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Is This Too Gross?

Alyssa

Troubadour
Did you know Meyer wrote a version of Twilight (just the first book, iirc) with everyone's genders swapped? I can't decide if that makes the whole thing better or worse. ._.;

I don't know who I must have offended to deserve this... Twilight v2 ... whoever's out there... anyone... I'm sorry...

CONFITEOR Deo omnipotenti, beatae Mariae semper Virgini, beato Michaeli Archangelo, beato Ioanni Baptistae, sanctis Apostolis Petro et Paulo, et omnibus Sanctis, quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere: mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa. Ideo precor beatam Mariam semper Virginem, beatum Michaelem Archangelum, beatum Ioannem Baptistam, sanctos Apostolos Petrum et Paulum, et omnes Sanctos, orare pro me ad Dominum Deum nostrum. Amen.
 

Annoyingkid

Banned
Hi,

I'm about a hundred K into my latest epic fantasy, "A Bittersweet Brew", and have built a monster. (Actually monster babies, but what the hey!)

Either way it runs like this. Monster mummy (daddy) is a sort of fae who lures young women to his grotto etc and has his way with them. (This is just background by the way.)

This is dark but it's not a dealbreaker yet. I assume the monster looks like a man in order to lure the women. But you later say his babies look like dragon (flies) , so which form is he taking here? It is possible to recover psychologically from being raped by another human somewhat but by a giant mutated dragonfly? No amount of therapy in the world.

In time the women get with baby monster. Now baby monster is only partly of the real world, partly of another world - like daddy dearest. And is partly as such, ghostly. He also looks like a baby dragonish / dragonfly critter - so really pretty!!!

it's still horrifiying. I'd expect the women's sanity to break down here. Unless it controls her mind. Which is getting really disturbing.

And in his human mother, the baby can't completely be sustained by her alone. So she has to go out and get preggers by other men, so her baby monster can consume the unborn foetuses inside her womb. (I said it was gross!)

And what if she doesn't? Does it starve out or does she have no choice?
So it's going to wait like four months to eat one half grown baby? That's so dumb. It's being gross for the sake of it.
The other thing about this particular monster baby is that since it's sort of ghostly / otherworldly, it can phase out of her skin and so appear as a baby ghost dragon monster, still attached to her middle, but able to fight etc! Think long sinuous neck and head full of teeth sticking out of her tummy!

You talk like it's one of those creature companions in MMO's. But what's the point in giving away it's presence? What do you think the woman is doing at this point? Again is she mind controlled?
Oh and a couple more lovely little details. As part of the mating process the human mother gainst the essence of its monster baby - pale blood and enormous strength etc. This is so the mother can support the growing monster inside her. But when it's time to be born, the baby will of course rip its way free of her, discarding her like a husk. (So it's sort of a parasite.)

Once this phenomena becomes known, she'd commit suicide or be murdered long before then. Does she have enormous durability too? Because if it gives it's presence away like that people will burn her at the stake. Or stab.
 
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Hi Guys,

The true horror of Twilight was that - at least here in NZ - it was originally marketted as a vampire story, which is why I got the first one out of the vid store. It was only about half way through when I realised kid vampire boy wasn't going to do the right thing and rip the throat out of the annoying girl, that the true horror of it really sank in! That it was in fact some sickening romance for brain dead ten year old girls. If only they'd marketted it correctly I would have never been exposed to such a nauseating video nasty - and I would have been perfectly happy with the movie - since I wouldn't have watched it!

As it is the therapy bills from having watched that first half hour have been mounting up over the years! (It's technically known as Post Non-Traumatic Stress Disorder.) It's true what they say. There just isn't enough blood, death and gore in the entire movie world to wipe out the memory of even half an hour of a tween romance!!!

Cheers, Greg.
 

