Life Rules - Do they still work??

[Thomas Laszlo]

Yeah, lately I have been struggling. I can never seem to get words out on the paper well enough which isn't a huge problem, I go read a good book and revisit a few hours and five math assignments later. My major problem is in the principles some people uphold that don't always work. Example; my band teacher is trying to help me extend my range on my Euphonium, his solution whenever I can't reach the high notes is that I need to use more air. I do it in class and it goes well, but I get home and I can blow my chest apart for thirty minutes and I won't hit that note again. Another: My parents won't gte me a new phone even though, mine is slowly deteriorating, and their response is to pay for my own, but my mom got her new one and got my brother a brand new ipad mini the same evening. My younger brother also has a pig he feeds every once in a while and then shows at the fair and has the possibility of making a ton of money. I work at the YMCA for eight bucks an hour and I don't have close to enough money off one paycheck to buy a new computer or phone or anything significant. I brought it up one day and my mom replied with this: "just be happy with where you are" How am I supposed to be happy where I am if I'm sliding backwards down the mountain? I want to start a business but I don't have the money to learn how to do anything that will sell, I want to write a book but all my time for writing said novel is taken up by school work I don't feel like doing and extra curricular that I basically have to do to even be thought of for the Naval Academy... I guess I don't understand why they always say if you put in the work you'll get the results but I put in a lot of work and I watch lazy people beat me all the time and get the rewards I thought I would get because I worked my tail off? If someone could explain this phenomena please do, because it's tiring me out, and its stressing my faith in God a lot.

 

[Butterfly]

If you've got your health and food on the table, clothes on your back, shoes on your feet, somewhere to sleep at night, a roof over your head, hot water in your taps, your bills paid, then you are a lot better off than a lot of people because no matter how bad you think your life is, there is always someone a lot worse off than you are.

Not having a new computer, a new phone, or a new ipad (especially when you already have these things and they work) is just stuff that is not worth whingeing about. There are far more important things in life than that - such as your education, your own future prospects, working at improving your situation, and focusing on your own journey in life, and there will be moments when that journey is tough.

Other people's accomplishments are not going to diminish your own, and belittling them is not going to make your own look any better.

Focus on today, put in the right work now, and the future will take care of itself. Then you will have the new phone, or new computer, and one that will likely be better than anything in the shops today.

As for the Euph - target your practice - focus on technique, learn your scales and arpeggios across all the octaves of your instrument, learn them in staccato, legato, slow and fast, through all the dynamic ranges of your instrument, practice notes in octaves, scales in thirds, in both major and in minor harmonic and minor melodic keys. They are the building blocks for everything else to come. Blasting away for 30 minutes on stuff you can play is not going to help you play the things you can't, but get a good grounding on your base skill, your technique and everything else will come easier and faster. It's all about putting in the right work, and focused, targetted work, not just any work.

 

[skip.knox]

It is not true that if you put in the work, you will get the reward.
It is true, however, that if you do not put in the work, you will not get the reward. Putting in the work simply keeps you in the game; it doesn't guarantee the win.

I teach medieval history. Medieval (really, most all pre-modern people) had it figured out. Life is a vale of tears through which we pass as pilgrims. In other words, life is hard. It's modern, Western cultures that have invented the myth of success. Like any myth, it can be powerfully motivating but it can also be powerfully de-motivating. At least if you recognize it as a myth, you can undertake the work without illusions, though it does mean you're going to have to find your own motivations.

Everyone has distractions. Increasingly I find that I am my own worst enemy in that regard. I am a master at distracting myself. I'll do almost anything other than edit another damned chapter in my damned novel. All the other life distractions are merely excuses. If they all went away, I'd still find things to do other than write.

I offer none of this as advice. I'm just whining in public. Which is another thing I do instead of actually writing. Or editing. *shudder*

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

Sadly, life does not have many rules we can rely on it to follow. Things don't always make sense sometimes lazy people get good stuff they didn't work for, and hard workers don't get good stuff they work hard for. It's not fair, but...forgive me for using a cliche...life is hardly ever fair.

But also, life's unpredictability can be a kind of constant we can hang onto. Nothing in life stays the same, so things must necessarily look up at some point after they've been low for so long. At least, that's how I think of it. Whenever I'm not feeling well, I think, "well, things have been bad for a while, so soon things must start getting better." And they usually do.

 

[DragonOfTheAerie]

Also, electronic devices, though nice, aren't one of life's essentials. I've had my phone for 3 years (probably will for a few more years) and have to write on my parents' ancient desktop computer, whose programs are nearly 20 years old (word was better back then, though, so I can't complain). You can live quite happily without iPads and such.

 

[Thomas Laszlo]

slip.knox Thank you! Despite your impression of whining in public, which clearly I am good at too, this does help me. I should clarify that I don't necessarily believe that it works if you put in the time and effort, but everyone I've grown up with always preached it like hellfire and brimstone so it was a core belief for me for years.

