'd call the abominations.

 

[wordwalker]

There are a couple other things you can do. One is to let him have heard rumors so that he soon figures out some of the people he's facing. The other is to have one of them yell "Vidar, duck!" and then he knows how to tag that one.

I think you could use a mix of rumors and "shoutouts" so that some people get comfortably named soon, leaving him to cover others with nicknames. (I also think his choice in nicknames would emphasize what he's most interested in right now: either what weapon or abilities they're threatening him with or what their attitude seems to be-- and if he's got actual names for many of them, he won't need to be as multi-trait specific in nicknaming the ones that are left.) You could end up with a good mix of some nicknames to capture his uncertainty, but the characters that are more important or least clear to the reader would still be named.

 

[Ireth]

There are a couple other things you can do. One is to let him have heard rumors so that he soon figures out some of the people he's facing.

Possibly, but I'm not sure. The humans don't typically leave their settlement without need, and they haven't really done much to garner rumors being spread about them. As for the elves, only Vidar has even been to that place before, and only for a short time. Not really long enough to have rumors spread about him, either. The four elves have only been where they are now for less than a day.

The other is to have one of them yell "Vidar, duck!" and then he knows how to tag that one.

I think you could use a mix of rumors and "shoutouts" so that some people get comfortably named soon, leaving him to cover others with nicknames. (I also think his choice in nicknames would emphasize what he's most interested in right now: either what weapon or abilities they're threatening him with or what their attitude seems to be-- and if he's got actual names for many of them, he won't need to be as multi-trait specific in nicknaming the ones that are left.) You could end up with a good mix of some nicknames to capture his uncertainty, but the characters that are more important or least clear to the reader would still be named.

Maybe. I'm not sure how much they'll be inclined to use names, since the rescuers are mostly just focused on "get our friend / brother / husband / father out of there alive, and don't get killed". There's not going to be a big fight, more like a tense standoff. By the time names are going to be spoken, most of them won't matter, because those named will be leaving the scene.

 

[ThinkerX]

I need more sleep. Otherwise, this might have registered:

The POV character has taken a man captive to torture him out of misguided revenge, and the man's family and friends soon show up to save him. The POV character knows the name of his captive, but not those of the family or friends, which makes things problematic when all eight would-be rescuers show up at the same time

How long does the POV character have this fellow captive? If it is more than a few minutes, I suggest having the interrogation solve some of your problems: the captive names the 'not fae' as 'elves' and provides a one or a two sentence overview as to what the POV character is really dealing with. Maybe dropping names of some of the rescuers who show up shortly afterward, especially if the POV character saw any of them earlier.

Therefor, when the big scene takes place, the POV character mentally goes 'that blond elf must be Vidar.' The ones he can't put proper names to from the interrogation get the quickie descriptions I mentioned earlier, appropriately modified: 'dark haired elf', ect.

 

[Ireth]

How long does the POV character have this fellow captive? If it is more than a few minutes, I suggest having the interrogation solve some of your problems: the captive names the 'not fae' as 'elves' and provides a one or a two sentence overview as to what the POV character is really dealing with. Maybe dropping names of some of the rescuers who show up shortly afterward, especially if the POV character saw any of them earlier.

Therefor, when the big scene takes place, the POV character mentally goes 'that blond elf must be Vidar.' The ones he can't put proper names to from the interrogation get the quickie descriptions I mentioned earlier, appropriately modified: 'dark haired elf', ect.

That would be more feasible if the POV character was interested in anything other than torturing his captive. At the moment he couldn't care less what the elves are -- he just wants to get his revenge on his captive, who had tried and failed to save his dying friend. (Horribly disproportionate? Yes, that's the whole point.) He doesn't even start to really wonder what they are until after the conflict is over, and the captive is rescued and taken back home by his family. He basically says as they're all leaving, "Hey, wait, you guys with the pointy ears, don't go just yet. What *are* you?" Then the explanation happens, and more plot ensues.

 

[Ireth]

Adding to my previous post, since I left it too long to edit: the POV character does speak to his captive, but it's not so much "What are those pointy-eared guys who tried to help me? Huh? What are they?!" as "Do you know why you're here? Do you? You let my best friend die, that's why. I don't care that you tried to help him, he still died. Now you have to suffer like he did. I'm going to stab you in the shoulder with this red-hot knife, see how you like that! Hurts, doesn't it? Good!"

Also, the POV character doesn't learn any of the elves' names in the scene where he meets them, as they're all too busy trying to save the POV character's dying friend to worry about things like introductions. And the torture/rescue scene is only the second time he sees them.

 

[Jess A]

This may have already been mentioned - but you can use personality traits. For example, if the blonde person scowled straight away or started laughing (for example), you could base it on that. 'Smiley' for a person who always smiles.

I have this problem a lot. I assign nicknames sometimes. It's a pain because it always seems to look messy when I do it. I sympathise - could you post the scene and let us have a look? Write up a couple of versions maybe.

 

[Rob P]

Most of the time when we are confronted with a gaggle of new people we instantly tag them based upon physical attributes.