Ireth

Myth Weaver
The true horror of Twilight was that - at least here in NZ - it was originally marketted as a vampire story, which is why I got the first one out of the vid store. It was only about half way through when I realised kid vampire boy wasn't going to do the right thing and rip the throat out of the annoying girl, that the true horror of it really sank in! That it was in fact some sickening romance for brain dead ten year old girls. If only they'd marketted it correctly I would have never been exposed to such a nauseating video nasty - and I would have been perfectly happy with the movie - since I wouldn't have watched it!

That's bizarre. Here in Canada it was marketed as a romance -- the back cover explicitly said that Edward is a vampire, that he thirsts for Bella's blood, and that she was in love with him. Part of what made it unbearable for me was Bella taking so long to realize the vampire bit. The rest was the ridiculously unhealthy (read: mutually abusive, though Edward does more) nature of their relationship which was still touted as a romance for the ages. Ugh.
 
Hi Annoying,

Yes, the woman is mad, driven so by the pregnancy - if it can really be called that. The creature inside her is more a parasite than a baby. Think of a wasp baby laid in a host caterpillar. And through a mix of chemicals and magic she has come to believe the thing inside her is her baby, that the father is her loving prince, and she will do absolutely anything to make sure it is born into a world it can survive in (even if that world is not able to support human life!)

Note that the baby is not even the father's baby - just a parasite it uses as a race of servants to reshape the new world it arrives in to meet its needs. And the baby is able to live inside the mother even though its larger than her even unborn because its otherworldly like the father. Living inside her is a form of protection for it since it can't actually survive in the world until its mature, so its actually bound to her for a few years. But as it matures, it slowly becomes more of the world, and at some point becomes able to survive in it - at which point, despite having strengthened the mother enormously, it rips its way free of her.

As for the father, I've never described him at all. He is the ultimate big bad - think something like the great old ones from Lovecraft - never seen or even really part of the book. He's just the main threat destroying the world. An otherworldly being recently arrived. And he lays(?) his parasitic servants in vulnerable girls because when they mature they can serve him, rebuilding the world into a form in which he can survive. In this case he lives in a volcano, deep underground and his servants are there to ultimately convert the entire world into a volcanic wonderland full of lava and toxic gasses.

I've got rid of the whole baby eating part, because you're right, it does almost seem contrived to be gross simply to be gross.

But what are these creature companions you mention and from which MMO's? It doesn't sound like a game I'm familiar with and I would hate for my monsters to be too similar to others out there.

Cheers, Greg.
 

staiger95

Scribe
I will have to agree with Michael "Forget about gross, this is too self-inconsistent and gratuitous for my tastes."

A writer must ask: What are the elements that are actually needed for the story, and why? Beyond that, some things are just superfluous nonsense. Target audience always makes a difference, naturally, but sometimes simple i still best.
 

Annoyingkid

Banned
In the MMO Vanguard Saga of Heroes you can summon a little dragon to fight alongside you, Guild Wars has the celestial minipet companions. But I was mostly talking in general, the idea that it's already tricked the woman into thinking that's her baby and she must bring it to term. How can it maintain that spell if it reveals itself? Only way is if it's completely taken over the woman's mind, meaning she's essentially already dead. If her blood turns pale her skin colour would change and so it's game over. People will know who to kill. People aren't going to just allow such a creature to multiply as it can very easily become a threat to the very existance of any fantasy race, much less humanity.

Appearing like some attached spectral dragon and having it fight seems like a sacrificing of internal logic for video game imagery. If her blood really does turn pale, she'd want to be as far from other people as possible. The parasite would want her living alone in a forest or wilderness, safe from reprisal until it's grown. What does it gain from being around people? Does it mind control all the other people as well to keep it's increasingly pale host from being slain? Again does it make her invulnerable to all their attacks? In which case why does it ever need to show itself and fight?
 
^No, but the few people who have read my books like them a lot. :)

Were these people friends and family? If you're going to put forth that your books contain superfluous nonsense and are well received by an audience, those of us reading your claims need to know something about your audience, if we are to make use of what you're telling us. Otherwise, what are we on this forum supposed to take from your pronouncement that your books contain superfluous nonsense and that your readers like them a lot?
 
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