Is it harder to write the opposite sex?

[Jabrosky]

I am a straight guy, yet the vast majority of the stories I have attempted to write feature either female protagonists or female co-stars. You would expect this would give me a lot of practice with writing female characters, but in truth I still struggle with it. However, my problem is not because I don't understand how women think, as if they thought any differently from men (which I doubt).

Anyone else have similar problems with writing the opposite sex? Even if you don't, what should I do about my predicament?

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Your post has a bit of a creepy feel to it with the mention of "slaking your sexual impulses" and the rest.

Ignoring that, I'll tell you that the average woman, in my experience, thinks very differently than the average man. This may not apply to characters in a story setting but in reality it's part of life.

Characters are characters and can be anything you wish, espousing whatever motivations and qualities the author wants. However, if you want to write a realistic portrayal of how a female would react to specific situations, why don't you pose the situation to females you know?

I've questioned many women I know about their childhoods, the pressures of being a teenage girl, their motivations and definitions of adult success. There is a lot of insight that can be gained.

EDIT: Thank you for cleaning it up.

 

[Jabrosky]

Your post has a bit of a creepy feel to it with the mention of "slaking your sexual impulses" and the rest.

Hey, I had to be honest.

Seriously, everyone both online and offline seems to call me creepy when it comes to women. I have no idea why.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

Hey, I had to be honest.

Seriously, everyone both online and offline seems to call me creepy when it comes to women. I have no idea why.

Well....can you discuss writing women characters from a male perspective without referencing your personal lusts, romantic insecurities, and how they relate to your characters?

That would be a good start to stave off the creepy vibe. As it's presented now, I find it inappropriate.

 

[Zero Angel]

To answer the question of your title, "No, it is not difficult to write the opposite sex."

To answer the bulk of your original post, why not write fanfiction of your own work? That way you can work out what you want to do with the characters that you might not think qualify as art or isn't something you think that other people would find interesting.

Alternatively, you could try designing characters independently of their physical characteristics or not be so egocentric with your definitions. It's important to realize in a civilization that there is more than one definition of what is attractive.

I can't speak for everyone. But I think it's fair to say that most of us write stories because of a story idea or because the characters develop a life of their own.

I would ask yourself, "Are there any internal characteristics of women that I find attractive independent of how they react to me?" and if you can answer that, then write characters that have that characteristic. Alternatively, if you can't answer that, then I don't think you should be writing from their viewpoints. Women (and men and un-gendered) are more than their outside characteristics

 

[OGone]

Wait, Jabrosky got banned for that? It was an odd post, yeah, but he was being honest...
The whole point could've been made without referencing sexual urges and fantasies, though.

I was going to answer the question but there's not much point now
I'd just like to say if you're writing for that reason you're writing for the wrong reason.

It's hard to categorize how women think, and it's wrong to generalize. I have this problem but I'll just avoid writing characters I find overly difficult and base my female MCs on women I've been close enough with to understand how their mind works (good and bad).

 

[Steerpike]

Wait, Jabrosky got banned for that? It was an odd post, yeah, but he was being honest...
The whole point could've been made without referencing sexual urges and fantasies, though.

I was going to answer the question but there's not much point now
I'd just like to say if you're writing for that reason you're writing for the wrong reason.

OG - I think it's more the presentation than the question, and hopefully this is something that people will keep in mind in discussing various topics. A lot of writers, particularly young writers, create characters as ideal, fantasy representations of what they'd like in real life. It seems to me the original Mary Sue is along those lines. This question could have been posed by simply saying "I'm worried that I write women as embodiments of my own fantasy, and then place them in situations to act it out." Or something along those lines. You get the point. It presents the same question without the level of personal detail that forum members might find inappropriate.

 

[Sheilawisz]

Hello everyone, please visit the Mythic Scribes Guidelines where you can learn everything that is forbidden in our Community, including the use of sexually explicit language.

We are a family-friendly site, so I hope that everyone understands and accepts this.

@OGone: Jabrosky has received a 3-day Infraction, that's all. We do not permanently ban people unless there is a very strong reason to do it.

