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Story opening woes

Caged Maiden

Staff
Article Team
I'm the same way. I remember a couple beginnings, mostly if it was something odd like I was in a POV who didn't know his name, but I guess I'm just not a good judge of what makes for a gripping opening. Perhaps it's because I've rarely been pulled in from the first word?
 
Two of my favorite guides to starting a book come from Lisa Cron and Janice Hardy.

Also, speaking of Flogging The Quill, Janice has her own "Real Life Diagnostics" feature that runs every Saturday, another chance to get feedback.
 

BWFoster78

Myth Weaver
When it comes to movie scripts as an example I always read the same kind of advice "you have to grab the audience's attention in the first few minutes", as if the movie is going to tank if you don't.

Do you feel it's a must to create a memorable opening sequence?

If I come across a random book that I'm considering buying, my ultimate decision is 90% based on the Amazon sample portion. If the writer doesn't capture my attention quickly, I'm off to the next book.

There are exceptions to the above:

1. The book is from an author that I read.
2. The book comes highly recommended to me.
 

T.Allen.Smith

Staff
Moderator
If I come across a random book that I'm considering buying, my ultimate decision is 90% based on the Amazon sample portion.

If the writer doesn't capture my attention quickly, I'm off to the next book.

There are exceptions to the above:
1. The book is from an author that I read.
2. The book comes highly recommended to me.
Same here, Brian.

Even though I might not remember many book openings, I still need the hook to keep reading.

The hook....how do you create a good one? There's innumerable style choices and story elements that can hook your reader. The only two constants I see that can effectively hook me as a reader are:
1) The author or character has an interesting voice.
2) The subject or action is interesting

Now when I try to draft, or usually rewrite an opening, I try to focus in on providing the reader with as much of those two considerations as possible.

In the current novel I've been revising and running through critique partners, I've performed multiple revisions and four complete rewrites, adding characters, changing setting and action, changing the age and race of the opening POV, etc...and that's just scratching the surface.

You'll spend more time working on a novel's opening than any other part for good reasons. It's your reader's first impression. It's also the cornerstone upon which every other building block rests.
 
If I come across a random book that I'm considering buying, my ultimate decision is 90% based on the Amazon sample portion. If the writer doesn't capture my attention quickly, I'm off to the next book.

There are exceptions to the above:

1. The book is from an author that I read.
2. The book comes highly recommended to me.

So your approach should be the standard?

Having to immediately capture someone's attention speaks of them possibly having a short attention span to begin with, hence writing that requires a mental investment will bore them if it doesn't have the literary equivalent of car crashes and giant explosions.
 

Tom

Istar
So your approach should be the standard?

Having to immediately capture someone's attention speaks of them possibly having a short attention span to begin with, hence writing that requires a mental investment will bore them if it doesn't have the literary equivalent of car crashes and giant explosions.

Um, but the main point of a good book is that it captures your interest.....So, a book that doesn't snag you quickly is likely not very interesting. A good author can hook you right off the bat, and the hook doesn't even have to be the "literary equivalent of car crashes and giant explosions". Hooks can be subtle, like small worldbuilding snippets that rouse your curiosity.

If putting down a book that doesn't draw me in right away gives me a short attention span, then I guess I'm happier with a short attention span. And so are a of other people.
 

BWFoster78

Myth Weaver
Miskatonic,

So your approach should be the standard?

No. People should choose to buy books based on whatever methodology suits them best. Using my methodology to buy books would be stupid if it doesn't suit you.

Your statement really confuses the crap out of me.

Having to immediately capture someone's attention speaks of them possibly having a short attention span to begin with, hence writing that requires a mental investment will bore them if it doesn't have the literary equivalent of car crashes and giant explosions.

I can't speak for anyone else, but my reasoning for employing this approach is that I've found that most books that I come across randomly on Amazon don't have the ability to hold my attention. I tend to think that this is because I'm coming across a lot of books written by new authors who don't have the ability to craft stories well (prior to the self-publishing craze, I shopped for physical copies in bookstores and rarely did I find books that couldn't hold my attention). So, since I've had some bad experiences that wasted both my time and money, I decided that a new author has to prove the ability to capture my attention before I'll make a purchase.
 

BWFoster78

Myth Weaver
Um, but the main point of a good book is that it captures your interest.....So, a book that doesn't snag you quickly is likely not very interesting. A good author can hook you right off the bat, and the hook doesn't even have to be the "literary equivalent of car crashes and giant explosions". Hooks can be subtle, like small worldbuilding snippets that rouse your curiosity.

