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Pacing: Zooming in and slowing down

Twook00

Sage
What are your thoughts on slowing down the narrative and zooming in on the world? How do you know if you're going too slow and boring the reader?

When it comes to pacing, I have a tendency to rush through descriptive passages, dialogue, and entire scenes. Instead of zooming in on my world, I take a step back. Instead of honing my focus, I blur the lens. Instead of hitting the brakes, I stomp on the gas pedal.

I suspect there are three reasons why I do this.

1. A lack of confidence - In a way, it takes some guts to slow things down and narrow the scope. Slowing down is like yanking your reader's leash. Like saying, "Hey, I know you want to go to the park and play frisbee, but look at this catapillar I found. See how it crawls? See how the tips of its little hairs shimmer in the summer sun?"

Zooming in is like stripping your work down to its skivvies and shooing it onstage under a spotlight before a gawking audience. If your work is pretty, perhaps they'll enjoy it. If not, well, look out for tomatos.

2. Laziness - Honestly, it takes WORK to do this kind of thing. It's so easy to say "Twook saw a caterpillar on a leaf, smiled, and bustled on." I wrote that sentence in three seconds! But to write something like, "As Twook walked, something in a bush caught his eye. He jerked on Reader's leash and stopped. Reader looked up at him, her furry brows cinched up in confusion. Twook pointed, 'One second, Reader. I saw something.' Twook bent over the bush, peering into its foilage. It was a small caterpiller munching a leaf."

THAT took a while. And I didn't even bother editing it (sorry). It also took brain power. I had to stop and think, analyze, make decisions. At 10 pm -- when I usually sit down to write -- I hate thinking and analyzing and making decisions. I just want to get things done in the easiest way possible.

3. I don't know when to do it - I think this speaks for itself. It's hard to know when something is worth slowing things down. It's hard to know if what you are focusing on is of any interest at all to the reader, or if your description of it even makes sense. I imagine this is one of those "learn as you go" kind of things. I sure hope so.

Okay, so this is getting bigger than I meant it to, but I've already wrote all these words so I might as well finish. I wanted to share a few examples with you from works where I feel pacing was done right. In each of these, time slows down and plot grinds to a halt, but it doesn't matter because the writing is good enough to hold a reader's attention (well, mine anyway).

From THE BLADE ITSELF by Joe Abercrombie:
Logen scuttled out from the trees, casting about on the ground. His boots were still there where he'd left them. He snatched them up and dragged them on to his freezing feet, hopping around, almost slipping in his haste. His coat was there too, wedged under the log, battered and scarred from ten years of weather and war, torn and stitched back together, missing half a sleeve. His pack was lying shapeless in the brush nearby, its contents strewn out down the slope. He crouched, breathless, throwing it all back inside. A length of rope, his old clay pipe, some strips of dried meat, needle and twine, a dented flask with some liquor still sloshing inside. All good. All useful.

From THE TWELVE-FINGERED BOY by John Horner Jacobs:
He's standing by the water fountain, picking his nose with the pad of his thumb. Not really digging into the nostril, just kind of brushing it the way adults do. They like to think it's not really picking your nose if you don't user your index finger. It is, actually. Assistance Warden Horace Booth stops, peeks at his thumb, and flicks his fingers like he had crumbs on them instead of boogs.
 
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Devor

Fiery Keeper of the Hat
Moderator
I think there's two things you need to think about with pacing: Your ability to make slower points interesting, and the emotions you're hitting the reader with.

For the first, it's simply your skill level. A stronger writer, a better story, can carry more of the slow stuff than a poor writer and a weaker story. That's pretty straight forward. If you can make that description of the lamp post interesting, readers will like it. If you can use that description of the lamp post to tease the reader who's waiting for a nice story moment, the readers will like it. If it's a bad description, setting up a boring scene, then speed your pacing up or, y'know, fix the problems in your writing.

For the second, think about rhythm. It's payoff (opening), setup . . . . . . payoff, setup . . . payoff, setup, with the setups getting smaller and the payoffs getting more powerful as the story progresses, until the end when it's one long payoff. And the first part of any "setup" is the aftermath of the payoff right before it.