 

[OGone]

OG - I think it's more the presentation than the question, and hopefully this is something that people will keep in mind in discussing various topics. A lot of writers, particularly young writers, create characters as ideal, fantasy representations of what they'd like in real life. It seems to me the original Mary Sue is along those lines. This question could have been posed by simply saying "I'm worried that I write women as embodiments of my own fantasy, and then place them in situations to act it out." Or something along those lines. You get the point. It presents the same question without the level of personal detail that forum members might find inappropriate.

I'll say sorry first of all because I have an annoying habit of editing my messages a bunch

And yes I understand exactly what you mean, I definitely found the original post inappropriate and the... process... odd. BUT couldn't Jabrosky just have been warned and the post edited rather than straight up banned, seems a little harsh I mean the guy wasn't hurting anyone.

Edit: Ah okay Sheila, thx for the clarification.

 

[Feo Takahari]

I've never really understood the concept of gender, so I typically write my characters as if they don't understand it, either. This approach has allowed me to write characters of both biological sexes that readers of both genders seem to find plausible. However, I have some difficulty writing characters to whom gender is important (most obviously transgender characters.) From this, I think the challenge isn't writing characters of another sex, but characters of another gender.

Of course, I still try to write transgender characters--I think you can learn about someone by trying to portray how they think.

(I'm not sure what was in the original post before it was edited, so I won't address it.)

 

[Devor]

I was going to answer the question but there's not much point now

The thread has been left open and Jabrosky will be back in a few days. Feel free to respond to the edited version.

 

[ascanius]

You want to write the opposite sex. Create characters based entirely off women you know in real life. Try it as practice, write your mother, sister, aunt into your story. when you write someone you know into a story you will also give them a dignity that a writer may not give if they are a completely fantastical creation. Take one of your characters and replace their name with the name of a sister, mom, someone very important, how does that change how the scene or character is viewed? If you do this and that scene becomes very disturbing then maybe it should be toned down or maybe the reasons behind it need to be rethought. sure they may not mesh completely but for practice it works and it will keep them very real. Another thing you can do is make it a point to create female characters who are not the media standard of beauty. The female sex is just like the male sex, everyone comes in all shapes and sizes, and is a good thing to remember.

In my WIP my favorite character is a girl who has been horribly mutilated at the hands of another. She is by no means what so ever the modern standard of beauty. I have to show her inner beauty, who she is. I'm not saying anyone should do the same. However everyone should take their notions of what is attractive, handsome, and beautifull and throw it out the window during character creation. Make a character fat or chubby, make another pole skinny. Give your bad ass heroin the body of a skinny teenage boy, you can still tell she is a girl but puberty didn't work as well as it did for the other girls. And you know what just because a character is fat doesn't mean it has to be a problem with that character, that character can be perfictly happy with the way she looks. Maybe a character is stunning but she is short, or perhaps her left ear is higher than her right. My point is people are not perfect, male or female, at most we are avarage when it comes too looks.

Now you cannot have everyone in the story going in extremes so before you even think about character creation sit down and list personallity traits and flaws of the females in your everyday life. Then pick five traits at random, from then on that character is going to be based off those five poeple. Then start building the character personality first and only when everything else is done do you worry about looks. Do justice to the female characters in your story at the very least so you can give better justice to your story.

 

[Chilari]

I've never really understood the concept of gender, so I typically write my characters as if they don't understand it, either. This approach has allowed me to write characters of both biological sexes that readers of both genders seem to find plausible. However, I have some difficulty writing characters to whom gender is important (most obviously transgender characters.) From this, I think the challenge isn't writing characters of another sex, but characters of another gender.

Of course, I still try to write transgender characters--I think you can learn about someone by trying to portray how they think.

(I'm not sure what was in the original post before it was edited, so I won't address it.)

Writing characters who don't understand gender and people of a different gender is a good way of tackling it. I think deep down, we all find aspects of other individuals completely incomprehensible, and gender is a factor in that sometimes; I also think it is very difficult to write a character who has drastically difficult ideals and beliefs to my own in a sympathetic and rounded manner.

