Avoiding too many descriptions

[Watcher]

I find it very hard to avoid too many descriptions in narrative form when it comes to describe characters or entire armies. Any suggestions how to tackle this problem.

 

[Russ]

The first step to solving a problem is realizing you have the problem. Well done on identifying a potential weakness in your writing.

When it comes to characters, and I have a similar issue, I like to remind myself that just giving the reader perhaps two or three things about the character and letting their imagination fill the rest in can be very satisfying for the reader, while a whole bunch of details can be hard to remember.

Too much description of armies? That is a tougher problem because I quite enjoy military fiction. What makes you say that your descriptions of your armies are too long? Could you perhaps post an example?

 

[Svrtnsse]

I wrote an article about descriptions here: A Beginner’s Guide to Writing Descriptions – Part 1

It doesn't specifically explain how to deal with having too many descriptions, but it'll give you some pointers on how to set up your descriptions. That might be helpful in avoiding describing something you've already described earlier.

 

[Feo Takahari]

This is probably not a problem you need to solve in your first draft. Once you've got out all the description you want to write, you can go back and chop out whatever feels irrelevant. (And if it's all relevant, having a lot of description may not be a problem at all.)

 

[Caged Maiden]

I use a machete and if it's really bad, a chainsaw. Cutting description is part of editing, so tackling it later is a good idea. First make sure the scene flows the way you want it to, then consider which descriptions aid in the story and which detract. I've found that if you're describing the room, making sure it's described through the character filter usually does all the work for you. Will the character notice the drapes? Or will he just be drawn to the immediate situation? Here's a passage where I use description lightly, but with a purpose:

Yvette hurried to a dilapidated rural church just up the hill from the village of Tivisio. A light burning within told her the resident priest was still awake, so she rapped. Savio Ventura opened the door. “Signora Capodevin?” His brows furrowed. “I expected you three nights ago.”

“There was a delay.”

He shifted to look past her, age-weakened eyes searching the darkness. “Come in,” he said, his sleeve sweeping aside to usher her in. “Has something happened to our Lucinda?”

Yvette scanned the room, a force of habit not easily suppressed. A lamp sat upon the desk near a single dirty plate and empty teacup. The embers in the fire burned low. “No, she’s safe.”

“I’m relieved to hear it. I grew worried when she didn’t arrive as expected.”

Yvette pulled her cloak down away from her throat, its weight suffocating in the warm room. “Her boat sailed this morning. I need time to make other arrangements.”

His bushy brows pressed together and gaunt features pulled taut with his frown. “She’s not coming? Then, why are you here?” He rubbed his hands, one over the other, fidgeting.

“I need to send word to our contacts in Kanassa.”

Savio Ventura scuttled around his desk and plopped into his chair. He took up a pen and pulled a sheet of paper from the drawer. “What shall I write?” Yvette stared silently at the blank page. The list of things she couldn’t say grew by the day. “And whom shall I address?”

Yvette’s mouth opened but no words emerged. Concern of betrayal haunting her, she wrung her hands and considered
how much to reveal, even to a priest Cassandra trusted with her life. A lie formed in her mind. “Tell Savio Carlo the Lucinda is staying in Tillio until she can leave.”

“But there’s no Divine chapel in Tillio,” the old man spluttered. “After the Radan chapel burned two years ago, the townsfolk drove the savio and lucindae off!”

“Then no one will be looking for her there,” Yvette snapped back. She didn’t need reminding what happened to the rural chapel and its inhabitants. Twenty-four graves lay around the burned out foundation of Tillio’s old Radan chapel, and one, far removed, sat under a sprawling tree next to a deer run. A tragedy still mourned by the residents of the small town, and steeped in rumors and superstition. “I’m sorry to have wasted your time.”

“That wasn’t the message you wanted to send, was it?” the savio asked when Yvette’s fingers touched the doorknob. She turned back to face him. He stepped toward her, saying, “If you believe it unsafe to send a letter, let me personally take your message.”

Paranoia reared its head, a mad dog ready to bite any outstretched hand. “I’m out of money.”

The old man’s shoulders slumped and his white brows arced with his smile. “Our holy Lucinda asked me to help you. Keeping my word and seeing her to safety is reward enough.”

In a city where every service rendered demanded a vail, however small, anyone who offered to take a risk for free made Yvette’s hackles rise. Vows of poverty be damned, even the righteous took bribes without hesitation. Light eyes surrounded by lines twinkled in the lamplight. “Tell me who you need to contact in the city, and I will gladly relay your message.”

Perhaps he was just too sincere in his plea. Yvette’s mind prickled with suspicion. “I’m sorry, Savio Ventura. Not this time.” Yvette left the chapel.

