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Hippo vs Rhino

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Ban, Jan 26, 2019.

Who wins?

  1. Hippo

    4 vote(s)
    57.1%
  2. Rhino

    3 vote(s)
    42.9%
  1. Ban

    Ban Staff Article Team

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    Alright, here's for the age-old stupid question. Which animal would win in a fight, hippos or rhinos? I'm putting all my money on the hippo. Aside from dogs, they are the deadliest mammals on earth. They have a remendous bite, their blubber should be able to withstand a rhino charge and because they constantly cover themselves in water and mud to stay cool, many blows from the rhino may be deflected, giving the hippo a chance to bite.

    Yes, I am indeed bored.

    No, all my money isn't much of a bet.
     
  2. CupofJoe

    CupofJoe Valar Lord

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    Okay, I'm going to put up some support for the Rhino. For a start, most of the deaths from Hippos come from people catching the Hippo by surprise or thinking that they look cute and harmless and getting too close. The Rhino has an F$%k-you attitude that means people five it a wide birth. Even if they are in a 2-tonne truck.
    For my money [again not a whole lot of money] the big horn on the front, thick skin on the sides, and [to be polite] can-do attitude of the Rhino would make it a match for most things. They seem to be remarkably fast on their feet as well. I think the Rhino would charge, knock the Hippo over and that would be the end of things.
    And it 3.30 and I can't sleep.
     
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  3. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    The hippo enjoys a certain PR favor much like the polar bear, heh heh. At east when it comes to stupid tourists. I’d expect locals get killed because they get careless and too used to the animals. But...

    Yeah, deadly vs human is different than deadly against another big beast. How does a hippo kill a rhino? Oh, it’s a big powerful mouth, but give me the horn as a preferred weapon. But then, what the hell do I know? In the end, my money is on the 375 H&H Magnum. Classic Safari, baby.
     
  4. Chessie2

    Chessie2 Staff Article Team

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    Totally the hippo. It kills the most people in Africa each year.
     
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  5. Reaver

    Reaver Kwisatz Haderach Moderator

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    When it comes to the animal kingdom, you're absolutely right my friend. However, without delving into the philosophical or political, Chess, I have to respectfully disagree. Humans kill the most people in Africa each year. They also kill the most rhinos and hippos. Which makes me very sad.
     
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  6. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    Bah! People keep conflating killing people to killing other critters! People are soft and squishy and fit into big mouths, and drown easy. LOL. And of course we need to set the fight... on land? In water? heh heh.

    Rhino! Go Rhino!
     
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  7. Ban

    Ban Staff Article Team

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    The rhino can only make real use of its horn if it given enough room to charge, and manages to connect the blow with the hippo. In close range, the hippo will bite right through the rhino's horn, as well as the skull it's attached to.

    Next, hippos are so aggressive they're even known to kill crocodiles without provocation. The rhino would be demolished before it even became angry enough to charge.

    In closing, hippos were brought over to Colombia by Pable Escobar. Do rhinos have cartel friends? Didn't think so.

    Hippo wins :p
     
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  8. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    You assume the rhino is dumb enough to get into the water and stick its head in the hippo's mouth like some circus act!

    And without provocation?! Pah! That's human perspective, I bet the croc gave the hippo the ol' "I'm gonna eat your babies evil eye". Or... It could also be a bit like a prison story... sometimes you gotta kill one to keep the rest in line. What do we really know Hippo-croc politics, anyhow?
     
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  9. Ban

    Ban Staff Article Team

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    Ah indeed, but what don't we know about hippo-rhino politics? Who's to say that hippos are not darling sweettalkers, who can get rhinos to turn their guards down? These are matters beyond our feeble human knowledge, but there is one variable that can be verified...

    The Hippo-Cartel connection, which now that I think about it, may be cheating...
     
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  10. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    Yeah, hippos do have that flutter their eyelashes thing going for them.
     
  11. CupofJoe

    CupofJoe Valar Lord

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    But have you seen what they do with their tails? Messy...
     
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  12. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    If there's a rabbit with a vicious streak a mile wide... my money's on the bunny. Unless, of course, either the hippo or rhino has the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. Then my bet's on the explosive device... assuming the hippo/rhino can count to five... I mean three! Three!
     
  13. Chessie2

    Chessie2 Staff Article Team

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    Totally off topic but not really, we watched an interesting documentary about a Bronze Age shipwreck and how the boat had carried tusks, rhino horns, and teeth. Even back then it was happening.
     
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  14. RKM

    RKM Acolyte

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    I would want the rhino to win, but I do feel that the hippo would be the aggressor and the victor. If the rhino could somehow hook the horn under the hippo's chin it could keep the mouth away and maybe pierce the skin?
     
  15. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    In reality (that should make you nervous, coming from a fantasy writer) the hippo would probably win. WHY? because I googled it and found a rhino/hippo dating scene, and the hippo was the female... the woman always wins in this situation, heh heh.

    Okay, in the real fight scene it appeared a bit as I’d expect. Total stand off so long as the hippo was in the water and the rhino was on dry ground. However, give the hippo props for being smart enough to at some point get the rhino’s feet into the mud and water, which is when it goes poorly for said rhino. But this scenario also showed two hippos by the time this was happening. So, hippo cheated and was disqualified despite the take down. heh heh.
     
  16. CupofJoe

    CupofJoe Valar Lord

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    There is something wonderful, admirable even, that we are willing to put so much effort in to a "who would win?" debate.
     
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  17. Demesnedenoir

    Demesnedenoir Dark Lord

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    And we’re at least as accurate as the tv show that prided itself on scientific accuracy while testing armor and weapons... and used BUTTED MAIL! and declared it the loser.

    Bully for us! LOL.

    Now, when we start boiling this down to scenario vs scenario, and start using armored rhinos like in some fantasy... then, we pass beyond the silly to admirable... heh heh.

     
  18. Reaver

    Reaver Kwisatz Haderach Moderator

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    It doesn't surprise me to learn this, Chessie. It's been apparent that throughout history (and still today) our species' capacity for savagery knows no bounds.
     

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