Tense Shift in a Fantasy Novel

[Larkin]

I came here with a question I don't think has been asked here -- at least, a cursory search says it hasn't.

I know, people generally hate tense shifts, even when done intentionally. However, given a reasonably deft touch, do you think it would work? I've been toying with a story idea in my head that requires some different timelines (not slipstream or anything like that, just as a means to build suspense), and that involves chapters set up as follows:

Present-Tense Chapter (Short: 800 words; limited third of protagonist)
Past-Tense Chapter (Long: 2000-3000 words; each chapter is based on limited third of a given character)
Past-Tense Chapter (Long)
Past-Tense Chapter (Long)
Present-Tense Chapter (Short)
Past-Tense Chapter (Long)
Past-Tense Chapter (Long)
Past-Tense Chapter (Long)


... and so on, so that every 10,000 words or so there is a break (there are about 10 of these). The present-tense chapters will function as interludes, and are definitely the highest-stakes part of the story -- and the past-tense part of it deals with the events leading up to the present situation.

The reason I'm doing this is to build suspense for the reader and because I'm interested in how it will work as a process, as I've rarely read it in genre fiction. I'm working in a Baroque-ish world in terms of comparison, fairly canonical fantasy fiction which leans more low than high. It's a standalone novel, not a Robert Jordan-sized series or anything, too. There is no time travel component to the story.

Would this be feasible? What traps might I run into? (I already know in advance "Write the story the way it comes to you" and "Present tense never works" as contrasting maxims, so don't worry on their account!)

 

[TWErvin2]

Larkin,

Sure, it can work (it's feasible).

It all depends on how the two storylines mesh and if the payoff when they merge work.

One concern could be the reader forgetting the present tense storyline as they read long expanses of past tense storyline.

I am not sure 'structure' is as effective in building suspense as plain old good writing. A combination of the two--well that's be pretty sharp and snappy.

Good luck. Give it a try, and if it doesn't work, you still have the core of a story to tell, just some restructuring and revision out of present tense and reorganizing.

 

[Reaver]

Larkin,

Sure, it can work (it's feasible).

It all depends on how the two storylines mesh and if the payoff when they merge work.

One concern could be the reader forgetting the present tense storyline as they read long expanses of past tense storyline.

I am not sure 'structure' is as effective in building suspense as plain old good writing. A combination of the two--well that's be pretty sharp and snappy.

Good luck. Give it a try, and if it doesn't work, you still have the core of a story to tell, just some restructuring and revision out of present tense and reorganizing.

I agree wholeheartedly. I think that if you can make it work, and in a way that satifies you, go for it.

 

[Larkin]

Thanks for the thoughts, guys (or girls)! Pardon my cannibalizing of this post:

It all depends on how the two storylines mesh and if the payoff when they merge work.

One concern could be the reader forgetting the present tense storyline as they read long expanses of past tense storyline.

I think having the present tense told strictly from the protagonist's POV might mitigate confusion, anyway, since the reader would be at least sure of the character, and as the present tense is in a situation of imprisonment, it'd at least be clear that the protagonist's end is jail/execution. (No, I swear I'm not writing A Tale of Two Cities here.) I have figured out a way a la Dickens that it's not a 'downer' ending though.

I am not sure 'structure' is as effective in building suspense as plain old good writing. A combination of the two--well that's be pretty sharp and snappy.

Well, yeah. But the 'Why is the main character imprisoned, and what did he do to get that way?' question serving as a frame for the events leading up to it struck me as potentially an interesting exploration anyway, provided -- of course -- that it was well-written. And the best way to get that question as the frame was to have the interlude chapters, and tense shift seemed a more elegant, less intrusive way to form the interludes than dealing with dates or what have you (though it may be more intrusive, for all I know!)

Just an idea taking shape into something more, though, so I'm flexible if for some reason it hits a roadblock.

 

[newtofantasy]

Larkin, I've used the present tense in my present wip to set out a flashback. Now I know that may sound like an oxymoron, but it's a good way to set something different apart from the main line. At any rate, I think so. But one thing I did discover is that you really have to be careful of your phrasing in the narrative parts. First person and third can really read differently I found out. At any rate they did for me, and I thought I'd share it.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

My main character narrates in first-person present.
Other POVs (showing the reader what the MC didn't see) are narrated in third-person past.

Most of my readers thought the tense shift worked and the story "flowed well," though I'll confess that a reviewer nailed me for doing this. Whether I pulled it off well is up for debate then, I suppose. However, I had this same concern and posed this same question on another forum. Many writers told me it can be done, and it has been done.

 

[Larkin]

I know it's been done -- I just wasn't sure in light of a fantasy story, as 3p past seems to be so much more the rule of thumb that exceptions tend to "stick out," if you will. (Even reading fantasy novels in 1p past can seem strange at times, if it's not something closer to if on a winter's night a traveler than Lord of the Rings or what have you.)

I've seen 3p present used as a flashback in fantasy stories before -- but I'll be darned if I can come up with a reference off the top of my head. So that's at least something.

 

[Lord Darkstorm]

On a personal note, I don't care for present tense that much. Maybe it is just the books I've read that have been written in it, but it draws attention to itself, and it continually drags me out of the story to look at the words. So, in that regard, it fails. One I just put down because I found it took too much of my attention away from the story, which I'll admit wasn't moving real fast either.

 

[newtofantasy]

Lord Darkstorm, I agree. I don't care for a first person as a general rule either. That's why I said you have to watch your phrasing because it has to be different from third person. Not caring for first, I can generally read over it to be certain that it doesn't call attention to itself. And in my case, in my wip, it doesn't take up but a few pages and actually first can give a sense of ominous suspense--sorta you are there--to a scene. Or so I believe.

Happy holidays! (trite though that is from a "creative" writer )

 

[Taytortots]

I've seen it be done before, and well. So I'm sure you could do it properly. I think the most important thing is for you to be aware that people tend to stay away from it, and why. Seeing as you asked this question, it's obvious you're aware of these issues. As long as you keep the issues in mind, and make sure the transition is smooth, I think it will turn out fine. One suggestion I have is when you re-read what you've written/edit, read through it like a READER, not a writer. It's sounds simple, but it's effective. If you hadn't written it and known all the facts and background that you do, can you follow, understand and is the transition smooth. Keep in mind, if you had bought this book and were reading it, was is done as well as you would have like?
I hope this helped and good luck!