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Ehvas- Assistance and Feedback on my Initial work

SmokeScribe98

Minstrel
You may have read my previous thread looking for help on elaborating on the initial themes I want in my story, the process of world building proved to be a lot more stressful and difficult then I first imagined but thanks to all your help I have at least a vague idea of what I want to do. As I make more work on the creation of my world one thing I would really appreciate is if I was given feedback whether positive or negative on my work so far, so thank you. Below is a description of the races of Ehvas as well as a description of one of its nations The Archanthium Dominion. I had already released the information of the races on my previous thread but I thought that this step forward deserved a new fresh thread.

Psyvala is the utopian star that sits perched atop the cascade of the godless endeavour, adrift the void realm, the one and only bastion of life in a realm of desolation. Ehvas, its western most continent is experiencing a political and religious rift while a dark, colossal threat older than time itself boils under the surface.

Nations:

Archanthium Dominion:
The Archanthium Dominion was founded as a result of the collapse of the Bytharus Empire in the early years of 3rd Ashfall. The Bytharus Empire encompassed most of Ehvas, stretching out from the scabrous south eastern coast to the towering cliffs that border the northern isle with the wild lands. After its collapse most of the continent fell into disarray forming their own small city states but out of the ruins of the previous empire came a new majesty seized by divine and holy right according to its founder Decimus Octavianus Blackwater who led his “holy” legions through the decadent streets of the former power, slaughtering the remnants and out of the ash and cinder of the previous civilisation forged a new utopia of unquestioned grandeur and power rivalling anything yet seen in Ehvas or indeed all of Psyvala.

This new Empire consisted of towering golden ornate structures, rich illustrious garments, shining new technology and devastating progression in its military and industry partly thanks to the Great Resurgence in the Shattered states below. Despite all of Archanthiums criticisms, none question its power and finesse in intimidation, its military, thought control and propaganda. Decimus had anointed him and the loyal citizens of the new Dominion the “pure blooded”, the denizens of divinity and it’s this ideology and extreme xenophobia that makes the Dominion such an almighty foe to tackle.

Its current Prophet Salyrn Blackwater continues this tradition, promoting jingoism, militarism, ultra nationalism and xenophobia throughout the masses of the brainwashed citizens of Archanthium. The nation while far mightier than any previous civilisations is not without its flaws; Archanthium is a militantly pseudo-religious society that preaches widespread institutionalised racism to the races of Emberspawn and Halfmen, hunting down tribes of Emberspawn and forcing them into slavery to keep the gears of the utopia moving and the society also proves especially cruel to the Halfmen which should according to Salyrn not even be allowed the gratification of assisting such a majesty and should instead be eliminated from all of existence via mass “purification”.
People:

Indigenous Species:
Humans:
Humans are an intelligent, diplomatic and mighty species that hail from the Heartlands of the central isle. Unlike other species, their strength is not in their physical brawn, stature or ferocity but in their minds, Humans are known for winning their battles either through careful diplomacy or ingenious battle stratagems. The people of the heartlands are also known for their cultural and artistic talents and are responsible for the boom in arts, science and civility known as the Great Resurgence which occurred in late 3rd Ashfall. Roughly 90% of the continents sentient population consist of Humans, although Humans are divided through many different ethnicities, increasingly so with the rise of Archanthium.

Ethnicities of Humans:
Heartlanders:
This race of the Heartlanders is often referred to as the “pure blooded” and is supposedly according to Archanthium scripture what the Gods intended for humanity to be before the traitorous races of the Emberspawn and the Halfmen led the Gods flock astray by worshiping false gods resulting in the Gods mutating them into a “sub human” form as punishment.

Emberspawn:
This race hails from the south of the western isle and is currently small in number. It is believed that the Bytharus Empire pushed them out from their homeland subsequently leading them to flee further north until they eventually settled below the towering northern peaks that bordered the western isle with the Wilds. At that time, the Emberspawn were simply less civilised Heartlanders that practiced dark magic and coveted a false god until they were pushed so far north by the Bytharus that by the time 3rd Ashfall came they were forced to seek refuge underground or in what ever other sanctuary they could find until the chaos above had finally ceased. Over the years, the Emberspawn began to adapt more and more to their new surroundings, their skin turned coal grey to camouflage in amongst the soot and ash and their hardships had encouraged them to have more faith in their “false god” than ever, according to Emberspawn belief, it was at this time that their God blessed them with their telepathic ability so that they may ensure each others safety during their testing.

