Breaking Cliche Descriptions

[Addison]

I recently came across a book titled "The Writer's Little Helper", a small book that's basically a crash course on writing fiction.

In the chapter of description is gave a challenge to help break cliches and/or find original/fresh description. they gave three columns of twelve slots. The given exercise was to find things to finish "Thin as (a/an)...". The author said if you couldn't at least get half of the third column then to not quit your day job.

It really got me thinking. When someone describes something white the first thing that pops into mind is snow. Cliche and dumb. Snow is not the only white thing in the world. There's flour, sugar, paper, rice, plaster, chalk, mist, egg, cauliflower...the list is long.

This not only will help break cliche but, by using a different substance as a descriptor you're giving more description to the subject. When something is described as marshmallow-white they think of something soft white, fluffy, smooth and warm. Describe something as ice-white you get something hard, glossy, glimmering and catches the light.

So doing this challenge will not only help you keep fresh but also help you find the best description to fit your need.

 

[Penpilot]

IMHO there's more to writing than being able to come up with a unique comparison/descriptor. I think a writer should be searching for the right comparison/descriptor rather than a unique one. Cliche can work.

Eg.

Sally skated across the pond, her dress white as snow.

Sally skated across the pond, her dress white as horse semen.

IMHO the first one may be cliche, but it's a more appropriate descriptor than the second one, which is kind of gross. Sorry about that.

 

[Feo Takahari]

@Penpilot: With all that said, varying your descriptions can help emphasize an idea. In your example, "snow" reinforces "skated." A pregnant lady who's due soon might wear a dress as white as an egg, while an old-fashioned schoolteacher might wear a dress as white as chalk. (I'm not sure what you'd use "horse semen" for, though.)

 

[buyjupiter]

(I'm not sure what you'd use "horse semen" for, though.)

Horse breeders? But more seriously, I wouldn't want to see that kind of descriptor, no.

And even more seriously, how we use description is almost solely based around some kind of character--even if that character is just a narrator.

A character who's as thin as a string bean comes across very differently than a character who's skinnier than the line between love and hate. The first being cliched, the second showing a tendency to some body image issues, perhaps.

For character descriptors, I tend to go tried and true and save my unique description for environmental or situational descriptors.

 

[cupiscent]

But you can still break the cliche by how you phrase the allusion. The snow-white dress works well with the ice-skating image, but what if you phrase it: "As Sally skated across the pond, her dress disappeared into the snowbound bank behind her, making her appear nothing but a disembodied head." Or similar. You never say the dress is white as snow, but you've both described her and the surroundings and added an element of ethereal to her.

Unusual similes ("as [adjective] as [known]") should probably be used sparingly, because they leap out so much as not being something the reader expects. If every description you use has something unexpected, it makes reading a slower experience, because the reader's paying more attention. If you use them sparingly, however, then each one packs a real punch, and can draw attention to things that you particularly want the reader to pay attention to. For instance, in a scene where my main character's about to perform a blood sacrifice, I can increase the tension by having him pull out a knife that is "sharp as a lady's scorn". The unusual simile draws attention to the knife and foreshadows the cut to come.

 

[K.S. Crooks]

I think the point is to have descriptions that fit your story. Having a comparison/description that says "Her dress is as white as snow." in a setting that is tropical doesn't work. You need to think of the examples common to the world of your characters. In a tropical setting you might say- white as a cloud, in an ocean setting you might say- white as coral.

 

[DeathtoTrite]

Am I the only one who just doesn't use similes very often? I wouldn't even say "a dress as white as x". I might say just a white dress. Or maybe a pale, silk dress. If I say its white, most people aren't going to be like "is that cream colored, dirty white, shiny-white, or some other shade of white?" Unless I'm trying to get a point across about just how superlative something is, I don't use similes.

 

[Gryphos]

I rarely use similes in my work. In fact, the only one I can remember off the top of my head is when the narrator describes the temperature of something as "colder than a cold thing". As much as I like this unorthodox simile, it certainly isn't something you can use more than once.

 

[Nimue]

I don't think the point of this exercise is that you should always use similies or always use the least cliche/most unusual word you can think of... I think the point is (or should be, maybe) that an author should be able to call a dozen descriptive words to mind, rather than just the one or two familiar ones, and know which one fits and which one doesn't (*coughhorsesemencough*) and which one is the best and most evocative.

(Now I'm just thinking about passages where a semen comparison would be apt. Foulmouthed mercenaries discover monster eggs dripping with secretions? A particularly nauseated person describing an unappetizing dessert?)

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Now I'm just thinking about passages where a semen comparison would be apt.

Sadly, so am I, and I think I found the only comparison that is apt:



Dr. Pinkerton observed, "Alien semen is as white as horse semen."

Ms. Browning wondered how Dr. Pinkerton was so well versed in the different whites of animal semen. But she didn't want to think about something so gross, so she thought about rainbows. "Rainbows aren't semen-colored," she mumbled aloud.

"No matter the specimen," Pinkerton agreed. "Rainbows are as colorful as a clown's pubic hair."

Browning wondered how her boss ever became a doctor.

 

[Gryphos]

You know what? Sod it, I'm using a horse semen simile in my work somewhere.

 

[Legendary Sidekick]

Is your work sci-fi? Or fantasy with a clown race that has horse-semen-white flesh and a head of hair as colorful as—

*one-punch-KO's self*

 

[Reaver]

Sadly, so am I, and I think I found the only comparison that is apt:



Dr. Pinkerton observed, "Alien semen is as white as horse semen."

Ms. Browning wondered how Dr. Pinkerton was so well versed in the different whites of animal semen. But she didn't want to think about something so gross, so she thought about rainbows. "Rainbows aren't semen-colored," she mumbled aloud.

"No matter the specimen," Pinkerton agreed. "Rainbows are as colorful as a clown's pubic hair."

Browning wondered how her boss ever became a doctor.

Having sat quietly in the corner listening to the bizarre conversation long enough, Dr. Funkhauser decided to chime in:

"Actually... color itself is an illusion. The fact of the matter is that all of those things are as transparent as ghost balls."

 

[Penpilot]

Am I the only one who just doesn't use similes very often?

No, I uses similes sparingly too. Overuse, I find, weighs down the text--or a least my text. But a well placed one can make a scene come alive.

 

[Caged Maiden]

Similes in narrative can be somewhat generic, I'll concede, so I like to throw them into dialogue...for fun. I imagine a few of my mercenaries would talk like a guy I used to work with, so I used a couple of his quotes. "It's colder than a well-digger's ass in here," is one of my favorites.

 

[Ireth]

For my most recent WIP, a story of Norse gods and valkyries, I've thrown in a few relevant similes I probably wouldn't use anywhere else. Stuff like "his breath was as cold as the mists of Niflheim", or "doubt and fear gnawed at her like Nidhug at the roots of Yggdrasil." They're fun to come up with. ^^

 

[Miskatonic]

As long as you don't go into "Like a moth to a flame" territory you are on the right path.

 

[T.Allen.Smith]

I use metaphors and similes all the time, probably too much during a first draft. They're easy to cut in revision though, so I don't worry too greatly.

Metaphor has a way of saying a lot in tiny amount of space, and I agree the comparator should work on multiple levels if possible, but that's true of any good description.

As with anything, it's all in the execution.

I agree with Nimue though, it seems like the exercise intends for the writer to flex the creative muscles and think beyond the obvious. That's one of the ways we get better at writing through practice. In doing so, we can train our minds to think in different ways.