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I think I may have done something stupid.

Discussion in 'Writing Discussions' started by Bloodywake, May 13, 2022.

  1. Bloodywake

    Bloodywake Scribe

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    So my MC don't realize this at the moment however I think that I may have inadvertently just destroyed his credibility of being able to be trusted as a hero. Has anyone else accidentally done this before?
     
  2. pmmg

    pmmg Istar

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    You can always rewrite the scene. What could have happened to cause that?

    I have written things and then way later had a thought if why didn't they just do X, that would have gotten them much further ahead. Probably how Tolkien felt when asked why didn't they just fly on the eagles to mount doom? To which he said, Shut up.

     
  3. Bloodywake

    Bloodywake Scribe

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    He ran away from a fight with a construct. He don't realize he's being stalked by not just one but several different types of them from little bugs up to humanoid imposters.

    Honestly I think that I just humanized the MC more than he was previously, He even lost track of numerous important items in heat of the moment.

    Someone that is around me IRL that read the scene and caused me to doubt the whole thing now.
     
    Last edited: May 13, 2022
  4. pmmg

    pmmg Istar

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    I think you need to adopt the attitude of Bob Ross. There are no mistakes, just happy accidents.
     
  5. A. E. Lowan

    A. E. Lowan Forum Mom Leadership

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    Sounds like you've created some tasty, tasty conflict. No 'hero' is perfect, nor should they be. We have a wizard physician who is a kind, compassionate woman and a pillar of her community. She's also a stimulant addict, a bit of a coward, and a liar. Does this diminish her contributions to her people, or will she find strength in recovery? Who knows?

    Some readers will be unforgiving of a main character who engages in negative actions. Those readers, in my humble opinion, are probably not ones I'd like picking apart my personality flaws, either. I also think that you've given your character depth and humanity. Listen to him. He'll tell you whether you've gone off the rails or not.
     
    Gwynndamere, Aldarion and Avery Moore like this.
  6. Bloodywake

    Bloodywake Scribe

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    The only other individuals around at this point are his split personality and the horse.
     
  7. Bloodywake

    Bloodywake Scribe

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    Here is most of the scene minus him arguing with his split personality.

    Oren didn't have time to think about a plan or strategy on how to deal with this creature. Just as he leapfrogged the horse, he landed in between the two beings and formed the shield that was halved on each arm, the creature seemed to detect the newer larger source of metal objects.

    And seemed to focus on it instead of the animal it raised the tail pointing the spear at Oren opening and closing the swords above it and the saw blade was spinning at max spped it lifted it up slightly and rotated it forward keeping it close to its body, the small grappling hands retracted and the open shell closed then a loud cranking sound started to come from the object as it grew about a foot and a half taller as it's four legs extended outward.

    Oren could not figure out how to approach this creature as it seemed to be extremely different than the previous one. Oren couldn't really tell what it was about to do as he waited preparing his own possible strike or counters, when the spear like tail shot forward and attempted to impale him, he barely got the shield raised in time to deflect the incoming attack before the saw blade sprang forwards nearly catching his left leg.

    Definitely not what he was expecting to be facing this creature had murderous intentions and speed. He rolled out of the attack to his right attempting to gain his footing, the monstrosity was clearly a very well made construct of some sort, he attempted to slash across the right half of the thing, his blade barely made a few splinters and a small scratch appear. Then the bug like creature stood straight up and down on two legs shooting the spinning saw blade out horizontally, it was blocked by his shield and Oren felt several hundred splinters fill the air and the vibration of the blade biting into it.

    He attempted to slash at the locked in position legs when suddenly it spun downwards and the bladed tail came at him from above before he had a chance he hopped back out of the range and it shot back the other way around lifting the blade up just as fast, Oren really didn't have any knowledge about this creature and no knowledge about how to fight it, he decided the best route would be to escape the battle and hope to lose the creature as it seemed to have no limits on it's abilities, sprinting up on to the back of the horse he kicked it's sides forcing it into a full gallop

    Away from the sight and hoped to lose the creature looking backwards he saw the tree holding the lighted metal orb fall and catch on another tree, he instantly became aware of the fact he left his pack and gear in the camp, forcing the horse back around he charged towards the abandoned camp.