Emberspawn culture still survives in the weathered brimstone temples of the ash wastes however their isolation from the rest of society has also led to their slavery, after the 3rd Ashfall Emberspawn tribes were picked off one by one by the new nations of Heartlanders and forced into the slave trade to serve as labourers. Their telepathic link remains however and they still share a close connection with their God.

Halfmen:
Halfmen are the newest of the sentient races in Ehvas and are looked down upon by the majority of people as savage and barbarous. Halfmen came to be after the invasions of the Wildmen from the east when the new invaders intermingled with local humans in the eastern isle. Halfmen appear very similar to normal Heartlanders in appearance bar their coloured brownish tropical skin and taller height to both Heartlanders and Emberspawn. They do not possess the spear like arms of the Wildmen however but they are known to be aggressive and ferocious warriors which are perhaps what saves them from becoming victim to the slave trade like the Emberspawn.

Foreign Species:
Wildmen:
Wildmen hail from the distant far eastern continent to which little is known about and arrived in Ehvas towards the beginning of 3rd Ashfall. This new alien race slaughtered what was left of the Bytharus Empire which was already weakened as a result of the Ashfall and settled in the warm sands of the eastern isle. This seafaring warrior race lacks the intellect of the human races but is equipped with ferocity rivalled by nobody else as well as a plethora of natural weapons in their own biology. The Wildmen possess a spear-like left arm which when used correctly can stab straight through a man, animalistic talons on the fingertips of their right arm and tough ramming horns as well as a speed that rivals any other sentient species. The Wildmen also have different sub races like humans, however in general Wildmen as a whole are much less developed than the other races, with little culture or civility, like many other religions and cults they seem to worship the Great Volcano but what drives this tribal people to pillage beyond a dark ambition to conquer is unknown. Wildmen like the Emberspawn are also known to possess a telepathic field although it is much less sophisticated than the Emberspawns and isn’t used as frequently.


Sub-races of Wildmen
The Enlightened:
The most sentient of the sub races, the enlightened are the leaders and troops at the front lines of Wildmen legions. While all Wildmen races communicate through a series of high frequency screeches, the Enlightened are the only race of Wildmen known to be able to speak verbally with each other in a language of their own. They are also most likely the only race to have interbred with the Human races resulting in the Halfmen. The Enlightened have also been rumoured to be able to communicate with humans using human tongue from time to time.

The Fledglings:
The fledglings are the most common race of Wildmen and will follow The Enlightened in mass packs during battle, their weakness however is that they have very poor sight and so hunt and sense things via sound similar to bats. They also communicate with other Wildmen through high pitched screeches which are usually too high for humans to hear, usually.

The Anvilborn:
The Anvilborn are the least common of the Wildmen races and are rarely seen in the front lines of battle but instead craft Wildmen weapons, armour, tools and ships. The Anvilborn are unique in that unlike the other two races they possess a hammer-like left arm rather than a spear-like one better suited to crafting than combat. However if an Anvilborn proves to be more useful in combat than most other of his race than he can be sometimes used as a form of battering ram in warfare.

Grazzie.
 

DavidJae

Troubadour
Very interesting. I don't see anything that I would criticise. I like your description of the humans and the Wildmen are good characters. What is the premise of your story?
 

Duncan M

Acolyte
Very interesting. I would love to see the geography of your world, if you feel like drawing a map or something. These creative ideas deserve quite a bit of development.
 

ThinkerX

Myth Weaver
I remember this from before.

To me, your 'wildmen' are a 'created species' of some sort. They didn't naturally arise; somebody or something made them - and they were made to be shock troops in war.

I imagine the more intelligent folks of your main continent will have the same conclusion.
 
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