I applaud your attempts to write transgendered characters; I think wider sympathetic use in fiction will aid sympathies in real life by giving readers a previously unconsidered perspective. I considered it a few times but I'm not sure I could do a transgendered character justice at this stage because I don't know enough about the trans perspective and I'm not exactly sure how to work it into a fantasy novel anyway, with all the social issues as well.

I find it easier to write male characters who are otherwise like me - a bit geeky, not very outgoing, not confident in groups of strangers etc - than female characters who are very unlike me - popular, obsessed with shoes, spending weekends in clubs, etc. Because when it comes odn to it, personality is more important than gender.

 

[Zero Angel]

I applaud your attempts to write transgendered characters; I think wider sympathetic use in fiction will aid sympathies in real life by giving readers a previously unconsidered perspective. I considered it a few times but I'm not sure I could do a transgendered character justice at this stage because I don't know enough about the trans perspective and I'm not exactly sure how to work it into a fantasy novel anyway, with all the social issues as well.

For as long as I can remember in D&D (my fantasy gateway drug), there has been a "cursed" object called the girdle of masculinity/femininity. When a character puts this on, it immediately changes their gender. The object can be removed, but the effects must be magicked off.

Seems like either the goal of a transgender character or a way to manage it. It is reasonable in an "open" society/culture with magickal means, that they will use magick to do everything that we can do with technology in science (or even more). What's the phrase? A sufficiently analyzed magick is indistinguishable from science?

 

[zizban]

I am a coward. I try to avoid writing them because I'd sound like a male trying to write a female.

 

[saellys]

I am a coward. I try to avoid writing them because I'd sound like a male trying to write a female.

I recommend reading more male authors who write female characters well. Philip Pullman should be your first stop, and then on to George R. R. Martin for the broadest possible representation of women responding to their own and their society's ideas of gender roles. What little I've read of Steven Brust was great, too. Beyond the fantasy genre, all of Stieg Larsson's female characters are top-notch. If you avoid writing female characters, you're only writing half a world.

 

[Ireth]

If you avoid writing female characters, you're only writing half a world.

Agreed. I'm female, yet somehow most of my characters wind up being male, and I like to think I do a good job with them. (Whether that's true is something I can't objectively find out myself. XD)

 

[Anders Ämting]

Most of my main characters are girls, as I find them easier to relate to and more fun to write than guys. In the same vein, I mostly play girls in RPGs and such.

I've got no idea why this is, but from what I understand this is a preference that varies a lot from writer to writer.

 

[Sparkie]

Agreed. I'm female, yet somehow most of my characters wind up being male, and I like to think I do a good job with them. (Whether that's true is something I can't objectively find out myself. XD)

For what it's worth, I think you do well with Cadell in Dragon's Egg.

 

[Feo Takahari]

I recommend reading more male authors who write female characters well. Philip Pullman should be your first stop, and then on to George R. R. Martin for the broadest possible representation of women responding to their own and their society's ideas of gender roles. What little I've read of Steven Brust was great, too. Beyond the fantasy genre, all of Stieg Larsson's female characters are top-notch. If you avoid writing female characters, you're only writing half a world.

I'd like to add a caveat to the Martin recommendation--he has a certain . . . tendency. I'll let Kate Elliott explain it:

Imagine a female pov character is going along about her protagonist adventure, seeing things from her perspective of the world as written in third person. She hears, sees, considers, and makes decisions and reacts based on her view of the world and what she is aware of and encounters. Abruptly, a description is dropped into the text of her secondary sexual characteristics usually in the form of soft-focus Playboy-Magazine-style sexualized kitten-bunny-I-would-****-her-in-a-heartbeat lustrous-eyes-and-nipples phrases. Her breasts have just become omniscient breasts.

This is what I mean when I speak of the male gaze. The breasts are no longer her breasts, they have become the breasts as described by the omniscient heterosexual male narrator (in the person of the writer) who is usually not even aware that he has just dropped out of third person and into omniscient to describe her sexual attractiveness in a way that caters to a heterosexual male audience.