...he said...she declared...I yelled...

[Wordweaver]

So I've discovered something in reading over my WIP...I HATE repeating the same dialogue description over, and over, and over, etc.

I'm sure there is a real literary term for what I'm calling "dialogue description," but I don't know what it is. What I'm referring to is the "...he said" or "...the man roared" at the end of a line of dialogue.

Example:
"Blah Blah Blah!" the young man exclaimed. <<that part in red.

Anyway, I started...collecting...these "dialogue descriptions" (it'd be great if someone can tell me what they're really called...I feel stupid calling them by my own made up term), because I got tired of repeating the same ones, like he said during back-and-forth conversations between characters, and he roared when said conversation turns aggressive.

So I thought I'd post some of the ones that I've collected, in hopes that you might do the same!

" he barked.
" he spat.
" she remarked.
" she reasoned.
" the man explained.
" the woman whispered.

Best part is, I have ZERO copyrights on any of those above, so you can use them all! Anyone care to add to the collection?

 

[Shadoe]

There is a book out there - and I've forgotten the title - that has nothing but tags.

 

[Kelise]

I've been told by published authors that they should be used sparingly, and to generally use 'he said/she said' as the mind doesn't process them, it just reads on without noticing and it doesn't disrupt the reading flow. Also because he's not literally barking, or she didn't actually spit, and they didn't really hiss. It's also been said that the tone should be known through how well you tell the story otherwise and words in general. Like, you know the characters are going to be annoyed, if you've presented them well enough.

So I don't ever really use them. It's quite a challenge, at times.

 

[TWErvin2]

As Starconstant indicated. 'said' is invisible and it is just a tag to attribute which character said something. Nothing wrong with an occasional whispered or shouted, but don't over do it. You don't always need tags. If it's an alternating conversation, and especially if action/movement by characters is involved, the number of dialogue tags required drops quite a bit.

 

[JBryden88]

I am very guilty of not just going with said.

Sometimes I do it with an adjective.

"He said, with a cold tone to his voice."

Otherwise...

- He snapped
- He growled
- He snarled
- He snarked back
- He countered
- He replied
- He pointed out
- He quipped
- He commented

 

[Devor]

"I don't know," Devor scratched his head and shrugged, "Don't you think there's probably a list on the internet?"

"I don't know," Devor said, "Don't you think there's a list on the internet?"

Said really is invisible and a forced description really does look clunky. I dunno, just use them wisely.

 

[TWErvin2]

"I don't know," Devor scratched his head and shrugged, "Don't you think there's probably a list on the internet?"

"I don't know," Devor said, "Don't you think there's a list on the internet?"

Said really is invisible and a forced description really does look clunky. I dunno, just use them wisely.

"I don't know." Devor scratched his head and shrugged. "Don't you think there's probably a list on the internet?"
"I don't know," Devor said. "Don't you think there's a list on the internet?"

Not trying to be critical, but the punctuation in the examples needed attention.

Beyond that, using a 'forced' description to replace a dialogue tag certainly isn't the way to go. The action should add to the scene and flow with the story and what's happening.

 

[Lord Darkstorm]

One of the things JK Rowling got constantly criticized for in the harry potter series is the tag modifiers she loved to use:
he said disparagingly
he said grumpily

She didn't need them, and they do tend to draw attention to themselves. If your dialog is that bland, fix the dialog.

Anything you do to draw the reader out of the story and pay attention to the words is distracting to the reader, and also gives them the opportunity to put the book down. There have been books that I was thrilled to hit a chapter break because I needed to go to the restroom but just couldn't put the story down long enough. That doesn't happen when you draw attention to the words, only when the words stop being the focus and the story does.

 

[mythique890]

Some people have said this, but to answer your question directly, their official name is "dialogue tags." And to echo everyone else, "said" is the invisible tag.

It's pretty easy to minimize them in a conversation with only two characters because they're going back and forth, so you can drop them entirely for a few lines and the reader still knows who is talking. It's in the scenes that several characters are speaking that I have the most problems because every single line needs a tag.

An author once said, as well, that if a character has a particular vocal... tic, I guess, that their dialogue doesn't need to be tagged because the reader will immediately identify them from their actual speech. For example, if you have a character who is constantly starting sentences with "I say," or "anyway," or if your character speaks in a strong dialect or has distinctive word choice (like an academic vs a street kid) or whatever, the reader will always know it's that character speaking.

 

[Wordweaver]

Thanks to everybody for input. Very helpful. I've actually been debating whether or not I should use tags more sparingly. I worry that the dialogue by itself will not fully convey the intended mood. After reading everybody's responses, I'm kind of thinkin my possibly excessive use of tags is more of a crutch, that gives me a chance to include further descriptions to get the attitude of the statement across.

