This probably belongs in another forum like Chit Chat because it's more of a rant than anything, but...ill keep it here. My anxiety keeps winning and I keep losing. I gave up on my WIP (that i had spent FOUR YEARS on) a few weeks ago because of it. Today I decided to quit this month's Top Scribe because of it. I was stubborn about it, of course. I really wanted to participate. I thought it would be fun and constructive. However, that was not to be. I hate giving up on anything. It's not like it's easy for me to walk away from a challenge. But right now I've basically spent all day crying and now I feel lightheaded and exhausted and don't want to move from my bed. All my energy is gone. It's like I've had the flu. I'm not up to continuing that short story. I don't know what's happened. Why would I panic THIS MUCH over a short story? What is wrong with me?! Writing is hard, it's terrifying, it makes me almost physically sick...I can't quite say I enjoy it anymore. My mom says I shouldn't give up, that I need to succeed so I can get my confidence back, but I know when I need to stop. I'm well past that point. I don't know if this ever will end though. The next writing challenge, the next novel, the next anything...I can't keep running away from everything that's hard for me. I'll never be victorious that way. But I can't write in this state. Right now I feel awful. I haven't felt this bad in months. I shouldn't feel this way over a short story. I keep thinking of picking it back up and plugging through but then I panic again. I've been kept from enjoying writing for so long. Writing is supposed to at least sometimes make you happy...right? Isn't that why you do it? And writing challenges are supposed to be fun...right? I'm very angry at myself for letting my anxiety win again. And I'm scared of what will happen next time I try to enter a challenge, or write a story, or write anything. I don't know how to beat this. When I sit down to write I ignore it at first but it builds and builds until it just explodes and then I'm immobilized and can't do anything. Maybe it was just this one time? But I'm already nervous about my next writing project. What has gone wrong?