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Gods/magic - would love feedback :)

Gwydir

Dreamer
Ok, I'll try and keep it short and sweet as possible.

The gods:
Oluja
Polzar
Saulok
Sannis
Vann
Iveunik
Kan
Yaval
Zaman
Yarat

After the Gods created the mortal realm the created man, gifting him with the knowlege of the Gods existence and names. Over the centuries the Gods became divided over how they should rule over their creation. Polzar, Saulok, Sannis, Yaval, Zaman and Vann (later to be known as The "Ahkven") believed they should rule over man with power and domination. The remaining gods (the "Sarfak") believed they should walk on earth among their children to show them the Gods really cared for them.
Now, as The Ahkven dominated man, man turned their worship entirely to the Sarfak. The Ahkven became angry and created another race, a warrior race call the Kolluum to act as their enforcers on earth. Gifted with magic* the Kolluum would hunt down the worshipers of the Sarfak, imprison them and force them into slavery to build idols and temples of all sizes in honor of the "all powerful" Ahkven.

The Sarfak became enraged and behind the back of the Ahkven, they traveled to the mortal realm to ignite a rebellion against the Ahkven. The Ahkven discovered the plot and told the Kolluum to mass together to wipe out all that opposed them. A battle of cataclysmic proportions soon began, men and Kolluum fighting each other and the gods battled with ferocity. Though each God is incapable of killing another, Oluja thought of a way to end the madness that enslaved his brothers. Oluja opened a portal to the God realm and within in it, he created another world, a world of nothingness. (Think of it as a snow globe or ant farm in our world) Iveunik used his power to force the Ahkven into this void and followed them in, Kan sealed the portal behind them. Seeing their masters defeated, the Kolluum retreated, running into the wilds in fear of the remaining Sarfak. Kan and Yarat returned to the god realm to ensure the Ahkven would not escape. Oluja healed all that were wounded and created the spirit realm for those who lost their life in the battle. He stated that since the escape of the Ahkven would be disastrous he and the other Sarfak would have to focus all their energy on keeping the portal shut. as one final act before returning to the god realm he gave up a portion of his life force, impregnating 500 women. The children of these women would become the first mages (Children of Oluja). Mans first and last defense should the Kolluum or Ahkven ever return.

Magic*: Now, as essentially a half god, the mages had a link to the god realm, which is a pool of infinite magic. The ability of magic is being able to channel magic from the god realm and perform spells. Now even though they were half gods, they had mortal bodies and themselves had a finite lifespan. Bodies which could only handle a certain amount of magic coursing through it at once (Think an electrical circuit). Still, they were extremely powerful. Spells are not as simple as "I have the power of a god, I will and it shall be." They had to learn to channel and focus the magic properly to get their desired effect. The first mages did not learn all that magic was capable of but had children of their own and passed on the knowledge. Now as the half gods bread the "blood of Oluja" became diluted, weakening the link mages possessed to the god realm over the millenniums.

Because of this as man divided and settled different parts of the world the mages had to overcome this weakened link. One faction uses an "Amplifier" crafted from certain stones, wood of certain trees and clothes woven from certain plants. The amps work by augmenting the output of the spell. These amps do not last forever, they can be broken and can burn out if used for high powered spells continuously. Another faction uses something similar, pieces crafted from certain materials but they act as a conductor, allowing them to siphon magical energy from nearby mages to gather and cast a spell faster, sometimes instantaneously if the spell is perfected. The third faction do not use either, instead they have used a program of selective inbreeding to keep the Blood of Oluja as strong as possible.

Thanks in advance for feedback and apologies for the lengthiness. If there's anything you think I need to expand or address let me know :)
 

Gwydir

Dreamer
He could just as easily not be in the inner realm. I think I made it more complicated than it had to be. Unless I had some kind of hierachy among the gods which required Iveunik to be there, ie he's the most powerful of the 10. Again, maybe making it more complicated than it has to be.
 

DavidJae

Troubadour
It seems very well-thought out and professional, with enough detail. How much of this will feature in your story?
 

evanator66

Minstrel
Your magic/gods seem sound. The only question I have is, would the faction that uses the conductor be less powerful? Because the other two factions get the high output with one mage, but the one with conductor requires multiple mages.
 

Edankyn

Minstrel
Also I'm wondering if the whole gods sealed away thing is too cliche...
Fantasy is built from cliches; I wouldn't worry about it. Like DavidJae I wonder how much of this will be relevant in the story or if it is just a back story for yourself as you write. I actually like Iveunik being trapped in the other realm, it adds a bit of gravity to the situation. Actions, especially power actions, should be accompanied by powerful costs. On that note, you may want to add a long term affect of using magic in addition to the short term 'body can only handle so much.' My least favorite part of books is when magic is too powerful without bearing a similarly powerful adverse affect. That may just be my personal preference though.
 
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