Sex!

[evolution_rex]

I am in the outlining stage of a huge story where a romance plays a major role. I usually stay away from side romances but the romance here is integral to the theme and story, but since I've never really written romance before I've put a lot thought into it. I'm definitely going by the 'fade to black wake up next morning' trope for two reasons. The first is that the characters are 17 and I wouldn't feel comfortable going that far with underage characters, but the second is that whenever I read a sex scene in a book or watch a sex scene in a film, I'm quite frankly bored, slightly uncomfortable, and scratching my head as to why this needed to be included. Often, I find it to be completely necessary, especially in film where they become odd awkward montages of arms, legs, and lips touching until the background music stops and something more important happens.

That isn't to say all sex scenes are filler. There are many ways in which sex can be used to convey something about the characters or a theme within the story. At times the emotions of the moment are itself the importance of the scene, and it can be written wonderfully. I suppose it's the same rule that applies to everything else; everything you write needs to serve some purpose for the story, otherwise it can be edited out.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I am one chapter away from writing the first of many, many sex scenes in our series, and I am absolutely delighted! We are not "fade to black" writers, mostly because sex in all its aspects is an integral part of the human experience and a great deal of storytelling happens within sexual interaction between characters. Plus, it's fun! Fun fun fun. There is nothing shameful about enjoying writing sex and I wish you all much joy of the process.

 

[Chessie2]

I am one chapter away from writing the first of many, many sex scenes in our series, and I am absolutely delighted! We are not "fade to black" writers, mostly because sex in all its aspects is an integral part of the human experience and a great deal of storytelling happens within sexual interaction between characters. Plus, it's fun! Fun fun fun. There is nothing shameful about enjoying writing sex and I wish you all much joy of the process.

Word. Enjoy it! I wrote a heavy petting scene last night that is integral to some issues the heroine is struggling with. It may not seem from the exterior how much value these love scenes have, but it's all about what happens emotionally and psychologically. Btw...my heroes get a visit from a late night officer because they're in a parking lot, heh.

Edit: I hate typing on my stupid phone. Typos.

 

[Chessie2]

I wanted to add one more thing to this thread: if you, dear writer, have a romance subplot that includes amorous physical interaction, you will drive your readers wild by slow burning that puppy. Slowly turn up the heat, bring them close, pull them apart, and I'm talking emotionally here. So when they finally give into their physical attraction the reader will have gone through the emotional journey with the characters and will connect that much better with them.

 

[Heidi Hanley]

That got your attention, now didn't it?

Now I'm not sure if this is the right place, but I couldn't tell where else it would belong. I know this is a fantasy forum, but on occasions - I'm sure your characters hook up.

Anyway to the point, the story I'm working on right now will eventually lead to a sex scene between two characters, but I'm not entirely sure if I should simplify it by going like "...aaand then they hooked up." <cut chapter>, or if I should actually show the act.

The thing is, it is a fantasy book, not an erotica - but on the other hand, it is also an adult fantasy. I want the book to feel real and not sugarcoat it either, so I guess some might appreciate it - a book that would include all parts of life. And at the same time, the thought of actually describing the act in detail kind of make me feel like a pervert, because I actually think I could make it pretty authentic. So I'm thinking "what if this would be published and friends and family actually read it". That'd be awkward.

So I'm looking for advice on how you would deal with this in your writing, thanks in advance!

//Thoras

That got your attention, now didn't it?

Now I'm not sure if this is the right place, but I couldn't tell where else it would belong. I know this is a fantasy forum, but on occasions - I'm sure your characters hook up.

Anyway to the point, the story I'm working on right now will eventually lead to a sex scene between two characters, but I'm not entirely sure if I should simplify it by going like "...aaand then they hooked up." <cut chapter>, or if I should actually show the act.

The thing is, it is a fantasy book, not an erotica - but on the other hand, it is also an adult fantasy. I want the book to feel real and not sugarcoat it either, so I guess some might appreciate it - a book that would include all parts of life. And at the same time, the thought of actually describing the act in detail kind of make me feel like a pervert, because I actually think I could make it pretty authentic. So I'm thinking "what if this would be published and friends and family actually read it". That'd be awkward.

So I'm looking for advice on how you would deal with this in your writing, thanks in advance!

//Thoras

I know I'm a little late weighing in and everyone has offered their thoughts. If you do go for it, then I recommend Diana Gabaldon's book, I Give you My Body..." How I write Sex Scenes. Wonderful resource and ideas on how to write sex scenes and not always explicit.

 

[StepIntoTheRoad]

As I look through this thread, I feel like the difference between a pointless sex scene and a genuine sex scene is whether or not it adds something to the story. A useful sex scene conveys some information about our characters.
Readers can tell when the scene is in there because 'sex sells' and when it's being told on purpose. They see them both as sex scenes, but with one of them they walk away from it thinking "hey now I know something different about the character that I didn't." In my opinion, a sex scene would be a place to see sides of your characters that you won't see in any other situation. But if there's no story to the act then you're just as well off fading to black and showing the fall out the next morning. The fall out is where the plot lies in those situations.

