Keeping secrets, well, secret

[Ireth]

I've come across a slight issue with a few characters in Winter's Queen, and I could really use some advice on fixing it.

The scenario involves four primary characters: Ariel (the MC), Vincent (Ariel's dad), Dom (Ariel's uncle / Vincent's brother), and Loegaire (the antagonist of the scenario, but not the book itself). Some ~17 years before the start of the book, Loegaire set out to kidnap a child from the human word after being cursed to never father one of his own; he wound up targeting the then-infant Ariel, but was thwarted by Vincent and Dom. Now Ariel has been taken into Faerie by the book's main villain, and she has met Loegaire and befriended him. It having been a long time since their initial encounter, and Loegaire being Fae (and thus immortal), he looks just the same as he did ~17 years ago while Ariel has grown from a newborn to an almost-17 year old woman.

The problem arises when I try to figure out who should know whom by sight. Originally I had Vincent repressing all memory of the baby-snatching attempt, and Dom never thinking to remind him of it (because it's not exactly good table conversation), but I've since reconsidered. Thing is, if Vincent does remember, and has raised Ariel to beware of the Fae in general (which is still the case regardless of whether Vincent remembers the specific incident or not), he would no doubt warn her especially against That One Fae who tried to take her away from him all those years ago. Vincent does not know Loegaire by name, but might very well remember his appearance, and would have let Ariel know about that too. Dom would be likely to remember him also. Ariel, having aged significantly, would be unrecognizable to Loegaire when they met for the second time, and it takes a while for him to figure out who she is, while she remains ignorant until it is pointed out to her by her father and uncle. Loegaire himself doesn't let on what he knows at all, since he knows Ariel wouldn't react well.

If I have Ariel recognize Loegaire on sight, even if it takes a while to click, that would destroy the relationship between them (strictly friendly/platonic) that arises from mutual ignorance, and it makes the pending reveal at the climax of the story basically nil. But it doesn't make sense for her not to at least have some nagging familiarity when she meets him in the first 1/4 or so of the story. Ariel isn't stupid; she knows her family has had only one personal encounter with the Fae prior to the start of the book, and that event was Loegaire's kidnapping attempt. If she's personally familiar, even distantly, with ANY Fae, it would be him or the lackey who had tried to help him (whose name is also unknown to Ariel and her family). Any idea how I can believably keep Ariel in the dark until the last possible moment without making her look stupid?

 

[Ankari]

I think you're fabricating a problem. You state that she was a newborn when Loegaire tried to kidnap her. How would she have even a nagging suspicion this is the same man that tried to kidnap her? The earliest memory I can recall is from 5 years of age, and that is mostly impressions and emotions.

If you have her father describe the Fae to her, I would understand her being suspicious around Loegaire, but not to the point that she connects him to a kidnapping. After all, you say she is in Faerie, so it can't be too coincidental that she found a Fae there.

I like what you have set up there. This can explore the topic of racism, and acceptance. With the irony of the past events set as a back drop, the emotional puzzle the reader has to sort through would be a great payoff.

 

[Ireth]

I think you're fabricating a problem. You state that she was a newborn when Loegaire tried to kidnap her. How would she have even a nagging suspicion this is the same man that tried to kidnap her? The earliest memory I can recall is from 5 years of age, and that is mostly impressions and emotions.

If you have her father describe the Fae to her, I would understand her being suspicious around Loegaire, but not to the point that she connects him to a kidnapping. After all, you say she is in Faerie, so it can't be too coincidental that she found a Fae there.

She would know because of her father having remembered what Loegaire looked like, and drilling into Ariel's head from an early age that This Is The Enemy, as I said in my post. As for finding a Fae in Faerie, that's a no-brainer, but the fact that it's this particular Fae is significant. (Refer to my comment in the OP about the single previous personal encounter with the Fae.) I've considered revising early scenes of the books to have Vincent mention the fact that the villain of the story might be Loegaire, only to have the theory debunked by physical evidence (a few hairs left behind at the crime scene being a different color, for instance). While it is true that the Fae can change their appearances at will, Loegaire did not bother to do such a thing when trying to kidnap Ariel, nor when meeting her as a young woman. The book's villain wore a mask during his successful kidnapping of Ariel, but did not otherwise conceal his true appearance. In any case, the evidence works against them with the nature of Fae Glamour. Even if one or the other had altered their hair color with an illusion, the hair that came loose and was left at the scene would revert to its natural color (blond for Loegaire, black for the villain).

I like what you have set up there. This can explore the topic of racism, and acceptance. With the irony of the past events set as a back drop, the emotional puzzle the reader has to sort through would be a great payoff.

I hadn't intended for it to go that deep in this book; rather, if I were to finish the sequel, I'd explore it in greater depth there, when Loegaire actually has the chance to talk with Ariel and her family about their past issues. (This cannot possibly happen in the first book because until the climax, Vincent and Dom are miles away from the ignorant-as-before-mentioned* Ariel and Loegaire.

*The ignorance here has two levels: Ariel and Loegaire are initially ignorant of each other's identities, and both are ignorant of Vincent and Dom's presence in Faerie. Ariel hopes her father and uncle will come to save her if she can't save herself first, but she has no way to be certain until she sees them face to face at the climax.

