How does this work?

[Garren Jacobsen]

So, I am having one of my characters, a younger guy like or so, switching from his normal voice to falsetto to imitate a woman's voice. Here is what I have:

“I am going to braid them one day. Then all the women will say,” Shurrif raised his voice several octaves into his falsetto range and said, “‘Ooo Shurrif your mustache is so glorious, tickle me with it. Oh yes, just like that,’" Shurrif lowered his voice back to its normal range, "Just you wait and see!”

Does this work? Is there a better way to convey that action? And does this make you laugh?

 

[Epaminondas]

Lol, I like it. I can picture/hear the guy saying it in my head as I read it; that's a good sign.

 

[Penpilot]

For the most part it works as you intend, but IMHO, you're trying so hard to make the reader understand what's happening that you're over describing a bit . I think you can remove this bit "into his falsetto range" and can replace this bit "its normal range" with just the word "normal" without losing any information.

 

[WooHooMan]

I'd say remove "into his falsetto range".
And instead of saying her lowered his voice to normal, just say his voice returned to normal. Or he stopped doing a falsetto.

However, considering the context and what he says exactly, the reader can assume he stopped doing a falsetto after he stopped role playing. I think you don't really need to specify he went back to speaking naturally.

I would write it like this...

“I am going to braid them one day. Then all the women will say,” Shurrif raised his voice several octaves , "oh Shuriff, your mustache is so glorious! Tickle me with it! Oh yes, just like that!" Shurrif strocked his upper lip, "just you wait and see!”

 

[Dipti13]

Great, I really enjoyed your lines.

 

[TheCatholicCrow]

I believe this is called Double Voicing. Rather than commenting on the tone or pitch of his voice you could consider adding an action like resting his hands beneath his chin or using whatever other Feminine characteristics you would feel are appropriate (fanning yourself, twirling a skirt, excessive shoulder movement, batting eyelashes etc).

If I remember correctly, this is a writing technique that Jane Austen uses with some frequency but more so as the narrative voice than with the actual characters. IMO it's a great technique that we don't use enough anymore. It really can be quite humorous.

 

[wordwalker]

One small point, that will help this make a better impression on those readers with some musical background: even one octave is a major jump when you're talking about speaking voices. So to those readers, rounding it down to "an octave" sounds better than "several octaves."