Do these Kingdoms sound original and whats your opinion on them?

Well, the city Redwall shares its name with the Redwall Abbey in the Redwall series by Brian Jacques. They both have walls of some red material. You might want to reconsider that city.

Pentos sounds really good and I don't see any major similarities.

Avalar's name seems similar to Avalon, the island where King Arthur sails off too. That could just be though and the way I pronounce things though. Otherwise, it's good.

 

'Pentos' is the name of a city state in GRRM's 'Game of Thrones'.

 

I wouldn't use Pentos, It's been used before.
Using the same names for characters is ok but I would avoid using the same names for places, especially if it's going to play a major role in your story.

 

Knowingly using proper nouns from someone else's intellectual property is definitely plagiarism. I'd advise you to change Pentos.

 

Then the first that'll pop in my head will be: 'sounds like Pentos from GoT'

 

Please put Redwall in, complete with fluffy squirrels and Otters.
For the grand kingdom, you could try Pebantros- it still sounds the same, but isn't that much like Pentos- if you get my meaning........

 

I'd try something Pentallos. Keeps the flavor, but avoids the reuse of the name.

 

It's just me and I repeat it's just me, but the first thing I solidify before making a nation or an island or a country.... is the water source. All great civilizations have em.

 

This is false. Representing someone else's thoughts, ideas, or expressions as your own is what defines plagiarism. Proper nouns do not by their nature constitute anything that can be taken as plagiarism. Now if MaccosBridgman modeled the city of Pentos in his story after the city of Pentos in Martin's work, without giving credit to Martin for the idea, that could be construed as plagiarism. What you may be referencing is trademark infringement. If Martin trademarked the name Pentos, then using it could be construed as trademark infringement; however, that is not the case in this situation.

That being said I'm inclined to agree with many of the others here that using that city name, especially since GoT has achieved such widespread popularity among fiction readers, is probably not the best idea.

 

I've got some questions about your desert kingdom.

For starters, if they essentially own a monopoly on the mining and refining of metal, why are they so poor? Why is it cheap to buy metal? It doesn't make sense for them to undercut themselves. Hell, if anything I'd expect them to be one of the wealthiest nations, since metal is such a vital part of life (or was, in medieval times). And seeing how they own the majority of it, they could practically charge whatever they wanted for it, no?

I also think they need some way to feed themselves, at least a bit. Relying on trade makes sense, especially as it might be easier just to import the stuff than try to growing it, but relying entirely on others would put them at the mercy of the other nations. This eventually led into another thought; do they really need to be a separate nation. Perhaps a city-state type of situation, or a territory of a larger nation might make more sense. But then that last part is just my idea, feel free to ignore if it doesn't fit.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

 

Maybe I'm reading into the OP too much, but to me it sounded like he was trying to set up a situation where each country has an absolute advantage in one area (what you were referring to as monopoly). Switching any sort of production from mining to food production would be a net loss in terms of total output. However, you do point out that perhaps that reduction in output is warranted in order to have more stability in food resources.
Personally I'm more concerned about the first point you raised concerning pricing of metal. It's conceivable that someone in Natas is just really bad at controlling the trade of minerals, but I think you'd need to expand and spell this out a little bit more. Maybe your two cities in Natas are in fierce competition and wind up driving prices down so much or maybe someone from another kingdom (Avalar would seem to be the best fit) has an influence in the Natas trade and is providing kickbacks to someone in Natas for them to sell the minerals at such a cheap price. There just needs to be some kind of plausible reason for it.

 

Couple of quick questions for you...I find when in doubt on creating and using names, finding a common thread helps.

I tried to find your first thread, where you outline Aeterna more, but I'm very new here (first post/reply!) and was more excited about responding then hunting down that thread (sorry!).

What I gathered is this: your continent is Aeterna with the three kingdoms being Natas, Pentos, and Avalar. When settlers came to Aeterna, did they name the continent or were there native people already living there? When Aeterna was divided into three kingdoms, was there one person who named the three kingdoms or did each new ruler name their own kingdom? Do all three kingdoms share a common language? If not, do they historically share a common language?

I'm asking about language because if all three share a common language and history, it may be helpful to look at a map of a country and see if there is any sort of pattern to how cities are named. I'm not talking about a cities characteristics (like looking to see if they are all named after animals or constellations, etc.), I'm talking about seeing how countries use their own language in naming things. Is there a preference for hard or soft syllables? Do they like longer or shorter names? To make Aeterna as real as possible, I would try to stick to one language pattern for the three kingdom names. It would be weird if one kingdom had a Russian feel to the name, another a Latin, and the third inter galactic feel...unless there was a reason and you told the reader what it was.

Natas and Pentos sound similar in that they end with a T followed by a vowel and s...whereas Avalar doesn't feel cohesive...and Aeterna doesn't even sound like it operates in the same galaxy. However, if there is a reason why they have different linguistic makeup, a back story to the naming process would be nice.

If you really wanted, you could look to Latin and Greek and see what roots could describe each of the cities individually and them name them accordingly...or you try something similar with another language.

