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Practicing my fantasy writing (again)

Discussion in 'Writing Discussions' started by CardboardKing, May 17, 2020.

  1. CardboardKing

    CardboardKing Scribe

    (Context: B Follins is my writing coach (i guess its the correct term) and he posted a part of my story here. So, after i read the coments, i have rewritten it. So yea, now with that out of the way, here is the new version)

    John woke up at the control panel, with a massive headache. After opening his heavy eyes, looking around made him nauseous.

    After that, he realised that his ship crashed. Again.

    “How many bottles of whiskey did i drink...? ” He thought to himself, while trying to activate the powerless panel.

    “Meh, the crew probably can have this fixed in an hour.” He said out loud, and clumsily exited the cockpit, his legs sometimes denying commands, headache only making the situation worse, just to notice too late that the rest of the ship was missing, and losing balance, the dirt floor of the crash landing met with his face.

    After regaining control of his body for a second time and brushing off the pain, he made his way out of the crash site, and looked around.

    He was in what appeared to be a pine forest with slender trees.

    Nextly, he checked his pocket watch and his pistol. Both have survived the crash. Then another thought found its way into his head: What ever happened to his crew?

    “Probably took off in the escape pods.” He thought to himself with his aching brain “Well, standing here like an idiot won’t help anyone. Start moving!” And Giving himself the command, he picked a direction to follow, and started his marsh. He would find something eventually. He always did.

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