Exactly. There are a lot of ways to engage me as a reader. However, engaging a reader is much more difficult than most new authors seem to realize.
 

Caged Maiden

Staff
Article Team
There's certainly something to be said for gripping a reader from page one, but isn't it a matter of what speaks to a reader? I would be bored by paragraphs of setting details, but I've met writers who write the style and their readers who enjoy the style. It doesn't work for me, doesn't pull me in, but it's something some readers really dig. So...shouldn't the tone of the opening sort of set the reader's expectations for the story? If a book does that (as I hope mine does, not by showing an explosion, but a contemplative scene), and Brian puts it down, let's say, wouldn't that simply enough just mean he doesn't like that sort of opening, not that it's "wrong?" I'm trying to be concise (and not picking on Brian), but if a reader doesn't like the fact that a book opens in a bar, with three guys talking with a bartender who's contemplating suicide because he hates his life and his wife left him for his brother...then isn't it fair to say they should probably put it down in the first few pages because the story doesn't appeal to them and the rest of the book probably won't be much more interesting if they're already not interested?

Some people have called my opening interesting and others have said they didn't feel connected. I guess that's why I began this thread--to understand whether it's good or crap, and how to determine which it is? Maybe it's simply BOTH.

I'm using my opening scene to open the door for the reader to understand and enjoy MY story and characters. Brian may hate it, and that's okay, but I perhaps can't equate it to just a sucky opening? I would have to understand that the person (because now I do feel like I'm picking on Brian, who might actually like my book if he reads it, who knows) who puts down the book in the first few pages probably judged that they simply weren't going to enjoy the style, the character, or the story. I've opened a lot of indie books and didn't like them. Sometimes it was the opening scene and how it flowed that didn't pull me in, more often it was stylistic things like over-wrought descriptions of setting or poor narration choices that immediately told me I wasn't going to enjoy the writing...and if the words become tedious, it's a major jarring that keeps me from enjoying the work.

This is all really useful info, guys. Perhaps more important than a perfect opening that will captivate people with bright lights and shiny things, an opening ought to introduce characters in a way that allows readers to get to know them and their story in the same tone as the rest of the book?

So maybe there's nothing wrong with my opening...it just won't resonate with everyone. Perhaps the best we can do is have a thoughtful opening and execute it the best we can. I'll agree there's always another place to begin a story, but since I've opened with the inciting incidents...I'm not sure how much more forward I can go in time. I mean... I could open after the inciting incident happens, I guess. But that doesn't sound wise.
 

BWFoster78

Myth Weaver
So...shouldn't the tone of the opening sort of set the reader's expectations for the story? If a book does that (as I hope mine does, not by showing an explosion, but a contemplative scene), and Brian puts it down, let's say, wouldn't that simply enough just mean he doesn't like that sort of opening, not that it's "wrong?"

Absolutely.

You aren't trying to pull in all readers, just the readers who will probably like your book. Right?

I wouldn't want anyone to buy my book if they're not going to like reading it.

Some people have called my opening interesting and others have said they didn't feel connected. I guess that's why I began this thread--to understand whether it's good or crap, and how to determine which it is? Maybe it's simply BOTH.

I honestly don't know. Maybe the people who aren't feeling connected simply aren't your readers. Or maybe the scene just isn't good enough yet.

The way I see it, you've got two choices:

1. Keep working on it until a higher percentage of your feedback is positive.
2. Figure out who your readers are and survey just them. (No idea how to do this...)
 

skip.knox

toujours gai, archie
Moderator
It sounds like it's time to stop worrying about your readers. If you cast your net wide enough, you're going to get a percentage who don't like what you have written. All authors get one-star reviews, right? It's not a problem you can solve.

You have said you're too close to the story to judge, so perhaps the thing to do is to put it away for a few weeks. Still send to agents, if you wish, but just stop thinking about the thing as a writer. Or don't send to agents either, and flat out stop thinking about it.

Come back to it in August. Read it at one sitting *without* pen in hand (that part's really hard for me). Oh wait, it's a novel. So, read three chapters. Then ask yourself if you *like* the opening. If you do, you're done. No more fiddling. If you don't, you have work to do, but that's a different matter.

Assuming you like the opening, then just keep submitting until you run out of agents. All of them. You only need one of them to say yes--it's like searching for a job. And you don't care about why the others said no. Because the one who says yes is going to suggest changes anyway, so why worry about the others?
 

