Present Tense Dialogue Tags

[Trick]

Does anyone see an issue with using present tense dialogue tags in a past tense story?

I know several people that really talk like that, when telling a story, and I want to use it for characterization but I'm not sure if it makes sense on paper.

Example:

I was minding my own business yesterday when Tony comes up and sits down at my table.

"You're not welcome here." He says. "Get out, Micky."

"Screw you, Tony." I says. "You don't own this place."



See what I mean?

 

[Feo Takahari]

The approach I've seen is to have the whole account in present tense--"So I'm minding my own business when . . ."

 

[Ireth]

That reads really weirdly to me, honestly. Also, your punctuation is incorrect. A dialogue tag is never its own sentence; the periods preceding them should be commas.

 

[cupiscent]

I definitely agree that I've heard people speak like that, but it's confusing in narrative. Then again, grammatical errors in a first-person narrative can strengthen the character voice. (e.g. Ben Aaronovitch occasionally uses common but technically incorrect speech patterns for his Peter Grant books.) You've got to decide whether the power it gives to your narrator's voice is worth the potential confusion and irritation from grammar-strict readers.

 

[Trick]

The approach I've seen is to have the whole account in present tense--"So I'm minding my own business when . . ."

Interesting. In narrative that would be more clear. In real life, I feel like I've heard both.

That reads really weirdly to me, honestly. Also, your punctuation is incorrect. A dialogue tag is never its own sentence; the periods preceding them should be commas.

I always screw that up. It's a weakness for sure. What about questions though? Like:

"How are you doing?" I asked.

I definitely agree that I've heard people speak like that, but it's confusing in narrative. Then again, grammatical errors in a first-person narrative can strengthen the character voice. (e.g. Ben Aaronovitch occasionally uses common but technically incorrect speech patterns for his Peter Grant books.) You've got to decide whether the power it gives to your narrator's voice is worth the potential confusion and irritation from grammar-strict readers.

That's kind of what I'm aiming for but I haven't really delved into it before.

 

[Penpilot]

I was minding my own business yesterday when Tony comes up and sits down at my table.

I think this kind of only works with a first person narrative. In first person, the reader is being told the story like a one-on-one conversation. And to me, if you do this, you'll give your character a distinct sort of feel. To me the character will sound like someone out of the movie Goodfellas. This can be good or bad depending on how well you handle it.

 

[Caged Maiden]

I'm trying to understand what you mean:

I was minding my own business yesterday, when Tony came up and said, "Hey, get out of my seat."

That is perfectly past tense. If you wanted present tense, it would be more like this:

I was minding my own business, when Tony came up to me, saying, "Hey, get out of my seat."

If what you are really trying to accomplish is a recounting of some sort, I think this would be best accomplished in dialogues:

"I was minding my own business yesterday, when Tony comes up and says, 'Hey, get out of my seat.'"

Is that at all in the ballpark of what you're intending?

 

[Ireth]

I was minding my own business, when Tony came up to me, saying, "Hey, get out of my seat."

That's still past tense. Present would be like this:

I'm minding my own business, when Tommy comes up to me and says, "Hey, get out of my seat."

 

[Caged Maiden]

ahahah I accidentally pasted the wrong "example" in there, sorry, that's what i meant.

I had a few more things I was writing but I got busy pasting things and I obviously didn't check it before I hit "post"

Sorry for being confusing, the point I was trying to make was that there's a difference between just present tense in story narrative, and present tense "telling" of a story in dialogue. If someone "tells" a thing, or recounts something that happened, but he tells it in present tense, I think that would work just fine. That's what I was trying to illustrate (with my un-superb cut and paste job).

And BTW Ireth...I almost accidentally called you Steerpike. You two are identical twins now.