Jump Scares and Sudden Movements

[Mindfire]

I want to do something similar to a jump scare in a scene later on. While this is easy to do visually, it's a lot harder to do in written form. In general, anything sudden or surprising is hard to do in written form because of the nature of the medium: the reader will always see it coming because they have to read the words before their mind gets the image. With this in mind, is it even possible to surprise the reader or catch them off guard with anything? (I don't mean a plot twist or unexpected event. That's managed easily enough with foreshadowing, etc. I mean something that seems to come out of nowhere.) In my earlier days I would prefix a sentence with "suddenly", but I've since stopped doing that. Sudden movements just seem to be something that writing is unsuited for. Suggestions? Ideas?

 

[BWFoster78]

I don't know. My first thought, though, is a short, active sentence in a paragraph by itself following slow-paced description.

Lull the reader to sleep (while carefully setting the tone with the right feeling words) with a slow, slow pace. Then, BAM!

I don't know how impactful it will be, but that's the best I can come up with.

 

[Aosto]

That's a good question. I can't say I've read much where I was 'surprised' and it not be a plot twist of sorts.
I agree with BW. Set them into a certain mood and then interrupt that mood with a sharp sentence or maybe an untagged piece of dialogue from the culprit(assuming a person is doing the surprising )

I would write an example, but I'm in my phone.

 

[ThinkerX]

I tried something like this in one of my 'Iron Pen' entries: the MC was inside a carriage, talking with the woman he'd rescued/kidnapped, and then 'BANG!' The cart was knocked on its side. Ankari objected to my use of 'BANG!' When I rewrote it, I went for a series of very short, very intense sentences instead (which I'll have to take a look at again). I might just go back to the 'BANG!'

 

[Aosto]

Here's a quick shot at it.

I flipped through the channels. It being your typical Tuesday, and 2 am, all I could find were dusty reruns and infomercials. At least I had my popcorn. That little bit of comfort I picked up when she left. That's about when the insomnia took over too.

"Get out!"

The bowl flew from my lap, kernels flying everywhere. "What the..."

The voice echoed through the apartment. "Get Out!"

EDIT: I guess the title does indicate jump scares and sudden movements. I would have to think on this a bit harder.

 

[Nihal]

I would probably keep writing the scene and do a slight jump to the surprise, then "recounting" using the character's analysis of what just happened. Not a flashback, but the immediate "what the hell did just happen?" reaction.

Onomatopoeias sound too comicish to my ears, I would probably describe the effect, like ThinkerX's car being violently tossed to the side, or the pain a character experiences, the sound... the effect itself the jumpscare is or caused, but from the character's PoV if possible, with no foreshadowing, of course.

 

[Feo Takahari]

I think the trick to shock in a written work is the reverse of the trick to shock in a visual work--rather than suddenly interrupting your audience's train of thought, you don't interrupt it at all. The Grand Ellipse pulls this off very well when the heroine watches a magic show. The narration coolly and calmly devotes a paragraph to the tricks an "illusionary" demon performs, and it doesn't change diction or even end the paragraph when the demon starts killing audience members. It's a when you reread it sort of deal.

 

[ThinkerX]

Problem is, comic bookish or not, sometimes surprise situations really do hit with a 'BANG!'

A few years ago, for an example, there was a high speed chase through the residential streets near my place. First I knew of it was the 'BANG!' or 'CRACK!' sound the guys car made when he caroomed into the side of an apartment building at 70mph (well over 100 kph, I believe). That sound was audible for miles.

Same thing when a machine shop a few miles away exploded twenty years ago. That loud, short, sharp sound cut through *everything* that was going on at the time.

Short of using 'Bang!' or 'Crack!' or making up a word to fit, it is real hard to come up with something literary to cover that - especially if it happens out of the blue. Pretending that such sounds are NOT part of such sudden, violent episodes is to leave out a key part of whats going on...as well as to lessen the surprise element.

 

[wordwalker]

I'd say the key to surprise is what's been said here: open with the sensation itself, the shout or bang or impact or whatever the raw sensation is, with any tags or explanations or "suddenly"s coming after the thing itself. Better to throw the thing out there fast and follow it up with any clarification than let that clarifying dilute the first moment.

Feo, that kind of stealth shock sounds fun, but it's a whole different effect. When the goal isn't actually to leave the reader doublechecking if something's happened or not, introducing a sudden event anywhere but the start (or end) of a paragraph is--

Well, don't get me started on that one. :timebomb:

 

[Asterisk]

I really like what BWFoster78 said. Slow down the pace for one or two paragraphs, or an entire scene, then BAM! Hit into the action again. (I'll have to try that!) What I do when something happens suddenly and unexpectedly is halt the descriptions or train of thought with a –. Here's an example from my WIP:

You stupidity. Always doing things you shouldn’t. I stretch and swing myself to the side. Only three feet left until I can leave–

“Hey you! Girl!”