I may just be pathetically defending my own crutch here, but would you say that there are situations where a dialogue tag enhanced by adverbs and adjectives would be appropriate? Or should I just have faith in the dialogue?

Example

"Yeah, right. I'm gonna write a whole chapter without dialogue tags."

or

"Yeah, right," David remarked sarcastically. "I'm gonna write a whole chapter without dialogue tags."

Thoughts?

 

[Lord Darkstorm]

Don't forget body language. People do make expressions and movements that can also portay their mood.

In you example it is pretty clear there is sarcasm involved. "Yeah, right." is more of an identifier than you telling us the character is being sarcastic.

 

[Kelise]

Agreed with Lord Darkstorm. 'Yeah, right.' is all the sentence needs.

 

[Shadoe]

...and the people in my fantasy world use the phrase, "Yeah, right," all the time...

 

[Shadoe]

It's pretty easy to minimize them in a conversation with only two characters because they're going back and forth, so you can drop them entirely for a few lines and the reader still knows who is talking. It's in the scenes that several characters are speaking that I have the most problems because every single line needs a tag.

I try to overcome that by using movement. Instead of using a said tag, I just put some action in there, like:

Shando scratched his head. "That sounds incredibly stupid."
Mai laughed. "It is, but I do it anyway."

And variations on that theme.

 

[Lord Darkstorm]

...and the people in my fantasy world use the phrase, "Yeah, right," all the time...

Right. Just sit there while I charge up the mountain, slay the dragon, and haul back its hoard of gold. I shouldn't be but a minute, maybe two.

 

[Kelise]

I was reading a book the other day (self published, won't name and shame) that had the word 'cool' in it. Many times. Set in an olde fantasy small village. I had to put it down after a while, it just wasn't well done.

 

[Dreamhand]

::checks the Sarcasmo-meter:: Wow! 9.3 on the sarcasm scale. Point made, Lord D.

I agree that well-crafted dialog doesn't need dialogue tags. The compulsion for me is to make absolutely sure I'm getting my message across to my readers. The fear of not conveying every nuance of a scene to my audience can drive me to horrific measures of over-description and rampant tagging.

I'm leery of any "rules" that are applied to writing - we all need the freedom to explore our own voice (and be utterly wrong about the choices we make) - but there are guidelines and flags we can set for ourselves. I recently learned of a trend among authors to do away with the adverb altogether. While this seems ridiculous, it DOES provide an opportunity to refine our craft.

Being aware of adverbs - or dialog tags - or other potential foibles of our eloquence gives us a chance to examine them and make a conscious choice as a crafter of tales to use them or not.

Thank you, Wordweaver, for raising this topic. I hadn't been in my conscious awareness until I read this thread.

 

[Wordweaver]

Dreamhand...I'm with you when it comes to being hesitant to adopt any hard and fast rules. As with many other things, I'm sticking with the "everything in moderation" approach (as I top off my Hennessy and Red Bull glass). But after reading everyone's thoughts on the subject, I am leaning more towards erring on the side of caution when it comes to tag use. And proofreading my WIP for overuse. Thanks again for everybody's feedback.

BTW

Right. Just sit there while I charge up the mountain, slay the dragon, and haul back its hoard of gold. I shouldn't be but a minute, maybe two.

Slightly better example of fantasy sarcasm. Thanks for driving that one home for me.

 

[sashamerideth]

If I need to use extra dialogue tags then I try to really write the scene and dialogue so that all I need is 'said'.

Using adverbs is a crutch and speaks of an author that needs more practice.

 

[Benjamin Clayborne]

If I need to use extra dialogue tags then I try to really write the scene and dialogue so that all I need is 'said'.

Using adverbs is a crutch and speaks of an author that needs more practice.

I don't think this is a reasonable position on its own. Loads of highly-respected best-selling authors use adverbs in dialogue tags willy-nilly. I'll use GRRM as an example since I have Game of Thrones at hand. There's four "[character name] [speech verb] [adverb]" instances just in the prologue (and dozens of other adverbs besides).

"Are they dead?" Royce asked softly.

"What do you think might have killed these men, Gared?" Ser Waymar asked casually.

"Get down!" Will whispered urgently.

Down below, the lordling called out suddenly, "Who goes there?"

Using too many adverb tags is probably indicative of a need for better writing, but how are adverb tags themselves inherently bad? Are they distracting? I've never been bothered by them when reading something, unless there are a huge number, and usually other aspects of the writing are bad as well. I can safely say I've never read something where the only problem was too many adverbs.

It seems like there's probably a threshold for most readers, below which adverb tags are fine, and above which they'll start to be noticed and distract from the storytelling. But a blanket "do not use adverb tags" is unreasonable.