Connecting from Death (warning: Violent themes)

[Devora]

In my new story, there's a part in it where something happens in both my MC's lives that makes them finally connect with each other. The event i have picked was that someone they love dies.

In the story the MCs are an normal Earthling and an Humanoid alien warrior.

The "Earth MC" has his mother die in a car crash (simple enough, but if you have better suggestions by all means tell me), and the "Alien MC" has her little brother die.

The Alien MC is iffy because i can't decide how the little brother would die. (how sadistic of me!)

Scenario: The Alien MC, and two of her older siblings (2 brothers and a sister) go out to a hunt. Their father suggests that they should take their younger brother with them to see how the hunt is and to learn.

I have 2 ideas: 1) Falls down an ice crevice** where the family struggle to try to rescue him for hours but they give up when he doesn't reply. 2) the child is mauled to death by an animal that was stalking them.

(**The world that the Alien MC lives on is a world covered in snow and ice)


It's a bit of a dark plot point, but I'm not trying to write a light-hearted story.

Suggestions and advice is needed and appreciated

 

[Asterisk]

I'm writing a story much like yours, violent and as real as possible. In these darker tales, it's the little moments of joy, love, and sacrifice that shine. You c make your scenes like that, for both of your MCs. I really like the idea of having two protagonists whose stories will connect. And I love even more the idea of your alien MC living in a world layered with ice. Creative!

Human.... I like the idea of a car crash, especially if it's sudden and unexpected. I'm not sure what the details of the scene are, but increasing the suspence by using short snappy words and dialogue will help. This is your chance to terrorize your readers. If there's some conflict before the accident, this will be an excellent time to let the inner characteristics of your MC break out. Try to make us cry with her.

Alien.... Idea One would be my favorite if it didn't take too long. Focusing on the actions and racing emotions and thoughts will make it an amazing scene. I find it helpful to pop up two Word documents ( or two papers, whatever you use ) and write the scene without emotion, just action. Only what is happening outside. Then I take a break and come back to write the scene without action. Only emotions, only what the character thinks and feels as that is happening. Idea Two seems a litrle violent. If they find remains and/or hear about it, I would recommend this one. However, writing the little boy's thoughts and... *shudder* That would be a little too much for me. I let violent things happen, but tend not to focus on the gory and description when it does. Emotion, emotion, emotion. That's what readers connect with and love. When, no matter what person or tense you use, they can become one with the characters and enter their world. That's what I hope you'll be able to do with your story. Best of luck!

 

[Chad Lynch]

A race raised on a frozen planet would be used to dealing with the normal dangers of such a place. Still, it could be interesting to combine the two. Why not have some aquatic creature who surprises its prey by breaking the lake/sea's surface ice under its feet? Have the hunting party walking across a frozen body of water when some sort of giant glacial Archer fish smashes the ice as they're walking over it. Little brother falls into the water as the others manage to throw themselves to the side. Have him hang on to the edge of the hole long enough for them to look into each others eyes before the hungry critter grabs his ankle and drags him under. Poignant, yet not over long.

Yea, I'd go with the fish. Polar bears are the largest land predator we have now, but in polar environments there is far more life in the sea than land.

 

[Asura Levi]

Combine the above mentioned by Chad Lynch with they desperately shooting the creature and hitting the young brother. Also, make the MC do the shooting.

In this line, the earth MC mothers die in a car crash that is partially prompted by the MC distracting her somehow.

Both will feel utterly guilty and thus you have the connection.

 

[Devora]

Combine the above mentioned by Chad Lynch with they desperately shooting the creature and hitting the young brother. Also, make the MC do the shooting.

In this line, the earth MC mothers die in a car crash that is partially prompted by the MC distracting her somehow.

Both will feel utterly guilty and thus you have the connection.

I'm actually considering combining the three ideas (the two i had and the one you just gave).

Wat would be more devastating: accidentally shot by Alien MC, or the alien MC watches the animal attack her little brother and the beast fall into a crevice never to be seen again?

 

[Mara Edgerton]

I'm actually considering combining the three ideas (the two i had and the one you just gave).

Wat would be more devastating: accidentally shot by Alien MC, or the alien MC watches the animal attack her little brother and the beast fall into a crevice never to be seen again?

I think choice two would really punch me in the gut as a reader--even more than the friendly fire idea. (Not sure why--just going on instinct.)

 

[Asura Levi]

See it being grabbed is hopelessly, while the friendly fire, specially if the alien MC has anything to do with it goes for 'What have I done.'

You still can get the 'WHID' with the beast, something that the actions of the aliens trying to retrieve the young brother is what cause the creature to fall in the crevice.

 

[DassaultMirage]

Misery loves its company I suppose, where their connection will stem from a mutual feeling of loss, but then again, that cliche will only work if it is done solidly. If the mother died in a car crash and the brother to some random shizz, then that is not something that will connect as fast as two magnets will. How about both of them die to a disease that both the MC have tried to fight and fail? The feeling of loss and defeat will be better bridges than an accident and an unexplainable death, but thats just me.

 

[Daichungak]

A race raised on a frozen planet would be used to dealing with the normal dangers of such a place.

If your characters are going to connect then you might want to consider making the circumstances surrounding their loss as similar as possible. Driving is a very commonplace, and very dangerous, activity that us humans do. Having the human MC suffer a loss because of an unpreventable accident with no one to blame and the alien MC lose a loved one to a similarity unpreventable accident would, in my mind, bring them closer than one of them accidentally killing the loved one themselves.

For max tragedy you could have the human MC's mom die in a car crash he causes through negligence, and the alien MC accidentally shoot her brother.