Dialogue Problem

[Ifinx]

Hey everyone,

I have stumbled upon another little cookie that I'll have to ask a suggestion to. I'm at a scene were one of the main characters is sitting at a far table in a tavern, and his deep in thought. His trying to recall a distant memory, but for some reason it's eluding him. So he tries harder which makes him oblivious to everything that's going on around him. At about this time a barmaid comes around and asks if he'd like another ale, but being preoccupied doesn't hear her. It's only a ringing voice in his mind. How would you portray what the barmaid said while he was in deep thought?

Would it a jumble of incoherence sounds? Would it be he heard it correctly, but his mind turned it around making him think it was something else? Like in movies someone asks "Are you ok?" or "Want some water?", but the character hears something else entirely? Does that make sense?

Anyway what do you all think?

Ifinx

 

[Kelise]

I would simply have the first thing you see her say 'For the third time, do you want anything to drink?' and that snaps him out of it.

If it's being told basically from his perspective, in third person personal or something, then I wouldn't have the reader aware of it until he is. If it's being told in first person, then without question I wouldn't have the reader aware of it until he is.

 

[bbeams32]

I completely agree with the previous post. I think that being completely distracted, the voice of the barmaid would not even register beyond the general jumble of sounds in the rest of the tavern. I like the idea that he doesn't even notice being spoken to until he suddenly realizes the barmaid has been repeatedly attempting to get his attention.

 

[Ifinx]

Thank you for the response. Now for another quick question could anyone give me a quick example of how this would be written. Because for some reason I'm just drawing a blank. Maybe i need to take a step back from writing for a day lol.

 

[Benjamin Clayborne]

John stared down into his emptying ale. What had Marcus said? It was lurking there in his mind, dodging every attempt to recall it.

A voice intruded on him, and for a moment he thought it was another memory surfacing from the depths, but then he realized: "For the third time, pal, do you want another drink or not?" He glanced up, startled, at the serving wench.

 

[Ice Spider]

Ditto starconstant and the guy who agreed with her. It's a bit of a cliche, but that's not a bad thing, because it happens in RL a lot too.

 

[Ifinx]

Thank you Ice. I want parts of my story to seem like it's from RL because I want it to feel real. In a sense.