More than one character in a beat.

[Svrtnsse]

Consider the following excerpt:

“There we go.” As Burje left, Tessica appeared beside them. “Two ciders.” She set the mugs down on the table. “You good for everything else?

Is it clear who's speaking? Is it Burje, or is it Tessica?

Quite early on I learned that to avoid confusion you should only mention one character in a dialogue beat. The reason for this would be to avoid confusion about who's actually talking. I've since taken this to mean that there should only be one primary actor in a beat. I'm not sure the terminology is correct, but the primary actor would be the one who is actively doing something.
In the example above Burje is leaving, and Tessica appears. The way I see it, Tessica is the primary actor and the mention of Burje leaving is just there to indicate when Tessica appears.

Does this make sense, or is it unclear/confusing?

 

[CupofJoe]

I get that Tessica is speaking but I don't understand need for the construction as you've got it... it seems over complicated.
Burje is leaving and seemingly without any haste or urgency, so why are they there and not mentioned a beat earlier?
For me something roughly like

Burje left as Tessica appeared beside them.
“There we go, two ciders.” She set the mugs down on the table. “You good for everything else?"

would seem clearer...

 

[Penpilot]

For the most part, I was able to figure out who was speaking. But it's hard to tell if there is or will be any confusion without seeing the sentence in context. A lot of times what may seem confusing when seeing a sentence in isolation isn't confusing at all when read in context. And the reverse may be true too.

Sentences don't work in isolation. The surrounding sentences can bring an ambiguous sentence into crystal clear clarity or they can muddy the waters so much that a normally clear sentence may seem confusing.

Edit: I do agree that CupofJoe's revision is more straight forward and clear on its own.

 

[Svrtnsse]

More context:

“Well, I'd better get going anyway.” Burje set his mug down, put his hands on the table and pushed himself to his feet. “The sooner the better.”

“Sure, see you later.” Torkel touched his fingers to his brow to bid his brother farewell.

“There we go.” As Burje left, Tessica appeared beside them. “Two ciders.” She set the mugs down on the table. “You good for everything else?

As for it seeming overly complicated, I think that's mainly a product of how I'm writing at the moment. It may very well be a point of concern, but if so, it's a bigger issue than just this one passage. I'll have to run that by my beta reader.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Also, I'm fairly certain I'm clear enough in the example given (if perhaps overly complicated). I was more interested in a discussion on beats, and figured it may be a good example to start with.

Is it okay to involve more than one character in a beat if it's clear which character is acting and which one is passive?

 

[Mythopoet]

I would not recommend having two different characters speak in the same paragraph. At best, readers are able to "figure it out" which means that they had to figure it out which means they spent at least a few seconds out of story to try to figure it out. Anything that takes a reader out of story should be avoided.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Yeah, I'm aware you shouldn't have two different people actually saying things in the same paragraph. Does it appear as if there are two people talking in the examples above (within the same paragraph)?

 

[Mythopoet]

Not on second glance, no. But that's the problem. You almost always need a second glance to understand that there's a second speaker and unless there's a really good reason for it, you never want to make your readers read something twice to understand it.

 

[SugoiMe]

In that context, I think the confusing thing for me was having this girl talk right away and thinking it was Torkel or Berje. I'd rephrase that last paragraph like this.

As Burje left, Tessica appeared beside them. “There we go. Two ciders.” She set the mugs down on the table. “You good for everything else?"

That way, we've got a good exit of Burje when Tessica starts talking and our focus is shifted to her.

 

[Svrtnsse]

Cheers, then it's worse than I expected. Will get that sorted later.

 

[wordwalker]

Another tip is that if a beat mentions a second person, then it can clearly mention the first again to pull us back to them being next to speak. Such as:

“There we go.” Tessica appeared as Burje left, and she set the mugs down on the table. “Two ciders. You good for everything else?

I think the two principles are that we assume whoever was mentioned last has the spotlight, and that each paragraph is about one person. Mentioning several people in a paragraph (if one's not just as an object of the first's action) mixes the two methods and risks confusion, so re-mentioning the right character again gets the methods back into sync.