Caged Maiden

Staff
Article Team
I just wanted to come back in here and let you all know I changed my opening. Again. :eek2:


1 Vendetta (Revenge)

Hay Moon 18

Before the summer’s afternoon heat gave way to dusk’s mildness, an old woman slipped quietly into a hidden corridor, intent on parleying with her son’s father, a man she hadn’t seen since he’d exiled her. There was a time when visiting her old friend–the religious leader of the republic–didn’t evoke such enmity. In those days, she didn’t give the private mercenary security a second thought, either.

The cathedral’s teal-caped Edrian Guards would make quick work of an intruder if they spied her sneaking through the halls. Even if they didn’t know her face, they’d know her name–or the one her old friend, Lazaro Marcello, bestowed upon her.

Merciless Doll–originally, he’d meant it as a term of endearment–a dichotomy he found amusing.

In a republic run by wealthy families, names held power. That name held power for another reason. After six years in hiding, returning to Kanassa had been a mistake. She realized it the first time she heard the name again–even before Marcello killed their son.

Breath came in shallow puffs and the tingling edge of fear sapped strength from her already shaking legs and hands. She waited in the darkness, taking a moment to compose herself. At first, she knew what she wanted to say, but each step brought with it a little more rawness to her wound, a little more anger and disgust.

One, two, three… the numbers ticked by in her head. It was Lazaro Marcello who taught her to count when nervous. “Patience,” he always said, “is Rada’s greatest virtue. If you want the gods to guide you, give them a chance to intervene.”

He’d been speaking of stealth–knowing when to move and when to keep to the shadows–but what a versatile lesson it was. A lesson she was happy to show she’d learned, considering the dagger at her hip might have to suffice for the words she wasn’t sure she could say.

Pulling the false painting inward, she crawled through the frame, into the private office. Bright wainscoting surfaced the walls and thick draperies cascaded from rods to pool on the tiled floor in graceful puddles.

Portraits of the vain cleric bedecked the office and one might infer from the very specific style he admired, that Lazaro Marcello deified himself. Or, he and The Holy Light, Rada, shared very similar facial characteristics. He sat at his desk, partly obscured by a stack of books.

Deep wrinkles lined a plain face bearing a prominent nose. Whether it had been broken in his youth or the gods bestowed the unsightly feature for a reason, it only added to the cleric’s sinister appearance. Irregular, misshapen, and askew, that nose epitomized the old man.

An ill-boding scowl converted his passive expression when he saw her approaching. “Have you no good sense left, Doll?”

“You know me, Lazaro,” she said. “I’ve the good sense to keep to myself when I’ve been told to **** off and never return.”

“So it’s something other than good sense that brings you to my office.”

and this alternative:

Yvette slipped quietly into a hidden corridor. Pulling the false painting inward, she crawled through the frame, into the private office. Bright wainscoting surfaced the walls and thick draperies cascaded from rods to pool on the tiled floor in graceful puddles.

Lazaro sat at his desk, partly obscured by a stack of books. Deep wrinkles lined a plain face bearing a prominent nose. Whether it had been broken in his youth or the gods bestowed the unsightly feature for a reason, it only added to the cleric’s sinister appearance. Irregular, misshapen, and askew, that nose epitomized the old man.

An ill-boding scowl converted his passive expression when he saw her approaching. “Have you no good sense left, Doll?”

“You know me, Lazaro,” she said. “I’ve the good sense to keep to myself when I’ve been told to **** off and never return.”

“So it’s something other than god sense that brings you to my office.”

any thoughts? the conversation is going to be about the dead son but it'll be quick. Then I am probably putting in the lawyer scene
 
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The main thing I noticed about the first version is how much it suddenly Tells us, especially in the first lines: "intent on parleying with her son’s father" and "—the religious leader of the republic—" and so on. Of course you have to reveal some things more directly than others, but doing more than one or two that quickly is a big risk.

After those opening lines, I think whether you rush in with the second approach or "use patience" with the first depends more on which is closer to the level of detail the rest of your story has, and which fits the pace this scene and the next few have. I like the extra touches in the first as well, but that isn't always best. (And there's always your author website to show off the "uncut version.")
 

Caged Maiden

Staff
Article Team
I guess I was wondering whether either of these were an improvement over the first version I posted. I've rewritten this thing so many times now, I'm lost and confused! ha! Thanks for letting me know how these two examples are working. I guess I've lost sight of my goal because I'm trying so hard to just "do it right" and i'm not even sure how to open this thing anymore. Any further advice you might have, please don't hesitate to let me know. I'm all ears, because I'm clearly not getting it done on my own, and I've got great crit partners, but I fear they're tired as I am of this book. :)
 
I don't know if this is much help, since First Page Stress is pretty well inevitable, but: Relax, and trust S.S.S.