I think the trick to creating good description is in connecting it to character. Yvette in this scene notices a single cup and plate, telling her the priest is alone. The priest is described enough to define him without forcing his "look" down a reader's throat. The external factors affecting Yvette are the stuffiness of the room and the priest's odd behavior. Her paranoia changes her intent (she went there to genuinely contact someone else, but after feeling the priest was perhaps too eager to help, she switches to a lie). I think if you can keep description to the necessary bits and use a character as the deciding factor on what is noticed and what is unimportant, it helps carry the flow of a scene.

Hope that helps.

 

[Watcher]

Thank you for your input and advice. You see some readers may enjoy detailed descriptions of either characters or battle scenes while others find it quite tiresome. I usually make rough storyboards and pencil sketches as an aid to the plot (because I find it quite helpful) and maybe as an artist I try to convey my visual perception to the reader which is not always good, since it leaves no room for them for their imagination to unfold. So I will try and ballance the descriptions (most of which I use in narratives) and remove all the unnecessary bits of information.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I think there's a time to be lean and a time to be uh...less lean. Description is a tool that slows pacing, adds to clarity, and gets across feelings. While a tense scene will be bogged down by too much description, a contemplative scene thrives on it. It just depends what you're trying to get across. Above, I tried to show a really description-lean scene, but I have others that tip the scale in the other direction. I don't think description is ever a bad thing, but knowing when to use how much is a key element in writing a gripping tale. Unfortunately, that balance took me a long time to find and I'm still not great at it.

Beta readers can help to hone in on where description slows your pace too much and the can also tell you where they need a little more description to connect. I think by being aware (as Russ said) you're already well on your way.

For me (since we're speaking of battles), description is sort of how I do battles. I show one character and all s/he observes and feels in the immediate surroundings and that's my battles. Without description, it would be a choreographed mess no one would want to read. So again, balance is the right way to go. If you want feedback specifically on which descriptions work and which don't, you might consider posting in the showcase or asking a couple people around here to have a look at a battle. Sometimes just creating a post saying, "Hey guys, I have a battle and I would like feedback on which descriptions help and which hurt my piece" and people will often PM you their interest in helping.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I'll agree with CM & Feo. Don't worry about it in drafting. Describe till your heart's content. That may be your process. The way you need to write.

I'm that way on some projects, especially fantasy set in older times or alternate settings. They, in my opinion, require more description. After all, they're not of this world. With urban fantasy, set in our own reality, I tend to employ less description.

Either way, I find it easier to cut than add in revision. Perhaps you'll work best the same way.

 

[Nimue]

This is a problem I struggle with all the time--so I may not be the best person to answer it, heheh. But I'd echo that it's easier to prune description in an editing pass than to throttle it away while writing.

A question that I ask myself when writing is whether I want to spend time and detail on what's happening right this moment, or whether I want to save that for a more important scene up ahead. You do need some lighter passages to balance out the heavy stage-setting, and if you can realize in the moment which is which, it might spare you some frustration. Sometimes you need to evoke and elaborate. Other times you just need to communicate.

 

[Penpilot]

As mentioned there's nothing wrong with overwriting in the first draft and then hacking away at the excess. For me, the simple rule is every description and every word must justify it's existence. Otherwise they get sent to the dark place. Obviously there's room for a little fluff but not too much.

That can weigh down your story. Imagine your audience walking along and reading your book. And each time they encounter an extra element, a pebble gets dropped into their pocket. A few pebbles isn't a big deal, but drop enough of them into their pockets and they won't be able to walk.

One of the things I find in my writing is redundancy. Humans tend to repeat themselves a lot without even knowing it. They like to say things twice, so the point gets across. That bleeds into writing and is sometimes hard to spot. When I cut, that's one of the things I look for. Another is I see if I can make one description do two jobs.

So instead of saying Bob was heavy and the floor was made of wood, say the wood floor groaned when Bob walked on it.

Thank you for your input and advice. You see some readers may enjoy detailed descriptions of either characters or battle scenes while others find it quite tiresome. I usually make rough storyboards and pencil sketches as an aid to the plot (because I find it quite helpful) and maybe as an artist I try to convey my visual perception to the reader which is not always good, since it leaves no room for them for their imagination to unfold. So I will try and ballance the descriptions (most of which I use in narratives) and remove all the unnecessary bits of information.

One thing to be aware of blow-by-blow descriptions of battle tend to be very boring. The reader is generally more interested in the POV character's internal landscape, their emotions and reactions to the battle, rather than the actually battle itself.

 

[K.S. Crooks]

Have the characters use what you want to describe. If a girl has long brown hair you could talk about her brushing it or needing to tie it up or braid it to keep it out of her way when she works. have characters walk around or use objects in a room to show they are there and not simply mention a table for the sake of showing the room isn't empty. Hope this helps.

 

[Miskatonic]

I find it very hard to avoid too many descriptions in narrative form when it comes to describe characters or entire armies. Any suggestions how to tackle this problem.

Your character's actions and dialog will do a lot to give the reader a better idea about them.