Xaysai
Inkling
So I just spent the last 30 minutes hung up on the following opening sentence:
It doesn't seem necessary to say "single strand of silk" because we know there will always be only one strand.
It also doesn't seem necessary to say that it "slowly lowered itself" because I've never seen a spider lower itself at any speed other than slow, but "slowly" does seem to lend itself to the insidiousness/creepiness of the spider's actions.
But then I ask myself: "if I just say the 'spider lowered itself', the reader should know that I mean by a 'strand of silk', right"
I think that I like beginning with "The spider..." rather than "From/By a strand of silk...", but I don't know why.
I also like "...from the nose of the Captain of the Guard" better than "...from the Captain of the Guard's nose", but I don't know why.
I think I might be over-thinking it.
Someone make it stop.
The spider lowered itself by a strand of silk, stopping inches from the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
The spider lowered itself by a strand of silk, stopping inches from the Captain of the Guard's nose.
The spider slowly lowered itself by a strand of silk, stopping inches from the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
The spider lowered itself slowly by a strand of silk, stopping inches from the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
The spider lowered itself on a strand of silk, stopping inches from the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
The spider lowered itself by a single strand of silk, stopping inches from the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
From a strand of silk, the spider lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
From a strand of silk, the spider slowly lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
From a single strand of silk, the spider lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
From a single strand of silk, the spider slowly lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
By a strand of silk, the spider lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
By a strand of silk, the spider slowly lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
By a single strand of silk, the spider lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
By a single strand of silk, the spider slowly lowered itself to within inches of the nose of the Captain of the Guard.
It doesn't seem necessary to say "single strand of silk" because we know there will always be only one strand.
It also doesn't seem necessary to say that it "slowly lowered itself" because I've never seen a spider lower itself at any speed other than slow, but "slowly" does seem to lend itself to the insidiousness/creepiness of the spider's actions.
But then I ask myself: "if I just say the 'spider lowered itself', the reader should know that I mean by a 'strand of silk', right"
I think that I like beginning with "The spider..." rather than "From/By a strand of silk...", but I don't know why.
I also like "...from the nose of the Captain of the Guard" better than "...from the Captain of the Guard's nose", but I don't know why.
I think I might be over-thinking it.
Someone make it stop.