Remember, wherever you start is going to set the tone for your work, and people want to see that you have the power as an author to deliver on the events you're setting up. Show them that - that's your hook - and they'll bare with a pacing that's commensurate with the promised payoff. You're like a crack dealer. Give them a taste, make them want it, and let them have a little more.
 

Twook00

Sage
How conscious are you of these techniques when writing? Or is it something you practice by itself until you develop an ear for it? Or something you come back to upon editing?
 

Devor

Fiery Keeper of the Hat
Moderator
I don't know about others but I'm constantly thinking about setups and payoffs while I write, and where are the power points. That's the basic plot framework for me. I find myself thinking "It's been too long since I've hit the reader in the gut" or "these two things are too close together, I need to add something here."
 

BWFoster78

Myth Weaver
Twook,

I'm in the same boat you are. I know that, if I get really inside the character's head, load the book with lots of tension, and keep the pace fast, I have good chance of keeping the reader engaged. One day, my skill level may advance to a point where I can play with slow pacing, but I'm not there yet.
 

Svrtnsse

Staff
Article Team
One thing I noticed about the Abercrombie quote is that although there's a lot of description in it, it's not actually slow paced. It starts out fast and then it keeps up the pace throughout all of the descriptions.
 

Twook00

Sage
I'm in the same boat you are. I know that, if I get really inside the character's head, load the book with lots of tension, and keep the pace fast, I have good chance of keeping the reader engaged. One day, my skill level may advance to a point where I can play with slow pacing, but I'm not there yet.

We'll get there some day!

One thing I noticed about the Abercrombie quote is that although there's a lot of description in it, it's not actually slow paced. It starts out fast and then it keeps up the pace throughout all of the descriptions.

Perhaps it's relative? It seems slow to me, but then if I had written this paragraph, it would have went something like , "Logen scuttled out from the trees, casting about on the ground. He found his boots, his shirt, and his pack. He donned them all and left."

Part of my issue is that I don't always spot the oppurtunity to specify. I leave out the little details that add precision to the world and make it come alive and feel realistic to the reader. I end up with a hurried, generic narrative that never touches down long enough to allow a reader time to get his bearings. And I don't mean this in a "thrill ride/roller coaster" sort of way. It's more of a "I'm confused and have no idea what's going on" kind of effect.
 

Svrtnsse

Staff
Article Team
Perhaps it is relative as you say. I'll try and point things out that makes it seem faster paced to me.
Logen scuttled out from the trees, casting about on the ground. His boots were still there where he'd left them. He snatched them up and dragged them on to his freezing feet, hopping around, almost slipping in his haste. His coat was there too, wedged under the log, battered and scarred from ten years of weather and war, torn and stitched back together, missing half a sleeve. His pack was lying shapeless in the brush nearby, its contents strewn out down the slope. He crouched, breathless, throwing it all back inside. A length of rope, his old clay pipe, some strips of dried meat, needle and twine, a dented flask with some liquor still sloshing inside. All good. All useful.

It starts out with words that indicate some kind of stress/speed: scuttled, casting about, snatched, hopping around.
So right away here we know he's in a hurry and he's trying to be quick about what'

Long sentences split up in many short parts:
His coat was there too, wedged under the log, battered and scarred from ten years of weather and war, torn and stitched back together, missing half a sleeve.
The base-sentence as I see it is: His coat was there too, battered and scarred from ten years of weather and war.
That describes the coat, all of the other pieces are added on as after-thoughts that add details to the description. These additional pieces are all quite short at four to five words each. It makes for a long sentence, but as it's split up in many shorter parts it doesn't drag on.
Most importantly, there's no and connecting the last part to the rest of the sentence. That actually changes a lot. It turns the sentence from a description of the coat to a listing of attributes of it. I marked the ands out to highlight where they are and that there isn't one in the obvious place.

Next sentence: His pack was lying shapeless in the brush nearby, its contents strewn out down the slope.
Here we already know he's in a hurry and he's stressed and then we're told all of his stuff is in a big mess all over the place. It's the kind of situation where you imagine the guy groaning and going "oh crap".