 

[Annoyingkid]

I wanted to add one more thing to this thread: if you, dear writer, have a romance subplot that includes amorous physical interaction, you will drive your readers wild by slow burning that puppy. Slowly turn up the heat, bring them close, pull them apart, and I'm talking emotionally here. So when they finally give into their physical attraction the reader will have gone through the emotional journey with the characters and will connect that much better with them.

What if they never give into their physical attraction? Frustrating?

 

[A. E. Lowan]

What if they never give into their physical attraction? Frustrating?

I actually stopped reading a series because of that. The author went to greater and greater lengths to keep from closing the deal, to the point of snapping the cable that suspends disbelief, and I never bought the last book because I just couldn't care anymore. So, yes, frustrating. And, more importantly, alienating to the reader. Once they have buy in to this relationship, they want to see it progress.

 

[Annoyingkid]

I actually stopped reading a series because of that. The author went to greater and greater lengths to keep from closing the deal, to the point of snapping the cable that suspends disbelief, and I never bought the last book because I just couldn't care anymore. So, yes, frustrating. And, more importantly, alienating to the reader. Once they have buy in to this relationship, they want to see it progress.

What about negative progression. WHat about a relationship that builds to romance and theyre about to give in, something happens to break them up and they end up hating each other. More or less frustrating than one that stops at the cusp of romance/sex?

 

[A. E. Lowan]

What about negative progression. WHat about a relationship that builds to romance and theyre about to give in, something happens to break them up and they end up hating each other. More or less frustrating than one that stops at the cusp of romance/sex?

Negative progression is still progression. It may be disappointing, but if it's realistically portrayed then that's just sometimes how life is. Bittersweet and damaged, but still life. One doesn't want to do this too often, though, else one becomes the writer known as Bummer Man. But we do it, and those gems of heartache stand out all the more for being rare.

 

[Annoyingkid]

People are saying "Only if it contributes to the story"

But I'm not understanding what showing the sex is supposed to contribute over a cut away or leaving it up to reader imagination.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

I know I'm a little late weighing in and everyone has offered their thoughts. If you do go for it, then I recommend Diana Gabaldon's book, I Give you My Body..." How I write Sex Scenes. Wonderful resource and ideas on how to write sex scenes and not always explicit.

This is an excellent recommendation, and I'd like to add to it.

Be a Sex-Writing Strumpet by erotica writer Stacia Kane is a fun read, and she talks a great deal about language and mood.

Naughty Words for Nice Writers: a Romance Novel Thesaurus by Cara Bristol is a great book of lists of words for all sorts of things.

I would also recommend a book or two on the hows and whys of sex. I own a silly number of them. They can be wonderful inspiration as well as helping to figure out exactly how something is supposed to work out on the page.

 

[A. E. Lowan]

People are saying "Only if it contributes to the story"

But I'm not understanding what showing the sex is supposed to contribute over a cut away or leaving it up to reader imagination.

Let me give you a brief, fairly tame, example from the chapter I'm currently writing.

Alerich peered into the refrigerator, curious. “I am game for anything sweet, and I like onions. I don’t know what a ‘Vidalia’ is, but I’m willing to try it.”

Winter turned around and found Alerich’s warm throat mere inches from her face, his hand resting on the fridge door just above her head. She breathed him in, the spicy scent bringing her skin to tingling life and causing things to tighten low in her body. She tilted her head back and found him looking down at her, pupils dilated, lips slightly parted. Winter found herself wondering what Alerich’s mouth would taste like, feel like against her lips as her legs wrapped around his lean hips. The vivid nature of her imagining brought a flush to her cheeks.

A slight smile tugged at the corner of that mouth, his eyes darkening further as if he could see her thoughts. He slowly dropped his hand from the door, his fingers coming to rest against her blush-warmed cheek.

“Alerich,” she began, her voice breathy.

He blinked once and looked at her as if seeing her for the first time. “Rick.” His voice was quiet. Intimate. “My friends call me Rick. I… I want you to know me. Please, call me Rick.”

Winter smiled up at him and brushed a stray lock of hair from his brow. “It would be my pleasure, Rick.” She turned and laid a quick kiss on his palm. “Let’s make dinner.” Winter twined her fingers with his and led the way back to the cutting board, cheese and dressing held close to her chest for balance.

This is just the opening salvo, and they'll be having sex on screen in the next chapter. But, as you can see, this exchange is about intimacy, about discovering vulnerability and making a connection with another person. That is why we show sex, because it can be a very vulnerable, intimate exchange between individuals... or not. Sometimes it's painful and hurtful. Either way, it is a powerful storytelling device and to leave the reader with gently wafting curtains and a rehash of what happened the next morning is to miss an opportunity for some major character development to happen right before the reader's eyes.

 

[Svrtnsse]

People are saying "Only if it contributes to the story"

But I'm not understanding what showing the sex is supposed to contribute over a cut away or leaving it up to reader imagination.