Butterfly I should proabbly clarify, I don't mean to whine about new electronics, I did fine for thirteen years without anything but a tv with pbs only. It is more of a thing because my brother is younger than me, treats my parents with little respect, doesnt follow their orders ever, loses his phone all the time and gets a new one with an ipad, but it is too expensive for me, the responsible kid who has a job and pays for my own gas etc. This coming from a household where my parents preach about treating us equally. It just frustrates me, but I'm trying to learn to let it go, as a Christian holding a grudge against my parents, who are as imperfect as I am, is not healthy and it's tearing me apart.


DragonOfTheAerie I hope my answer to Butterfly explained the electronics thing. I get a lot of stuff on that side and am grateful, it is more of a brotherly thing that just frustrates me.


Thnaks all for listening to my woes, including the very poor and whiney writing of my initial post, if anyone has any other advice it is always welcome!

 

[Heliotrope]

Yeah, I'm with the others, there are no hard and fast rules to life.

I'm glad you mentioned God because I wasn't going to respond to your post, but now I might

I know a lot of people struggle with the concept of 'destiny'. They think that it undermines free will and the person's right to have autonomy over their life.

I disagree, to a point. But I also find great comfort in the concept.

As a teenager, like you, I worked hard. I had a job. I was responsible. I was a medalist and record holder on my local swim team. All my friends went off to travel and explore the world and I went straight into University. All my friends were drinking and partying and I had a steady boyfriend who was five years older than me and starting a job as a teacher. At only 23 I married that man and became a teacher myself.

I was very successful in my career. I was doing triathlons and adventure races. I was writing all the time. I was well on my way to being successful in anything I chose to do.

But then I got pregnant (not by accident, on purpose, we wanted a baby) and I had my little girl. And she ended up severely mentally handicapped. I had to quit my job. She has such severe needs that I can't train for triathlon anymore. I can't do adventure racing anymore. I had to give up a lot.

But I love her.

And what I have to remind myself is that I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I used to pray to God as a teenager "Oh God, I can't wait to see what you have in store for me. I'm ready for whatever you want to throw at me God. I'm totally willing and able to work hard to do your work!"

Well, the work he had in store for me was very different than the work I had imagined.

Being at home all day with a little girl who can't feed herself, can't speak, can't walk and can't play is very challenging work. Driving her to appointments and watching them do tests on her is very challenging work. And I have to work hard at it. Every day. But it was not what I thought I would be doing so many years ago when I spent thirty thousand dollars on a University education.

I love the movie "Evan Almighty" with Steve Carrell. In that movie, there is a scene where his wife has left him because she is embarrassed by him. She has packed up the kids and she is crying in a coffee shop. The waiter asks her what is wrong and she explains how her husband has gone crazy and is trying to build an arc.

The waiter tells her:

If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience? Or does he give them the opportunity to be patient?

I remind myself of this every day. So long as I work hard, and I know in my heart that I am doing everything I possibly can to do good, then I can rest assured knowing I am exactly where I'm supposed to be.

I have to look around and try to find what I'm supposed to be learning. How am I supposed to be growing? How can I be better? What message is God sending me about my life?

I share that with you because you are young now, and you have so much life to live still. And lots of crappy things are going to happen, but keep reminding yourself that so long as you know you are doing the most you possibly can then you are where you are supposed to be.

Keep your chin up and keep trucking along.

 

[Ban]

Life is not a rollercoaster. It will not give you a great ride most of the times, no matter how much money you give it.

I suggest you take an Epicurean mindset. The way to a happy life is learning how to enjoy the little things to the fullest. Why desire something that you don't have if you can enjoy something you do have? Why waste time and energy desiring a glass of wine if you can teach yourself to enjoy a glass of water? And who knows maybe you will get that glass of wine someday. If with hard work and/or luck you ever manage to get that wine than you will be doubly happy, because then you will have two enjoyable things instead of one.

...I really want some wine now.

 

[skip.knox]

One of my favorite sayings turns out to be Epicurean in spirit. Thanks, Banten!

To be sure of hitting the target, just shoot.
Whatever you hit, call that the target.

 

[Ban]

Ooh I like that saying Skip. I should remember that one.

I heard a great Epicurean short story a little while ago that might be useful to Thomas. A conversation between the noble Pyrrhus of Epirus and the Epicurean philosopher Cineas.

The short of it is that Pyrrhus desired to expand his realm. He wished to conquer southern Italy. Cineas asks him what they will do afterwards. Pyrrhus replies by saying he wishes to conquer Sicily next. Cineas again asks, "what then?"
"Conquer Carthage" Pyrrhus says.
"And what then?" Cineas asks one more time.
"Then my friend, we will enjoy the fruits of our labor. We will rest, eat and drink."
Cineas looks at the glass in his hand and the food on the table. "But can't we do that right now without conquest and killing?"

I might have forgotten some things, but I like the message of the story.