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Character Overload

Wormtongue

Minstrel
I asked a friend (avid reader, not a writer) to read the first page of my wip and give me feedback.

I was surprised that his major comment was that it was difficult to keep track of all the names.

I introduce eight characters on the first page, ranging from the main antagonist to single-mentions. But I haven't named anybody who isn't specifically mentioned in dialog.

I don't give much physical description of either place or people.

So now I'm considering how I might reduce the number of people introduced on page one, or make it easier to keep track of who's who.

I'm considering stretching out the first interraction with the main antagonist to allow the reader to gain a little insight into who he is before throwing more names at them. Or adding a bit of physical description for the important ones. Or starting with a less crowded event.
 
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T.Allen.Smith

Staff
Moderator
Eight character intros does seem a bit much for page one. It's hard to tell though without seeing the writing.

Consider putting the excerpt up in the Showcase forum so members can read and critique. It might help.
 

Philip Overby

Staff
Article Team
For me, I find novels with lots of characters both interesting and at times problematic. If the characters stand out to me in some way and all serve a purpose, I'm fine with it. If the characters seem superfluous or are just kind of the same character in a different outfit, then they can probably be either cut or combined.

I have a novel with several monster hunters in it. One way I try to distinguish each of them is for them to have distinct goals that may interfere, overlap, or run parallel to each other. I also strive to make each personality stand out in some way. As I'm reading back and editing, I may get rid of some characters that don't serve much purpose or combine them with others to avoid confusion later.

It can become a difficult task to manage a large cast, but if it's possible to pull it off, it can be rewarding.

Physical description, distinctive way of speaking, or certain attitudes can help make a wide cast of characters stand out from each other. For example:

"I am not impressed with the way you twirl your mustache nor your dancing." Leonard glared at Richard's green and red polka dot pantaloons and jingling shoes. "It is quite distracting."

"Yeah? Well, suck an egg, you old goat!" Richard did a jig on the tabletop, knocking over several mugs of beer.


For me, it's easier to distinguish Leonard and Richard apart just in this interchange. Leonard talks a bit more proper than Richard. Also we get the impression that Richard has a garish style and doesn't care if causes a mess.

Leonard=straight-laced, perhaps more educated, all business
Richard=carefree, wild, annoying, attention-seeking

Anyway, thinking about these kind of issues might help make a large cast stand out from each other more and therefore not cause any confusion with too many characters.
 

PaulineMRoss

Inkling
I introduce eight characters on the first page, ranging from the main antagonist to single-mentions. But I haven't named anybody who isn't specifically mentioned in dialog.

Eight is a lot to have in the opening scene, unless they're very clearly differentiated in easy-to-remember ways (the dwarf, the warrior, the barkeep and so on). My personal preference would always be to start with a main character, alone, at least for a few paragraphs, or perhaps with one other. Then gradually introduce more in ones and twos.

It's not always possible to do that, though. Or at least, it's not always a scintillating opening. My first pass at starting my current wip, had my female lead for the first half of chapter 1, then another major character, then a third. The second chapter introduced the male lead, and put all four together. Only in chapter 3 did something actually happen.So although it introduced the characters, the setting, the situation nicely, it was deadly dull.

My current chapter 1 introduces all four characters, some setting, the situation including various current tensions and sets things up for the first Dramatic Moment - all in one quite short scene. That's a lot of work for one small scene. I'm still not sure how well it works, and it does seem very *busy*. And that's just with four characters.
 

TWErvin2

Auror
Eight characters on the first page is likely a few too many.

Consider that the readers have no base or foundation from which to build. The readers are trying to orient themselves...figure out the setting, what's going on. On the first page, how can a reader learn eight characters? Especially lacking some description.

To the reader they're just names. No anchor, nothing to grip onto, jumping from one to the next.

The main question would be: Why is it necessary to have mention of eight characters on page one. What is the purpose of that first page, and the first few pages.

Establishing one or two characters first...then branch off of them. Readers can learn who the others are within the context of the story...their relationship to the established characters. The readers can know who they are by actions, relationships, descriptions, situation encountered--more than just a name.

Remember, you know these characters already. It's easy for you as the author. You've created them, and to understand nuances about them. You probably even have an image in your mind's eye, and might even have an inkling as to their voice. The reader has none of that to start with...and they're being rapid-fire introduced in the first 250 words of the story.

Maybe consider starting at a different point in the story, where participation of 8 individuals isn't necessary.
 

Penpilot

Staff
Article Team
I agree with TWErvin2. If you think about it. One page has 250 words. With eight characters on one page, that means a character is being introduced on average every 31 words. That's practically every sentence or every other sentence.
 

Wormtongue

Minstrel
I agree with TWErvin2. If you think about it. One page has 250 words. With eight characters on one page, that means a character is being introduced on average every 31 words. That's practically every sentence or every other sentence.

Actually the section is just shy of 800 words so closer to four pages. I didn't realize it was that many words. So it's not quite that bad. lol

Eight character intros does seem a bit much for page one. It's hard to tell though without seeing the writing.

Consider putting the excerpt up in the Showcase forum so members can read and critique. It might help.

I'll do that.
 
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I'd say eight characters on a page or four pages is too many. Eight in your first scene is probably more than you need.

To me, a character is an attitude, he or she is there because of a distinct view of things that they bring to the table. A lot of the best stories have benefited by simply having a smaller cast than they might, where instead of a separate Happy, Sneezy, Grumpy and Bashful the story has the bashful character also "grumping" around about how he hates being shy. It makes much deeper characters-- and that's only for starting traits, let alone what it does when fewer characters each get more exposure to the plot and the same one has to deal with being the one who swore vengeance in one scene, nearly dies in another, and falls in love in a third.