 

[ThinkerX]

I have to go with Ankari here. To me, it looks like you are creating a problem where none exists.

Yes, Vincent and the Fae might recognize each other.

But unless Vincent or Dom is a dang good artist WITH an excellent memory, all Ariel will have will be Vincents description to go on. And if the Fae has gotten a haircut, grown a beard, or even changed his style of clothes, then even Vincent might not recognize the Fae right off. Not talking aging here, merely minor changes to appearance (like when my normally brunette daughter came home with purple-black hair). Said minor changes might even be in keeping with this or that Fae trend at court. 'This years fashion calls for short green hair and flowing brown robes.'

I would point out that eyewitness recollections are notoriously unreliable.

 

[Ireth]

The Fae have a very different sense of time than humans do, what with it being all in flux within Faerie by the very nature of the realm (as well as the whole immortality thing skewing their perceptions of such), so seventeen years probably wouldn't be much of a trend shift. I'll concede your other points, though.

 

[J. S. Elliot]

EDIT: Since I was ninja'd, most of my post is now a moot point. The pruned version -

Between Ankari and ThinkerX, they covered the gist of my train of thought, if not all of it. How much would Vincent actually remember about Loegaire (given his suppression)? Would Vincent even have a clear enough recollection of the event to retell it accurately? And since it would be such a sensitive subject, how often would Dom bring it up? This will play a huge part in how likely Ariel is to recognize him, after all; even if Loegaire's own recognition is delayed.

As for the bit about the nagging feeling regarding Loegaire, would she know that there were two Fae at the time? Or could it perhaps be attributed to her general distrust of their kind for the time being?

 

[Ireth]

How much would Vincent actually remember about Loegaire (given his suppression)?

As I said, I'm reconsidering having Vincent suppress the incident at all. If he doesn't, I'm pretty sure such a traumatic experience would be decently clear in his mind.

Would Vincent even have a clear enough recollection of the event to retell it accurately?

See my response to the previous question, and my previous post.

And since it would be such a sensitive subject, how often would Dom bring it up? This will play a huge part in how likely Ariel is to recognize him, after all; even if Loegaire's own recognition is delayed.

Fair enough.

As for the bit about the nagging feeling regarding Loegaire, would she know that there were two Fae at the time? Or could it perhaps be attributed to her general distrust of their kind for the time being?

I'm fairly certain she'd make a distinction between "that Fae who tried to kidnap me as a baby" and "the prince who wants me for his wife", if only for the sake of her own mind. The Fae have pretty skewed morality, but to have one going from "I want this girl as my daughter" to "I want this girl as my wife" is a level of squick I don't want to think about. In any case, it's a moot point, because they are two different Fae. I'm certain she would mistrust Loegaire at first, but if she asks Fiachra about the past incident, he'd be quick to set her straight with a "no, I'm not that Fae, but I do recall someone else saying he once tried and failed to kidnap a human baby at around that point in time... now who was it?"

 

[Penpilot]

You know, there is a lot to gain by not hiding this at all. If Ariel learns who Loegaire is by say Vincent, who does remember who he is, there's an interesting dynamic you can explore. It gives Loegaire a bigger mountain to climb in gaining her respect and trust. It may not be to this extreme, but it's similar to the two enemies that must learn to work together to survive in the face of a greater enemy sort of thing.

There's a lot of tension and conflict to be gained by revealing who Loegaire is from or near the beginning. As is it seems like the arc is, gain respect and trust as the story goes along, then betrayal of trust, put aside differences and maybe regain trust long enough to win. If you reveal it early then it becomes, mistrust, overcome mistrust and gain respect, put aside differences to win. To me the second arc seems less messy. But this is from an outsider looking in with minimal knowledge of the full story.

 

[Ireth]

You know, there is a lot to gain by not hiding this at all. If Ariel learns who Loegaire is by say Vincent, who does remember who he is, there's an interesting dynamic you can explore. It gives Loegaire a bigger mountain to climb in gaining her respect and trust. It may not be to this extreme, but it's similar to the two enemies that must learn to work together to survive in the face of a greater enemy sort of thing.

There's a lot of tension and conflict to be gained by revealing who Loegaire is from or near the beginning. As is it seems like the arc is, gain respect and trust as the story goes along, then betrayal of trust, put aside differences and maybe regain trust long enough to win. If you reveal it early then it becomes, mistrust, overcome mistrust and gain respect, put aside differences to win. To me the second arc seems less messy. But this is from an outsider looking in with minimal knowledge of the full story.

I've left that development for the sequel (if I decide to finish it), when Loegaire has time to interact with Ariel and her family as a group and actually sort through their issues. In Winter's Queen, there is no opportunity for that interaction because the four of them are split up for the bulk of the book. The climax, wherein they all finally meet, lasts a matter of minutes, and there's a lot of other stuff going on at the same time which further hampers any opportunity for them to really talk it out. As for when Ariel and Loegaire are together during the story, much of that time is spent with Loegaire trying to persuade Ariel to stay in Faerie and marry the villain, while Ariel's #1 goal is to do the exact opposite. He's well-intentioned, but ultimately misguided.