Character Inner Monologue...ugh.

Ahh, first person is fun isn't it?

The thing about first person is that is basically is all inner monolog. Like, the whole framework of first person is that the person is telling the story from their own memory, so if it comes accross as telly as too much thinking that is par for the course.

However, there are ways to get around it being super obvious.

So, you noted that you tend to find phrasing like "I thought, I realized, I wondered." You can take all of those out. All of them.

So instead of:

I realized I couldn't trust X character, no matter what they claimed

You can just say:

I couldn't trust x character, no matter what they claimed.

Having a character ask themselves questions or debate with themselves is normal and good. But pick the key questions and then move on.

I really would need to see an example to understand where your concerns really lay... but for now I would suggest picking up a few books written in first and studying how that author shows the thoughts and feelings of the character.

 

I'd like to second this. When you're writing internal monologue you can remove anything like beats and tags (if you want to). It should/will be obvious that it's internal thought anyway, and there's only one person speaking inside the mind of the character (if it isn't, then you may have to make that clear, unless... etc..)

If your character is asking themselves a question it should be clear that it's a question without you telling the reader they're asking themselves a question. Depending on how comfortable you are with it you may be able to just write down the thoughts themselves, without any explanation at all - like you're talking directly to the reader, sort of.

I write in third person, but I tend to try to do internal monologue in that way. Usually it's spread out between other things though, like chat lines or actions or such. Here's an example from a recent story though:

This is Toini remember her old friend Roy who had a crush on her. It's not exactly internal monologue, but it's not straight up narrator voice either. Probably something in between (if someone knows the technical term, feel free to enlighten me).

Let's see if I can rewrite the first part in first person. It should be largely similar:

It's not an exact change from third person to first, but it's pretty close. I'd say the above now is all internal monologue. I don't know about anyone else, but when I just let my mind wander it's rare that words come up. It's more concepts, feelings, and images. I think it's fine to try and replicate this in writing by not adding in tags, or necessarily even using complete sentences (within limits). I feel it works, but I could be wrong.

 

Yep,

I'll second, second Svrt.

First person is often very telly and deeply rooted in the narrator's voice, as they are 'telling' the story after all. It is a very different narrative strategy than say, third omni, where the narrative might be presented in such a way as "showing" the story as if it were a film. I think this is why many people either love first or hate it.

Here are the first few lines of my WIP:

My dad and I have two unspoken rules:

One: Never mention my mother.

Two: Avoid the landlady at all cost.

The first rule is easy. The second is challenging, especially when she is pounding on your door at six-thirty in the morning.

Mrs. Skein, our landlady, is the most feared woman in Bay Ridge. I can tell it’s her by the bleached hair sticking up above the half moon window on our front door and the way she screeches my dad’s name like a wounded ally cat.

Usually when she comes knocking my dad curses and escapes through the back door to the small garages we all have behind our single story units.

But we stay because she offers the cheapest rent in town, and I’ll tell you why: No heat, no hot water, no electricity between six p.m. and six a.m.

I’m not kidding.

Note how I have purposely deeply rooted the reader in the narrative voice ASAP. My narrator has grabbed hold of her role as the 'story teller'. I could have started with:

My dad and I lounged by the window one lazy Saturday morning when all of a sudden a pounding at our door warned the landlady was ready for a fight.

But that strategy woudn't have been as effective for estabishing narrator voice ASAP.

Trying to "show" in first person, is not always as effective as taking the storyteller reigns and telling throught personal thoughts, feelings, and experiences.

 

Today, I wrote the word "Exposition" on a notebook as I planned some key internal monologue parts...and I put little hearts and smilies all around the words because this is my favorite part of writing, now.

I used to suffer from the "she thoughts" a lot. Now I just write like I'm telling someone something important. The less I do to it, the better it feels, even. Perhaps you are over-thinking HOW you're trying to tell, and you should just talk like you're having a conversation about something that matters a lot, to someone who cares a lot about it.

A lot of this exposition stuff I avoided for the last few years, thinking it "weak" and inherently "bad" but the more I use it, the more I love it. I think this is the easiest way I find to get a character's voice and thoughts across, maybe amuse at the same time, and it's faster than showing every single thing that happens. If you scale exposition back to its most primitive form, it is probably not an extremely useful tool to over-use. Statements like, "It was hot. The harbor was closed." They do a job, sure, and short sentences that are direct do absolutely serve a purpose. But I avoided all exposition because no matter what I wrote, it felt just that basic and dull. But then I just let my actual weird voice peek through the character's words, and I'm having a blast with including exposition. So excited that I can't wait to jot down some reflective scenes that I can include in the next book I'm rewriting.

Hope that helps. Try to feel less anxious and just let your natural speaking voice flow. That always sounds like terrible advice, but it's some of the best I've ever given/ gotten.