1. Welcome to the Fantasy Writing Forums. Register Now to join us.

Last line of blurb - more or less detail?

Discussion in 'Marketing' started by glutton, Jun 4, 2013.

Keep bolded words or get rid of them?

  1. Keep

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. Get rid

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  1. glutton

    glutton Inkling

    553
    92
    28
    Simple question - do you think this book description works better with or without the words in bold?

    The continuing saga of a young warrior whose army-slaying sword belies her kind heart.

    Along with her love Finn and scholar friend Derrick, nearly indestructible warrior Rose has brought the use of magic back to her world. Yet there is no time for weary heroes to rest as Death General Joghra, military leader of the most advanced nation in the world, and vengeful giantess Fiona come with a vast army to conquer their homeland. But as Rose and Finn clash with these titans with their underhanded tricks and endless horde, will it be Finn's use of the magic she has always feared that ends up costing Rose her love?

    Any other suggestions are welcome, but those 3 words are the main thing...
     
    Last edited: Jun 4, 2013
  2. Ireth

    Ireth Myth Weaver

    11,095
    1,563
    313
    I'd say you can safely leave out that Finn is the one to use the magic, especially if it's supposed to be a big reveal in the story. Other than that, I only saw one small issue. The name of the heroine should come right at the start of the blurb, and not be buried behind the names of her boyfriend and guy-friend.
     
  3. glutton

    glutton Inkling

    553
    92
    28
    Thanks, does this first line sound better?

    Nearly indestructible warrior Rose has brought the use of magic back to her world with the help of her love Finn and scholar friend Derrick.
     
  4. Ireth

    Ireth Myth Weaver

    11,095
    1,563
    313
    Yes, that's much better. ^^
     
Loading...

Share This Page