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Let me tell you about exposition...

Twook00

Sage
I'm struggling with exposition in my current story. Several readers have pointed out areas where my telling has interrupted the narrative and pulled them out of the tale. I'm trying to get a grasp on what I'm doing wrong and how to correct it.

Here's what I know:
I have information that is vital to the plot, so I need the reader to understand what is being told. I know that "show don't tell" is obviously a big deal, but there are times when telling is preferred. My problem is that I'm choosing the wrong times to tell, or I'm choosing to tell things that should be shown.

In one example, I use exposition to "put a gun on the mantle." My character is a barber who has an enchanted straight-razor. This razor is important because it will be used to end the story.

From his pocket, he withdrew the closest thing to a weapon he had; his straight razor. It had been a gift, a relic handed down from father to son, barber to barber, for generations. It was enchanted, and thus pulsed with a light the color of blue fire.

Looking at it now, I think a better way to write this would be:
From his pocket, he withdrew his straight razor. The spell-forged steel pulsed with a light the color of blue fire.

Is this better? I'm omitting the telling statements like "it was a relic..." and "it was enchanted" and leaving it up to the reader to figure those things out. My fear is that the reader will wonder where the heck a spell-forged straight razor came from and how did this kid get one? What does it do exactly and how was it made? Who would make such a thing, and... yatta yatta yatta?

Likewise, I have this tantalizing bit of expo:
Alas, the Drymm was valuable. They were mysterious creatures, and only few could bind them. In the wild, they were nigh invisible; nothing more than air within air. It took a very skilled person, usually a mage, to hunt one down. Even then, the secrets used to bind them to a task, such as acting as a map, were scarce known and never shared. It was a wonder these things even existed.

I'm putting this into the story so the reader will know what these Drymms are and what they do. Also, this is important info because it will be used later in the story when the MC learns that a certain person is actually a powerful wizard who knows all the secrets mentioned above. BUT, my MC knows all of this stuff about the Drymm, so why would he be thinking about it? How else would I present this knowledge quickly without throwing a speedbump into my story?

Any ideas? Thanks for the help!
 

Sinitar

Minstrel
Hello there. I'll start with your first paragraph and then discuss the second.

First of all, I think that you should worry less about exposition, as that's not the issue you are facing in my opinion. What you seem to look for are the details and balancing the quantity so that you don't 'tell' too much, but at the same time, you don't confuse the reader by not providing necessary information. With that in mind, here's what I think about your dilemma.

The first version of that paragraph is unnecessarily bloated with details. Since you probably set up the atmosphere of that scene, it's silly to expect the character to ponder on the origins of his weapon. He has to move fast, or he is in trouble. For that, you need short and powerful sentences that describe what he does. The second version fixes that up, but it creates another problem: Lack of information. As a reader, I don't see any connection between the first sentence and the second, and the description seems to be there just for the sake of it, which is not good at all.

Here's what I propose: Describe what is there to describe earlier. The best way to write good action scenes is to pave the way long before they take place. You do that by setting the mood, providing the necessary details and so on. Here's an example: Your character packs his stuff and decides to take his straight razor with him. That's a great time to add more details about that particular item. Nothing is going on except him packing, so you have all the time in the world.

As for the drymms, the solution is also the obvious one: Mention it in a dialogue. If your character knows what there is to know about the drymms, then the info dump will just bog down your flow. It's very easy to do that. Have your character talk to a local about it, or make it a rumor. That's where you get to be creative about it :)

I hope this helped.
 

T.Allen.Smith

Staff
Moderator
I'm just going to comment on the razor because you'll have to be creative with the Drymms (like the dialogue that's already been mentioned).

Onto the enchanted razor.... The first excerpt is way too telly. I agree with the critiques there. Often, writers feel they have to give out a lot of information so their reader understands everything that is about to happen. In my opinion, this is the wrong perspective. What authors should do is give out as little information as possible...just enough to raise interest & peak curiosity...to notice something. Your reader should witness something when the razor is used. Maybe the barber is far too deadly against weapons or armors that should outmatch him with ease.... Maybe the cuts are incredibly quick and precise though the wielder has little knowledge of combat... Whatever it is, subtlety in the beginning will add to the reader's eventual discovery. That discovery is what the reader really wants...it why they're reading your story to begin with. Let them make that discovery on their own and don't underestimate the reader's intelligence or ability to put things together. If you do...you'll only bore them by spoon feeding the information. Make the reader an active participant in your story and they'll love you for it.