Another thing that a lot of people are saying is that a scene should do as many as possible of the following three things: progress the plot, develop the characters involved, develop the setting.

When it comes to sex I can see how it might be difficult to develop the setting within which the story takes place. I can see how it may be done, but those are edge cases and probably won't be very common.
Developing the plot can also be done, but here too we're talking more about deviations from the norm than about straight up story progress (that can be done by just fading to black (or grey or pink or a whiter shade of pale or whatever)).

Developing character is a different matter. Sex provides a situation where a character has the opportunity to enter into an emotional state which is difficult to replicate in other situations. It's an opportunity to see aspects of a character that might otherwise have been hidden from view.

Optionally: "show, don't tell"

 

[Heliotrope]

Unless the plot is the romance. I'm noticing that many of the writers who are pro-sex on this thread are romance writers. That isn't a coincidence. There as a very specific plot structure used for romance, and sex is a big part of that. (Not sex in itself, but any act of physical closeness. Some plots build up to a simple hand hold, like Max and Lucas in Stranger Things, others to a simple first kiss).

What about negative progression. WHat about a relationship that builds to romance and theyre about to give in, something happens to break them up and they end up hating each other. More or less frustrating than one that stops at the cusp of romance/sex?

Right, which could happen, but you have to know what you are writing and who your audience is. When I pick up a cheap paperback romance at the hospital because I know I'm going to be there a while (I often am with my daughter) like my most recent one:

https://www.amazon.com/Four-Nights-Duke-Desperate-Duchesses/dp/0062223917

I already have an expectation that the romance is going to go somewhere. And by go somewhere I mean I get to be all giggly during sex scenes while my daughter sleeps off her medication. If it deviated from the expected plot line I would be straight up pissed.

But I know the basic structure of how it will happen. The two characters will have some reason why they cannot, under any circumstances be together. They hate each other, they are from different classes, blah blah blah.. .In these books the sex IS the plot. It is what moves the plot forward because the plot is the development of the romance. Does that make sense?

In an epic fantasy of all male warriors on a battle field it might not move the plot forward... although I read a great Irish myth about the Morrigan and she would sleep with the warriors in order to get their strategies then go back to the Tuatha De Danu and spill the enemy's plans... so......

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

People are saying "Only if it contributes to the story"

But I'm not understanding what showing the sex is supposed to contribute over a cut away or leaving it up to reader imagination.

Personally, one of my favorite themes to explore in fiction and poetry is the interplay between closeness and fear. Opening yourself to another person, becoming vulnerable, and especially the risk in it. A sex scene is one of many ways that can show characters' vulnerability.

How is a sex scene different than, say, and argument scene? It's an interaction between two characters. It can develop or transform their relationship. It can be very emotional.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

idk i just question this idea that showing sex "on-screen" (on-page??) is never important which kinda assumes that sex doesn't have any relational value or emotional depth

 

[Heliotrope]

lol. Ewwwwwwww, gross. Cover your eyes.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

(that can be done by just fading to black (or grey or pink or a whiter shade of pale or whatever)).

fade to ultramarine blue
fade to orange
fade to magenta

 

[Chessie2]

Unless the plot is the romance. I'm noticing that many of the writers who are pro-sex on this thread are romance writers. That isn't a coincidence. There as a very specific plot structure used for romance, and sex is a big part of that. (Not sex in itself, but any act of physical closeness. Some plots build up to a simple hand hold, like Max and Lucas in Stranger Things, others to a simple first kiss).



Right, which could happen, but you have to know what you are writing and who your audience is. When I pick up a cheap paperback romance at the hospital because I know I'm going to be there a while (I often am with my daughter) like my most recent one:

https://www.amazon.com/Four-Nights-Duke-Desperate-Duchesses/dp/0062223917

I already have an expectation that the romance is going to go somewhere. And by go somewhere I mean I get to be all giggly during sex scenes while my daughter sleeps off her medication. If it deviated from the expected plot line I would be straight up pissed.

But I know the basic structure of how it will happen. The two characters will have some reason why they cannot, under any circumstances be together. They hate each other, they are from different classes, blah blah blah.. .In these books the sex IS the plot. It is what moves the plot forward because the plot is the development of the romance. Does that make sense?

In an epic fantasy of all male warriors on a battle field it might not move the plot forward... although I read a great Irish myth about the Morrigan and she would sleep with the warriors in order to get their strategies then go back to the Tuatha De Danu and spill the enemy's plans... so......

No.
Sex is not the plot.
The plot is how two people fall in love and live happily ever after and the obstacles/mountains in their hearts needed to be moved in order for them to end up happy at the end.
Sex is an ingredient for love, not the whole pie.
I'm sorry but I think you're missing the point of what a romance is (an emotional journey from start to finish between two lovers). Ever heard of sweet romance? Or Christian romance? Those couples don't have sex during the book and it's still considered romance. It's not about the sex.