Next: He crouched, breathless, throwing it all back inside.
The words breathless and throwing here support the feeling of urgency and stress, keeping the pace up.

Finally: A length of rope, his old clay pipe, some strips of dried meat, needle and twine, a dented flask with some liquor still sloshing inside. All good. All useful.
These aren't even complete sentences (from a grammatical viewpoint - please correct me if I'm wrong), but I guess it's easier to refer to them as such anyway. First there's just a list of items - random items with no real connection to each other apart from them all belonging in the bag. Again, there's no and connecting the last part with the rest of the list. Just like the description of the coat it's a long list split up into smaller parts and that helps keep the pace up.
At the end there are two statements at two words each. Compared to all the long sentences that come before them they're very direct and to the point; they pack a punch. If the paragraph had been a sentence, then these two statements would have been an exclamation mark. They're the punch that ends it all and says it's time to move on.

Now, what do we learn from all this?
What I'm thinking is that in the way you write the description you can connect it with the rest of the action going on around it. Unfortunately, that's a lot easier said than done. I don't think I could write a paragraph like the one here. I could try, but I'm not so sure I could pull it off. If I did, it might just be a fluke rather than a conscious choice. Analyzing something that's already written is a lot easier than writing it.

One thing to take away though is the tendency of short sentences to up the pace. From what I understand this is a trick to use in action scenes; keep your sentences short and snappy. The theory is that since the full stop is something of a signal to stop and breathe the shorter sentences will simulate faster breathing - and we all breathe faster when we're worked up or excited.
Another reason is that shorter sentences leave less room for nuances and details and have more clarity.
Example:
The barn was red. - This says the barn is red.
The setting sun painted the barn the color of blood. - This says the barn is some kind of red and that it's evening. It may also set the mood by talking of blood.

Sometimes the first sentence is the right one, sometimes the second one. The second sentence undoubtedly conveys more information, but it may no always be needed and all those extra details may just distract the reader from whatever else is going on.
 

Svrtnsse

Staff
Article Team
I guess it's definitely a matter of personal preference then. For me it works really well.

Edit:
I should add that I've read the book and as I recall that specific part was quite tense to start with. This may color my impression a little.
 
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For the 3rd one you asked when something is worth slowing down. What is important to the story? What moves the story along? I find it very boring when an author puts a lot of focus on parts of the story that have no importance. For example, a description of a car. If this car is not important, a short and to-the-point description will do fine. There's no sense in having a lot of detail about something that doesn't need to stand out but if it is important to the story than a bigger more insightful description is necessary. Don't worry yourself about being descriptive about everything. Only slow it down on scenes, objects, places that move the story along. Something that will be important to the story because if it's important to the story it's important to the reader.
 

Twook00

Sage
What is important to the story? What moves the story along? I find it very boring when an author puts a lot of focus on parts of the story that have no importance.

This I understand. I think some of this comes down to necessity (what does your reader NEED to know) and that is easy enough to spot. But some of it feels a bit more spontaneous, a bit more creative than that.

In my second example, the author spends three or four sentences talking about a man poking his nose. Those three lines, which begin the novel, tell so much about the characters (both narrator and the man picking his boogs) and the book (and the author for that matter).

From a plot perspective, the fact that this man picks his nose is not necessary at all. From a character perspective, it's not either, really. And yet it works so well for me as a reader. I guess that's where talent comes in and style. There's more going on here than pacing of course.
 

Penpilot

Staff
Article Team
I agree with Xitra_Blud.

Everything matters. Everything should do work. When I write, every description has a purpose. Sometimes it's to express an emotion. Other times it's to put the gun on the mantel or to build the world or character, etc.

If the description is there and not doing anything, then it should go. The only way to know if something should go or stay is practice. Take something you've written and examine every word, every description and ask yourself what's the purpose of their existence? If you can give a reason, then they get to stay in the story.

Another way to practice is take a book you really like, one that you've already read, and study a few pages or a chapter. Try and identify the purpose of each description. See if you can get into the head of the author and understand what they were trying to convey, what kind of work was being done by a particular piece of prose.
 
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