I don't normally like to tell someone what to write....but I this case, I'd rethink the whole "blue lighted enchantment" bit. It gives a lot away far too soon in my opinion. Of course, you know your tale better than I....
 
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Twook00

Sage
You guys have my wheels churning for sure. I just have to be more creative in how I present the information. I keep going back to stories I've read where the occasional info dump just works, but I think that is mostly the author knowing when to do it and when not to.

There's a scene in the very beginning where the MC gets angry with his Drymm. Maybe I could have him whip out the razor and show him threatening the Drymm with it. Then he could say something like "I spent a lot of coin on you. Don't make me waste it!"
 
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Penpilot

Staff
Article Team
Sometimes I think of exposition as sticky peanut butter. Do you want a large dab of peanut butter in the corner of your toast or do you want to spread it thinly all over? Sometimes it's great to have that large dab in one spot, but for me, I like to spread it thin. Why? Because doing that way flavors everything and you don't get a big sticky mess in your mouth that's really hard to chew.

To me exposition is about timing and delivery. Delivery in part is about dropping information without it being obvious you're dropping something. For your first example, I think the timing is right to drop in a tidbit or two about the razor. But the delivery needs a little fine tuning. The second attempt is better, but I think there's room for more info subtly dropped.

First let's look at the edited version.

From his pocket, he withdrew his straight razor. The spell-forged steel pulsed with a light the color of blue fire.

IMHO There's some redundant information here "color of blue" blue is a color so remove the word "color". Fire is usually emits light so remove "light"

The edited down version.
From his pocket, he withdrew his straight razor. The spell-forged steel pulsed like blue fire.

Now let's see what kind of information we can slip back in from the original.

From his pocket, he drew his father's straight razor. Its spell-forged steel pulsed like blue fire.

By the character saying "his father's straight razor" instead of "his straight razor" it implies this was passed down to him. It implies it may be a family heirloom and that may have been passed down to his father. The fact that it pulses like blue fire pretty much spells out to us the razor is magical. It can be made clear that it's enchanted and relic later. It can also be mention before this or after this that his father and grandfather were barbers and all the pieces of this razor's backstory will be in place for the reader to put together.

My fear is that the reader will wonder where the heck a spell-forged straight razor came from and how did this kid get one?

All that's important right now is to mention it came from his father. This will satisfy the reader's appetite enough to wait. The origin story can be told later when it becomes relevant. Let the reader wonder. Wondering about stuff like this helps to draw the reader forward and engage with the story. Of course there's a fine line. Leave too much unanswered and it becomes a muddy mess. This is were author judgement comes in.

What does it do exactly and how was it made? Who would make such a thing, and... yatta yatta yatta?

If this info is important to the story then it can be dropped in later. There's nothing wrong with leaving a few questions to be answered as long as you remember to answer them when the time comes. Like I said timing and delivery.
 
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Twook00

Sage
The peanut butter analogy makes perfect sense. I assume this is all a natural part of the revision process? I've not really gotten this far in my writing before, so this was a good lesson to learn. I know many writers hate revision. For me it's actually sort of fun (at least right now). It's like a word puzzle where you have to take words and move them around to get the right effect.

Thank you all for the suggestions. It's been a huge help.
 
Sometimes I think of exposition as sticky peanut butter. Do you want a large dab of peanut butter in the corner of your toast or do you want to spread it thinly all over? Sometimes it's great to have that large dab in one spot, but for me, I like to spread it thin. Why? Because doing that way flavors everything and you don't get a big sticky mess in your mouth that's really hard to chew.

To me exposition is about timing and delivery. Delivery in part is about dropping information without it being obvious you're dropping something.

Mmmm, peanut butter...

Superb analogy. There's a lot to the rule of thumb that ordinary writing is covering one thing at a time, while good writing is knowing which couple of things to weave together.

One caveat about discreet exposition, though: be careful the reader notices the point. A lot of that is placing it at the start or end of a paragraph, never buried in the middle.
 
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