Example (using Latin): Instead of having Natas, Pentos, and Avalar you could do Siccare (dry), Divites (rich), and Ferus (wild ((with swamps and magic popping up, Avalar kind of reminded me a the wild west for some reason)) and they are all located on the continent of: Coerceo (together). THIS is just an example of uniting your names under one linguistic style.

OR if they all have different histories and languages they could each have a unique name (but all names within that Kingdom would have to follow the same rules).

I feel the best worlds are the ones that feel organic in nature...and every little detail can help with that. Unless you are completely sold on these names, I would play around with them a bit more and see if you can make them more united. Sorry this was super long. I hope my feedback was more helpful than annoying.

 

Is this set on Earth or an imagined world? You referenced the continent of Atlantis, so I'm not sure.

 

I agree with the previously mentioned issue regarding the pricing of metal in the Kingdom of Natas. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with metal being cheap, as long as it's justified within the context of your story. There might be several reasons for this. Maybe there's a material out there that is better at doing the same things, leaving most metals as a cheaper, low quality alternative. Maybe someone is manipulating prices for whatever reasons. Maybe the supply of metal is just too high for the current demand due to mismanagement.
Anyways, I really like the ides of a "desert iron kingdom", but I think you could make it less one note, while simultaneously solving the pricing problem. Have the kingdom produce several different kinds of metals with different prices and qualities, and have social class tied into what metal each segment of society is most involved in. So for example, a poor comunity might do subsistence mining of common, cheaper metals like copper. Also consider quarries for stone and such. People in the "middle class" might deal with tin, or Iron. Meanwhile the secret of making steel could be jealously kept by the higher classes for obvious comercial and military reasons, and they might own the gold and silver mines. This would allow you to both have a kingdom that is heavily affected by poverty and also keep the pricing of things relatively plausible. You might even have a heavy social divide dynamic with corrupt leaders selling off valuable reasons for their own gain at the detriment of the general population, keeping the prices low and the country poor. Of course, what I gave is just a rough sketch and probably full of issues, but you get the idea.
Also, a small detail regarding (soon to be renamed) Pentos: Lots of wood helps with big navies if the geographical conditions are appropriate.
Finally, a little pet peeve of mine: It's rather rare (though not entirely unheard of) for a large nation to be completely made out of a single type of biome. Certainly, it happens, but at least as far as I know it's much more common for nations to encompass several kinds of geography in their borders. It's rather uncommon for a nation to be entirely made out of forests, or valleys or mountains or whatever. For example, Natas might be a mostly arid kingdom, but you might want to have a river valley in there that provides a relative amount of abundance, at least to have your main cities watered. It could also have flat arid grasslands, and a dry rocky desert region that slowly turns into a mountainous system. This allows for greater diversity in your nations, as you can develop regional differences in culture and tradition that emerge directly from different relationships to the surroundings. Keep in mind, as you do not go very deep with geography I don't know if this applies to your creation directly, but in my opinion it's always a good thing to keep in mind.

 

I agree with the previously mentioned issue regarding the pricing of metal in the Kingdom of Natas. Mind you, there is nothing wrong with metal being cheap, as long as it's justified within the context of your story. There might be several reasons for this. Maybe there's a material out there that is better at doing the same things, leaving most metals as a cheaper, low quality alternative. Maybe someone is manipulating prices for whatever reasons. Maybe the supply of metal is just too high for the current demand due to mismanagement.
Anyways, I really like the idea of a "desert iron kingdom", but I think you could make it less one note, while simultaneously solving the pricing problem. Have the kingdom produce several different kinds of metals with different prices and qualities, and have social class tied into what metal each segment of society is most involved in. So for example, a poor community might do subsistence mining of common, cheaper metals like copper. Also consider quarries for stone and such. People in the "middle class" might deal with tin, or Iron. Meanwhile the secret of making steel could be jealously kept by the higher classes for obvious commercial and military reasons, and they might own the gold and silver mines. This would allow you to both have a kingdom that is heavily affected by poverty and also keep the pricing of things relatively plausible. You might even have a heavy social divide dynamic with corrupt leaders selling off valuable reasons for their own gain at the detriment of the general population, keeping the prices low and the country poor. Of course, what I gave is just a rough sketch and probably full of issues, but you get the idea.
Also, a small detail regarding (soon to be renamed) Pentos: Lots of wood helps with big navies if the geographical conditions are appropriate.
Finally, a little pet peeve of mine: It's rather rare (though not entirely unheard of) for a large nation to be completely made out of a single type of biome. Certainly, it happens, but at least as far as I know it's much more common for nations to encompass several kinds of geography in their borders. It's rather uncommon for a nation to be entirely made out of forests, or valleys or mountains or whatever. For example, Natas might be a mostly arid kingdom, but you might want to have a river valley in there that provides a relative amount of abundance, at least to have your main cities watered. It could also have flat arid grasslands, and a dry rocky desert region that slowly turns into a mountainous system. This allows for greater diversity in your nations, as you can develop regional differences in culture and tradition that emerge directly from different relationships to the surroundings. Keep in mind, as you do not go very deep with geography I don't know if this applies to your creation directly, but in my opinion it's always a good thing to keep in mind.