I suppose I'm talking more about a style than not; I say "don't dilute the character cast," others say "but it's more epic!"

Still, ask yourself, do you need all eight characters there in that scene? (When it's the very first?) Would it be better to open with just a few of them there for now, and add the rest later, when one impression is made and there's time for someone else to add a new wrinkle to it? Even if the opening scene is Gathering The Council, it's probably worth it to say only some of the Council made it to this meeting, or at least that several are quiet or only speaking to second others, so we only have to pay much attention to a few of them for now.

Or if that's an adventuring party... well, you've probably got the story all planned. But with all respect to Fellowship and Dragonlance, I never thought eight was a good size for adventure. If you look at stories with different size teams, ones with larger ones either don't make as good a use of them or (like those two examples) soon start breaking them up. Or some of them could join up later, as long you don't start with eight.
 
I think you should start with a less crowded event. I mean, I haven't read it, so I really wouldn't know, but I don't think it's a good idea to start your chapter off with too many character introductions as the reader could easily lose track of who's who. But, again, I haven't read it. I don't know.
 

jasperjheart

Dreamer
I would say, stick with a few, possibly only two or three interacting with one another, then add the other characters throughout the next couple of chapters. It gets hard to differentiate what is really happening when you are being bombarded with so many unknown characters right off the bat. Save the most important characters for your intro, and spread out the rest. Best case scenario, you just added a chapter or two more to your novel, which can never hurt!
 

Wormtongue

Minstrel
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the discussion. I did write a new opening page, starting a bit earlier, with only two characters (although a third was mentioned by name in dialog).

It is unquestionably more comprehensible and impactful.
 

eartshala

Dreamer
It wouldn't be necessarily important to name them all. If need them there you can try mentioning their presence or importance but incorporate their names throughout the book in a more audience -friendly manner. You may have it straightened out in your head but remember that the reader doesn't. Similar reason why it isn't wise to name off more than three characters in a query letter, leave the rest as "traveler" "queen" "farmer" ect.

Ultimately, it's situational. You may need to mention eight names for whatever reason. Then maybe try splitting those eight characters into two chapters. It might help. Just a suggestion.
 

Ruby

Auror
Hi Wormtongue, thanks for posting this thread.

I'd never thought that having lots of characters in a first chapter would be a problem, before reading this; so I just counted how many appear in the first chapter of my WIP. I counted eight, not including two rabbits and a duck. :eek: The two rabbits have names and definite personalities but are not described in detail until chapter two, you'll be pleased to hear.

Is that going to be a problem then? So far the book has over seventy characters and, with the prequel which I'm also writing, there are over a hundred, so far.

As the story takes place in an educational institution with teachers and pupils, I don't see how I can avoid this.

Does this mean the poor readers are going to be :confused: ?
 
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Svrtnsse

Staff
Article Team
Does this mean the poor readers are going to be :confused: ?

I think it depends on how many of them are important and have an impact on the story. If all of them are important I think there's a risk it might be confusing. However, if you have a main cast consisting of a subset of all the characters and then let the others play minor roles now and then, that's probably okay.

The Harry Potter books spring to mind. I don't know how many characters are named and described in the book, but I know who the important ones are and some of the less important ones as well.

I think first impressions are really important. If you introduce one character and it makes a good first impression, then the reader will have something to hook up the character to and they'll be able to pick them out of the crowd.
However, if you introduce two characters at the same time and even one of them doesn't make enough of an impression the reader may have a hard time telling them apart for quite some time. They will eventually learn, but it'll be annoying until they get to that point.
 
Eight in one page is too much, but you can introduce a lot of characters quickly if you have a good device for grouping them in the reader's mind. Somewhere else I mentioned how Tolkien did it in The Hobbit by bringing in groups of dwarves first at Bilbo's, then at Beorn's. Another method is in the first book of The Forsyte Saga, A Man of Property, in which a huge family is introduced by essentially going around the room at an engagement party and giving the reaction of each to the future bridegroom's curious hat. Galsworthy takes much more ink much more than a page worth's to do so, but the technique could be slimmed down. Another interesting way would be by elimination: people leaving the room. For instance, what if a story started with a scene like the famous end of Downfall, when Hitler throws everyone out of his bunker office who's not important, leaving only his four generals? Then you could focus on who's left.
 
I wish people wouldn't use The Hobbit as an example of doing this well-- though it is one of the best tools. We all have our favorite moments when one dwarf or another makes an impression (usually Thorin or poor Bombur), but in more pages than not Tolkien wasn't trying to make the dwarves all that distinct.

In Fellowship of the Ring he took more effort, and of course he had more pages to work with. In two chapters we cover three ongoing characters (plus Bilbo), two more hobbits in the next few chapters, and then Aragorn. By the time the fellowship itself assembles, we have a team of nine (which is a big group by any writing standards), but only three of them are new at all.
 
As many have mentioned, eight seems like a lot. I would also add if you do have a cast that size especially in rapid succession to keep the names separate alphabetically as you can. Having three names that all begin with L and have four syllables tends to help people confuse them. Yes they might be distinct, but still reading they might blending.
 

ThinkerX

Myth Weaver
I have a whole pile of characters appear in the second chapter of 'Empire' - but they appear in logical groups, and not all of them are named.
 
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