Sustained Style is Sacred.

What I mean is, we all have (or plan to have) written a lot, and in all those pages, the pace and the priorities that work best for us are going to emerge. I can't tell myself I'm going to do heavy poetic description, because after a few pages that use it I'd get tired and start slipping back-- and it's not the same thing as if I'd found that my larger goals needed me to use more poetry and learn to love it. (EG, I did learn to get more colorful when I was setting a scene, because I could get the most mileage out of it when things hadn't started moving yet.) If you think a scene's approach is more detailed, or more rushed, or more dialog-heavy than you can really believe you could write forever... don't write it once, because you'll only backslide on it.

Of course, first chapters are the hardest to use that on, for all the usual reasons. They have All Those Facts we need to make clear, and we're desperate to make the impact as strong as possible, and there are so many different tricks and approaches that might work... sure, maybe. "Sustained Style" doesn't mean each scene is the same, and first chapters always have good reasons to be different. But on the other hand: is it really wise to give your reader an opening that promises so many more bells and whistles (or so much more streamlining) than the rest of the tale can deliver?
 

Caged Maiden

Staff
Article Team
Actually, the novel is written. It's all pretty consistent and any of these openings works for the rest of the book. None of them creates a tone I don't maintain, though I see your point about not writing vastly differing styles for different scenes, so it makes the book schizophrenic. I'm sure I've written this opening fully eight or nine different ways, the reason I'm doing this again is that my queries haven't hit with an agent and I've queried a dozen times now. My main worry was that people didn't "feel" Yvette's motivation and while I originally retained the dead son as a secret to be revealed in the story, folks wanted it up front for tension. I get that. But I'm just not sure when to reveal my secrets. I guess I'm the kinda guy who likes to up the ante only when necessary, but I'm seeing a trend that readers don't like the slow played game. So...is it more critical that i catch them and reel them in by taking my ace in the hole and licking it and sticking it on my forehead (okay, I was drinking and just didn't want the opponent to think I was bluffing because he was talking shit), or do I put on my smug face and just let it ride and hope there's a sizable pot after the betting's done?

I guess for me, my main concern is HOW do I pull a reader in most fully, so they want to read the rest of the story, and I can resume my preference for more subtlety? There's a scene late in the book (chapter 30, I think), where Yvette and Thorne test the truth serum out. She talks about her dead son and he's sympathetic. he asks why she left the boy in the priesthood and she answers, "I thought he'd be safe there. I never thought Marcello would kill his own son to get back on me. But lies have deep consequences sometimes." TO which he responds with something like, "He's not the boy's father? That's your lie?" and she says yes. And he asks who the father is, and she says the doge. He reacts with shock, because the doge prefers men as lovers, and she laughs when he says that. She says, "You know what this means, don't you?" he says, "No, what?" She says,
"Your brother's truth serum doesn't work." Basically, I'm trying to set it up in the beginning that she lied about the boy's parentage to protect him, give him a great life as a priest because of Marcello's status. But Marcello figured it out and when she returns to town, he killed the boy in a huge thing (where he blew up a church to see if he could do it), and it isn't important in the beginning of the story who the real father is. But maybe that's just an oversight on my part. Maybe that fact is a material fact to the reader? TO me, the story was better opened worrying about current issues, but readers say they want to fully understand from the get-go. Now, again (and this goes back to Brian's Editor threads), how do I make that determination? To me, I'm happier with it revealed slowly. BUt readers say they want it. Who am I to tell them what they want? I keep thinking in my head, "No, they want a mystery and a reason to ask questions" but maybe that's just foolish of me? See how difficult this is? I'm happy with the style, the tone, the characters, and the story, but readers have asked me for specific things they NEED to know/ understand (they say) to get into the story and characters. I'm perfectly happy to give it to them, but is it really better? Or am I just writing a story no one cares about? Or is my method perfectly fine, but just a miss for some folks?

Tricky. I appreciate your continued advice on this problem. I apologize for the wordiness of my answer (and lately, every damn thing I post up here), but I wanted to fully explain, so you could see my dilemma. I love the story. Other folks said somehting was missing. This is simply my attempt to write the most engaging opening I can onto this already-written tale that has failed to capture people's attention in the first chapter. I'd never argue with betas who said it didn't hook them. It's obviously my failure...but what to do?
 
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