ShadeZ
Maester
Correct. This is what three things I was referring to. The internal "psychological affects" not the acted on external.I think you two are looking at different stages of response to abuse. What ShadeZ is talking about is what tends to happen initially. Everyone who's been abused has had some degree of at least one of those reactions. Sometimes it's so mild that it's not recognized by others: no one else sees the self hating thoughts, the depression, or the anxiety, but the survivor is experiencing it. And sometimes it's obvious.
Stopping the cycle and becoming kinder is what an abuse survivor does when they've been healing. That doesn't mean they haven't previously self harmed or hurt others, but they've moved past that. Or, maybe they still have a bad day now and then when they're really down on themself, but the kindness is what the people around them will see.