It is officially the end of the world.

 

[C Hollis]

Just a shot in the dark at 5am:

The walk down the stairs was always most treacherous at four in the morning; the chill of ceramic tiles signaled a safe arrival and he shuffled down the hall to the coffee maker. Deena paid a lot of money for one of those programmable jobs; a lot of money for something that seldom worked.
He peered at the empty pot through crusty eyes and the thought of returning to a comfortable warm bed almost hijacked the morning. Which button kick started the damn thing?
He pushed the button and was thrown against the far wall. White dust from crumpled sheetrock and twisted lumber filled his vision while the roar of a motor and hiss of steaming water intruded on what should have been another peaceful morning.
Somewhere beyond the wreckage, Deena yelled out asking if everything was alright. The sheetrock dust had settled enough for him to see the front end of a Mercury in his kitchen; an unbroken empty coffee pot rested on its hood. Everything was not alright.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

It's worth experimenting with if it's something you really want to include. That being said, I generally think it's a mistake to try and adapt techniques from a visual medium, like film, to literature. Instead, I'd rather focus on the things written words do well...tight character views, internal thoughts without using clunky voice overs, the ability of readers to flesh out description details from their own experiences, etc.

Alterations in pacing can provide a good effect but it can never be as sudden as what you're seeking. I'd love to be proven wrong though....

 

[Svrtnsse]

I used something similar to what BWFoster mention in a piece I wrote just recently:

The roof of the inn was easy to spot and from there he traced the road west to where the crossroads must be. He tried following it south to see if he could spot the orchard at Rolf's place, but soon lost track of where the road might be winding. As he squinted to see better the wind sprites attacked.

Howling with laughter they threw themselves down out of the old pine. The breeze turned into a gale that wrapped itself around him and tore at his clothes. With a scream he threw himself flat on the bench and held on for dear life. The wind was strong enough to throw him over the edge of the cliff.

The first paragraph talks about how Enar sits at the top of a hill trying to make out landmarks in the distance. Sentences are long and wordy. Then, at the second half of the last sentence everything changes. The second paragraph needs some work but I think it illustrates the point fairly well: set things up one way and then shift focus on to something entirely different.
I think it's important that it's at the very end of the paragraph the change happens. That way the formatting accentuates that there's a change of events happening.

 

[skip.knox]

It's not easy to do, and I think it's easier to do in a short story. Poe is the classic example, of course, but there are others. The one that will forever stick in my mind is Lord Dunsany's Two Bottles of Relish. I read that when I was fourteen and it knocked me over. I'm sixty-one now and it's still vivid in memory. I think it's the first story that genuinely surprised me.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I think Svrt did a good job with the jump scare in his piece. He doesn't include enough in this small quote, but he really lulls the reader into a sense of country gentility - and then the wind sprites attack! It got my heart rate going.

There is a really great jump scare in a scene from Saint Leibowitz and the Wild Horse Woman, where the main character is moving through a crowd in a perfectly safe venue, idly watching the scenery, and a dagger is driven in between his ribs. Chaos of sound and pain erupts both within and around him.

I am in the camp that BANG and CRASH are cartoonish and campy, and also not needed. It's the height of telling, rather than showing. Any impact that is going to result in a noise that loud is going to result in physical and emotional sensations. Confusion, panic, blindness caused by power loss or blood running into the eyes or debris, temporary loss of hearing, particularly on the side facing the explosion. And let's not forget pain. There is so much going on, so much you can show a reader, that telling them "Hey, look! Something just happened here!" is a bit insulting to their intelligence. Let them scramble through the rubble with your character and figure out how the world suddenly went so wrong.

 

[Daichungak]

I think the trick to shock in a written work is the reverse of the trick to shock in a visual work--rather than suddenly interrupting your audience's train of thought, you don't interrupt it at all. The Grand Ellipse pulls this off very well when the heroine watches a magic show. The narration coolly and calmly devotes a paragraph to the tricks an "illusionary" demon performs, and it doesn't change diction or even end the paragraph when the demon starts killing audience members. It's a when you reread it sort of deal.

This approach works much better than the comic book "BANG!" in my opinion. I doubt you could ever make someone jump at a book like they do at movies simply because the book is being created in the reader's mind and he/she cant surprise him/herself.