Not just hair colour although one could be called Blondie. There is size, small or tall (knee-high, lankey, tree-top), thin or thick (bean pole, stick, waif, tree trunk, barn door), shouts a lot (gobby, screamer). Use his hands a lot (Thumper), hair tied in a certain way (top-knot), no hair (slaphead).

Just a few suggestions

 

[Guru Coyote]

Looks like you wrote yourself into a nice trap here

Your POV char couldn't care less about who is who, for him they are just a bunch of would-be rescuers, disturbing him in his revenge.
The only reason to distinguish between the eight is for the reader's benefit...
If this scene is to be told "as he experiences it," eight people showing up at the same time would simply be a blur of faces, basically a crowd, a bit like the villagers with torches and pikes.

How close is your narration to the POV char? Is this first-person? In that case, I'd say... the rescuers are "a bunch of intruders," and your narration would need to reflect that. Is your POV char a skilled tactician (street fighting etc.)? I think he'd need to be to distinguish between eight people showing up at the same time...

 

[Steerpike]

They could all be wearing shirts with their names embroidered on the front.

 

[Ireth]

This may have already been mentioned - but you can use personality traits. For example, if the blonde person scowled straight away or started laughing (for example), you could base it on that. 'Smiley' for a person who always smiles.

That might be problematic, since they'd all be showing the same limited range of emotions -- shock, horror and anger is about the extent of it. None of them are the type to smile or laugh in such a tense situation.

I have this problem a lot. I assign nicknames sometimes. It's a pain because it always seems to look messy when I do it. I sympathise - could you post the scene and let us have a look? Write up a couple of versions maybe.

Well, I'm in the middle of the scene at the moment, and I'm stuck at exactly the point where the rescuers arrive. Might be a bit hard to work with if it's incomplete, IMO. But maybe not.

Most of the time when we are confronted with a gaggle of new people we instantly tag them based upon physical attributes.

Not just hair colour although one could be called Blondie. There is size, small or tall (knee-high, lankey, tree-top), thin or thick (bean pole, stick, waif, tree trunk, barn door), shouts a lot (gobby, screamer). Use his hands a lot (Thumper), hair tied in a certain way (top-knot), no hair (slaphead).

Just a few suggestions

I'll think about that some more. Thanks. ^^

Looks like you wrote yourself into a nice trap here

Your POV char couldn't care less about who is who, for him they are just a bunch of would-be rescuers, disturbing him in his revenge.
The only reason to distinguish between the eight is for the reader's benefit...
If this scene is to be told "as he experiences it," eight people showing up at the same time would simply be a blur of faces, basically a crowd, a bit like the villagers with torches and pikes.

True enough. The only thing making them not a blur of random faces is the fact that he's seen half of them (i.e. the elves) before, but even then he still doesn't know their names.

How close is your narration to the POV char? Is this first-person? In that case, I'd say... the rescuers are "a bunch of intruders," and your narration would need to reflect that. Is your POV char a skilled tactician (street fighting etc.)? I think he'd need to be to distinguish between eight people showing up at the same time...

It's 3rd person limited, so fairly close. He is a warrior of sorts, though that doesn't become too obvious until he's actually in a position to lead an army to battle.

They could all be wearing shirts with their names embroidered on the front.

Heheh. I'm not sure how effective that would be. 7/8 of them would be written in Futhark runes, which the POV character has never seen before and thus can't read. And the one who'd have his name in a script the POV character understands is at the back of the group, so his shirt wouldn't be easily read. XD

 

[Addison]

It sounds like you're describing the scene, and the rescuers, from YOUR pov. We as the author see how things look and feel to us in our heads. But when writing scenes in the story (unless omniscient) have to write them from the pov of the character. What we make find intoxicating, they could find disgusting etc. So while you may call one of the rescuers "the blonde one", put yourself in the character's shoes: his personality, his feelings at the time of the scene, and "the blonde one" could become..."the brat" or "the child". Try telling the scene from the character's view point, in their eyes, their personality.

 

[Ireth]

It sounds like you're describing the scene, and the rescuers, from YOUR pov. We as the author see how things look and feel to us in our heads. But when writing scenes in the story (unless omniscient) have to write them from the pov of the character. What we make find intoxicating, they could find disgusting etc. So while you may call one of the rescuers "the blonde one", put yourself in the character's shoes: his personality, his feelings at the time of the scene, and "the blonde one" could become..."the brat" or "the child". Try telling the scene from the character's view point, in their eyes, their personality.

Well, Vidar has become "the coward" due to shooting an arrow at Cadell from a vantage point in the trees, and the younger of the two women could be "the child" or "the girl", but as for the others I'm not sure yet.

 

[Addison]

Try looking at the rescuers from your POV's encounters with them. If he hasn't seen them, ever, before the rescue, how do they first interact/react in that moment. Does one of them fire a warning shot into his favorite pillow? Call him a name? There you have "Jerk" and "Potty Mouth".

Maybe he can learn their names, real or nick names, if the hostage calls at them.