Finally some well-written spam

[Kasper Hviid]

In my spam folder, I found a message titled I have animal desire to have sex with you..

"animal desire". Such a cool expression! I opened the message:

27 y.o.

Nice to meet you. I am a well-educated girl that only dated girls but now I would like to find a mature gentleman that would be patient and willing to introduce me to hetero sex. Would you be willing to?

I'd say, that's a pretty good setup. The lesbian background is a smart way of making the 27 old somewhat "virginal". The idea of the "untouched" woman is built upon by making her educated, softspoken, and polite. This is an extremely chaste way of asking someone to fuck her. Very solid character building in just one, single line.

Of course, in the end, it was just a link to some porn tube site, which made the setup kind of pointless.

By contrast, the next spam message was more on point:

Hey! Text me back and I’ll let you play with my pussy
+3
I also have a ton of sex toys we can have a really good time with and my ass is always waiting to join the party!

Horrifyingly, this gleeful rant was followed by a link with the eerie message "Go here to be removed forever."