    He yelled another small set of commands before he was to close and the orb light up almost as bright as the sun he looked for his backpack as they approached slowing down the animal to a trot as the creature seemed intent on getting the glowing orb from the tree, he spotted the back pack and there was no way he could safely retrieve both the pack or glowing orb, he decided to let the stupid thing have the light orb it didn't cost him any money anyways it was a pilfered prize from his earlier days collecting things from random people, he aimed his animal on a path just to the right of his backpack and started towards it.

    Oren suddenly remembered that his swords scabbard was still in the tree as he tried to put it away, he had to think about what he was doing the creature had cut the tree two more times and was almost to the orbs position and possibly going to snap the branch holding his scabbard when it pulled the hammock down more, circling the horse back around he slung his sword down with all his strength causing it to stick in the dirt tips first,

    He then stood up on the back of the animal as the got closer to the glowing orb only ever doing this once before he was hoping to the God's this would work, he wanted to jump up and grab ahold of the hammock and try to swing up and over the top and back allowing him to climb around and get the orb, he misjudged the other factor the equation the mindless construct and his actions the tree fell another 3 feet being held up by the top two legs and it's tail dug deep in the ground as it cut another log.


    The sudden dropping movement made him momentarily pause mid action and then jump not nearly like he hopped to, he was short and he caught the bar holding the orb to the tree and even though the leather strips held it for his earlier needs they in no way held up to this abuse, the bar slipped from the bindings as it tilted straight down, not prepared for this development Oren landed rather roughly on his back and buttocks, the creature seemed to move small clear glass eyes around looking at the orb starting to prepare to drop the remainder of the medium tree.

    Oren scrambled to his feet in pain and swung the only things he had in his possession, the orb slammed to the body of this creature and their was a cracking sound he then swung again aimed at one of the buried legs and it bent in a unusual fashion, Not attempting to give it the opportunity to get free of the tree Oren scrambled to his pack stuffing the orb in it and as he heard the thumping sound of heavy wood striking the ground, he was already starting to mount his horse heading back for his sword which he leaned to the side pulling it free and rode on.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2022
  8. pmmg

    pmmg Istar

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    All my characters screw up somewhere. The main character is plenty lethal, but is actually a terrible leader. It not explicitly said, but the actions in the story make that obvious. A lot of people die just for being near them.
     
    Lynea likes this.
  9. pmmg

    pmmg Istar

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    I dont see why this ruins the character. I dont know your vision, but items come and go. Just leave em and write on and see where it takes you.

    Perfect characters are boring anyway.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2022
  10. Bloodywake

    Bloodywake Scribe

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    It's just the irl trolling grimlin that I made a mistake and fed years ago that got in my head. Like you said he was willing to part with everything except for the scabbard he eventually circles back for.

    Theirs only two things that he honestly would be mentally and physically distraught over losing, his sword (he thinks he made) and the scabbard that was made by his adopted father the Dwarf.
     
  11. Mad Swede

    Mad Swede Inkling

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    I'm not sure what your problem is. In your writing you've written a scene which took your MC in a direction you hadn't expected. Unless you've outlined your story in detail this shouldn't be a problem, Personally, I'd just continue writing and see where it takes you. Because to me you've set up the potential for some nice dilemmas and conflicts, all good for both character development and the story itself.
     
  12. Lynea

    Lynea Sage

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    I agree with your fellow scribes, there's no reason to doubt yourself or your storytelling. I cannot tell if the fight scene is a first encounter, but often in novels the hero doesn't win the first wave of resistance. Often they make it out of the first battle alive but with wounds that they must heal from before the next phase of the 'hero's journey.'

    I suggest restructuring your scene a bit so you can pass it off as intentional (because that's what all writers do anyway).

    You can make Oren fight the big construct for a few paragraphs, have him get sliced by the spinning blade, and then have him retreat lest he get defeated/killed. No shame in letting him live to fight another day. :)
     
  13. Nighty_Knight

    Nighty_Knight Minstrel

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    Also sounds like you have a character flaw your MC needs to overcome later. People love redemption arcs.
     
  14. Bloodywake

    Bloodywake Scribe

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    This is definitely not the flaw he has to overcome, this would be a speed bump compared to how biggest issue of a imp inhabiting his mind, with this construct he just realized this construct is nothing compared to the other one designed to spy that he already fought before. He's being stalked by these objects for some reason and he still hasn't even figured that out yet, only second time fighting these objects and neither was similar the other was humanoid shaped.
     
    Nighty_Knight likes this.
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